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Do I Let My 10 Week Old CRY?

My daughter doesn't fall asleep on her own. I nurse her & since birth she has used me as a pacifier. Now that she is a bit older, I am wondering if I should let her cry a bit. I didn't let her cry before since she was so young. Right now her father and I disagree about letting her cry. He wants to let he for short intervals at a time to try & break her habit but I still think she is too young. When I have allowed him to let her cry for a bit, she is INSTANTLY hysterical. I don't know if she knows yet that if she cries we will come etc. She falls asleep on my boob & once she is asleep, she will only stay asleep for 5-10 min before she wakes again. This is during the day for naps. Night time she sleeps through the night for the most part (apprx 6-8hrs). She will sleep in her crib & wake to nurse usually just once through the night. There are some days where I can put her down in her swing for naps & she will stay asleep for a few hours & other days where she won't sleep unless she is being held, usually by me.I am having problems with her napping through the day. When she is held, we have to be standing which kills my feet & back. I also have a 3 y/o so I need to have my hands through the morning before she heads off to school. Currently I am the only one who can put baby to sleep. I don't want her to become "spoiled". I am trying to share the duty with her father but that's been very tough. Can anyone help me with this? We have tried swaddling, rocking, singing, bouncing, car rides etc. I really don't know what to do at this point with her. I don't want her to rely on me to sleep & to fall asleep. She REFUSES to take the bottle (breast milk) from her father even when she's starving. She will just take about 2oz & whine about it for HOURS after. We think she doesn't like it when it becomes a bit cold during the feeding since we start off with it luke warm & she is kind of a slow eater. Please HELP!!!

PS: We have tried EVERY pacifier available & she will not take any of them. We still try to introduce it to her but she completely refuses. Is there a way we can teach her without shoving it into her mouth? She just cries or whines when we put it into her mouth. :( Also, many of you are suggesting a carrier. I have one & have tried to put her in it & she HATES it. I have looked into the moby wrap & will purchase that one to try.

Oh, also, sometimes when she is nursing, she will latch on & pull right off... she will do this until I completely pull her off. When she does this, I pull her off to burp her, thinking that maybe that's why she is doing that but I am really unsure. She does this mainly on the breast she does NOT like to nurse on. She prefers one side over the other but I continually try to keep her on the one she does not like so I don't lose milk supply. When I do this, she gets really mad & starts to fuss so I just switch her. Sometimes when she is "playing" she will look at me & smile & laugh & continue to latch on & pull off. I believe the side she prefers, my nipple is a tiny bit larger & the milk lets down ALOT faster. :( Does anyone know what that means by chance? Why she does this?

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It is way too early to let her cry. Right now, she needs to know that she is safe and that you will meet her needs. She doesn't understand anything yet. If she is crying, it is not because she is using you as a pacifier or for any other reason, it is because she has a need that is not being met. I would never let a baby cry, especially one that tiny.

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I did modified CIO with my boys at this age. I never let them cry for more then 5 minutes at a time. At 5 minutes go calm her down with out feeding, or even picking her up if you can. I would just rub their tummies and sing or talk softly. Once she is calm, leave. If she cries, wait another 5 minutes and repeat. I never had to go in more than once. Once she learns how to self sooth she will also do so at night, just wait 5 minutes before you go in. My boys have been sleeping through the night, or at least self soothing if they woke a little, since about 8 weeks. My Doctor told me night feedings were not needed after 10 days, and that they are continued just for comfort.

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Baby whisperer has a website that is really helpful. IT has no-cry options that involve crying but it is not alone so it is different that CIO. I am still having sleep issues because we did not deal with it early on as my daughter would only sleep latched and only for max 20 mins. Sorry I cannot be more helpful!

THe latch smile game is still my 11 month olds favorite to play. It can be annoying but so darn cute. You can choose to stop it or not. I let it continue and she slowly has been doing it less.

My daughter perfers the left but I always start her on the right and after she fusses switch. She will eat on the left and when she is done I will try again on the right. It is all about being persistant.

Good luck!

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Do not allow your child to cry! New studies show that infants are actually in pain when they're left to cry. Their cortisol levels sky rocket and brain scans show that the pain center of the brain is active while crying alone.


People grossly underestimate the importance of touch. Without it human babies die! It causes brain damage to be left alone to cry, literally. Neurological development happens only while being touched. If you deprive a baby of this, you hurt their brain development.

Even Dr. Ferber says that you shouldn't allow a baby to cry before 10 MONTHS. The article below is very informative about touch and brain development.


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Please, please, please do not let your baby cry. It was a theory of the 1940's and 50's that babies needed to cry. Naturally no tribal or native mother would have done so but our culture is run by doctors and psychologists with theories to sell about childbirth, rearing babies etc.
As a result of the excessive crying babies did we see people in that age bracket with more diseases, especially respiratory ones that they developed from overusing their lungs.
Your baby is trying to get a better grip on the gland that produces the milk so she can drink faster. She is very likely hungry all the time.
You are doing the best you can to keep her fed. Theoretically a nursing mother should not give her baby any food until she has teeth but is one or two tiny spoons of rice cream would make her feel fuller in her stomach and help with sleep you could try it.
You cannot spoil her at this point she is too young. If she still cannot sleep without you at age two you can become concerned.
Do you have the book "Bestmilk" it is a great help to the nursing mother. You are doing something very special for your daughter. Be easy on yourself.

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I wouldn't let her cry. She is very very young. You might read a book by Lise Elliot about brain development (can't remember the name of it) but basically the connections the brain is making right now is incredible and I wouldn't want my kid's brain to be stuck in the crying place - more for your husband's logical side than you since you don't really want to let her cry anyway. I'm sorry I'm not articulating this well.

You might check out this site on bf questions: http://kellymom.com I haven't used it but friends of mine love it.

Best of luck.

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In my opinion, I wouldn't let her cry. She has no idea yet that you will come back for her and care for her. She is still learning and she can't become spoiled at this age. If you think she doesn't like the bottle cold could you buy a bottle warmer? Avent does one where you can set the temperature you want and it heats it evenly in up to 3 minutes (depending on the size). I think it is normal at this age for her to rely on you to help her get to sleep, she is still learning how to do it herself. Try to get into a routine so that she knows what to expect. For us, it is a bottle in my sons room, in his nursing chair, with radio static on as background noise, blinds closed, and mobile playing. Hope this helps a little, good luck!

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Please do not let her cry. She is 10 WEEKS old, not 10 years. She needs you and your husband near her and comforting her when she's upset. Even your 3 year old can help try to soothe her by singing to her, stroking her cheek, rocking her in the swing (as long as she's buckled), etc.

Please read this with your husband: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130500.asp (particularly #5). It's not just my opinion that letting her cry is detrimental, it's been studied and proven.

I know you've gotten recommendations to use a baby carrier and I echo those. If you're hooked up with any mom groups, check and see if someone has one you can borrow before you commit to buying one since they're expensive. If you're also new to babywearing, the moby can be a little tricky to master. A simple pouch sling is easier, but neither of my kinds liked it as much. There's really a lot of questions in your post! :)

The other thing I've recently found that calms my 9 week old really quick is sympony music. I happened on it by accident, but xm864 works beautifully at my house! I'm not a huge believer in classical music making kids smarter or anything like that, I just needed to find music that wouldn't wind up my two year old when she was asking for music just before nap.

As for the fussing while nursing, it probably is that she needs to burp. That's exactly what my 9 week old does when she needs to burp. It could also be that she's unhappy about your milk flow. A La Leche League leader can offer more suggestions than I can. :) Don't give up though!

If I can help with any more resources, please let me know. I'm local and am pretty well connected to the "no-cry" communities in our area.

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It is way too early to let her cry. Right now, she needs to know that she is safe and that you will meet her needs. She doesn't understand anything yet. If she is crying, it is not because she is using you as a pacifier or for any other reason, it is because she has a need that is not being met. I would never let a baby cry, especially one that tiny.

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I wouldn't consider a 10-week old "a little older." :) She's still in the phase where she should be treated almost like a fetus.

There is brain research now that demonstrates that leaving babies to cry actually does have harmful potential consequences later on. It can have the effect of hard-wiring their brains to have quick triggers to anger and emotional difficulties. For more on how babies' brains work, there's a great book called "The Science of Parenting." When babies learn not to cry by being left at that age, they are responding with a reptilian fight or flight part of their brain (other parts aren't developed yet). They are not "learning" to be comfortable on their own. Anyway, check it out - it will answer a lot of your questions about how to handle this phase. Leaving them to cry it out can work, to be sure, but at what cost?

If you want to have your hands free more (I did. I couldn't do attachment parenting for my own sanity, but didn't want to leave baby crying) check out The Baby Whisperer. She has a great approach - the only one I've seen (and I've read just about everything out there on this) that advocates teaching babies a routine and some independence without advocating leaving them to cry on their own. Very helpful.

Good luck!

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I agree with all that said you should NOT let your baby cry! It is just not healthy! Babies don't get spoiled. Of courseshe wants you! She relies on you 100% since she litereally can't do anything for herself! Her instincts tell her that she needs you and she won't feel safe when she is away from you! Think about when you have ever felt real fear..imagine that's how she feels when you try and let her cry it out!

My kids never took bottles either. You have to try a bottle that is as close to the breast shape as possible and that has a slow flow so she still has to work for it. Make sure you warm it up enough. A lot of babies won't do just luke warm or room temp. Breastmilk comes out a little warmer than body temp since it is inside your body. Try to have whomever feeds her the bottle, simulate the way you hold her when you nurse as much as possible.
Expect her to know the difference. A bottle and your boob taste differently..

My kids have never used a paci..they don't need one. Don't force it on her. If she needs a comfort suck item, she will create one. One of mine sucks their thumb and one sucks her arm..

It is possible that she has reflux. Does she spit up a lot? Is it often clear?

I swear by the moby wrap! It's a little hard at first to get it down, but once you do it is wonderful for mommy and baby! Very comfy! You can get new ones on ebay for like $39!

The pulling off and relatching could be many things. Does it sound like she chokes a little? I have a strong flow so I have to grab a pad when I let down and let a little go in there before relatching baby. It can be gas, so good for you there! It can also just be a curious nurser. It happens with all babies that they want to look at stuff and get distracted so they unlatch to look around.
Either way it can hurt!

It is so hard in the beginning and you are doing great! Your instincts are awesome and you just need to trust yourself! Your hubby means well, but he doesn't have the mommy instincts that you do. Believe me, I know how hard it is! Our third baby is 5 months now. When I had our 2nd, our first was 2.5 our 2nd cried all the time day and night for the first 3 months! We literally had to hold her and walk and bounce her 24 hrs a day for 3 months AND take care of our toddler! It was incredibly hard and no one could figure out why she did this. We got through it and suddenly at 3 months it stopped and she has been great ever since! Sometimes you do just have to put down baby and let them cry so you can get something done. It's hard to hear them cry but just do what you need to do quickly and get back to your baby.

This too shall pass..very very quickly! Trust me..it goes way faster with the 2nd than it did with the 1st!

Good luck Mama!

ETA: I read again what you wrote about the pulling off. Sounds like she has figured out which side she has to work less on! Smart girl! Maybe try letting her nurse on the easier side first through one letdown so she isn't starving. Then switch her to the other side. Also try different positions to get all the milk out of the other side so it'll make more milk. It's totally normal for one side to make more than the other.
Awesome breastfeeding support site is kellymom.com

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Please do not let her CIO... She is just 10 weeks old. She has gone through the very, very difficult transition from mommy's womb, to a completely different world without all of the automatic feedings and the constant, comforting rush of mommy's heart.

One of THE most important things you can do for a baby at this age is teach them to TRUST. We do this by meeting their every need and by being there for them. They learn that people are good, that mommy and daddy are there for them, and they remain open, happy, and loving.

CIO does work, but it works through something called "learned helplessness". The baby learns that no matter how much they cry out for Mommy, mommy doesn't come, they will not be able to rely on mommy. They are basically conditioned to learn that they can't trust Mommy (much less anyone else) to come to them when they are scared, alone, and tired. So they basically GIVE UP since they're cries go unheeded.

I'm not trying to guilt trip you - I used the CIO method when my daughter was 10 months old, but I didn't know it. I thought that if I went in and comforted her every 5, 10, 15 minutes, that she wasn't CIO, but I found out later that this was a CIO method called the Ferber method. I was crushed. Deep down I knew it was CIO, tho, because eventually I just had to LEAVE her to cry until she went to sleep. When I did this, my happy little girl went to screaming and angry fits during the day :(

Does it feel natural to you as a Mommy to just leave your child? Or has society told us to put our own needs above those of our children and let them cry it out so that we can get some sleep? Do we let them CIO for their own good, or for ours? And would we ignore the crying of an adult in distress? If not, then why a child? These are all things that I considered that led me to be anti-CIO.

Food for thought.

IN REGARDS TO NURSING: A really wonderful site: http://www.kellymom.com - for all your breastfeeding needs :D

I also HIGHLY recommend asking a La Leche League lactation consultant help you with your nursing woes. They are absolutely wonderful, I can't say it enough (I had huge problems nursing, as well).

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I would get rid of the expression "using me as a pacifier" and the idea of "spoiling" your baby and the thought of letting her "cry it out"! You are her whole world, her safety - she is a very smart baby to let you know that she needs you, and to refuse the bottle or the pacifier. There are many other things your husband can do to help instead of trying to feed her, especially by supporting you in your breastfeeding and nurturing your baby. I would strongly recommend carrying her as much as she wants and sleeping with her, so that she can develop a really strong sense of security (it may take a while for her to feel totally secure, since you have been trying different things and she probably feels somewhat insecure now). Moby wraps and others like them are good, so are Ergos (and the Ergo is something you can use for years to come, definitely a good investment). Nursing babies to sleep is absolutely fine and completely natural. I nursed mine to sleep as long as they nursed (2-1/2 & 4-1/2 years) and slept with them. they are now wonderful, happy, confident, loving, secure adults who are fabulous parents to their young children (sleeping with them, carrying them, etc). If you nurse her to sleep lying down, you should be able to carefully slip your breast out of her mouth (using your little finger to break the suction) and get up if it's daytime or roll over and go back to sleep yourself if it's nighttime. Make sure she is dressed warmly enough, and you can leave her to sleep lying on her side, maybe place a rolled up or folded small towel or diaper behind her back so that she doesn't wake herself up by rolling onto her back. Your husband obviously cares and wants to help - maybe once you get a good carrier he can take her for walks sometimes (after she has been nursed), as well as helping with diaper changes and with your older child.

As far as the breastfeeding issue - a couple of thoughts - it maybe that the milk is coming out too fast at first and she is choking a little and that is why she pulls off. If that is the case, you can help by hand expressing a little milk before you nurse, trying different positions like holding her more upright, or nursing with you lying on your back and her on top of you, or you can try taking her off before she chokes. The preference for one breast may be a comfort issue for her - you might have her checked out by a good infant craniosacral therapist or chiropractor to see if she has any physical issues that could make one side more uncomfortable for her. Also try holding her in different positions (such as the "football" hold), to see if it is her position that is the problem. Or it may be that she is really not getting much milk out of the one side and is simply getting frustrated, which is totally understandable. Have you tried expressing or pumping on both sides to see what is going on as far as supply? There may be an actual physical blockage in your breast, or it may be that that breast has just not been stimulated enough to produce a good milk supply yet. If that is the case, you could try pumping on that side to get the supply up. You could consult with a lactation specialist also. In any case, if these things don't work, you could just accept that one breast doesn't "work" as well as the other, and just nurse her on the side that she prefers (you would probably look a little lopsided for a while but would have a happier baby!). I'd definitely try a craniosacral therapist first though, because this could be a sign of a problem that she has that could manifest in other ways too. As far as the smiling game she likes to play, I'd suggest playing it with her and enjoying your special time together! You are obviously a fantastic mom - enjoy your wonderful children!

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I really really think you should follow your instincts and not let her cry. It's SO hard when you're tired and you just can't get the sleep you need, but your baby is doing exactly what babies do- she "uses" you as her pacifier 'cause that's what you are and that's what you are supposed to be- you are her whole world, and you are the one who comforts her, makes her feel safe and secure, warm and cozy, and by responding to her needs, even when it feels demanding, you are absolutely NOT "spoiling" her- you are teaching her that she can trust you to take care of her, and that is how babies learn that the world is a safe place to be.

Babies don't know how to go to sleep on their own. yes, we've all heard of babies who sleep "perfectly" from day 1, but those are exceptions, not the rule. Most babies need help getting to sleep, and it's the lucky ones whose mamas let them nurse to sleep. The main developmental task of babies is to decide whether the world outside of the womb is a safe, trusting place or not. If Mama is not there with the comfort of the breast whenever baby needs it, baby will learn that the world is an unsafe place, and this can cause children to become MORE dependent, MORE fearful, and MORE demanding beause their needs have not been met.

in my personal experience, i nursed both my girls to sleep for every nap and every night, and every 2 hours through the night until about age 20 mos or so. I found that as they got older, they naturally grew into better sleeping habits. for example, both girls only slept alone for 5 or 10 minutes until 4 months, then they could sleep about 45 mins or so until about 7-8 months when they started taking 2-3 hour nap alone. Night time is a bit harder, but when the final molars came through, they started sleeping 8-10 hours straight, and now my 3 yr old sleeps 12 hrs without a peep. It's a long, hard road, but you are doing the right thing by listening to your baby and meeting her needs. If you are providing a good sleep environment, there is NOTHING wrong with nursing her "on demand". That will help her become independent, srong, and confident later on!

i also couldn't have survived without the moby wrap. And maybe you should talk to a la leche league person about nursing questions. Just remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel! This is just a short time in her whole life, and she's still so little! It's easy to lose perspective when you're tired and in the middle of the difficult first year, but keep going, you know what's best for her!

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You cant spoil at 10 week old baby. I truly believe that until babies spend the same amount out of the womb as they spent in the womb, all they need is you.
She is looking for your comfort and right now, your hubby really just isnt going to cut it for her. A lot of babies are this way, dont worry, he will get plenty of Daddy time later. Have your hubby help more with the 3 y/o.
Also - my daughter never took a pacifier she just wanted me. :)

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Sounds like your little one might have reflux. My daughter (and son)acted the same way. The ped put her on some Zantac and she was a diff baby. Google "infant reflux" and start doing some of the things that's recommended like elevating baby after feeding and such.
Also, the popping off could be a growth spurt. Find out all you can about breastfeeding. Kellymom is a great site.

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First, they crying: at 10 WEEKS, if she cries she needs something. She isn't even close to being ready for CIO, if that's the way you choose to go. CIO won't happen till she's at least 6 month old or older. At 10 weeks, you can't spoil her; you're establishing the parent/child bond and developing her trust that her needs will be met when she cries.

I remember both of my kids spending a lot of time sleeping on my chest at that age. They're now 6 and 2 1/2 and sleep just fine in their beds, for the most part. It sounds like she really needs the closeness of Mommy's smell/heartbeat/voice. Which, if you think about it, makes sense. For the last so many months in your womb those were the soothing sounds she heard.

I'd suggest getting a baby carrier that would strap her to your chest and give you free hands for your older girl. My other suggestion is but her in her bed/crib/bassinet and play a CD of lullabies or a white noise machine. The womb is actually a noisy place and baby is used to the noise; silence is a new concept for her.

As for the burping it sounds like you're doing the right thing there.

Hope this helps,

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I wouldn't let her cry either... I agree that 10 weeks old is way to early to let her cry it out. She needs to know you are there for her. You are not "spoiling" her by not letting her cry.

I didn't see you mention a binkie. I would try that if she just needs the sucking to soothe herself. I'd also try a sling for when you need your hands free. You should give swaddling another try. I had to swaddle my baby till she was five months old in order to get her to sleep well. I would swaddle my baby up and rock her to sleep then very very gently lay her down. Good luck!

Edited to say... You should check out the video or the book "The Happiest Baby On the Block" It has a lot of great tips.

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I think that a 10 week-old is not able yet to sooth herself. We trained our daughter successfully within about a week and a half when she was 4 months old (the same method described below). Try to get a rocker or glider for you to get comfortable in, so you don't have to stand, or a baby carrier, such as a mobywrap or similar items. This will relieve your back ans still keep your baby close to you. And you have your hands free to tend to your other child.

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If she is fed, diapered and safe...I would let her cry if I had something to do. I always let my kids cry if I had something to do...I never let them interfere with my routine of things that I had to do and get done. This is the way they learned their schedule and to soothe themselves. If they are never let to cry they will never learn to soothe themselves and stay asleep. Everytime they wake up they will need you to be soothed and go back to sleep.
I have a daycare with 5 infants that I get at a very young age...because I have had all their brothers and sisters too. From day one they are on a schedule...when it is time to nap...they are changed, fed and laid down to go to sleep. Within a weeks time they are adjusted to the schedule and fit right in. I have a helper and it is totally quiet from 12:30-3:00 when they are all asleep at the same time. Even the 2, 3, and 4 year olds. The Mom's are so amazed that I can get them all asleep at the same time but from the very beginning that is naptime...they just adjust because they know they are not going to be gotten up and entertained.
All of my kids eat at the same time..(the infants) rotating which are held first to feed....between my assistant and myself.
The other older kids have breakfast, a mid-morning snack, lunch, and a after nap snack....I have totally happy little kids because they never have to wonder what is going to happen and when.
Just an idea....I have one Mom that sets a timer to let her baby cry for 10 minutes.....then she goes in and soothes them.....leaves them for another 10...if they still are fussing she picks them up and tries to calm them. But this gives them practice in finding their own soothing techniques. She said after a few days they are asleep within the first 10 minute stretch. It has worked well for her...she says it is torture when she first does it...but she has learned that if she didn't do this she would be up nights everytime they woke up alittle because they demanded her so much. She had to teach them to learn about themselves and what they can do for their needs. She said she has been known to cry a few tears and watch the clock..but it never lasted past a few days.
Hope this helps. L.

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You can't spoil a 10 week old baby...it's impossible...but now is a good time to make some adjustments that will enable her to fall asleep on her own... Try putting her on a bit of a cyclical schedule where she eats only just after waking from a nap...then a bit of playtime until she gets tired...but if she starts rooting and it has been less than 3 hours since she last ate a good meal then it's not because she is hungry...she just wants to suck to soothe herself...give her a pacifier, swaddle her tightly, rock her until she is drowsy but NOT asleep, then lay her down where ever it is you what her to sleep. Each time she wakes up and cries, soothe her just until she stops crying and her breathing has slowed again...it shouldn't take longer than 3-5 minutes each time, then lay her back down where you want her to sleep...be consistent...do the exact same thing every single time she cries...the first day will be tiring for both of you but she will get it in just a couple days. Make sure her room (or the place you want her to sleep) is dark (black out or heavy curtains) and quiet (close the door so the sounds of the house don't disrupt her sleep). You may also consider baby wearing if you want to but you will have some sleep habits to undo a bit later...I used the method I've described on a 3 month old with incredible success...it took 3 days and she was sleeping like a pro on her own.

With not taking a bottle...make sure the breast milk is warm, if she still won't take the bottle she may not like the nipple...try finding a nipple that is similar to your own...hospitals usually use Soothie pacifiers so we chose Soothie bottles so we weren't having to introduce a bunch of different nipples...we've had success with both of our kids with Soothies.

My son (he is 9 wks old but was born a month early), doesn't take a pacifier easily either...I tickle his lips with it until he opens his mouth then sort of wiggle it around gently just inside his mouth until he takes it and begins to suck...that way he is the one pulling it back into his mouth and he won't gag on it.

As far as baby wearing...I have a Baby K'tan that I love and my son loves...it's a user-friendly double sling...it's best if worn very snug. It's a lot easier to use than a wrap.

I think most babies have a particular side they prefer over the other...It sounds like your daughter is impatient with let down on that side...it's also possible that that side has less foremilk (the thirst-quenching milk) and more hind milk...the thicker, fattier milk...perhaps she's still thirsty when the hind milk comes in? Bouncing off an on can also mean gas, she's having a poop, or just isn't hungry...if she only nurses for a few minutes on the second side my guess would be that she was no longer hungry.

Babies while nursing are hit hard by our hormones..particularly Oytocin, that induce let down...It's the hormone that makes you relaxed and sleepy while you are nursing...it effects your baby the same way..but babies that are still very young (as yours is) tend to become overwhelmed by the hormone and will fall asleep for a bit...they wake up and want to nurse more just a few minutes later because it's worn off a bit and they are still hungry..Do things to encourage her to stay awake...rub the palm of her hand with your thumb, walk your fingers up her back or tickle her cheek are great ways to encourage her to get a good feed in. It should still be taking her at least a half an hour of nursing to fill her tummy.

Babies have different cries for different needs...the hunger cry is a bit of a coughing sound in the back of the throat. Take a look at The Baby Whisperer for more details about the different cries. And The Happiest Baby on the Block for quick, effective ways to soothe your baby.

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Please try reading "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Mark Weissbluth.

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My son did the same thing. He is now 4months. I would suggest a peanut shell to keep your hands free and they love being that close.

My son will only go to sleep for the night if I am nursing him or if i'm topless I think he is comforted by my skin. Yes it is a little frustrating but don't worry about spoiling her yet, they really don't get habits until about 4-6 months. She needs you right now for sleep, let daddy give a bath and change her into her pj's.

Also she may be having a growth spurt and maybe why she is "playing" by pulling off and then back on, she maybe trying to increase your milk supply.

Good luck...and i promise 4 months is a dream boat

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For me, 10 weeks was too early to let our son cry. The whole "fourth trimester" theory really made sense to us. We lived by the 5 S's, and I highly recommend learning about them if you haven't already. Swaddled tight, vibrating his bassinet, white noise machine/us shushing him, etc. It worked wonders. For the times when she wants you to hold her and you need your hands, I highly recommend the Moby wrap. Another lifesaver for us. Our son lived in it for the first few months. :) Good luck to you!!!

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10 weeks is too young to let her cry. Babies nervous systems are still developing for a long time, and it is hard to know what she is physically feeling, but that's all she knows right now, and will know for a while. If you let her cry, you will be missing the reason that she is crying, which could be pain! Yes, babies left to cry will eventually stop, but that is because they are exhausted and defeated, not because the problem is gone. And babies have a need for physical comfort and holding, so that is also a valid need.

If she has a strong need to be held, you may want to try the Native baby carrier. It straps the baby onto you, chest to chest, in a very secure way. Then you have two hands free, you can nurse with it on, and if you lay back, supported, you could even nap with her. It's a complicated set up, but you should be able to leave her on for hours.

For the latching issues, if you can go to a lactation nurse or specialist, I think you will feel better and have some more tools in your toolbox. Internet is great, but talking with someone helpful, knowledgable and compassionate will give you huge relief. She may have thrush, or, another latching issue I just heard of has to do with the thing that attaches our tongue to the base of our mouth. In case she is crying because she is colicky, I heard that the most recent "discoveries" about colic point to a bacteria in the digestive tract, which may be why gripe water helps. I've heard that certain gripe water formulations work better than others, so you may want to research that if you want to try it. Or it may be reflux, in which case there are lots of helpful things, one is not having her lie flat (Native carrier and sleep positioners can help). Also I'm getting the Arm's Reach Cocoon sleeper for my next baby. It moves gently when the baby moves, keeps them at an angle more natural for them, and you can move it around the house easily and have the baby at an angle at which she can see you.

I am of the school of not letting babies cry, and there is lots of evidence to back that this is healthier for the baby, and babies who are not left alone to cry develop into easier, happier, more confident children. You cannot spoil a baby, that is more an issue for older children. It's good that she knows if she cries you will come, even more so than that you know if you yell that someone will come. She can't do ANYTHING for herself. a GREAT, very readable, fascinating book on the physiology of babies and their needs is "Our Babies, Our Selves" which I read while I was nursing. It is a wonderful book.
Best wishes!

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I did modified CIO with my boys at this age. I never let them cry for more then 5 minutes at a time. At 5 minutes go calm her down with out feeding, or even picking her up if you can. I would just rub their tummies and sing or talk softly. Once she is calm, leave. If she cries, wait another 5 minutes and repeat. I never had to go in more than once. Once she learns how to self sooth she will also do so at night, just wait 5 minutes before you go in. My boys have been sleeping through the night, or at least self soothing if they woke a little, since about 8 weeks. My Doctor told me night feedings were not needed after 10 days, and that they are continued just for comfort.

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I know its frustrating, but it sounds like maybe when you have a hard time with her that shes gassy. It really does happen a lot with babies and when she is especially clingy and whiny, that is probably her problem. You are right about crying it out, she is too young for that 5-6 mos is when they start to get "spoiled" if you even want to call it that...and they figure out how to get your attention at that age. At her age now, shes too young to be "spoiled".

She also may be getting teeth, have you run your finger along her little gums? Are there bumps? The bottom two teeth are usually first, but there is no hard and fast rule! Oragel is a LIFESAVER.
Its pretty exhausting when baby is clingy, I know how that goes, especially when you are her source of nutrition! Have you tried warming your breastmilk in the bottles? Try Nuk bottles, my daughter liked those better The nipple is easier to take for a breastfed infant in my opinion. When warming the breastmilk the microwave is a no go, but you can stick a cool bottle in a mug or bowl of warm water to make it more like what comes from you.
Take notice of her gassiness and what you eat, broccoli and dairy are two big things that you might be eating that can cause gas for her. You may have to eliminate them from your diet and see if that helps. Any garlicky or oniony or spicy foods can leave a bad taste for her in your breastmilk so you may want to keep that in mind too.
Don't feel guilty putting her in her swing or other type of seat for sleep, it may be the only way right now, it cradles her better than a flat mattress and keeps her somewhat upright for gassiness. E-mail me if you'd like =) I would be glad to talk more if you need some help. Good luck!!

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Like so many have said before.. so many responeses I can't even read what the others have posted.

at 10 weeks.. the little darlin' still just needs your comfort and support.

my best advice is to comfort the wee one for now and not worry about crying anything out for a few months.

she is needing something.. more food,. gas relief.. comfort..allergy relief perhaps..

man oh man I would love to have another 10 week old to just snuggle and comfort for just this little bit longer.. they grow up soo so fast.

my 2 boys never really did the pacifier thing so I can understand this point.

s.p.. there are so many things you adressed I'm not sure which one to hit on.. it's like I would love to have a visit or something and talk it out... have you had some other 'new' moms (not grandma's or such) over for a little look see??

another new mom has been thru and been there and could help. not that you don't already have an older one.. but each child is sooo different.

don't get discouraged.. keep asking questions and for help until you feel relieved.

all the best.

What works for one mom, doesn't necessarily work for another. Yahoo for the Mom who "trained" their 10 week old to sleep 10 hours. Did she really train the child or were her children going to sleep like that anyway? Who knows.

Sorry, I think 10 weeks is way too young to let a baby cry. I just find it hard to believe they are supposed to learn to cope with wanting comfort and not getting it.

Listen...this is the CRAZY stage. The one where some days as Moms we want to just cry or pull our hair out b/c we are stretched thin. This is a stage. It will not last forever although some days it seems like it.
Hang in there!! It gets easier.

She wants you, not the bottle, can't change her mind at 10 weeks. My daughter had colic and had to be swung in her heavy car seat at night or she wouldn't stop crying. Exhausting but I did it (they didn't have the cradle swings back then). And I tried the "methods"....all I had was a crying baby and when I held her, she was happy. I could handle that until she grew out of it at 3-4 months.

10 weeks is WAY too early to let her cry. Your husband is mistaking methods for teaching much older children. Have him read some books so he realizes you are not the one making mistakes.

Not all children take pacifiers. My oldest daughter never took one. My second would still suck on it if I let her and she's almost 4!
My oldest also hated the Baby Bjorn. You just never know. If she doesn't want it, don't push it.

Hi SP!

Good for you for being such a great Mom, and for breast feeding. You and your daughter are getting so many benefits.

One of the benefits of breast feeding is bonding. I know it can be very difficult to be the one and only source your daughter depends on. But this won't go on too long. Ten weeks is way too early to "let her cry" to go to sleep. Also, it is very normal that your daughter prefers one side over the other...it's like being right or left handed! You need to keep her in as even rotation as possible, though, so you don't have any pain or lose milk The interactions you describe with her are adorable, and you will cherish those for the rest of your life.

I hope this is helpful. You're doing great, trust yourself and treasure this time with your baby.


It's not a bad thing to let her cry! usually after 10 minutes my 16 month old will realize that we are not going to help her to fall asleep, she then calms herself down. If you are not ready to let her cry just yet you should try putting music on or using something every time its time to put her to bed. For example putting classical music on every time you are going to put her to bed and before you know it she will connect the music to its time to go to sleep.
Good luck!

The cry topic is such a personal one and you will receive a lot of comments and emotional responses from across the spectrum. Her behavior (e.g., waking up 5-10 mins after nursing to sleep) is exactly what my little girl would do if I nursed her to sleep (and I hear it is for babies that use the breast as a pacifier). I also believe that babies who nurse to sleep, nurse for less time at each feeding and don't get as much of the hindmilk as if you encouraged her not to sleep at the breast (tickle under chin, etc). We applied two philosophies that worked very well for us. We read about them in a couple of books and they really hit home to us. The first was that the breast was for eating/not sleeping (so no napping on the nipple) and with that we didn't put her right to nap after nursing. The sequence insteas was: Nurse, burp, play/interact ("awake" time), then change and put down for nap. We would hold her and rock her quite a bit when she was younger (until about 14-16 weeks) since she was mildly colicly (and so little still), but she would be put down to sleep on her own. For sleep, we applied a cry-light version that worked very well for us. As you can imagine with a slightly colicly/"I want to be held" baby, she would often fuss when we put her down (at least initially - this was less after 12-14 weeks or so). We actually found that our little girl only cried for 5 minutes at most - perhaps once in a while we'd get a longer blast - but generally that's about all she would do. We adapted our approach from the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Weissbluth, which I would HIGHLY recommend. He has a few options from no-cry to cry-it-out that he discusses.
Good luck to you. It can be really tough to get something in place and establish those sleep habits. But I have to say, my little girl, now 4.5 sleeps great, and still naps in the afternoons too!

Have you tried a pacifier? I know it can be a slippery slope, but we use it to get the baby (3.5 months) to calm down and get drowsy then we remove it and she generally will fall asleep on her own in her crib. We are currently struggling with trying to phase out the pacifier for sleeping all together and trying to decide if we want to let her cry a bit. It seems that 10 weeks is still too young to let her cry it out. At that age, I think she needs to be comforted when she cries. Around that age we started putting her in her crib and shooshing her and patting her back while she sucked on the pacifier and that's how she goes to sleep now. Or she will watch her mobile for a while and drift off if she isn't overtired.

Good luck!

First off, if you don't have a baby wrap, it will be your best investment right now, especially from what you have said. I used the Sleepy Wrap, but there is one made in Oregon, which I haven't tried, called Baby Bundler I believe. They both have web sites. My Sleepy Wrap is wonderful! My baby number 5 took most of her naps on me, without killing my back, and leaving my hands free for other children and things. The wrap will bring baby the comfort she needs without you having to be the human pacifier! Oh, Dad can wear the wrap also for daddy bonding time. My husband has taken baby for walks in the wrap. She wasn't nessesarily happy to be given to daddy either, but if she was in the wrap on him, she was happy.
As far as crying, a few minutes won't hurt her. I let my first ones cry things out, but I just couldn't really do that this time. I finally had to let her cry a bit when I had to get her out of my bed at night. I would stop nursing her to sleep and start holding her for a few minutes before putting her down. The was the first key step, not nursing her to sleep at night. That gave her the chance to learn to fall asleep with out being on me.
Let me know how it goes. I sure hope you get yourself a wrap, they are wonderful!!

It looks like you've been given all of the answers, but I'm going to consolidate them somewhat.

First, I'm a firm believer in Cry It Out. It was the hardest and best thing I've ever done. However, 10 weeks is still too young to try this. Four months is the earliest age at which to start CIO. You could try reading "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Weissbluth (recommended previously) which explains the whys and wherefores pretty well.

Also, I'd try reading Harvey Karp's "Happiest Baby on the Block." It's mind-numbingly repetitive, so you can probably just read a small portion and get all the information you need. The important part is to try all five steps together, if needed: swaddle, swoosh (loud sound), side (hold on side, not upright), suck (pacifier or finger), and shake (not really shake, more like light movements/jiggles). This worked wonders for us.

Good luck.

Looks like you have lots of different opinions and information to choose from. I just went through these same issues with my baby, who is now 4 months, and I read lots of books and spent all my free time gathering information. Every "sleep expert" has their own opinion, and it's all so confusing! There's nothing worse than people telling you to do something against your natural instincts as a mother, and if you don't do it you are somehow harming your baby. My best advice is to gather as many tools as you can, things to try when you need to make some changes if things aren't working the way you want them to. Don't be afraid to try something new, and ditch it if it isn't a good fit. I hear there are babies out there who learn to self soothe with no sleep training, but I personally felt that was something important I needed to help my babies learn so we could all get a better night's sleep. There are many ways of doing this, and since what you are currently doing isn't working for you, go ahead and try something new. I used somethings like the Ferber method, and my baby can fall asleep on his own in his crib now after little or no fussing. (AND he is still the happiest baby I know so he is not damaged by the sleep training.)He also does the pulling off the nipple thing, more on one side. The things I have been able to relate this to are the same as yours: needs to burp, slower let down on that side, full belly but still wants to suck. We also had the same problem with taking a bottle, but we just kept offering it and now he will take one no problem. So just don't give up on that one and hopefully she will catch on eventually. Hopefully you will find things that work for you and things will get better soon. Gather tools and trust your instincts. And don't get discouraged by opinions that try to make you feel guilty.

You have so much advice here, I don't want to give you even more to think about! I was wondering though, what kind of bottle you are using with your baby? My son wouldn't suck on anything except the Adiri natural nurser bottle, which closely resembles the shape of the breast and nipple. They are a bit spendy, but they sell them at Mother Nature's and in my opinion, they are well worth it when your baby won't take a bottle! Hang in there and listen to your instincts. You know your baby better than anyone else. Listening to yourself and trusting your intuition can sometimes be the hardest part.

- S.

I talked to a lot of people when my youngest was fussy, it seems second babies in general just "seem" fussier, because number one had your full 100% attention, so they never had a chance to fuss =)

Has Dr. Eric adjusted her? That helped Olivia, and several other babies I've seen adjusted too. If it's gas, mylicon drops worked for Olivia too, and homeopathic colic tablets when she was a few weeks older than N.

Baby whisperer has a website that is really helpful. IT has no-cry options that involve crying but it is not alone so it is different that CIO. I am still having sleep issues because we did not deal with it early on as my daughter would only sleep latched and only for max 20 mins. Sorry I cannot be more helpful!

THe latch smile game is still my 11 month olds favorite to play. It can be annoying but so darn cute. You can choose to stop it or not. I let it continue and she slowly has been doing it less.

My daughter perfers the left but I always start her on the right and after she fusses switch. She will eat on the left and when she is done I will try again on the right. It is all about being persistant.

Good luck!

My son is 8 weeks and he was the same way and wouldn't fall asleep unless at the breast. I began giving him bottles of breastmilk at first and now formula for the bedtime feeding though, so that he'd get more to eat at one time and thus sleep longer. It took a few different bottles before I found one that he would take without getting angry - the Playtex DropIns Nurser, with a latex nipple, it's soft just like mommy's nipple, and he can't even tell the difference I'm pretty sure! And he is also VERY picky and WILL NOT drink it if its even at room temperature, so I just have to warm it up sometimes. You'll definitely need to keep trying out the bottle thing though cause sometime you'll have to be away from her, so it'd be nice to know that she would be content with a bottle if need be.
I always have to hold my son for him to fall asleep, unless he's extremely tired he wont fall asleep on his own. I occasionally will let him fuss when he wakes up first thing in the morning, until he starts getting mad and really crying for more than a few minutes. Babies really just need their mommy's, we make them feel secure and comfortable! And I don't know, I just dont like it when he cries, it makes me sad! haha. I'm pretty much the only one that can put my son to sleep as well, unless he is over exhausted. And he absolutely HATED his swing up until about 2 weeks ago. Now he will sometimes swing for a little while, occasionally fall asleep in there. If you don't have a vibrating chair, you should invest in one, they're pretty amazing! He stays pretty content in his for quite a while, and he is a very spoiled boy that DOES NOT like to be put down, like ever! So maybe it would work for your daughter?? I definitely know how you feel having to stand up for extended periods of time, ugh!
Now as for the pacifier, the nurses at the hospital gave him one of the Soothie pacifiers, and he would take it for a few minutes here and there. I would have to stick my finger in the nipple and wiggle it around for a minute or two before he would take it. Then I found a latex Binki by Playtex, it's a lot like his bottle so he enjoys it more. I still have to kinda wiggle it around in his mouth to get him to take it. I also make a sucking sound if he's whining, and he eventually starts sucking on it. I usually give it like a minute or two of trying those things, and if he's still not having it I stop.
Well hopefully this helps you some! Good Luck! :)

I am going to go against the majority here and say yes, let her cry. Give her 10 minutes at a time, check and make sure she is dry, no burps, and put her back down again and check again in 10 minutes. If you pick her up and give in she will learn that you will do that every time and keep crying until you do. Babies can be spoiled pretty much from birth. As for not staying asleep, do you burp her when she falls asleep on your breast? She probably has a burp in her and it hurts because babies cannot handle air in their system until 9 months or so. Breastfeeding always has a favorite side, you could do like the old days and only let her have one side per feeding. Right now 2 oz is about all she eats/needs every 3-4 hours so the amount is normal and you should warm up your milk in a bottle, kids usually don't go to cold milk until closer to a year old. Think back to what you did with your 3 yo, that wasn't that long ago. Any good luck and remember that whatever you choose is your choice and you have to live with how your child is based on your decisions. You need to come to an agreement with your husband because it is his child too and he might feel he is missing out on some key things here and time with you, same for your other child she still needs time with you as well.

I did the "Babywise" method, which was WONDERFUL -- as predicted, both kids slept 7 hours straight at 10 weeks and quickly went up to 12 hours after that. I don't know how similar Babywise is to whatever the "cry it out" method is. But I will say that Babywise did teach that it's perfectly okay to let your baby cry for a while -- it was mainly really into having a routine, a schedule, and once your baby knows it's schedule, they understand that this is naptime, this is sleeptime, so they settle down without crying at all. but you have to get them into the habit.

I started letting my baby cry at around 7 days. But I'm not saying they cried until they fell asleep. I would let them cry 20 minutes, go in and check, give them another 20 minutes, if still crying, give up. But it was still worth the effort because you are being consistent and after a while they catch onto the routine. I think it is hilarious what others have written about how detrimental crying is. Because my babies were actually getting GOOD QUALITY sleep, they were so happy and content! Most people marvelled that they hardly ever cried at all. That's because early on I had LET them cry at the right times, so they knew how to sleep well, so they were well-rested.

So, you said your baby is 10 weeks -- all this time you have been sparing your baby the supposed agony of crying, MY babies were learning how to put themselves to sleep. So at your baby's age, MY babies had learned to sleep through the night and settle down happily for 2-4 hour naps during the day. Doesn't that sound wonderful????? I knew that I would not be able to be a very cheerful, energetic mother if I was not getting a good night's sleep, so I made the commitment and extra investment of time and effort to make sure they got into the habit of sleeping and eating at regular times and that they did their own self-soothing. Of course, in this brief description it sounds very absolutist but actually there is some flexibility to the method.

Anyway, based on what you have described, it sounds like you will be spending YEARS sleeping fitfully and carrying a baby around in your desperate desire to keep your baby from crying. Believe me, there is a different and better way, but you've already invested 10 weeks with a different approach. Habits have ALREADY been formed -- hard to break. I don't know what it would be like to change methods after 10 weeks.

Regarding hte nursing question: my opinion is that she pulls away because she doesn't like that boob. The other one is bigger because she likes that one better so she nurses from it more so it holds more milk. This happened to me and the dr. said it might be the shape of the nipple that she doesn't like or it might have fewer ducts and so gives out less milk. it gets to be a vicious cycle because the less she nurses that side, the less it produces, so the less she likes it. I felt very ridiculous having two different sized boobs for a while -- very noticeable!

Good luck, I know it's tough.

wow, you have had a lot of responses! The last thing i want to do is confuse you, so i will just say you are doing a great job in listening to your daughter and letting her tell you what she needs. Follow your heart and your instincts, don't listen to any advice that is not supportive and encouraging! My daughter, now 1, was the EXACT same way! She never took a paci or bottle, and woke me every 2 hours or less to nurse for the first 6 months! the only way to soothe her was with the breast, so i had no choice but to nurse her to sleep. Exhausted and desperate, I tried letting her cry a few times and she got so hysterical my husband and I just couldn't do it! But it is SO hard when your friends with kids tell you all about how their kids started sleeping through the night at three months! I read so many books, called so many friends, and even hired a post partum doula to try to help. Looking back, I think i had a preconcieved notion that babies are supposed to do certain things, go to sleep on their own, and sleep through the night. But this baby is unique and your job is to nurture and care for her, not train her to be a certain way. We don't expect babies to eat like us, or act the way we do, but for some reason we want them to sleep like adults, and they just can't, she is too little. You are sacraficing a lot, but it will be worth it in the end. I know it is hard. One thing that helped me was to work on my perspective. i still try to do this every time i'm exhaused and feel like I'm getting frustrated with being a mother. I think about how a woman who can't have children, or a woman who has lost her child would give anything to trade places with me. i also think about how one day my baby will be all grown up and no longer need me the way she does now. I hope this helps. Sounds like you are doing a good job.

10 weeks is a little early to let her cry, especially since you are breastfeeding. HOWEVER, do continue to have your husband giving her a bottle of your breastmilk occasionally in the event of an emergency. Do NOT give it cold! It needs to be warmed up. Warm the bottle or baggie if using disposable bottles in a bowl/pot of hot water. Test temp before feeding.

When breastfeeding, start with the side you think she does not like first. It's a matter of training and she will eventually get used to it...fussy or no. A baby will always choose what is easier and more comfortable. Hang in there!

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