July 07, 2008,
M.F. asks from Stone Mountain, GA on July 04, 2008
I am the wife of a pastor and my husband thinking about divorce. We have a small close family like church. I feel this is a mistake but my husband feels that things will never change between us. How do pastors tell the church they have given up on their marriage. I feel this will harm many. Please pray!
3 moms found this helpful
So What Happened?™
I appreciate the overwhelming responses. You have all made valid points that I have dealt with. For starter we have been married for 15 years and in ministry for 7. My children are always my first priority but I also have a commitment to the people I serve in ministry. I am a counselor so I understand how this will affect all involved but there is one thing God has shown me and that is that we don't have control over people. We wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities.
We have spoken with our Bishop and we are praying. We realize that only GOD can change his heart. Hopefully we can attend a more extensive active program. He has not official stepped down but he has been allowing the other Ministers to lead. He is seeking divorce because he feels that where God is taking him he needs more support and appreciation to survive in the street. I realize that the enemy is pulling him in the wrong direction but he has to see this for himself. I feel that am very supportive. The type of evangelism takes him to the streets and I believe the streets are trying to take him back. I have my issues as well but not to the point of justifying divorce. As far as the other woman theory it is just that until it becomes a fact. Please continue to pray.
I am a pretty strong person and my children and I will be o.k. I will see to that. I am the product of divorce as well. I put this out because I feel for those at the church that may be damaged from his decision. But I place it in Gods hands.
Please pray for marriages it is the foundation of strong ministry. I know this attack is because of the work that we do. Remember to always pray for your pastors you never know what they may be going through as they pour out the people.
I hope that if nothing else I have encouraged you to add your pastor's to your prayer list.
I maybe someone needed to know that they are not alone. My prayer is to start a ministry for Pastor's wives to be able to vent & seek prayer without destroying the ministry. Clergy called by God but they still reside in these fleshly bodies.
Everyone keeps praying God will answer if WE are patient enough to wait on him.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS & PRAYERS
C.H. answers from Augusta on July 04, 2008
Don't pastors usually suggest couseling? Has he tried that? And I know this may be hard to hear but is it a possibility that there is another women? Sometimes when a man or women is determined to be divorced and ignores the pleas of their spouse to work it out they already have someone they are thinking of being with or has been with.
C.B. answers from Atlanta on July 05, 2008
I think pastor is not close to God no more and donot want to follow Gods plan...
He will hurt his church, do not the circunstrances but most like likly he is far from God and is letting the enemy winn this batle. We are fighting agains demonic powers not a little man. Satan is up to destroy homes and families.
You need to sick help, first with our father and then with other christian athorities.
I will pray for you.
Seems to me that your husban will not be serving God for a while.
I suffered something similar to you...
But by the grace of God here I am well taking care of and loved and happly remarried...
scuse my spelling, I'm foreinger and my english is pretty bad :) hope you can underestand what I'm saying.
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S.P. answers from Florence on July 05, 2008
First of all, I am sorry that you are in this situation. I normally would not come on so strong but I do want to suggest that YOU see a counselor...whether or not your husband will. You take care of yourself and your children as best you know how. YOU need guidance how to make the best choices and decisions possible regardless of what your husband chooses to do. God is never pleased with divorce although there are situations which the Bible says it is allowed. I will pray for you. Don't worry so much about the people in your church. God will take care of them. And I've learned that the people that matter don't mind, the people that mind don't matter.....Let us hear back from you soon.
T. answers from Atlanta on July 04, 2008
I'll be praying for you.
D.P. answers from Atlanta on July 05, 2008
Wow. I am so sorry for this stressful time. I would suggest that you try to talk him into counseling -- maybe from someone who has ZERO relationship with either or you or your church. That way, he doesn't have to worry that anything said in your sessions will "get out". If he won't go, if he is really has given up on the marriage, I don't see how it can be saved. I hope and pray that he will at least try. Perhaps find some scripture that supports your argument for trying to work it out. (you can start with the vows that ended with until death to us part.)
Good luck to you!
D.S. answers from Myrtle Beach on July 07, 2008
As a pastor, it is unbelievable that he wants a divorce. How can you preach the word to your people when you can't even uphold the very thing you preach? I think he would have to step down as a pastor if he wants to pursue the divorce. Otherwise, I am not sure what type of religion you practice, but I know many offer counseling based on your faith. You should try everything possible to save your marriage and tell him that counseling should be the way. Also send him in to the doctor for a checkup. Sometimes medical issues make a person think irrationally.
B.R. answers from Albany on July 05, 2008
I have no answers, but I am praying for you and your situation.
D.S. answers from St. Louis on July 05, 2008
Dear M., I am so sorry for what you are going through. I too am the wife of a minister and we too do not have the best marriage. I understand how this feels. I believe you are only in this situation because Satan feels he can destroy your church by attacking your marriage. I agree with the other ladies who have said that you should try to get your husband to agree to some kind of counseling and try to turn things around, but while you are doing that you should try out the book "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie OMartian. She was ready to leave her husband when God laid it on her heart to pray for him instead, and we know they have been happily married and in ministry for many years. It is a totally different type of praying than you would expect. Also she said God gave her a very clear view of what their lives would be like if they divorced. How they would hurt and what would happen to their kids, where they would live, etc. It was devastating and enough to make her stay, so I would also pray that God would make it very clear to your husband what kind of harm he would be doing to you and your children and himself and his church if he goes through with this decision. This will harm your congregation and I believe the only way to keep that to a minimum is to leave the church before you divorce. My heart breaks for you and I will continue to pray for your family. If you would like to feel free to email me.
T.F. answers from Atlanta on July 05, 2008
Will be praying. This is unfortunately all to common especially due to today's stresses in ministry and family. Seek Godly counsel. See if you can find someone who has been in a similar situation and walked through it. If your denomination/association has a confidential counseling ministry I'd seek help there first.