12 answers

Do I Let My Husband Go on a Trip WITHOUT Me?

My husband was a Marine and every couple of years or so his squadron gets together for a little reunion. In July they are having a weekend get together in Oregon. Their plan is to drink and bar hop all weekend. Their are about 25 or so guys going. More than half are single. He said some guys are taking their girlfriends. Like an idiot when he asked I said yes. But now I am like,wait. This does not feel right. I do trust my husband. But I have not met 90% of these guys. I do not know if they are gonna go to strip clubs,etc. The most interesting thing to me is that he did not invite me to go. I don't want to control him. I just do not know what to do. What would you do??

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If you trust him, you trust him. No worries.

You might ask him "If some of the girlfriends are going, is there any reason you didn't ask me to go too?" and see what he says. He may just have thought you'd be miserable going bar hopping with strangers when you can't drink too. If so, let it go and don't worry.

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O.K. he should have asked you, but you are pregnant and have a little one, first of all im sure your husband is great, but no matter if hes way young or going through midlife crisis, men need respect, and also to be told what to do, it doesnt make them less of a man, you need to sit him down and talk to him, if your uncomfortable, dont use "hey im preggers so i cant go out so neither can you", but i need more about your relationship, and your age to give you some really good advice. I can tell you when i was dating my husband, i got all pretty to hang out with him and every thing was fun for 15 minutes, then his friend thet always cheats on his wife, showed up and said lets go to the club but no girls, and he told me and i said o.k. then i sat in my car for 10 minutes, then i got pissed, i said to my guy, "i dont care if you hang out with your friends, but not if you make plans with me first! i spent 2 hours getting ready and drove 30 minutes to see you! obviously your not ready for a committment!" weve been together ever since, oh and he said "sorry im a man, im stupid, sometimes you gotta tell me." hes never cheated on me and i trust him totaly, 4yrs and no problems but bills

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Contrary to what you said, it sounds like there are some trust issues. It should not matter who is going with your husband. He is responsible for his own actions. I agree with the person who said to omit the "let." I'm going away w/ my friends for a week and if my husband refered to it as "letting" me go, I'd be a little indignant. What I do know is that I would resent the person who "kept" me from going. Then again, my husband knows my character, and I know his. You're right, you don't know what is going to happen. Whatever happens will be indicative of the kind of man you married.


Let him go. Those men have a bond that you should encourage him to keep. And if it's only a weekend every couple years, so what. Dr. Laura would tell you give him a going away gift he'll never forget (wink, wink) and a reason to come home as soon as possible.
Good luck.

I've been in all possible senarios, I was the one who went without the husband. I've been the one with him, and I've also been the pregnant one at home. The worst is the pregnant one at home. I would say you have one of two choices, plan a get together with your girlfriends the same weekend OR go with him. You'll both have more fun if you just make seperate plans. There is time to spend with the husband and time to spend without him, I think this is one of the times to just let him go. But trust me when I say that you should be doing something just as fun or you'll be absolutely miserable at home & being pregnant doesn't help. Think about fun nice things you can do pregnant too, spa trip, beach trip, etc...

Just please, don't be the pregnant one at home taking care of the kid when he's out late drinking with the boys, having fun, partying (although Oregon trips are more fishing and hunting), and not answering the cell phone (because he doesn't hear it in the bar or didn't bring it) because you will get pissed, TRUST ME, I've been there!

If you trust him, you trust him. No worries.

You might ask him "If some of the girlfriends are going, is there any reason you didn't ask me to go too?" and see what he says. He may just have thought you'd be miserable going bar hopping with strangers when you can't drink too. If so, let it go and don't worry.

Let him go, trust me he will miss you and the baby more then ever if you let him go without you!

Hi K.:
...I understand how your feeling.I believe,if your husband had said "My Marine buddies and I are going to go bar hop" That would of sounded acceptable.It was when he added,that "some of the guys are bringing their girlfriends." The message this sends, is that Its not REALLY an (all guy thing). Some of the guys actually thought of and are including their girls.Your thought was....Well,why aren't you bringing yours?? It makes you feel left out. It makes you feel like your not one of (those girls) that were the (EXCEPTION TO THE RULE)To add insult to injury,your pregnant.(lord knows,we all feel a little less attractive during that time). You have a toddler,that needs your constant attention. Mens timing, sucks. I'm sure he didn't come up with the date,but what lousy timing. Your no doubt feeling a bit couped up in that house yourself.I bet Your feeling as though your stuck being the responsible one,while his thoughts are of drinking and partying. Get a sitter,and go out and have some fun.Hug your hubby and tell him THANK YOU. Tell him that his trip will give you A chance to get together with a few of your old friends to.Its perfect, because with him going on his trip,he won't even notice your missing. : )Party on K.!!!

First of all, I think you need to drop the phrase/thought "let." You're both adults and shouldn't need to "let" one another do things and doing things independently shouldn't require "permission." That said, I can understand why you might not want him to go. However, you said that you trust him. If you really do trust him then there should be no issues. Who cares whether or not you've met the other people? The only one who matters and the only person you need to trust is your husband. If you feel that he would be easily influenced by these other people then you have bigger issues.

For me, I have no problems when my husband spends time with friends or when he's away (he's had to travel some for biz and personal family stuff) in terms of trusting him. I trust him completely. My issue has more to do with not wanting to be a single mom - and kudos to those of you who are! Taking care of my 2 yr old on my own is a lot of work and I like the break when he comes home. I imagine I'd feel that even more if I were pregnant.

It sounds to me as though you do have some insecurities about his potential behavior and motive for wanting to go. I'd ask him. Explain your concerns and let him alleviate them. Share with him the fact that you were disappointed at not having been asked along and ask him why. It could be that he thinks he's sparing you. Or it could be that he just really wants a break and is looking forward to being with his buddies for a few days. Maybe set some compromises before he goes - i.e. please no strip clubs.

Good luck.

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