so, say i have figured out that a divorce is necessary. what next? i don't have any money but we do have a place to go....our "life" won't be too difficult to sort out since almost everything is already in my name, but i don't have any assets or money saved. SO what next? do i just get the yellowpages and start looking for a lawyer? then how do i pay him?
(please no advice on divorcing vs not divorcing, no opinions, or judgments, please. i am not going into it - if you want a taste about why, you can read some of my old posts, but i'n not going into it any more than that. i haven't even decided for sure. but if it happens, i need to know how.) just looking for a how-to. and maybe a little reassurance.
thank you.
edit: thanks justamom, i have to say, i doubt this will be "nice". i don't think he will fight it much, and there's not much to divide up as i have said...but i do want to make sure it's done right...and i know he will be too pizzed off to help or do anything but make it that much harder on me...
toniv, not "dictating" anything - as you have proven people can still write whatever they feel they need to write. but yes it's my question and i have been here long enough to know that there will always be people on here who feel the need to judge and second guess the poster. as you have shown by your answer, they will still come, even despite requests to the contrary, but thankfully most of them, as you have also pointed out, have declined. and i appreciate it as that's not what i need or want to hear right now. many times i open my questions up for any and all, they are welcome and have offered advice completely different from what i am asking, they have made statements about me that were not answering my question, as we have all had when we've asked questions. this particular question is very personal and painful to me and i quite simply am not interested in hearing anything other than the very simple question i asked. hence the request.
thanks to all the supportive answers. i appreciate the lack of lectures :)
In my are there are lawyers that do pro bono work. A lot of times there are legal schools that practice with seasoned lawyers that do things like this for one the job practice at a lower rate. I would just start looking in the phonebook and on the internet to see what you can do. Where there is a will there's a way.
I'm sorry for what you're going through Mom, that sucks.
I actually DID pick an attorney out of the phonebook (I liked her picture), and she was awesome.
She charged a $200 consult fee which she put towards my retainer, which was $5000. This was in 2009. We did not go to court so there were no additional fees.
Sadly, even divorce is a marital expense so there is no reason you shouldn't use a joint account or card to retain an attorney of your own. I do not recommend a mediator even if it's all friendly and nice like. I do not recommend TELLING him about your consult.
I DO hope all other possiblities have been exhausted because as rough as it is being married to him, divorcing him may suck worse.
I hope it works out for the best for you.
:(
I'd start saving some money right away.
Ask divorced friends for a good lawyer. I'm on my 3rd lawyer. First one was just telling me what i wanted to hear. 2nd wouldnt tell me anything. 3rd one is awesome.
My lawyer was paid on a credit card. Lawyers want a retainer fee which they keep in a trust for you to spend on thier time working your case. Mine was 2750. My ex's was 5000 so it can get pretty pricey.
In my case the 3 most important things were custody of the kids, child support and alimony.
I filed in April and its still not finalized.
Only thing we have finished is the custody. That was most important.
Good luck
If he is agreeable, you could use a mediator and file the paperwork yourselves. If not, you both need your own attorney. I saw a divorce kit for under $10 at office supply stores.
If I were you I would consult with a mediator. The goal of a mediator is to work with both of you to ensure that you've made decisions on everything you need to decide on. You each do a lot of the "work" on your own to minimize billing time. So you would have an initial meeting that should ideally include both of you and the mediator will walk you through the process and give you both paperwork where you put your wishes regarding custody, support, division of assets, etc. in writing. If you need temporary orders for custody, visitation and support, the mediator can help you file them. Then you get together again and the mediator works with you together to come to agreement on the areas in which you disagree. She or he will be able to explain your state's laws to both of you, will refer you to parenting classes if your state requires that, etc. When you have worked out and agree on the details, each of you may need to just consult with separate attorneys to make sure that you've dotted every i and crossed every t and then the mediator should be able to help you file your case in court. In my state, you have a couple of hearing several months apart when you file for divorce. During the initial hearing, the judge sends you to probate to make sure you're in agreement and everything is in order. Because you've already done mediation, that should be painless. Then the S. court hearing would finalize everything. So that's my understanding of the quickest, cheapest and fastest road to divorce in my state. At least here, when kids are involved the court take it's time and is very thorough in adjudicating these cases.
Not sure on your situation as I don't know your other posts. But I think given your financial situation if you are both reasonable, I would say to do it yourself. Hiring a lawyer can cost you thousands. There are plenty of websites you can use to fill out paperwork and then you just need to file it through the courts. Good Luck to you!
Once he's served if he doesnt respond there is a time frame you have to wait for and I think you have to post it in the newspaper or something... then it's just by default and you win.
I did mine on legalzoom.com
When you opt to "dictate" to the mama's out here, just how you want your post answered, you miss out on some very good advice and suggestions.
I believe this is the kind of post that many good women decide to pass on.
Blessings...
Call Sherrie Brady in Independence. if she doesn't handle KS, ask her who is like her in KS. Best advice is to ask friends. Don't do it without an attorney...you want the best outcome for you & your kids. Even if it means you have to cut back or take a S. job, use an attorney.
Legalzoom, $236 with everything agreed upon beforehand, state of Texas, I know you're in Kansas, just saying. And you can file it yourself at the courthouse. No attorney fees at all. They mail you the documents and you fill in the blanks, send it back, they type it up according to your state, mail it back to you and then you file. Very simple
Just want to give you best wishes and the strength to deal with your situation. I have also went through it and it wasn't easy, but a few years down the road and I am happier than I have ever been. You DESERVE to be happy. You have some good advice here, start calling around and take it a day at a time. Good Luck.
I would say that calling different attorneys offices and asking about paying for the divorce would be the first step, now, so that it would have influence in your next steps...such as starting a private savings account so that extra pennies can be funneled in to start an attorney fund.
I think that finding out what money you'll need to have avail. is good no matter what you decide. I don't have time to go research your situation so I'll just guess. If you work then start making sure you have ready money on hand where you can get to it night or day. Cash, maybe with a friend that you trust to not be temped by cash hidden in their undie drawer...lol. That way if you need to get out in the middle of the night you are not stranded until the bank opens and your purse with all your money cards and stuff is sitting on the coffee table at home.
Have a bag packed for each person at that friends house too. That way if you leave and have the clothes on your back that is easily remedied too. Be prepared for an emergency, have copies of shot records, birth certificates, etc...all in those bags too.
Announcing you are seeking divorce or leaving often has unexpected actions by those we are telling so that is why the advice for the extra precautions.
Otherwise, if all is well and things work out nothing is lost. You have a S. set of stuff that if a tornado hits your house or a fire, etc...you have a back up plan.
I hope life takes a turn to work out so that you can find happiness and peace. Whether with him or without him. It is miserable being unhappy every day at home, home should be the happiest place on earth.
In texas we have a type of divorce lawyer called "collaborative". somewhat mediative but not wishy washy. Also in texas lawyers cannot stop working on a case if someone stops paying them. therefore if you pay your $500 retainer and they bill you for more and more but you dont pay, they have to keep working. sucks for them but its the law ( or was 2 years ago when my close friend divorced).
