Discussing Hair Removal with Tween

If the point is to remove the hair, shaving is less traumatic on the body. It can be done any time day or night, and costs much less. Also, the myths about hair growing in thicker and darker is a myth. There is no truth to it at all.

What's the part about shaving that concerns you? Is she not coordinated enough to handle the razor? Try using an electric shaver -- its save and painless and in the end probably cheaper than trips to the salon. Just remind her that once you start shaving you need to keep shaving. What is magical about 12 vs. 11? Girls seem to enter puberty earlier than when I was a girl.

I was the same way when I was 11. I secretly started shaving and changed into shorts at school. In my opinion there are so many things that give girls low self-esteem that we as parents cant help eleviate. This is one way you could help her feel better about herself. Consider reconsidering.

I also wonder why waxing is ok, but not shaving...?

Speaking from personal experience as somebody whose mother would not let them shave, I HATED it and was terribly self conscious about my body hair. Girls now are hitting puberty earlier and earlier and body hair comes along with that. Some girls need to start shaving at 10 or 11, not the 12 or 13 like they used to.

I was SO embarrassed about my underarm hair especially and could not even wear short sleeved shirts because I was always so worried people could see the hair. I also always wore pants because other girls I knew my age was already shaving and have been for a while.

I still remember the day my mom FINALLY let me shave my legs and underarms and I was so happy. (but before she officially let me, I did shave the upper parts of my legs with her razor in the shower! lol, I never told her that either)

I have had this discussion many times with people. When I was young my mother would not let me shave my legs. I was quite harry and was very self concious. In those days all we wore were dresses, so it was a little hard to hide. I had to wait until I was 13 to shave, and believe me the minute I turned 13 the first thing I did was shave my legs. I went many years ashamed,made fun of and embarassed. I told myself when I have a daughter I would not put her through this humuliation, when she felt self concious about herself I would try to listen to her and understand why she wanted things. Consequently at the age of 7 she asked me if she could shave her legs. Without hesitation I asked her why and understood her reasonings, It was the same reasons I had experienced.I don't think it's a matter of years if one should want to improve oneself, but ability to accept responsibility and desire. My daughter has been shaving her legs since she was 7 years old and grateful to me for letting me have the opportunity to feel good about herself. Like I said, she was mature enough to handle it and no one needed to know she was doing it but her. We didn't make a big deal about it, because really, does a magical age really matter when it comes to shaving? Give her an electric shaver if you are afraid she will hurt herself. In any case, making a big deal of something now will only create tension in the home. Choose your battles wisely you know you will have many more to come at this tender age,and good luck.

I'm a mom of 8 (mostly grown).
I'm glad to hear that you have talked to her about this. However, I don't think hair removal should have anything to do with age. It should have everything to do with hair. If I had a two year old that was covered with hair that embarrassed her, i would not make her wait til she was 13 to shave. I agree that Nair is not an option, but waxing is very painful, why would you want to put a youngster through that much unnecessary pain, when she can have a razor? If the concern is about the razor blade, there are always electric razors.
I think it's best to honor her feelings. One or two years of emotional discomfort about appearance can be staggeringly damaging to a young girl. If her feelings don't get honored at home when she is young, then she learns that feelings are not worthy to be honored in a relationship, and trust me, that is not a good thing for a young girl to believe.

So...just curious. If the dark hair on her legs is causing her social shame, why can't she shave it? Is there some magic age when shaving becomes ok? I think its a as needed situation, and it sounds like she needs it. What's the difference that she is old enough for waxing but too young to shave?

And now that you have made waxing sound like extreme torture, not much chance she'll want to that. I dont know of anyone who takes tylenol before having their legs waxed. Its not that painful.

Give her a break and let go of this one....whatever is best for her and helps her confidence should be the way to go.

I have a 7 year old daughter who is very beautiful, but from the day she was born I knew that I would have to deal with this same issue. She was born with a hairy back that everyone said would go away. It still hasn't and she has hairy legs, arms, etc just like your daughter. Although we are a few years away from this, I have made the decision that I am going to treat it like it is a totally normal thing. I am fair, so I don't have these issues, but I believe that you should help her to accept it as normal grooming. Whether it's bleaching, waxing, or shaving, it's just what a girl does. It may not bother some girls, but I think many young girls have an aversion to hair, whether it's theirs or on a boy/man. For a younger girl, I would consider bleaching as an option.

I can relate to your daugher on this one. I too had dark hair on my legs, hated it, and hated my mom for making me wait to shave my legs. It makes me cringe thinking about all the unnecessary teasing I went through. I know we don't want our kids to grow up too fast but why is shaving such a big deal? Are we afraid they will cut themselves? I think an electronic razor can definitely solve that problem. It still makes me laugh about how I thought I had to have "permission" to shave and then my younger sister didn't even bother to ask - she just went and did it.

Why waxing and not Nair? Nair is a chemical hair removal product and can burn or irritate the skin. Anything you put on your skin is absorbed into your body. While waxing might not be the most pain free way to go, it will not harm the skin when done properly. I looked for a bleaching method without much luck. Hydrogen peroxide reportedly will not work by itself. I agree that 11 is too young to start shaving with a razor, but maybe an electric razor might be a good compromise. I googled "organic hair removal" and checked out a couple of sites. This looks like the gentlest one that you can do at home. It might be better than going to the salon because you could just try it out on a small area on yourself first to show your daughter how it works. You could have a spa day together at home.

http://www.revolutionhealthstore.com/qxp75818_333181_sesp...

What's wrong with shaving? If she has so much hair at age 11, let her shave. I am 39 years old and I have never shaved my legs (why would I put myself through that pain?!?!?!) I do have my bikini line and lips waxed though. That I can handle. Waxing my legs, no thanks. I choose to shave. Over the many years of shaving, I have noticed it's grown in less, so I don't believe that wives tales that if you shave it comes back coarser or something. Complete nonsense.
Nair is a chemical, so I wouldn't do nair. Just let her shave. Teacher her how or do it for her. I heard an incredible speaker and author last night in my community (Barbara Coloroso, Kids are Worth it! she also wrote a book about Bullies and Children & Trauma).
http://kidsareworthit.com/
She says that you need to give children choices. They need to grow up feeling competent and able to make their own decisions. You don't want them listening to their parents (doing as the parent says always) ALL time because then you train them to only listen to others (instead of their own inner guidance) and then they turn to their peers (they were trained so well). Unless the decision is harmful, life-threatening, let them make the choice. This is an easy choice for her to have. Let her have a say in her own body.

First off, I've done the waxing route a few times and certainly didn't feel any need for tylenol, so didn't find it bad at all. I guess it might if you have a low pain threshold, but I think the fear is worse than the actual waxing. It's all over in minutes. Next, if she's so self-conscious about shaving her legs, why not let her shave them? It won't hurt anything, and why should there be a magic age when she can suddenly begin shaving? If she's that hairy and dark, bless her with this gift. Girls this age have so much they're self conscious about--give her one less thing.

I'm sorry to say this, but you must NOT feel awful enough about your self-conscious daughter....really, look at the BIG picture and tell me, what is the difference between 11 years old and 12 years old when it comes to shaving your legs? Especially for girls that have dark or black hair...it does look awful and if she's self-conscious enough about it to NOT wear shorts or go out of the house with it....why go to all the great measures of waxing (OUCH!!!) or why not NAIR, what's wrong with that....??? (It doesn't smell good, but it does remove hair if you're so unwilling for her to shave). Shaving is such a small thing, really, and as long as she knows that she'll have to continue with it, just explain all that and don't add ONE more thing to a self-conscious, trying to figure everything out daughter. There's too many other issues going on at this time to add this too. If she needs to shave a little earlier than some girls, Oh Well....my daughter started her period barely at 11....I didn't like it, but, I didn't keep her from using personal hygiene items because I thought she shouldn't have started so early...accept the maturity of your daughter and help her along this journey of life....she'll have so many more issues to face...keep this one SMALL.

Mother of 4 children...youngest 2 (twins) are 15 1/2 an 18 yr old and a 21 year old married daughter.

H., I bought my daughter some Nair, it foams up and you scrabe it off, very easy to do, you might have to help her a couple of times, but I bought the nair with aloe vera, worked perfect, dont have her waxed ouchie, was is Nair not an option, so instead let her feel bad about her legs, why don't you shave them for her then, Your wrong mom 100 % 3 boys 1 girl, good gawd... pamper her, your a mean mom

H., I say let her shave her legs. I have blonde hair and being hairy is not something I have personal experience with. However, my daughters both are dark haired girls and when they were young, especially my baby, they began shaving at what I felt was an early age (10). They were uncomfortable and that's all that mattered. They said kids made fun of them and that's all I needed to hear. No one was going to have a reason to laugh at my baby unless she was a comedian. You know? She should not be made to feel uncomfortable or self-conscious. It is a sign that your baby is growing up but putting it off will not stop her from growing up. Embrase it and let her do it. Give her an electric razor, show her how to use it and move on to the next issue when it comes. Best of luck to you and your tween!

H.,
I think it would be fine to let her use either Nair or Veet to remove unwanted hair. I would let my daughter if she was self conscious of her leg or underarm hair. I use Veet and personally like it better than Nair. It would be really easy for her to use and it comes in all kinds of different applications. There is a foam that you can spray on before the shower, let it sit and then use a rubber shaped razor to remove. Also there is a in-shower foam with a sponge removal that is super easy to rub off. A bonus with the hair removal creams and foams is that they last quite a while and don't hurt like using a razor or waxing! Make it a bonding expierence and take her to your local Target or store like that to pick some out. Good luck!

You know what? If she is old enough to be self consious about her hair she is old enough to shave.

What are you gaining by making her wait a year? I could never understand the logic behind some parents not allowing their daughters to shave their legs and instead let them feel self-conscious about their bodies until they hit that magic age where even though their body hair hasn't changed they can now suddenly shave. Young girls have so many body issues to deal with as it is why add to it? Shaving when done properly is harmless. Perhaps it would make your daughter feel good about her legs and prompt her to wear shorts during the hot summer months. Wouldn't that be nice? The fact that she sacrifices her comfort by always wearing long pants outside sends a crystal clear message of how she feels and seeing that waxing "scares" her, that's not really a viable option. You said you feel "awful" about this sometimes, so maybe that's your inner voice telling you that this isn't the big deal you're making it out to be. Good luck.

Here's the way I see the situation... Your daughter is already self-conscious about her body hair. Either other people her age are shaving/waxing already, or other kids are teasing her because her hair is dark.
Obviously, you are not concerned that 11 is too young to be self-conscious about hair, or that 11 is too young to remove the hair. So, that being said, your concerns are how the hair should be removed.
Using a razor (most of which are relatively fool proof and semi-safe) would allow your daughter to control how and when she wants to remove the hair from her legs. This is painless (as long as she uses some sort of shave gel or other lubricant) and is cheap. Plus, she can do it in the privacy of her own home.
Waxing, on the other hand is painful, (Tylenol is not going to do much) and is not done in the privacy of her own home, so she is going to be aware that other people are again looking at her body hair. I think, if the waxing goes badly (burns, pain, embarassment, etc.) she is going to be less willing to try it again and is going to be more self-conscious about her hair.
If this were my daughter (which it is not, I realize that), I would not even suggest waxing. Even if you think 11 is too early to shave, I think shaving is a much more controllable, personal, private way of removing the hair. If your daughter chooses to rip the hair out of her body later, when she's older, then she can make that decision.

Hi H.,

I know exactly what you are going through. I have a 13 years old daughter, and she also had dark hair at the age of 11. Moreover, almost EVERY one of her friends was shaving. I have tried natural wax (Australian), but she was complaining that it was too painful. Consequently, I bought her "Veet". It works absolutely great and it takes only 3 minutes.

I highly recommended.

Good Luck,
N.

I am a mature woman with 4 children and 8 grandchildren. I myself had very little hair on my arms and legs as a teenager. However, I had a cousin who was part Indian whose mother did not allow her to shave her legs until she was 12 or 13. This act left her terribly self concious and she still talks about it today. What is really wrong about the act of shaving ones legs? If you are thinking of letting her wax, why not teach her and help her shave, which is far less traumatizing? It is far better to let her do it now then to have her embarressed around her friends and to carry this throughout her life. Your daughter will appreciate your understanding and this will help to bond you for future experiences she will need to discuss with you.

Hi H.

I think that although 11 is young to start removing hair, it's more about the hair than the age! If your daughter has dark hair on her legs and has noticed it or is conscious of it, then I would imagine perhaps that her friends have noticed too.

I don't think you should make hair removal something to be afraid of (you mentioned she is frightened at the idea of waxing), but more something that girls do as they get older.

I suggest you take her along to a beauty salon and have a chat with a hair removal person. Discuss ALL options (sugaring, threading, waxing, shaving, electrolosis etc). I'm not saying that ALL of these options are applicable to your daughter, but I think it's important to teach her from the offset that EVERY decision she makes in life must be one that is well informed. So give her all the information, let her ask the specialist any questions she has, and then the two of you can discuss it and come to a decision that you are both happy with.

Good luck!
C. x

Hi H.,
What about Laser? It is much less painful than waxing, although much more expensive. Upside is that a few treatments can be permanent.
Good luck!

If she's that self consious, maybe you should let her shave. I was 13 when I started, but my older sister got to start earlier because she was more developed and had darker hair. Kids are cruel. I think I'd rather have her risk a few nicks and shave than wax.

Just my honest opinion.

J.

H., I have a daughter who is now 13, and she has blonde hair as do I. But my step daughter has dark hair on her legs and under her arms and her mother allowed her to shave when she was 11 I think. I was opposed at first, but then I got to thinking, how awful she must feel with all that dark hair that you can see, and how self conscience she must have been. I don't think your daughter wants to "grow up" to quickly, I think she just feels way self conscience and wants to fit in. I would let her shave, just show her how to do it and how often, I think it will cost you less then taking her to get waxed, and if you do take her to get waxed, well it might hurt too much and she may never want to go back and then what? she will be back in the same position. Just some food for thought. I know it is hard enough for kids to fit in at school, much less with the way they look. Good Luck!

Hello H.
Why dont you get her an Electric Shaver??? I really think they are or will be better just from my own experience...

Hi H.,

I think creating an arbitrary age to shave is a mistake. It's obviously affecting your daughter's self esteem. You seem to have very strong feelings on the subject, such as not using Nair and having her wait one more year. Why is painful waxing better than shaving? You can show her the proper way to shave so she isn't h*** o* her skin. Please help make your daughter's life easier, it'll be tough enough when she reaches puberty.

V.

My daughter is 14 now. I told her she couldn't shave till she was 12 and she lived through those years. BTW: Nair doesn't work anyways. I think she is too young to even worry about shaving. We, as parents, get into these situations because one parent decided to let their 10 year old shave and then all of her friends have to, and it goes on and on. I may be too strict but I didn't let my daughter shave or where makeup till she was 12. She couldn't dye her hair (as most girls do) until she was 14, and she can't date until she's 16. They needn't grow up so fast. Hope this helps some.

J.

I have to say that I think shaving is a safer option. I was a dermatology nurse for 9 years and have seen a lot of problems associated with waxing, especially burning from people who don't do waxes well. It's hard to find a good waxer. Plus, you never know if your child will be allergic to the waxes at such a young age. Waxing not only removes the hair but also removes a small layer of skin which is not recommended for young people especially. We had always recommended using an electric raser if your scared of the wet ones, plus the electric ones have safe guards on them and everything. BE CAREFUL WITH WAXING!!!Once your child gets a reaction to waxing it takes a long time to get her skin back to normal. When I was 11 my mom bought be an electric one and it was great, no cuts, no burns and it was safe to use as often as I wanted to remove my hair. Good luck and be careful!

I'm trying to figure out why you would allow her to have her legs/underarms waxed, but wouldn't allow your daughter to shave. The result is the same. If you are worried about her cutting herself, then she can use an electric razor. Although I think that 10 is too young and I don't like to see children grow up before they have to, she must be getting teased in school to make her so self concious. Why is Nair not an option, but waxing is okay. I am very confused with your decision making.

I think it's a tough one for you because you have 3 sons and 1 daughter.. but honestly... i was a very hairy child myself.. and i think what my mom did was the best.. believe it or not.. she let me wax in 4th grade... because i have very white skin and very dark coarse hair... she was so against shaving as well... and you knwo what i was fine with it.. but even before that she helped me to bleach the hair on my legs... so it wasn't as noticeable... and when i went to high school... i started during laser hair removal... and it's the BEST thing my parents ever did for me... face, arms, legs, back stomach... everything you can imagine... it got to be expensive but they have payment plans... and neven if all the hair doesn't go away it will be very light and soft...

i know this is waaay to into the future to tell you.. but honestly... coming from a girl who was teased all the time in school because of my hairyness (is that a word)... it really hurt my self confidence and i wouldn't want to risk that for any child because i've been there ... so honestly... she's going to shave or wax or nair sooner or later... but i think if she has your help, support and understanding it will be a lot better for her... and she wont try to go behind your back... that emoptional stability is what's most important...

oh yeah.. about the nair thing... why don't you help her with it? until she gets the hang if it atleast? my mom helped me with nair and the bleachign the almost everytime... and i love her for it...

good luck
if you want veen MORE suggestions let me know !

I think that Nair is the answer, I am not sure why this is not an option! My daughter is only 9, but the minute she becomes self conscious of her leg.underarm hair I will help he remove it. I know that I have a few more years, but in my opinion being a tween is such a hard age and some of the things that will help her with her self image are easy to change. I think that shaving can be dangerous and that waxing is like putting her thru torture! Just give Nair a second thought. Some changes at this age youcan not "fix" you just have to help her thru them, but some are so easy that you should reaaly rethink the whole hair issue and let her feel GOOD about herself!!! I wish you luck, patience, and the ability to recall how hard it was to be a young girl.

I think that hair removal is dependent on the person. If her hair is dark and thick enough that she feels she needs to shave, just let her do it. I mean, allowing her to go and get waxed is the same thing (removing the hair) but you just paid a lot more for it, experienced a lot of pain, and made her nervous about the process. Once started, hair removal has to be maintained or your hair will grow in thicker, darker, and more coarse. You might want to discuss this with your daughter. If she just wants to shave because her friend is doing it, she might reconsider once she realizes that she will have to keep doing it forever after. Also, remind her that shaving and waxing both have pain. With shaving the pain (and red bumps that you get when you first start) will pass, but the pain is present in both methods.
If you are concerned about her using a razor, you should talk to her about how to properly use one. Even sit with her while she is in the tub and help her to shave the first time. (She can wear a bathing suit if she is self-concious.) Girls reach puberty at different ages and that is when we generally start getting hair on our bodies. I would suggest that your situation of wanting to wait is based on your own experience and hers will be completely different.
I don't think there is any reason to wait a year so she can shave if she already feels that she needs to be doing it now. There is no reason for her to feel self-concious and unhappy (not to mention hot all summer if she won't wear shorts).

May I ask what your opposition to shaving is? If you are going to allow hair removal by waxing, why would you not opt for the less painful, less expensive method? With careful instruction and supervision, there should be no problem with your daughter learning to shave, even at 11 years old. It is not her fault that she may have developed before some of her peers, and what difference does it make if any of her friends are shaving yet or not? Please consider, that you may be sending some negative messages to your daughter with your attitude and approach to this issue which is certainly something that is not within her control. Save your energy for more important issues as she grows and developes, use this time to do a little "mom and daughter" bonding, you won't regret it.

Hi H. - I'm an esthetician and waxing is my CALLING in life! I've also gone through this same EXACT same senario with my own daughter, as well as other mothers and their daughters who are hairy and self conscious. And what I have learned is it's best to let her shave. Waxing HURTS and I have yet to find a young teen who can handle it. I had to traumatize a few before I stopped taking their appointments. They are just not emotionally ready for the painful process of it. As a professional, I wouldn't take the appointment. I just can't make another frightened young girl cry.

WE adult women sign up for waxing right and left because we've been shaving for years and are sick and TIRED of it so are WILLING and MOTIVATED to handle the pain. But at this age - to your daughter - this is an unnecessary torture she can't and won't understand.

I had to learn this the hard way. Let her shave or use a depilatory cream. But don't force waxing on her. If it bothers her now - she's old enough.

Goddess bless you! You're a good mom and just trying to do best by your girl. Take care

J.

I understand your concerns about your little girl shaving her legs at 11. My daughter is now 19 but I do remember her going through the same things at an age that I felt was too young. If your concern is over her cutting herself you might get her an electric shaver. I opted to let my daughter use a razor with supervision and she turned out just fine. Her desire to start shaving was much greater than my need for her to wait so we turned it into a mother/daughter time. We had a lot of laughs and made it into a fun experience vs. the point of contention that it had become. Good luck!

First of all, you're the Mama, so you get to make the decision - not all those of us who will give you advice.

I have four daughters and I held off the older ones from shaving from when they first asked because I didn't want them to do it out of peer pressure. My youngest, however, started shaving very early because she was so hairy (Mom thought it was cute, but my daughter didn't). As it turns out, my older ones (adults now) tell me how awful it was for them that they couldn't shave when they felt it was time - they were so embarrassed about the hair on their legs.

As for waxing - it will be torture for her...it's torture for us grown-ups! I'm not sure that would be the best way, or even a good way, to handle it.

But, again, you're the Mama - you'll know the right way to take care of this!

Good luck and God Bless!

I can relate to your daughter! My mom did not let me shave for a while when I was young and it caused a lot of tension between us, I felt that she didn't understand me and didn't want to understand me. I think it is important always as a parent to put ourselves in their shoes, I have a 14 year old son know and always try to see his side of the story and mine before making decisions. We usually talk it out and come up with a solution that works for the both. I think it fosters independent thinking and helps him understand my point of view. Which really does matter to me. I think that your daughter's request is not that "wild" for a young girl these days. Good luck, and don't forget to listen.

Hi H.,

I let my daughter start shaving when she became self concious about her body hair (I think she was about 12). It's really not a big deal. If you're concerned about her cutting herself, buy her an electric razor.

Even using a regular razor should not be a problem for an 11 year old -- just teach her how to use it safely and properly. Think about it -- do you let her help you in the kitchen and use knives? She's got to learn sometime! My son had to start taking injections of growth hormone every night starting at age 11. He prefered to be in control of his own body, so the nurse trained him how to administer his own shots. If an 11 year old can learn how do that safely, then an 11 year old can certainly learn how to handle a razor! Many varieties have the blades set in a way that is almost impossible to cut yourself, anyway.

BTW, this is a really good time to start talking to your daughter about positive body image, and appropriate and safe ways of controlling how she looks (such as personal grooming, good diet and exercise)vs. inappropriate and unsafe practices, such as anorexia and bulemia. Stress to her that she is beautiful from the inside out and that she should not hold herself to the unrealistic images so often seen in the media. This is especially important in Southern California, where people seem to be unduly concerned with image over substance in general.

Hi there! I personally think that if she is responsible enough, you should let her shave her legs. Just let her know the downside to shaving, such as the time that it takes, the stubble in between growth, etc. Also, maybe what you can do is put a limit to the area she is allowed to shave. For instance, keeping it at just above the knee. And, of course just take the time to show her the proper way to shave and handle the razor. I think it will help reinforce that bond that mothers and daughters need. I think it would mean so much to her that you are hearing her concerns, you understand her concerns, and that you will be willing to help her with this situation. I went through this when I was 10, and it can be such an over whelming inhibitor socially for her. I have a 10 year old daughter who has been very self concious about the hair on her legs. I recently showed her how to shave her legs, gave her her limit, and expressed to her the goods and the bads to shaving. I want her to always feel good about herself, and it's such a minor thing, that will be such a major thing to her. C.

Hi H.,
I think it's great that you are seeking the advice/opinions of other Moms on this topic. When I was young and growing up in Hawaii, a friend of mine developed very early and needed to start shaving at the age of 10 (bikini line). We lived in bathing suits all summer and it's really inappropriate to have hair bushing out from down there. She shaved armpits, legs, everything and since I spent weekends at her house I was exposed to this, although I had no need to shave myself for a few years. I asked her when do you start to shave your armpits and she said when you get hair there. So when I sprouted a few a year or so later, I started shaving. I also made the decision on the legs as well, but it was when I was 12 - as my hair is pretty blond & light, it just started to darken a bit around the ankles. I think if your daughter feels ready, it really should be up to her. My son is also 12 and this is an age where we have to start letting them grow up and should even encourage some of these hygiene matters (such as deodorant). When he gets facial hair, he'll start shaving. It's about the hair and not about the age. Shaving is like brushing your teeth and cleaning your ears, you just do it. And if her hair is dark and she's self-conscious, why make it into a control issue? There will be far more important matters that you will have to control soon enough with the teen years looming on the horizon. And it is a bit confusing (like someone else mentioned) that you would let her wax, but not shave. Waxing seems WAY more grown up than shaving to me. Just teach her to shave slowly (so she won't cut herself) and make sure she has a good razor as the dull ones are the ones that cut you. And if she gets a nick - that's how we all learned, right?

I am a 53 year old mom of an 11 year old girl. My daughter wanted to start shaving her legs last year in the 5th grade. After much consideration and speaking with friends whose girls are a few years older I finally agreed to allow her to shave her legs at the end of 6th grade (which is now).
A few weeks ago she tried shaving on her own one weekend when she was home with Dad and I was out. Cut her knee and decided maybe she did need a lesson from mom. We ended up using Veet which is similar to Nair. Put on before shower, wait a couple of minutes, hop in shower and wash off. Smooth legs, no cuts and smooth skin. Worked wonderful and she can do it herself now that I have shown her how.
Basically if your daughter is feeling self concious about the hair on her body then it is time to allow her to do something about it. Self esteem and self worth are more important than keeping our feelings of they are just too young.
My son is 16 years older than his sister and he even told me I was trying to keep her a little girl and not allowing her to grow up. I also spoke to some of the older girls (14 and 16) about this issue. They told me that even though my daughter might not admit it she could be getting preasure at school about this issue. The tween years are very difficult. In so many ways they are still little girls but in other ways they are young women. Finding the right balance as a parent is hard work but the final decision is what is best for your daughter but physically and emotionally. They grown up so much faster than we did.

Personally, I don't understand why you wouldn't let her shave. When I was that age I ended up finding a razer and doing it myself, without my parents approval. In a year or so all her friends will be doing it anyway. Let her feel good about herself, especially if she's so self conscious already. PS - I have a 17 year old daughter and let her shave and showed her how (and other options also) when she first asked.

I am confused as to why you are so against her shaving? You seem willing to allow her to not have hairy legs (waxing) and so, why not let her have a less painful option? I started shaving my legs at 11... right before 6th grade and I had no problems.

I encourage you to allow her to shave her legs, especially if she is embarassed about it and it is causing her grief. Maybe if you put this into a different perspective, that might help. If she had horrible acne, would you help her with a dermatologist? I think you would :)

As a young girl, she is going through changes and I think those tween years are hard.

Are you looking for something for your daughter to talk about in therapy? If you agree she has unwanted hair and you see she's unhappy with it why not just let her use nair or shave? My daugher began using Nair at 11 and we have never had a problem. Yes, it's a chemical, but it cuts out the chance of developing ingrown hairs. Re a razor, if you're concerned about the blade, try an electric razor.

Have you ever waxed? Tylenol is not going to do a thing. It sounds like your hang up is going to put your daughter in a world of pain. My waxer won't even touch kids, she thinks it's cruel.

Why is it important for her to wait a few years? If she's self-conscious now, maybe this is the right time to help her. An electric razor would be safe for a young girl and much less painful than waxing, I believe.

I went to high school with a girl with a huge black mole on the tip of her nose. Her parents wouldn't let her remove it because, they said, "We don't believe in cosmetic surgery"!!! Even though all of the students loved her, she was miserably shy about it and it affected her demeanor. She always walked around with her head dipped down and her hair drooping over her face. I always felt so sorry for her.

Best wishes,

M.

Waxing hurts. There's no way around that. I wouldn't traumatize her with that. Just let her shave. It's quick, PAINLESS and cheaper. If your thinking about allowing hair removal then the method by which the hair is removed shouldn't matter.

my daughter was 9 and refusing to wear shorts coz of the kids making fun of her legs. she also has dark hair. when she was 10 i finally realized that her being made fun of was much worse than letting her shave. if your legs had the hair she does would you leave it for all to see? i think the waxing is a strange option. either she "shaves" or she doesn't. try the hair remover cream with aloe so it it gentle. we only have to do it every few months and it made all the difference in her self-esteem. that is more important than anything!

kids will make fun of anything, so why give them more to make fun of? it is just cruel.

let her shave...

Let her shave her legs. Some things are not worth fighting about. You will have enough issues in the future. I would rather have hot pokers stuck in my eyes than have my arms waxed. I don't blame her. The thought of having it ripped from my body hurts to think about it.
This might be one of the things you might want to let go. She is at a critcal age where her felt security is all about appearance. I wouldn't let her wear Make-up but shaving her legs can't hurt.
Good Luck
N.

Everyone matures and reaches puberty at different ages. You did not mention why you are not letting her shave, only that you think she is too young. Well, you said she has dark, course hair, so she is clearly not too young. She is feeling self concious, and embarrased of her body. Is this what you want her to feel? She should be proud of her body, and if shaving will allow her to do that, then great! What is the difference between waxing and shaving? It gets the hair off either way, but the waxing will hurt a whole lot more. Allow her to make an informed decision for herself on what she wants to do. She should be made to feel that she can start to have some choices about what she can do with her body. Also, you don't want her seeing puberty and maturing as a negative time, one that was kicked off with a very painful, and possibly traumatic (for a 11 yr. old) experience.
Good luck.

Hi H....

My two cents...don't sweat the small stuff!!! I experienced this with my youngest daughter when she was the same age as yours. I said the same thing about waiting until she was older to shave her legs and armpits. WELL, her older (and wiser) sister helped her shave her legs one day!!! Guess what? The world did not come to an end and the house did not come crashing down...it was OKAY!!! She had darker hair than her older sister and was quite self-conscious. My older daughter was actually pretty smart to take this upon herself as a big sister. It was a nice bond for them. By the way, it was shortly thereafter that menstruation began, so shaving of the legs is not such a big deal. Just part of growing up! With the weather warming up, it's time to pull out the shorts, skirts and bathing suits. In my opinion, you will be doing your daughter a favor by helping her learn this "life skill" we women have to endure! If you personally are more comfortable, perhaps an electric shaver is in order to begin with. But...regular razors are much different than when we were young, and I believe safer. I hope this experience will serve as a fun bonding experience for you and your young lady! Best wishes!

Hi i have a twelve year old daughter and she started shaving at age eleven i let her because she did have a lot of hair on her legs and she did'nt like wearing shorts because of it .but the way i showed her was to put hair conditioner on her legs and of course then shave, it helps the skin from getting dry and you don't get those ugly red bumps on your legs either.i personally heard that waxing your legs is very painful especially if you have a lot of hair.i hope this helps a little good luck.

my daughter is almost 8 and hasn't said anything to me about hair removal yet but I know it's coming.I will let her shave if thats what she chooses. I am a licensed hairstylist and have been waxing for 15 years. I will probably advise them to wax instead of shave because after time the hair becomes finer or just stops growing back altogether. I want to share all the special milestones in my daughters lives(all 3 of them) just like when they were babies and learned to roll over crawl and then walk. if your daughter is self con. then tread very carefully you don't want to make her feel inscure or damage her in anyway a mother can do great damage to their girls without realizing it. talk to her about why she wants to shave her legs and what she is going to accomplish, and how she will have to do it all the time like a chore. don't tell her no but have a few discussions about it. I remember when I was in 6th grade I just started no discssion with anyone. keep thelines of communication open.

I was 11 and felt the same way as your daughter. I wasn't aloud to shave and it was sooo embarrassing. I know you want her to wait on shaving but what if you showed her how and then even helped her the first few times. I wasn't aloud because my guardian felt that it wasn't important and that hurt more and anything. He told me I was to young and to deal with it. Maybe trying different options with her will be helpful. I am not sure if this helps but if she is a responsible kid and you and her have a good relationship she may not mind you sitting in once a week or so on bath time to help her shave. Just a thought.

You are the mom and make the rules, but waxing, that's more trauma than shaving. My daughter started shaving at 10 and 1/2 years old. And she has blonde hair. Kids tease so bad these days. Why not let her shave? Maybe you don't want to realize she's growing up? It's hard I know. How old were you when you started shaving? You should sit with her and teach her how to shave. It's an amazing mom/daughter moment. If it is the razor then let her use Veet or Nair with the razorless razor. My daughter loved it and was glad she wouldn't knick herself in the process. Good luck.

Hi H.. I read your post, and while I respect your decision not to use Nair, I think it would be the best option. I agree that she is too young to shave (I had to wait until I was 13 and in 8th grade - all of the girls in my class did, also, and we just dealt with it). Waxing is a painful way 9for someone that young) to have to deal with, plus she would have to do it more than once (obviously) and I'm not sure putting her through that would be something she would be interested in. I only say that because I remember going to get my eyebrows waxed around Christmas time and there was a little girl in there, probably about the same age as your daughter, who was there to get her eyebrows waxed as well. I could not believe the lady who brought her would allow it, because the little girl was so petrified and was crying and carrying on, and the lady kept saying "Her mom wants her eyebrows waxed, so I brought her here". The lady doing the waxing didn't even want to do it because the little girl was crying so bad, but she did it anyway. Anyway, that long drawn out response was to say that although I'm not sure why Nair isn't an option, it's the best one. It's painless and it is what I had my daughter do until she was allowed to shave. Make her wait to shave, but please rethink the waxing. Just my opinion. :)

I don't understand why you feel she should wait. I think it is making her feel even worse. If she's scared of waxing it sounds like you're making it worse. When I started shaving my legs I did it by myself because I didn't know how to ask my mom. I cut my legs up because I didn't know what I was doing. It would be better for you to do this with your daughter now then have her try to do it on her own or with a friend. If you don't think she can do it, then you do it.

Hi H.,

I read a few of the responses and I have to say I agree with those others wondering: why is it okay to get waxed but not shave? They are both forms of hair removal, so I definitely think that would be a confusing message for your little girl. I have a 9 1/2 yr. old step-daughter who has started to get underarm hair; Dad, mom, and I are in agreement that as soon as she is uncomfortable with it and wants to shave, we'll teach her how and let her. What's the point of having them continue to feel uncomfortable about themselves? That's a horrible position to be in, especially at 11 years old. I think you should re-think why waxing (with the PAIN that comes with it, and the undestandable fear she has) is okay, but shaving (cheaper, private as nobody else is looking at your body, and not nearly as scary) is not.

I really think you should consider letting her shave. Girls have enough to worry about. We should make the things we can easier.

Why is waxing acceptable, but shaving is not?

Aloha H.,
I agree with you, 11 is to young. I went through this with my daughter who is now 31. Although I realize this is a whole different generation, ethics are still the same. But is waxing any different? Other than being alot more painful.
Good Luck.& Blessings,

i honestly think at that age waxing would be more painful than getting a little nic....but even so...they do make razors that have wires over the blades to prevent from cuts while shaving. i too had the same problem when i was her age and my mom was cautious about shaving but she realized that i needed to remove hair somehow, first she let me use nair...but sometimes that didnt get all the hair...so she decided to let me shave. she just had to let me know all the cautionary steps. sure i got little cuts now and then (before wired razors) but you know what...that was much better than being made fun of for having dark hair. like i said...they make razors that have wires going over the blades that prevent from cuts...as long as you get those along with some shaving gel....you shouldnt have to worry about cuts.

I think that having her wait might be hurting more then helping. My daughter actually started to shave when she was in 5th grade. The reason why she started so soon was because she was getting teased by people about how hairy her legs were or people would stare at them. She would always wear uniforms, and during the warmer months, she would wear skorts or shorts and she would constantly be wearing knee highs to hide her legs...When she'd lose them or they would get runs or something would happen to them, she would get really self concious about them and do the same things your daughter does. I thought about her age too when she finally did shave, but she is 16 now and her hair does not grow in any darker or thicker then it did when she was 9 and 10. Waxing just seems too painful, especially at her age. Veet we have also used and it lasts longer then shaving just like waxing does. I think if you show her how to shave and are there to make her feel comfortable, it will all work out and then you do not have to feel bad for her anymore...

I am also having a hard time understanding why it's ok with you if she waxes but not shaves? They both accomplish the same thing. They both would cure the insecurity she's dealing with. Except of course waxing is much more painful than shaving. I'm just wondering why? In the question it sounds as though you don't want her to shave because of her age, but in the same breath it's ok to wax at her age? I think it's confusing to most of the people reading.
I think the Mom who suggested the Electric Razor was a great idea. And I do most definitely believe at her age it is most appropriate to only save right above her knees! I, along with most of my friends started shaving our arm-pits in 6th grade. It becomes more than an image issue, and does become a hygiene issue with armpits. It was summer to 8th grade that I was allowed to shave my legs. Every mom, and every child are different. I personally feel if this is something you daughter is horribly self conscious of, and you ARE willing to let her wax, then maybe you should be willing to let her shave her arm-pits and Maybe shave her legs to right above her knees. Obviously it's not the hair removal that is an issue for you, since waxing is ok. But, again, I think the electric razor, is a great idea for starters.
I don't want to sound rude, or not understanding, I just really feel if you're willing to let her wax then maybe you should re-think the shaving option. Especially since waxing is so painful. And again, the arm-pits are more of hygiene issue than her legs. Please feel free to contact me!

I am glad that you are reconsidering the option of shaving. I myself had very hairy legs and arms at a very young age. I started shaving my legs at the age of 8 without my moms approval, using her shaver. I only the cut the backs of my knees and the backs of my ankles. She taught be how to be more careful and taught me the right way to shave when she found out (because she saw the little scabs). My advice is to teach her the right way to shave her legs, and teach her how to be careful when doing so. Teach her where to be the most cautious (knees and ankles.) They do have safety shavers available at the stores too. They have wires across the blades to prevent slicing. Good luck!

I was 11 when I started shaving. My stepdaughter was almost 11 when she started shaving, too. I know it's hard to watch our daughters growing up too fast, but if you're willing to get her waxed, I'm not sure why you're not allowing shaving.

I respect your decision on waiting, however, I am the epitomy of being self consious when I was younger. I was aware of every little thing wrong with (even things that weren't wrong with me) It made me shy, my self esteem to plummet, and many other side effects that I won't go into. I can remember being aware of all of the hair that I had on my legs and the day that my mom let me shave...I think I was about 11...it gave me a whole new lease on life. Just think about it. Look around, if your daughter seems to be a little more hairy than most in her class or age group maybe it would be alright to let her start shaving. It is certainly cheaper and less painful than waxing....just my thoughts!

Hi H.,
My daughter is not there yet, she's 6, but I can speak about when I was young or what my feelings on this are. In my opinion, if it's making her that uncomforatble, I'm not sure why the reason is to wait a year or two. I started "developing" around 10 or 11 as well and I remember my mom giving me an electric/battery shaver. They have some made specifically for young girls. Besides the hassle of having to continue shaving, why wait?

A.
sahm to 6 yr old girl and 5 yr old boy

I suggest getting her an electric razor. That way you do not run the risk of her cutting herself and it is painless for her.

In reading your update I noticed the reason you do not want her to shave is acually because you are afraid of her hair getting coarser. I wanted to explain to you that shaving has nothing to do with your hair being coarser. That it seems that way because it now has a blunt end as when you wax it pulls out the complete hair and when it grows back it has a tapered end which feels softer to teh touch than stubble does. Of course an electric razor would give the same effect as the shaving with a razor would but I still feel it's the best option for a girl of her age.

Good Luck!

It seems as though if she is that self conscious that you could work with her on the shaving. I think the waxing would be more traumatic! I am trying to remember when my Mom let me start - I was/am very blessed (!) with copious amounts of dark hair. . .

I know how she feels I was there as a child. And truly I would have rather had my mom show me but that just wasn't going to happen. So I did it without the permission... If she gets more uncomfortable she will end up doing it on her own also. better to show her...

I am the mother of two small girls and I think it is great that you are even talking with your daughter about this issue. Like some of the other moms who have responded, I also shaved for the first time without permission. The fact that your daughter is talking to you about it and not sneaking around behind your back is a great sign. Don't close the doors of communication at this critical time in your relationship. Talk with her and come up with a solution that you are both comfortable with. Keep her talking because the issues will only get harder. Good luck!

HiHazel! I totally know how your daughter feels. I started my period when I was 10, and along with it came everything but the boobs. Elementry school was HORRIBLE. Everyone made fun of me becuase I had so much hair on my legs, not only that, but the peach fuzz on my upper lip darkened as well. My mom showed me hot to shave mylegs but wouldnt let me take care of it(the mustache) until JR High(she took me to buy wax, and I waxed myself, just recenlty i found out about lasering(she is to young for the laser thing) same price as waxing btw). She insisted I was too young.Life is hard and Kids are really mean. There is only so much you can tell your kids about being strong and that nothing matters except what you think (and GOD)If and when my daughter comes across this, I think it may not be such a bad idea to nair it if she is afraid of waxing... now makeup... she can wait til college.I hope this helps some...ps: sorry for the ADD moment.

Hi H.,

I have a daughter who is 13. She too was blessed with thick dark hair. Great for styling her hair, not great for legs and arms. I watched my daughter be incredibly self conscious for years. So around the age of 10 I actually started using Veet on her. It is similar to Nair, but iwth a better technology. She was not allowed to shave because I was concerned of her cutting herself. Now she still prefers the veet. It comes with a plastic "rasor" that helps pull the hair off. It is painless and doesnt' smell nearly as bad as the old nair products. Waxing sounds so scary. Veet is something you can do with her initially and then she will be able to do it on her own during her shower. There are even newer spray ons that just rinse right off.

On a personal note, my daughter really was upset by the hair on her arms and legs. I felt terrible because she was getting teased. So I chose to let her start young. I am so glad I did. We have a great relationship and she knows she can come to me and we will work out any problem together. Plus, we live in California with 100 degree weather all the time. I would hate for her not to feel comfortable in her own skin.

Good luck. Talk to her about it. Find out if she is scared and would prefer another option.

T.

Hi H.:
My daughters (17 & 13)got my husbands coloring and lots of his dark hair!! I am white he is hispanic!!!
My daughters both started shaving at 12, they too, were very sensitive about all the dark hair they have. I didnt actually give them permission to shave, they did it behind my back and then it was too late. But I made sure to go over safety issue with them and let them know that they will now have to shave the rest of their lives. They have ben good about it and have learned at an early age to take care of their bodies in this way, I for sure dont have to fight with them about taking showers, they do it with out argument because they have to shave. I would think shaving would be better for her at this age with your guidance, then to go through the pain (and cost)of waxing (I wont even suffer the pain of waxing)I cant imagine a 11 yr. old.
If it really bothers her, she will find a way to do it w/o your knowlege, so its better to be up front and guide her and make sure she knows it will be a hassel the rest of her life!!
Best of luck to you both.
Brenda

I see you've gotten a lot of responses but just really quickly, when I started middle school, I had a lot of leg hair and most of the girls I went to school with shaved. I begged my mom to let me shave but her story (and still now) is that she wished she hadn't because she had fine hair until she started shaving.
I was miserable and made fun of because she wouldn't let me shave my legs. I don't regret like my mom, when I started shaving. Also, my leg hair is still just as fine now as it was all those years ago so it didn't grow back in worse.
Please please, if she's asking, let her shave her legs.

I don't think it does any harm in shaving. Really what is the difference between shaving, waxing or nair? It all removes it. When I was your daughters age I had alot of dark hair on my legs. I did not wear shorts. I was really embarassed. My mom took me to get my legs waxed. It Hurt ALOT and then a few weeks later my aunt convinced her to let me shave. Unfortunatley today image is everything to a girl. Don't make her feel bad about herself. At least she's not asking for a tatoo!!! LOL

Good Luck!

H.,

Why are you so against shaving? I'm also a hairy girl and my body hair is black. My mom got me an electric shaver when I was about 11 and I started shaving. It made me much less self-conscious.

I guess I don't understand why you'd be okay with her waxing but not having unless you just don't want her to have a sharp razor. If that's the case, give her an electric razor.

I think kids get much more body conscious much earlier these days than when we were kids. If it helps your daughter's self-image not be able to get rid of her body hair, I would personally let her do it. Being a preteen is hard enough without being hairy.

:-)T.

Wow thats a tough one, I would not try to scare her with the waxing nor would I have an 11 year old wax (to painful and may cause damage???). My little sister was in 1st grade when she sneeked to shave her legs because she was so embarrassed (she had hairy legs and the hair was dark). My mom was angry but realized she must have been very self conscious about it to sneek and risk her parents disapproval. So she helped her shave and taught her how and supervised but once the initial shave it took quite some time for it to really grow in again (a couple of weeks) I would suggest showing her how to shave her legs then supervising this and having her shave once every couple of weeks or when it starts to get bad again. I am with you how ever on not using Nair or other cream hair removals. Waxing seems very grown up and professional to me. If she wants to maintain cleanliness and her appearance that is better than the phase most go thru with the no showering phase and the waxing might put her off for good???

My daughter is 7 and has already started asking questions about waxing! Our little girls are just growing up way too fast. I told her that as soon as she is growing hair under her arms, I will show her how to shave her underarms AND her legs. Until her body matures to that point, shaving is a no-no. That being said, I started shaving at 10, out of necessity. So I'd say if your daughter has already got hair under her arms, let her shave. Speaking from experience, school and peer pressure are hard enough without the mortifying thought of someone seeing hairy underarm! Good luck.

I know it is not always easy letting go... but i think this is a great way for you to gain an even bigger bond with your daughter and take this time to teach her how to shave. Lets face it 11 is the new 13. I am sure many of her friends will be shaving in no time if they are not already. I see it as the beginning of puberty for a young girl and would use it as an introduction to " Becoming a young Lady" and everything she can expect in the upcoming years.
Good Luck in your decision : )

I also have a daughter who is almost 11. She has dark hair and lots of it, I am not to comfortable with the idea of her using a razor. So we made a compromize.... Nair hair remover. They even have come out with one for in the shower use with a sponge to wipe it off. She finds it easy to use, and I don't have the worry of razor cuts. Sometimes they grow up before we are ready. Which leads to us having to make adjustments.There are lots of issues to deal with when it comes to girls, I have found that most of them are happening before I am ready for them too. Hope this is of some help....Good Luck!!

H.,

I'm wondering why you feel waxing is okay but not shaving. Is it the possibility of her cutting herself? If so, maybe an electric razor would be a good option. There are a lot of products out there that cater to teens. I think I was about 12 when I started shaving my legs.

I started shaving when I was 10 and so did most of the people I went to school with. By sixth grade everyone was shaving. I have to admit that I find it extremely odd that you are willing to let her wax but not shave. I wasn't allowed to wax until I was 16 and have done that ever since, but shaving was a lot easier. I know what it is like to be extremely uncomfortable, and being 11 is hard enough. I would consider letting her shave.

Is there a reason you won't let her shave now? What is the difference, other then the pain, with taking her to have her legs waxed and letting her shave? My daughter was 11 when we let her start shaving her legs. Like your daughter she become self concious about her legs and hair so we said go ahead. In the grand scheme of things, letting her shave her legs at 11 was not a big deal.

H.,
I'm so confused as to what the difference would be between the shaving or waxing? Except for the PAIN of waxing!! My daughters are only 2 and 11 months (and 7 months in my tummy), but I know that I will face this situation early. I myself shave my legs AND arms due to my fair skin and dark hair...my husband too has hairy legs and arms and we call our girls little monkey's! I think if we can do anything these days to boost our childrens self confidence and help them along during the difficult times then we should :) Their self images are so fragile! I say show her how to do it...don't buy a cheap razor for sure, get the good stuff, and make it fun! Then, you get to go shopping for new shorts! Imagine what a happy little girl you will have! All the best, S.

Hi H. -
I know you have gotten a lot of advice, but I wanted to add my (late) thoughts :)

I wasn't allowed to shave until I was 13, and it was very traumatic. I definitely got teased, and I still remember how embarrassing it was to wear my pep squad skirt in 8th grade -- I wouldn't do it without tights!

My nieces and their friends seem to have all started earlier, so I think 11ish is the norm. I only have boys, but if this was an issue for me, I would definitely let my daughter shave as soon as she was old enough to feel self-conscious about it. I know electric razors have been mentioned, and that is definitely a safer way for a beginner. Good luck, I am sure you will end up doing what is right for you and your daughter!
-E.

Why are you okay with waxing, but not okay with shaving? Just curious. =-)

H., I also have very dark hair, and therefore had dark hair on my legs. I too felt very uncomfortable with it and wouldn't wear shorts out of my house. I was 10 when I started feeling badly about it. My mother was against me shaving until I was 12 or 13 too. I spent the night at a friends house one night and shaved my legs for the first time in her bathtub. I felt so much better about myself and went home to tell my mom how good I felt. She was upset and refused to allow me to shave again until I'd turned 12. The hair of course grew back in and I was so upset.

Not knowing your reasons for not wanting your daughter to shave, I can't say that you are right or wrong. What I do know is that if she is struggling with this issue and feels uncomfortable, she will only feel better about herself if she can do something about her pyhsical appearance. She's not asking for a nose job, or something drastic. Shaving is a minor issue in the world of how you look, and if it makes her feel better, then I say let her do it.

As for the waxing issue, I wouldn't have wanted to do that at 11 either. It's painful at best and would have scared me. If the razor is the issue, get her an electric shaver and let her use that on her legs. That's what my mother finally did for me and we had a great compromise.

Good luck to you.

I totally understand what your daughter is going through! Though I didn't shave until I was a sophomore in high school because I didn't want to have poky legs.

Anyways, I don't know if anyone else has given this suggestion. I use an "Epilator." I got my first one in Japan but last year found out that Sharper Image sells them too. They pull all the hairs out so that you your hair won't get courser and it lasts a ton longer than shaving! At first it may hurt a little but you get used to it. I rather do this than shave!!! No cuts either! :) Good luck!

H.,
I can understand your concern about your daughter shaving, but please reconsider the shaving option. I have very fair skin and very dark hair, not the greatest of combo's. I also went to a private school were my uniform was a skirt. Around 11 years old I started to feel very self consious about my body hair. I can't tell you how horrible it was to go to school thinking that everyone was looking at my hairy legs, I just shudder thinking about it. When I asked my mom if I could shave she was very cool about it, she made me use an electric shaver for the first couple of years, and then she let me use regular razors when I was a teenager, Electric razors don't give you the closest shave but it's better than not shaving at all and it helps you practice for when you are using the sharper blades. I wax now that I am older but I think 10 or 11 might be a bit young to start waxing, and much more painful than shaving! Well good luck with whatever you decide to do, these choices are never easy!

H.,
I know exactly how you feel. I have two daughters, 16yrs old and 12 yrs old. My first daughter didn't get to shave until she was about 14. My second daughter was going through the same thing as yours. My twelve year old has dark hair and LOTS of it. She started beening bothered about her legs and eye brows ( which had become a unibrown). I fought for a long time not allowing her to shave or get her eye brows done. I had to step back and think about how she was feeling. I finally, with much hesitation, let her start shaving and when I took her to get her eye brows done they did not shape them or anything. They just cleaned them up. My question to you is what is the difference if she shaves or gets them waxed? I know its hard for us to let our little girls grow up especially at 11. Just try to think about what she is feeling. Good luck

I think you should teach her to shave her legs. There are nice razors these days that minimize nicks and cuts and along with a nice shave cream it is safe. I would sit with her and let her watch you shave your legs and let her ask questions. Kids grow up a lot faster than they used to and she may need this to help her self confidence and self image.

I believe waxing at her age will traumatize her, it can be traumatic for teens and adults- not to mention painful-- why put her through that; it is un-necessary.

You are in a tough position-- your baby is growing up.

Good luck to you.

Let her shave. One or two years more won't make a difference except for the teasing she'll get from other kids. Speaking from painful experience, kids can be really cruel. My mother started plucking my eyebrows when I was 10 (a/c of my unibrow)and she let me shave at 11. When I was in elementary school we had to wear dresses so I wore knee socks all the time to hide my hairy legs. Shaving will give her some control over her body and help her feel better about herself.

H.,
I know someday I will have to deal with this with my daughter. It is a hard to make the right decision. I know that by 4th grade (in 1984 I was 10) I was being teased for my hairy legs, I remember the embarrasment. The all time topper was my own Aunt even pointed it out- to this day I can see her next to me in the car saying it was cute- and I obviously have never gotten over it. I used the shave downward method for most of grade school, and now in the mornings when rushing the kids of to school. It is like giving your legs a hair cut. Take any razor- even a good old 2-blade and just shave down knees to ankles, not a lot a pressure is needed.(no need for water or shaving cream, maybe a little lotion when done) I did not do above the knee til I started dating. If she is uncomfortable, then others have said things, and being that I am now 34 and still remember the teasing I would let her do it and do it with her. If you don't she will start without you- I did.

I don't understand the difference between waxing and shaving in terms of age. are you worried she would cut her self? but then you said Nair is out, too... You must have some kind of reasoning, but as it is written, it doesn't make sense. Perhaps your daughter is confused about this too?

H.,
Since your daughter has not already shaved her legs without your approval and she seems scared about the thought of a salon, shaving at home under your guidance may seem a bit safer and it may even be a "bonding" thing with your tween. Under your guidance and control you can show her how appropriately and it would be painless! A salon would just overwhleming to your young daughter as there are many women in a salon and she would probably dread going later for other fun services like nails. What about her seeing the wax list?-bikini, Brazilian... She will ask! It is so h*** o* girls to be self-conscious as a teen let alone now. Build her confidence now with your help/guidance. Maybe also mention that this isn't something to brag about but more of a personal issue and responsibility.

Dear H.,
Overall, it is difficult for me to have a strong opinion about shaving. My grandmother (1901-1984),(not my mother), insisted it was best NOT to shave because of the thicker way leg hair grows back. ON THE OTHER HAND...she always used pumice stones in circular motion with soap and water on her legs. She was a brunette but I never saw any body hair on her legs or forarms.
Pumice stones come in varying levels of coarseness.It wouldn't hurt to experiment with using the finest sandpaper
on dry legs before bathing for a similar result.
These methods may not work as well for a teenager as they are used gradually and the results take longer.
H., I applaud your openminded request for other ideas!
Here comes an ultra-liberal one that is my FAVORITE, and this idea might even HALF WAY please the most unprissy, radical, "real woman", 70s- style, anti media- hype, outspoken, nearly bearded feminist:
TRY HARD to get yourself and/or your daughter to study a minimal amount of electric engineering... about the same amount of study that an adolescent boy would need to assemble the most simple homemade electric gadgets.
Exactly what range of current does it take to safely electrocute a hair folicle?
When you find out,look for a book on elementary school level science book that has electricity experiments, call a hardware, hobby or auto mechanics shop and see who has the best prices for 1) a small meter that can test the stregnth of currents 2) an appropriate sized battery,3) some plastic coated copper wire 4)little clippers which conduct electricity and can "pinch" a single hair.
This could be a very empowering hobby that would give your daughter the leverage to "win" in the quest of media-defined beauty while not supporting the blood sucking,empty-headed,ugly b****** in the "industry" of it.
who knows, maybe she can have fun makeing some money from the bare-legged "friends" of hers whose approval she thinks she needs!
It could be fun. I wish i would have thought of this many, many, years ago instead of cutting my legs with razors, giving myself eye-infections with make-up, and slightly mis-shaping my big toes for stupid shoes.
If all fails...the next "thing" could be a fad of Nubian body scarification!!

It so hard that our young ladies are growing up so fast. If your daughter wants to do this to feel more comfortable about herself, I would let her now and not worry about her age. If she is doing it to be "cool" then I would make her wait. At this special preteen years they really need to feel good about them selves. I have twin step daughters. One starting shaving at 11 becasue she was much more hairy. She is a wonderful girl who felt so embarrassed about her legs, so we let her. Her sister on the other hand didn't have much hair, so she didn't even ask and just starting shaving at 13. Good luck with everything and the years ahead. :)

H., I have a 13 year old daughter and I allowed her to shave her legs a year ago. I would say that waxing is far more of a "adult option" then shaving. I agree with wanting to wait a few years but at the same time, the kids at this age from 11 on are dealing with peer issues at school. She may feel very self consious about having hairy legs, shaving them is just another step in a good hygenie direction. Good Luck to you, our babies grow up so fast.

Let the poor girl shave!

The way you question comes off is as if you want to have her do it your way or be punished for doing it by waxing ( since waxing is painful) It sounds a little twisted. I'd say the same thing as many of the ladys have already stated, If you don't want to make her feel bad about her self then let her shave , the have razors with the protective wiring to help prevent cutting, Like some others have stated if she's bringing it up maybe she's being teased, or picked on for being different and maybe leting her blend in will help her feel better about her self.

In todays society there are so many things that make our daughters feel insecure. I say unless you have religious reasons for not letting her, go ahead and let her.I let my daughter shave at 10 because like your daughter she has very dark hair and it was thick. I don't think she matured too quickly because of it, it just made her more confident. Which like I said earlier, in todays society our daughters need all the confidence in the world. Now make-up was a totally different thing. That she had to wait for. Good luck I'm sure you will do what is best for your daughter, as you know her best.

My daughter is 11 will be 12 in Nov she is fine with the hair on her legs because she is blone. She plays on the bars and had hair in her armpit and that bugged her. I did the Nair. I applied, timed it, and removed it. That way I wasn't worried about misuse. It didn't smell bad. Don't rub hard or excessive thats what causes the burns.

My other daughter has dark brown hair and is very hairy. She is 8 and hasn't said anything yet, but I am sure she will. I think waxing is so painful. That would traumatize my girls. But you need to do what you think is best. Nair was the best for us. Good Luck...

Let her shave. Waxing is so painful. You don't want her to have a bad experience with it and then be angry with you. It is also not fair to make her self concience. Some girls just mature physically quicker than others. Be kind and let her shave but limit her to once a week so that the hair does not grown back as quickly by shaving more than once a week.

Hi H.,
I was around 11, end of 5th grade, when I started shaving. It was actually my Moms idea. I had dark hair on my legs and getting ready for middle school. I think it did make me feel more confident. At first I was a bit embarrassed because of how different my legs looked after shaving. But I am glad that my Mom decided to let me shave at that age. It is a hard age and if shaving helps her feel more confident then maybe it is time. I hope this helps. :O)

Hi H.,
I just read the "What Happened" Let me tell you something about myself. My ancestory is Hungarian and I grew up the only girl with three brothers in the 1970s. I was teased in school for my black hair on my arms and legs and upper lip. During high school I would not swim with other kids because I felt so hairy. My mom finally let me shave at 15. Yes, I did cut myself. Yes, I did burn myself the first time with Nair. Shaving helped me feel normal. The cuts healed but the teasing, taunts, and the blows to my self esteem never did. In college my hair got heavier and coarser. I switched to waxing, which was expensive and painful, but gave me more hairfree days. Now I am doing laser hair removal. Today as an adult I still remember the taunts and how self concious I was. You as a mother have the power to make things better for your daughter. There are so many nice shave lotions and strip coated razors today. If you have the money, laser hair removal is absolutely painless. I think waxing is just way too painful for a young girl. tf's painful for me now as an adult. Please give your daughter the gift of understanding and solve the problem for her- she's counting on you!!
P.

If you feel she is too young, why are you offering to WAX her?? Either she is too young or not! I don't know why you feel it is o.k. to wax but not to shave??? Anyways...I have a daughter (12) and she is in Middle School this year. I let her shave last summer -before middle school! I think once they enter Middle School they feel much more comfortable and don't "stick out" as much if they shave! You are sending your daughter mixed messages by telling her she can wax but not shave, and she is too young and needs to wait, but she dosen't have to wait to wax??? If hse is self concious about herself it is your job as her mother to make her feel good again! you can explain that only one of her friends shaves and that no one else does so she is NOT the only one. You might want to let her know that no one is really paying attention, it is all in her hear. Let her know she is beautiful no matter what other people do or say! She needs to be true to herself! You need to be setting rules either she can remove the hair or she will have to wait a few years! No mixed messages!
Good Luck!

H.,

I understand your wanting to wait, but if she's that self conscience about it and it its noticable and if she say's she'd like to start shaving I would let her. I was in 6th grade and 11 years old when I started. My mom told me not to but one day when she was gone I did it anyway. It's the start of puperty and as much as you may not be ready for it or want to be it's time and this year and the next she will be transitioning to a young woman. I would let her, and it may give her more confidence in her self. If you willing to wax, why not shave? Good luck! These next years will be hard sometimes. These ages are hard especially for girls.

Okay H. I am confused. Why the hesitation with shaving over waxing the outcome is the same. If your concern is the danger of the razor than use Nair or something. But have you really looked at the razors for girls they are very safe!

My daughter just turned 12 and we had a wonderful day picking out her razor and then demonstrating in the tub how to properly lather up her legs, shave and rinse out the razor etc.

My daughter has light hair but a lot of it. If she had dark hair I would have let her do it sooner especially if she is that selfconscious.

Good Luck but I think the waxing is to painful at this age!

S. Chase

Last year i also had the same feelings. After talking to my co-workers and friends, i think i may had been making it a bigger deal than it was. My daughter begged and begged. A couple of her friends also shaved or used veet. 1 reason i gave in was "you know how mean little girls can be".2 if there is something that is making my daughter so feel so bad about and i am able to help her fix it how can i not.
It may be hard to accept but we are probably in the same age group giving that my daughter is now 11. What i'm trying to say is that girls now are nothing like what we were like at there age. It's a very good thing that is all she is asking to do. That so far is the only hard thing that she has asked me for. She uses veet maybe once a month i honestly have not seen a change in her growwing thicker, darker or more hair.

I had the same issue with my daughter... After a couple months of jean clad summer weather in the southern cali heat, I decided that I needed to pick my battles wisely. In the scheme of things, shaving seamed fairly insignificant battle. The worst that could happen, is that she cuts herself. Fact of the matter is, that no matter what age she starts shaving, she's going to cut herself at some point anyway... Unless there is some religious reason, perhaps this is just one of those battles that aren't worth the trouble??

Good luck,
H.

Hey H.,
I'm so glad that you are open to suggestions on this subject. Young girls wrap so much of who they are in what they look like. And yes, the other kids can be so cruel. But the most important opinion is your daughter's-- of herself. I think that if she has hair on her underarms, she is ready to remove it, and her legs as well. If she waxes, yes certainly it will hurt, and can't be done again until it is very long again! Her skin will be sensitive for several days as well. I think an electric razor would be a great compromise, and the safest solution. I know that I would feel self conscience leaving the house with hair on my legs, and I don't even have to deal with other students who will size me up and down and make fun of me. What seems like a small issue to us, is NOT small to them. Sometimes we need to remember what it was like to be 11. :)
Thanks for listening and God bless your family,
V.

Hi, I've been thinking about your situation all day. I am a old schooler and strict. I have 15 & 17 year old daughters. I must say I am very lucky because they are very respectful and I have no drama , really in our lives. I would have probably said "no" to shaving myself, but now knowing how tough that can be on a kid I would just go ahead with the shaving. It's going to happen soon anyway and it's not worth her losing a lot of self-esteem over it. My neice is half Greek and we discussed it today cause she had the same problem. It was awful for her to always hide her legs and P.E. was her toughest time. My other friend also has the same with her daughters and had to go ahead earlier then she had hoped. It all worked out and I could go on, but just put yourself in her shoes. Summer can be real hot, and I know how miserable it is to wear pants everyday cause as I am 49 years old and have not shown my legs since high school cause I always felt they were to ugly. I hope she doesn't turn out like me for such a dumb reason. I don't mean to be harsh but it really isn't a big deal when it's all said and done. Good Luck!

Why not allow her to shave. Every person is different i started shaving at a young age it's o.k. It seems to be more torture to make her wait a year. If she's that adiment about doing it teach her.
Waxing is tooo tramatic for her age. It's painful and tylenol isn't going to help. If she wants to stop 1/2 through the procedure what will that do to her self esteem? Her skin is still sensitive and she could have a reaction. No way would I put my daughter through that. There's no harm in shaving. You need to explain to her that it's a constant job and once you start there's no turning back. That's what my mom did and I have no regrets starting young.

good luck
T.

I would say let her shave. My sister is 10 years old and she seemed ready. If she is already asking, that means she has been thinking of it alot. I would not advise waxing, it is far too painful for an 11 year old.

I am a mother of daughters and they had simular situations. My oldest did at that age need to shave because kids were teasing her at school and my next daughter had blonde hair but alot of it. I figure that she too could shave at this age because she was self concieous of the hair. If it is because a self confidence issue, I say, let her will this battle. Don't get hung up on the age thing because all girls mature differently.

Denies

Hi H., I think waxing is far more grown up than shaving, I have a daughter now 19, and we never discussed her shaving her legs, she was in 5th or 6th grade and she was in the living room putting lotion on her legs, and I looked closer and I asked her did you shave your legs, she said yea, and she has been shaving ever since, girld are reaching puburty ealier these days, she needs to feel clean, and sometimes hair on yyour legs does not allow you to have the clean feeling, other girls at school may be teasing her, as a mom of 24 years, and the mom of a daughter, I would let her shave her legs before I would ever allow waxing, Just my opinion, J.

why is the waxing okay, but the shaving is not? i don't get it... please, please let her shave. i had the same issue when i was her age. i was a commpetetive swimmer, so i was in a bathing suit all the time & i was SO self-concious. my mom battled me for a bit, too - but she has since told me "i don't know why that was such a big deal. i'm sorry i fought with you over that" (i am now 38). sometimes, you need to pick & chose your battles, H....and in my opinion, this is not an issue to do that with. in fact, you should be so happy that you & your daughter even have a dialoge about it, since she could easily just do it behind your back. the REAL teen issues will be upon you before you know it, so my advice to you is to just let her do it. in fact, you can make this a real bonding experience with her & you. go shopping for a good razor & some cream. show her how to do the short strokes, NOT long strokes up the leg (which is what i did, nicking myself all over! haha) i think if you just read the responses you've been getting from the other mom's, and maybe take a different, lighter look at this issue, you can really turn this into a sweet 'coming of age' time with your daughter. good luck to you!