Discipline Problems

I know things seem really bad right now but the truth is boys will be boys. I am the oldest of six children (2 boys) and the boys were always the worst behaved when they were little. But don't worry, as they got older they were much easier to handle than my three sisters! So just keep trying the time outs and maybe when they are really out of control the occasional spanking and hang in there, it will get easier! Good luck.

hi J., its hard, but you really have to be consistent. this may mean putting them in time out over and over, but its worth it to invest the time now. plus, i suggest that you think about your time-outs, if it has no effect then they arent really punished by it, maybe change the spot or something. time outs worked pretty well for us. but you must be specific about exactly what they did wrong, talk to them about it each time afterwards, short and to the point. and you must also give them the tools they need to change their behavior, they are learning. tell/show them what they could/should have done instead, and dont expect them to get it after one or two times.
** more important and more effective than negative reinforcement is positive reinforcement** praise/reward them for good behavior as much as you possibly can, but it only means anything if you are specific. tell them you are so proud of them for doing whatever, for picking up their toys right after you told them, or using an indoor voice during dinner, or whatever it is. we use sticker charts too, the 2 year old may be a bit young for it, but the 4 year old certainly isnt. pick what is most important to you at the time, and just use a chart for that one thing. i used one for potty training and im using one now for listening the first time i tell him something, mostly focused on getting ready the first time i ask him to, which means that i cant be spewing orders at him all day, because it all has to count.
and remember they have a short attention span, reward things in short intervals. i try hard to "catch" my son being good. lots of times we fall into the trap of only giving them attention when they act up, when they are good we tend to be so thankful for 5 min of peace that we almost hide out or try to get our stuff done. try to pay more attention to the good. my main problem is my son being mean to his sister, so when i hear them playing nice, i will take him aside and tell him that i heard them both laughing together and i felt so happy, so proud of him, or i loved the way he shared the whatever with her, or i loved how he taught her how to whatever... you get the idea. and as for listening to you, the same thing. when my son started having selective hearing, i "trained him" like a dog! he was younger, but i would call him and when he came i would reward him. i did this over and over, it worked pretty well. and when he was a bit older and more stubborn, i had to get tougher, and i would throw his stuff out. it was pretty brutal, but it worked really well, whatever he was playing with when he was ignoring me went directly into the garbage, and i made sure he saw me do it and knew why. he is very into his "stuff" and although i felt like the wicked witch, it worked very well and thankfully i didnt have to do it for long. he knows better now, and though he will still test me, especially now that i am pregnant and he knows i am exhausted, if i even look like im thinking of going after him, he jumps. dont get me wrong, he just turned 4 and still doesnt listen plenty of times, its their job to test us, but as much as i can, i go after him when he doesnt respond to me. and i dont call him a million times a day because i am just too tired to chase him every time. if you repeat yourself a thousand times with no action, you are teaching them to ignore you. be choosy about everything you ask of them, and ***follow through with what you say, both rewards and punishments, and do it quickly and calmly and decisively, and be consistent about what is and is not acceptable*** and make it count. it is exhausting, but you have to invest the time now, be clear about who is boss. and i do NOT accept being disrespectful, my reaction is immediate and harsh every time, thankfully he doesnt do it much. and of course some people would say he is disrespectful to me, everyone is different, it is up to you what you will and will not stand for, you are teaching them what will and will not fly in your house. and remember that the way you talk to them and each other is the example they will follow, and they hear and take in everything.
are you calm? or are you a yeller? if you, your house, the tv, whatever, are loud and chaotic, you are teaching them the same, and they start to feed off of it, it becomes thier "normal"....
hope this helps, good luck, D.

hey J., how are you. you know, everynow adn then, i have the problem of my household getting just a little too loud, and my children start to argue, and it can get very overwhelming. i have 3 children. so if i want peace of mind, i have no choice but to set law and order around here. sounds nuts, but suppernanny, is awesome. i watch her show all the time. and her tactics really really do work, its all a matter of enforcing them, and consistancy.
when they disrespect you, you MUST be adamant. you show them who is in control. when you feel they disrespect you, take it personal, and put your foot down. they are still young, you must mold them and set ur rules now, cause it will not get easier as they get older. NOW is the time. ofcourse its never too late, but it is easier, when their young. they are not stronger or smarter than you, keep that in mind, you are the boss, and thats that.
consistancy is everything in diciplining children. if you do it only once in a while, you will confuse them, and they wont take you seriously.
when they misbehave, put them in that corner. and be firm, and when they come out, put them right back in, even if its an hr. process, its worth it, in the end. their young, they'll adjust and see mommy is no joke, and she's not playing. YOU CAN DO IT,
PATIENCE,
CONSISTANCY
ADAMANCE
DO YOUR THING
GOOD LUCK

Hi J.,
I have a really good friend with the EXACT same problem! Her kids are even the same age! She found out that she had the best time getting her kids to behave when she kept them on a schedual. (NOT always an easy thing to do I know!!) She kept them both busy doing different activities all day. Even if it was just the Everybody Clen Up game. If she had to make phone calls or wanted time to relax, read or do her nails, she took them to the park. The down side is that you will be exhausted at the end of the day. The up side is that they will too! Is there anyone who could give you a break once or twice a week for a couple of hours?
Good Luck!!! I know how hard things are for you right now.

Give time out and stick to it. Have you ever watched Super Nanny? You can watch an learn, very good tips for child rearing. Children need to learn that bad behavior has consequences. You as a parent have to teach them wrong is wrong. The super nanny uses a Naughty pad to sit them on and give time outs (the minutes in time out are their age)After time and before putting them in time out - bend to their level(eye to eye contact) and explain why they are/or were in timeout -tell them you will not tolerate it again, after the time out make them apologizes to you and then give a hug to each other. ALso make sure you spend some quality time with each child- you must bond and do things fun with your children, We are all busy but we need to give positive attention to our children, we must have playtime with them!

I know what your going through. I have two boys that are 5 and 2 and a daughter that's 3 and I have the same problem with time outs, unless it's nap time for the younger ones then they'll fall asleep. Instead of time outs I've been tring to do what my mom told me. She had raised me and my two brothers that are three years older and three years younger then me. You've proboly got this advice already but instead of time out try to have them help in what you're doing. Like I'm doing dinner my daughter helps me cook and my boys will help set the table or I want to sweep the floors I'll ask one to bring me the broom and another the dust pan over. It's taking me some time to get use to but it's starting to pay off.

Hi,

I am a Mom with 2 boys (11 and 6). Sticker charts worked great in our household. Whenever the boys behaved or did something wonderful, they'd get a sticker. When they got 10 stickers,they would get a prize.

We placed the sticker chart where everyone could see it and they were so proud of their stickers.

R.

Hi J.! Discipline is the hardest part of being a parent ~ I think. I am a single mom with 7 & 8 year old boys. I hate being the "bad guy" but after much therapy (for myself) and trial and error with the kids, I found that sticking with it, no matter how difficult or how tired I got, that I had to make major chances in me and my life in order to have peace and happiness in my home. NOW, the down side is...after you work so hard at this and you've cried and sworn lost sleep over your situation, the results you are looking for with keeping them under control and listen to you, don't happen over night. That is the disappointing reality it. However, you will start to see changes. Little by little (not nearly fast enough as the amount of time and energy you're going to have to put in). Kids need boundries and discipline so they feel safe and loved by us. Without boundries and discipline, they have no self esteem or morals. I was also in your same position a few months back. I was ready to give up entirely. But then I realized that the most important thing in my life was my boys and that it was my job to make sure they got the skills they needed to be good peoople from ME and me alone. Yikes, that was a scary thought I hadn't realized. So...I brainstormed and came up with a few idea to "start" with. If you go into this with a million new rules it will never work. Time-outs never worked at my house nor did taking things away. And, I was never a big fan of being consistent. You have to find what works for you in your house and go with it. Number one (I'm not sure if you are married or if dad is in the pic) but everyone MUST support you no matter what you decide. Once the kids know that YOU are the boss and that there are consequences for their actions...you will be smooth sailing! Good Luck!!!