Do I Force My 5-Year-old to Play Soccer?

Updated on June 19, 2012
L.C. asks from Omaha, NE
33 answers

I have a coupon for a week-long soccer camp, which would afford me three hours and my son some experience with team sports. He is very uncomfortable, to the point of crying, with ANY team activities. He plays a game of fun baseball and cries because he hit the ball and thought he should run, but was wrong. I have not pushed him, and he is good at other things--swimming, dance, biking, running, etc. He just seems intimidated by organized team sports. However, I would like him to try, and to maybe get beyond this thing. Also, I don't want to waste the money. I have always been of the mind that you don't force kids to do things, but I get SO frustrated, and want him to be at least marginally comfortable. He's a boy, and will be faced with this in the future!!!!!

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So What Happened?

As it turns out, my son did NOT go to soccer camp. I will have to get a refund/exchange. I took all of the comments to heart and didn't force it. I have never thought it was a good idea to force something, but I find it hard to let go of what I want sometimes. And, I have big dreams for my son. I know that sounds crazy, but I see his great strengths and talent and want him to succeed. Thank you all for your help. Maybe next year, or later for soccer or gymnastics or something else.

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Why would you force him?
You're going to make him hate it more.
You don't want to spend the money and he's clearly not interested.

Give him a little time.

5 moms found this helpful
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B..

answers from Dallas on

I don't believe you should force it. Not all boys like sports, you know. My husband HATES playing sports. He never liked them, ever. In my opinion, you really just need to find something he DOES like. It can be anything. Art, cooking, writing, etc. Find something he thrives in, and put him in those classes.

4 moms found this helpful
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V.P.

answers from Columbus on

I spent a soccer season with my son who hated doing it -- DON'T DO IT! It was hell! My husband and I didn't enjoy team sports, and just because so many kids do soccer and baseball doesn't mean they all should. It took a while, be I discovered that both my kids do much better with individual sports (they do swim lessons and martial arts and LOVE them), but they don't like sports where people are relying on their participation to win.

4 moms found this helpful

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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

Don't force it. Our son is nine and has done just fine without team sports. It hasn't been an issue in any way. Your son will learn to do sports with classmates when he's in school and has PE.

6 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Five is still very young. Give him a few years and try again, no big deal. My kids all had a MUCH better experience with sports when they were around 7/8. And besides, not everyone enjoys team sports. Some kids are runners, swimmers, musicians, writers, performers, artists, readers, etc. Like you said, he has plenty of other interests, why isn't that enough? Is there pressure from his dad?

5 moms found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

If your child is not oh my god oh my god best idea ever going in it is not a good idea to sign them up. Most kids are excited until they realize it is work. When they have no interest going in it is pure torture to both of you.

4 moms found this helpful

S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

No, don't force him. If by force it's not fun and then he may never like soccer, or he may later like it and want to do it. I think there are so many good things we have to force our kids to do that this is one I wouldn't do by force at all.

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M.O.

answers from New York on

Sorry, but if he's uncomfortable to the point of tears, a week-long soccer camp is probably not going to be a good fit. I would just pass the coupon along to someone else (it's never hurts to have someone owe you a favor) and try gently acclimating him to the rules of some team sports. As in, just get him a wiffle ball set, and pitch while he bats. Later, once he feels like he knows the rules of a given sport, try signing him up for something that just lasts an hour, once a week.

3 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Kids don't seem to take to team sports till they are a bit older.
The kids who start this young get bored and don't follow directions that well.
Give it a few more years (3rd grade) and he'll have a better shot at having a good time.

3 moms found this helpful

☼.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Don't force him to do something that you think would be fun, but he clearly does not. What is the purpose of that? Find another camp that has HIS interests at heart. There are lots of them around to choose from. Science camp, etc.?

3 moms found this helpful
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A.L.

answers from Atlanta on

It sounds like you have many good reasons NOT to sign him up for a soccer camp this summer. There is no reason to expect that he will decide he wants to do the camp, and you will both be miserable. If I were in your shoes, I'd invest the money in another camp with activities he's excited to do. As several other posts said, he may just not be ready to do a team sport, and he'll get plenty of exposure to team athletic activities in school, when he will feel more confident about trying them. Finally, he might just never be drawn to team sports, and that's absolutely fine.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

Oh please do not force him! Not every boy is into sports. Let him find what he is good at and what he enjoys and persue that.

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K..

answers from Phoenix on

Not all kids are made for team activities. I don't think you should force him into it just so you can get some alone time. Spend the extra money for a camp he'll enjoy.

2 moms found this helpful
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S.K.

answers from Dallas on

The only way I would sign him up is if he wants to go. You ask him and he says yes enthusiastically. Otherwise he will cry when it is time to go and you will feel angry because you paid for the camp. Then you will guilty because you know he doesnt want to go and you are forcing him anyway. Etc., etc. etc.
Stop worrying about his future in team sports!! Give him time. Just because he doesn't care for them now, it doesn't mean he never will. It is too soon to tell and he has plenty of time to figure it out what his interests are.
If you are in need of some alone time (which I totally get), sign him up for a fun art class, or something else that you KNOW he will enjoy.
Good luck!

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A.T.

answers from Chicago on

Seriously? How would you feel if you were terrified of something and were forced to do it? This isn't like school where he has to go- it's soccer. Give it a rest, go to a Parent and Me class sometime, and relax a bit.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

No. Do not force him.
Let him do what HE likes and what he has a natural inclination for.

My son, is very athletic and can do so many "sports." He is 5, as well.
But as far as HIS interests, he does not like, soccer or the other things little boys or his classmates or his sister, are doing. HE chose, to do Tennis and piano lessons. And he is very into skateboarding. We do that everyday as well. So, that is what he does, that is what HE enjoys, that is what HE likes to dedicate his time to, and that is what HE... is progressing in and is good at... Because- those are the things that HE likes. And all of these activities, teaches him overall things to nurture himself, his body, his mind, his thinking.

You cannot "make" a child, "at least marginally comfortable" in something if they do not like it, or if they have no interest in it, or if they do not want to do it.

I nor my Husband have to be "frustrated" with our son and his activities or practicing it... BECAUSE, our son is doing what HE is interested in and loves.

Being able to face the future, also means... that a child KNOWS themselves and KNOWS their talents and interests and enjoyment- of an activity. And then they will enjoy the practicing of it and the "game" of it.

And the bottom line is:
Boys, do not HAVE TO, play soccer. Nor organized sports.
That coupon is really creating problems.
My son does not and never did play soccer. And he never wanted to, although he is good at that too. We never made him do it, just because that is what all little boys seem to do.
With our kids, we nurture THEIR interests and talents and proclivities.

And for gosh sake, my son is only 5.
I don't know of any adult... that still does what they did at 5 years old, all their lives. Interests & development, change.

Ultimately, I want my kids to KNOW themselves, and to do what they enjoy. Then they will also learn about themselves and about others. And that... is what will carry them throughout life.

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E.S.

answers from Boston on

Hi! I certainly wouldn't make him, it won't help his attitude toward things. Did he tell you why he doesn't want to (I assume you discussed it with him)? He's five, it's supposed to be fun. If he likes to swim and you want him to have a good team experience put him on the swim team. It's a great mix of being and working as a team and being responsible for your own success. I could happily wax poetic for an hour on swim team and its life lessons but I'll spare you all. And no, swimming is not the only thing my kids have done but has certainly been the best! Good luck---

1 mom found this helpful

J.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

my daughter was insanely sensitive about doing stuff "wrong" and had the same issues. I forced her to do t-ball this year (she was also bribed with a treat after each game as were many other kids), she's 5 too. She was very upset and nervous when i first told her but she enjoyed the games but was nervous before the first few games. Towards the end of the season she J. complained at times that it was boring and wanted it done but liked going for friends. She also loved when the coach put her on the bases that got the actions. If she did good she had the biggest smile and skipped the bases.
I'm glad I sent her, she learned all of the kids miss the ball, noones perfect, and she saw that they cheered even when she missed it. She was scared the team and coaches would boo her. I think it was an impt lesson in...you cant always be "perfect" and always do better than other kids. She saw some kids who were awesome and she also saw some the were worse. She's an only kid so I think that lesson was needed. I will be pursuing things she wil enjoy from here on out (music, dance, horseback lessons, and karate are things she said she would like to do) so we're going to pick one of those and let her enjoy a sport for the next few years, and I'll ry orgnized sports again when she is 7.

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D.B.

answers from Chicago on

He's 5 so I think this is the best time for him to try this camp. At this age it will be an instructional camp. Pretty much all of the kids are going to be in the same boat where they know little or nothing about soccer. They will learn foot work and rules. They will all make mistakes as they learn together. They will probably have a little game at the end of the week. IMO this is the perfect time to be in a camp. The older you get, the more likely you are to have kids, who know what to do, attending the camps.This makes it hard for kids who are shy or not very good at a sport. I say sign him up, I bet he will be thrilled to be with kids that are learning just like him.

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C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

Our son was just like this and when we tried to push it he would just cry and refuse to participate. We just took him out of all sports and then suddenly at age 7 (2nd grade) he asked to be in soccer. Now he is 8 and he loves it. I had a friend tell me their kid was like this too and grew out of it by age 7...and that is what happened. I say don't push him and try to find something he will love doing. Art camp? Gymnastics? nature or science camp?

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J.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Another vote to not force it. Maybe you can try to find a camp that will allow parent participation - if not you, then your husband. That won't give you a break, but maybe it will ease the transition for your son into team sports?

Have you considered putting him into martial arts, gymnastics, tennis, or golf? Those might be a better fit for your son's temperament.

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

Pick another day camp - I know my park district has TONS that are sports and non sports - we are doing a Safety Town camp next month for my 5yr old.

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C.B.

answers from Boston on

Not sports, but my mom put me in music classes in first grade and I HATED it ti the point of not going. Then in 4th grade I took recorder and LOVED it which started years of music lessons and performance and joy. I would take your cue from him - find him something he does enjoy. Someone once told me (and I agree now) that the hardest thing to do is to encourage your kids in a direction you would never take.

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S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

If you said to him "Do you want to go to soccer camp?" and he said "yes", then you paid for it, I would make him go and play, even if he changed his mind. At least that way he learns a little about committment. If you asked him and he said "no' in the first place, then I would not register him. Not everyone will like playing team sports, and not all five year olds are ready for team sports. He will have opportunities to play at school, and I'm sure he won't be the only boy who isn't already a soccer star in his class. I should mention that I ask my boys several times before I register them for anything, so they are fully aware of what they are agreeing to.

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

No, I don't think you should force him to do it. If he's this against it, I think you have to let go of the coupon and free time benefit for yourself idea, though I understand it's hard not want to make it work. Look for a different program, science, arts, nature, some other kind of camp. Organized and/or team sports is not for everyone, and you shouldn't assume he needs to try this right now just because he's a boy. 5 is very young for any organized activity. He can always try again in a couple of years. Maybe then he will have some friends involved, and he will want to join a team his friends are participating in. A lot of active boys, grils and adults do prefer individual sports activities. Maybe he will like bicycling, rock climbing, swimming, track, skiing, dancing etc. as he gets older. Soccer can be pretty intense, all action, all the time full speed. Some kids just don't get into it. My kids much prefer volleyball and swimming. The biggest thrill of soccer was seeing what color jersey they got and playing with the grass and their water bottles.

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K.B.

answers from Chicago on

i think soccer can be hard - it doesn't have the visual boundaries that some sports have - and there is at that age usually a swarm following the ball. i would let him off the hook for soccer - but make him pick some other sport that he wants to do - and have him go to camp for that sport.

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C.T.

answers from Chicago on

He is 5! Just wait and try again next year.... That's what I did. My son started playing tball the summer after kindergarten when he was 6. He is now 17. He currently plays baseball, hockey & soccer. I don't get the need to start the kids any younger than that. Should I mention that he's actually being scouted to play baseball in college? But even if he decides not to play, he's super smart......

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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

I would not waist the money is you know he is not going to like it going into it. My son did a bible school at about that age that had sports and they put him in soccer and he hated it. He would not play at all. He sat there doing nothing wasting the money we paid for him to go and yes I we paid at least $50 for it and I was not happy. So children do not do organized sports. Now that he is 10 he does competitive gymnastics. He loves it. Find something he loves and put your time and money into that.

☆.H.

answers from San Francisco on

If it's a drop off program and you know he'll throw tantrums I would not send him. It's not fair to the coach and the other children. Find something he'll like doing.

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J.T.

answers from New York on

I agree with Carrie. He might outgrow this. If he's your oldest, 5 probably seems old but it's not. Things can really change. I forced my kids to do soccer a little. They weren't SO opposed but they weren't into it and now both of them (6.5 and 7.75yrs) are mentioning they want to play. Things really change. I know I didn't play soccer at age 5... There's a lot of pressure now but I think it's overdone. If he's active etc, I'd let it go. My youngest was also super sensitive when she made a mistake and has gotten way way better about that too. I think too that if he is sensitive about making a mistake, practicing at home with him first is a good idea. You're right that eventually he'll kind of have to play some. So I'd work with him myself for awhile and then he might have enough confidence to play in a group.

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A.R.

answers from Dallas on

My kids play competitive soccer and have been to many, many camps; so I'm going to disagree with many of the other moms.

First - does you son like to kick a ball? If yes, then consider sending him. Most of these camps are fun camps focused on gaining skill in ball handling, not on performing in a team environment. They play lots of games: kickball, red light/greenlight, and dozens others - all geared toward improving ball handling and not 'team focused'. They play in teams, but it's more like PE at school then a competitive team. It actually might be a good thing for him because he will get to work on a team but it will be in a fun non-competitive situation.

If he doesn't like to kick a ball then no, don't make him go.

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C.M.

answers from St. Louis on

Has he had any bad experiences with another team activity? If not - ask him specifically why he's crying and doesn't want to do it. Maybe offer to stay within eye sight (is that possible? Maybe sit in the car?) for the first day. I realize that's a lot of commitment for you - so maybe say you'll stay for the first 10 mins?

I would be frustrated too. I want my children to experience different activities and sports so as they get older and those sports are played at school - they will have a well rounded idea of if they like that sport/activity and if they want to try out for it or participate in it. My hubby would rather wait until the kids ASK To be in a sport (and I think that a 4th grader playing basketball for the first time is completely OKAY...but I'd prefer my children at least have some exposure to different sports earlier in life).

Since it's only week long and he seems VERY adamant about not going, I would skip it this year. Otherwise, you will spend your three hours each day wondering/worrying about your little boy. He seems very well rounded by the other things he's done/doing.

C.P.

answers from Columbia on

So this is a day camp?

Perhaps you could call and find out if you and your son could just come and watch for the first day.

He needs to understand that camps like this are not really for games, but for learning the rules, technique, etc. So he'll know what to do. That might make him more comfortable, because it sounds like (per the baseball example) he doesn't like not knowing what to do.

It is important for kids' self confidence that they learn to try things even if they're scared or hard. Not that you have to FORCE him, but to gently nudge him that way, take him to watch, and let him see he has nothing to fear.

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