Do I Need to Stay at a Birthday Party That My Daughter Is Invited To?

First - How well do you know these people? I don't leave my almost 13 yr old unless I know the hosts well or another mom who is staying.
Second - How many adults will be there? Is it a house party with just children and a mom or is it a big family party with uncles and such?
Personally, I wouldn't send her alone.

I have a son who is almost 5 and have been to a few birthday parties--there is always at least one parent there
for each child. I think kids are still young enough at age 4 to have a parent with them. I usually spend between $15-$20 on the gift.

Hi, Christy, At 4, your daughter should be fine at the party on her own. I would double check with the hostess to make sure her thoughts line up with dropping the children off. It has been a while since I had to buy a gift for a 4 year old, but how does $15 sound?
N. B.

There are no set rules. Unless you live in a very homogenous community, you'll find some parents always stay and others never do. Here with all the different cultures, I've seen the gamit of responses. Some parents must stay with their children, sometimes till they are 12+ years old. Others drop their little ones off and barely stop to wave "bye." It also depends on the host's plans and yours. Is the party at a large birthday center, a movie theater, or is it at home? If it's at home and the invitation isn't specific (and you know and trust the parents), explain beforehand that you can't stay and would leaving her be OK. If you don't know the parents, or it's at a Chuck E. Cheese-type place, do you know and trust another mom who is staying? Perhaps she can watch your child. I would not worry about protocol or people's opinions of your actions. I would not leave her unless I knew someone at the party well. There are great presents out there for around $15.00. Toys-R-Us has a small, unofficial section of discontinued games and toys that are very inexpensive and fun. Best of luck.

Hi Christy,

My Kids are 7 & 9 years old and I have always had their birthday parties at our home. I always preferred that the parents dropped the kids off. There was less confusion. If they were worried about leaving the child then they would stay. I suggest you ask the parents hosting the party. If the party was at a Jeepers or public place I always stayed with my kids. Good Luck :)

My suggestion is to check with another parent going to the party- (Not the birthday child's) - and ask that they take the lead in watching your child. That has worked well for me in the past. I like to do it before the party so it's all coordinated and noone feels on the spot or stressed.

Hope that's helpful.

Hi, I have a 4-yr old as well and I always stay with him at parties. I even stay with my 7-yr old, although at this age most parents seem to drop off. I believe they are way too young to be on their own, as well as too much to ask the hosts to be in charge of all the kids. For me it comes down to safety, nobody will watch your kids as you will. If you know the parents well, you can always ask them if they mind you dropping her off. And if the party is at their home or at a safe spot, it may work. Generally though, you should stay with her until she is old enough to be self-sufficient. With that I mean pour her own drink, clean up her own plate, go to the bathroom on her own, tie her own shoes and so on. Depending on how many kids are invited, it may be unrealistic to expect the host to take them all to the bathroom, care for them if they fall, and help them with cutting their pizza and such. I would think twice before dropping my 4-yr old off. As far as the gift goes, I usually spend about 20 bucks per gift.

It depends on how well you know the host. Unless the invite says specifically that parents don't need to attend I would probably stay. It's not so much that I don't trust the host but sometimes at parties for kids that age there are a range of ages of kids attending and sometimes she may need some help/guidance with some of the activities. If the party is out of the home some places also require a certain adult/child ratio. But when I RSVP'd I would ask if the host would mind if I just left them alone and also ask what kind of activities are planned so you can weigh the options yourself. I think $10-15 is a good price range for the gift. Good luck.

It really depends on how comfortable your 4 year old feels around strangers. At that age, they can feel very overwhelmed by unfamiliar faces. A gift for a 4 year old should be $10-$15.

Hi Christy,

Usually at that age, most party hosts expect a parent to be present, as they will be tending to their own four year old as well as party tasks. It would be a hard thing if your child needed your attention and the host could not be of help if she wanted you. I would say check w/the host to see if it was okay. Re: gifts, as this is your first party, just find a gift that you know your own child would enjoy, and don't be particularly worried about the cost. I always look for great sales, esp. after the holidays for such gifts, because the kids don't know about the cost, and the parents don't usually care. Enjoy this new season, A.

Absolutely Yes you need to stay. These days you just don't know who the adults (or even their teenage children) are at these parties, and they will never be able to watch your child for safety the way you will, especially if there's only 1-2 adults and 20 kids running around. Pedofiles are rampant and can be anyone anywhere and look for opportunities where parents are not watching or not present and just think about it, is your previous commitment worth it if something (God forbid) did happen to you little daughter? 4 is still very very young and she could get very scared in unfamiliar, loud and busy surroundings and does not yet have the judgment at that age to be able to distinguish if someone is good or bad. In my experience (kids are 10, 7, 2 and 1) if a parent doesn't welcome you to stay and hang out, then they are either totally ignorant and irresponsible and rude, or worse, they have something to hide--either situation it's a house you don't want your child at without you. Have you asked how many adults will be there to supervise? Do they have anyone else living in the home? Do they keep guns in the house? If yes, where are they kept and how are they secured from the kids? All these are NOT privacy issues and they never will be. In fact, a truly responsible parent who invites your child to their home you offer you all of this info and more with the invite. You are trusting your child with strangers, just because they are fellow school/neighborhood parents doesn't mean that you know them. I hope you make a good considered choice and your little one has a great time with you at her first party. Also at age 4, $5-10 is perfectly acceptable.

My four year old daughter just attended a birthday party at Pump It Up. All the parents stayed for this. There were so many children running around. I wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving my four year old by herself. Maybe if the party is at home, it would be easier for the hostess to keep track of al the children. I would talk to some other moms to see if they can keep an eye on her for you and also let the hostess know that you will not be able to stay with your child but you have asked so and so's mother to watch your child. Also, if you have a previous engagement, it is not necessary that your daughter attends the party. I know she is excited about it but maybe you could set up a playdate with that child at a time convenient for you and give the birthday child a gift at that time. I would spend about $15-$20 on a a gift but it's the thought that counts. Spend what you can afford.

I would ask the parents hosting the party if they want parents to stay. Would your child be OK alone? If your child and the parents are OK with it, then it doesn't seem like a problem. On cost of the gift, I think it depends on the person - I try to keep it under $10.

If it's her first, you probably would want to be there. Is there another relative who could take her? If not, I would ask the parents of the birthday child if they want parents to stay. When there are young children, parents can help with behavior problems, potty visits, and meal distribution. At 4, children are still learning social skills, still prone to tantrums, and learning to listen to other authority figures. (Remember, there might be other children there who are younger than your child.) If you cannot attend, you'll just have to cancel. Unfortunately, your daughter knows about the party and will be upset, I'm sure. But, these things do happen. I have learned not to let them see invitations or calendars unless we are committed to going (and sometimes en route). As for gift cost, personally, it's not how much you spend on the gift, it's the thought that counts. Gift cards to Toys R Us at $15 are even appreciated. (Give enough so a child can pick out something.) Children at 4 also like seeing cash in an envelope, if you'd like to get a cute gift (on sale) and put $4 (for age) or $5 cash in the card, that might be a nice range, too. I guess it depends on your child's classmates and preschool. If you're at a highpriced, upscale preschool, be mindful of that and plan accordingly. I have heard of parents who hold parties at hotels for pre-teen children and gift exchange reflects that....

Do you know this child's parents? I have no problem when I throw parties if the parents just drop their kids off. At the same time though, it doesn't bother me if they stay either. Just ask ahead of time. If they would rather you stay and you have a previous commitment, then maybe you can invite their child to your house later in the week to let your kids play and give their child the gift. As for the gift, depending on how well we know the child and parents depends on how much we spend. For those kids we don't know as well we usually stick to around $10. My daughter is about the same age and all of her friends enjoy markers and stickers and such. That's always a good idea!

Hi Christy! Yes. You need to stay. You don't know how many children are going to be there, how many other parents etc. Not staying might cause bad feelings between you and the child's mother. I had parents leave at my daughter's 5th b-day party and I was highly upset. You need to be there to look out for your child. Everyone parents differently, so it's better for everyone if you are there to handle any situation that may arise. Also it's better for bathroom needs etc if you are there. At 4 I would say no more than 10 dollars for the gift. Coloring books, crayons, markers (washable) are always good. Hope this helps!

I always stayed at all parties. I think it sends a bigger message to your child...

Messages that pay off many years down the road.

I am interested in you, in your life and what you are doing.
That is the message.

There are the moms that stay, and there are the moms that can always find something better to do.

Like we all can't find something better to do...

It is a choice. ONly you can decide what kind of choices as a mother you will make...

It shows interest, Importance and Love...
Create boundires to live by.
I always made sure If I couldn't be on a school trip, than someone from my family was...
My children always had support...
I establish several priorities, that I stuck to , that showed my children how important they are...

Christy,
You know i think it depends on how well you know the parents or some of the other parents going. You should ask the parents if it ok if you are gone for a while and or maybe have another partent help keep an eye on your 4 years old. But also remember that you little ones will have other parties to go to and don't feel guilty if they can not make this one. Gift giving...$10 or less...let your 4 yr old go into the $1 store and get her own gifts and a bag right there...they don't look at the price...the adults do...and it is a child's party ;0

No, you do not need to stay. When you RSVP, tell the parent you will be bringing your child at ?time? and will be leaving your cell/emergency contact number. The gift should be $15 value.

I would ask the parent having the party. I hate having parents stay at my kids parties (if not the invitation - like for the picnic we had for my son's first this summer is to the FAMILY) because then I feel I have to entertain them too. When I was growing up kids were MUCH more independent.
At her 4 year old party (in my house) about half the parents stayed. I think it was as much to be nosy and see what kind of party I was throwing and how theirs could be better for some of them than for anything else. A few were genuinely helpful. Some tried to bring other kids - ugh. I invited their child to my house. It is my job to watch them. I had my mother and other help to guarantee that could be done. If your child doesn't know how to behave in a public setting away from you then they shouldn't come. I think it is a GREAT test of their manners and social skills. At her 5th party, held outside my home it was just me and the people at the place where the party was held (NOT a big bouncy place or a Chuck E. Cheese where there are other kids/parties - that is different, but still). They both ran great. The girls were well behaved.
4 is on the young side. I think especially for boys. But just ask her if it's a drop off party or not. If he says no, you could explain your situation and that you don't want to put her in an awkward scenario. If your child is self-sufficient it shouldn't be that much extra work. Or at that point you could ask another mom as others suggest. She might say "of course you can just drop them off". I did! I always have found moms who have older kids are ready to leave theirs and moms where this is their oldest are shocked. Sorry for my rambling rant. oh and we don't go to parties of people we don't feel that we know well enough to trust. it's not that i've never stayed. it's just that i don't think you should feel bad about not staying if you want. in fact i wish more people asked if they COULD stay since to me that's adding an extra person on the invite, not the other way around.

oh and if you can't come to the party don't feel like you have to do a gift unless you are REALLY good friends. birthday parties get expensive fast. if your daughter wants we've found it is cool to draw a picture/make a homemade card.

At her age, I would contact the parent throwing the party and explain the situation. Many parents do not feel comfortable having such young children unattended by thier parents. If you talk to her ahead of time, she can let you know her position.

I just had my son's birthday (who was turning 4) and I invited a few kids from his preschool class. When the parents called most of them asked me if they were just supposed to drop the children off and I told them it was completely up to them. If they felt comfortable leaving the child with me at that age for the length of the party they were more than welcome to just drop the child off. If they were uncomfortable with leaving their child they were more than welcome to stay.

None of the parents ended up staying with the children though.

I think 10-15 dollars is fine.

H.

Ask the mother. If the party is at her house, or somewhere where there's lots of adult supervison, she may not mind. If you know another parent of a child attending, you could ask them to watch your daughter, and explain the situation to the hostess.
I usually spend about $10.