Discipline Without Spanking?

I always made my boys sit in front of me on the floor for their time outs. This lets them think about the situation and you don't forget how long they have been in time out. With other children this is easy to do.

I stay with my child and ask the others to go play in another room because it is between me and their brother. This creates a free space for you and your child.

Then we talk: I ask why they are in time out and what we could do next time. This can be trying but it works and instead of anger it creates communication with you and your child. But remember small children forget~ So be consistent!

For tantrums I used a small spray bottle, especially when they screamed. I only had to spray once~!
Use the spray not the stream and stand back from them so they are caught by the misting. This gets their attention immediately and changes focus.

Have a small towel handy~!

Then communicate about the situation~! They may cry but they won't be screaming for long. They will be wondering why you did that and you will be saying why are you acting this way~!

This worked well for my son who seemed to have anger issues at times. I did not use it all the time so when I did it was a shock and a "why did you do that cry". The focus changed and we were able to communicate without anger.

It's very rare now that we experience a tantrum.
I have used this on my grandson as well, and he always says after he has calmed down "Talk gama, talk now" This open communication has created a bond as well, because he knows that we will communicate with sharing and affection.

Good luck to you~!

ok this may not seem like a punishment for bad behavior but thats because it really isnt its more of a calming down method. my 8yr old son has a temper and i have found the best way to deal with it is not to punish him but rather get him to relax. check with his teacher and ask for some learning games on the computer. not competitive!!! when he flares up give him the option to spend time in his room alone or sit quietly at the computer and complete a task. when he is done ask him to talk to you alone with no other kids around. i have found it almost impossible to talk to him if hes upset or around other people. you would be suprised how easy it is to find out what is wrong when they arnt so upset. ask him what he would like you to do to fix his problem, then work on it together. if it seems to be the same thing that bothers him like loosing a game then simply dont let him do that anymore. i have seen a HUGE turn around in my sons behavior by simply listening to him and trying to help his problem. he knows now that i dont want to just yell at him and send him to a timeout when hes mad, i want to help solve his problem but not untill hes calm enough to discuss it with out yelling. i hope this helps you out good luck!

Good friends of ours used push-ups for their boy and girls as their punishment. It's hard work, good for them, and can be easily adjusted for age, ability, and intensity. I have not tried this method, but I plan to when my son gets old enough to be so coordinated. Also, my husband insists that boys need outlets for aggression so they don't need to break down at inappropriate times, one of the ways that he facilitates this is by foam-sword play. It gets out all that stifled energy in a safe and fun way.

You will love this resource:

http://www.michaelolaf.com/JCcontents.html

http://www.michaelolaf.net/1CW312teach.html

http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=29Qhmp...

Enjoy,

K. :)

I HAD THE SAME PROBLEM WITH MY SON. WHEN HE WOULD GET FRUSTRATED PLAYING A GAME OR WHEN HE LOST THAT GAME, HE WOULD THROW HIS VIDEO GAME CONTOLLER ON THE FLOOR AND STARTED BAD TALKING THE VIDEO GAME. I JUST TOOK HIS PS2 AWAY FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS. THEN I WOULD GIVE IT BACK AND IT ALWAYS HAPPENED AGAIN A FEW DAYS LATER. I AM WITH YOU ON NOT HITTING YOUR CHILD. THERE ARE ALWAYS THINGS YOU CAN DO WITHOUT HITTING YOUR CHILD. TAKING MY SONS THINGS AWAY HELPED MY SITUATION, TO AN EXTENT, JUST KEEP TAKING HIS FAVORITE THINGS AWAY. MY SON IS 14 YEARS OLD NOW AND HE STILL GETS MAD AT THE GAMES, BUT HE HAS CONTROLLED HIS ANGER PLAYING THE GAMES. NOW HE WILL JUST TURN HIS GAME OFF AND PLAY LATER. MAYBE ITS JUST A STAGE HE IS GOING THROUGH AND HE WILL GROW OUT OF IT. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS.

I don't believe in spanking either. However, I do believe that the behavior needs to be addressed. Reasoning with them at the moment does not work. I usually put the child in a pre-designated "time out" spot. One minute for every year of their life. Then, I try to talk to them about what made them mad. I ask them what they think they could do differently if they were to loose again. Let them think it out a little. Then, give them some suggestions: walk away, don't play the game again, scream in a pilow...whatever.

I definitely tell my children when I am displeased with their behavior. We are preparing our children to exist and survive in the World! If we do not teach them how to cope, we are not doing our parenting duties.

Also, if you know that anything competitive sets him off, don't allow him to play these games until he is better able to handle defeat. I know that my boys play Nintendo's Smash Bros. Melee. It is very competitive. The rule I've made is that if ANYONE starts getting angry at one another, the game goes off for ALL of them. They have started working things out with each other because none of them want to stop the game. I usually don't punish one for another's behavior, but this time it seems to be helping them to 'work together'.

Also, disciplining your children in front of the other children reinforces consequences to them too. It is good that you are CONSISTENT with what you choose to make your 'rules'.

Good luck! Being a mother isn't always rewarding at the moment, but trust me...it truly is in the end!!!!

I agree with you about the spanking. I too tried removing privledges one at a time, then I had an idea. I cut out a red circle and a green circle outa construction paper. I made a chart with rules to be followed. I made a seperate board for the circles. Then I sat my son down and expained to him our new system. If he breaks the rules-he gets a red light meaning ALL privledges are revoked, if he does a good deed, begaves well, etc. he gets a green light. He gets a quater at the end of the week for every greenlight he got. If he's on green and gets on red, then in addition to revoking privledges he also looses his quater for that day. Any system like that would probably work. I think it affects them more when they see on paper what they have done. Make sure you follow the rules too since they learn from our example. I made one of our rules no yelling cuz its something I needed to work on as well. Try it! GOODLUCK!!

congratulations on seeking a different way! punishment/removal of priveledges will not get you the long term connection with your children that is necessary to help grow mature, self-controlled, compassionate *adults*. parenting is a long term process, and obedience in the moment should not be the goal.

here is an article on reasons not to hit kids:
http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/tenreasons.html

and here is an article called the "consequences or consequences"
http://www.continuum-concept.org/reading/consequences.html

and finally, here is a list to start you off on your journey of gentle parenting.

http://www.awareparenting.com/twenty.htm