Discipline for a 2 Year Old

I highly recommend the book "To Train Up a Child" by Michael and Debi Pearl. We have instituted the concepts of this book in our household. I was given the book by a friend when Addison was a newborn. She's now 2 1/2. Many of our friends use the concepts as well. All of us receive comments, all the time, about how well behaved our children are and it just gives us an opportunity to share the book!
N.

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Sounds a little like my oldest son was at that age. Maybe still use time outs from time to time (like a "break" from what's happening is truly needed by you or her). However, try rewards for being good rather than other disciplines for being bad. Like: earning toys and special treats; earning movies or whatever her "currency" is; EARNING! This will help take her focus to being positive for attention rather than they other way around. My oldest especially didn't respond well to negative reinforcement. But he thrives on positive reinforcement.

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Wow- we must have the same child! I was advised to read these three books - 1,2,3 Magic, The Strong-Willed Child and The Happiest Toddler on the Block to find a consistent behavior "rein" for our independent, 2-year old who thinks she's 30.

We were also advised to give her two choices for different situations, with those two choices both being ones we could live with. That gives her the independence she needs while also giving us some control.

So far so good - please update us if you see improvement. I am anxious to see if any of the other advice you've received works as well.

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Time out can mean sitting in a high chair or being in a play pen. Hitting is unacceptable. Hitting back harder than she hit is tempting, but is a display of your hitting which makes he think it is all right at that age. Hitting means 3 minutes in a high chair with nothing for her to do.
Throwing means the item goes away for the rest of the day and again 3 minutes in a restricted area. When most of her toys are gone for the day she will quit throwing them. Intentionally spilling means nothing to drink for the next 1/2 hour and again time in a restricted area. Standing on the couch means she is not allowed to sit on the couch for the rest of the day and again time out in a restricted area. Consistant is the only way to go.
You have my prayers.

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I know you are going to have alot of mom's telling you to punish your little one, however that doesn't work. And time outs in the traditional sense don't work. She's only 2 and won't make the connection "I threw something, now I have to sit here and think about how bad I am". She'll just sit there and be angry at you, not really learning any sort of appropriate behavior. And keep in mind she's not a criminal. she's an innocent child who sincerely doesn't know what is expected of her. However, if she is hitting that is certainly not permissable, but you need to put the responsibility back on her to control her own behavior. If she hits, then you can take her to a quiet area that is NOT a punishment area and tell her gently that it seems like she is angry. If you notice what set her off maybe talk about that and show her an appopriate way to deal with her anger, like hitting a pillow instead of a person. And tell her she can sit quietly until she is ready to play nicely. When my daughters purposely dump their food I tell them in a matter of fact tone "ok, you are showing me that you are done." and I take the food away. If they really protest I give them one more chance. Remember that children's behavior is their way of trying to tell you something. It doesn't exist in a vacuum; there is a reason for it. And it's healthy for her to be pushing her limits, but punishing her isn't the answer. Teaching her what is the right thing to do is what's needed. When you say "no, don't do that" it doesn't give her an alternative. When you redirect her, is it toward an activity that is similar to what she was doing? For example, when my kids jump on the couch (something I really don't like!) I tell them that if they need to jump they can do it on the floor or they can go outside. If your daughter likes to pour her milk out, maybe at a time when it isn't meal time you can set her up with a small measuring cup or something with a spout and some water and a cup and she can pour to her heart's content. I think it's great that you want to be consistent for that is so important, and so difficult! I know this was kind of rambling and I hope it helps! And have you read any books on redirecting behavior? There are some pretty creative methods in Kvols's Redirecting Children's Behavior. Good luck!

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I have a 3 year old girl and a 20 month old boy. With my 3-year old, time outs and redirects also don't work. I will usually take something away. I use this technique if she is not being good. I put the toy in a place where it is out of her reach, but she could see it. For the first time, I would tell her that you will give it back to her once she starts to listen and stops crying (because at this point she is probably crying). The 2nd time, I warn her before I take it away ("if you don't listen, I'm going to take your doll away"). Then I count to three. Usually she will listen. If she doesn't, I take it away until after dinner. Now that she's three, she won't get the toy back until the next day. But with your daughter being two, you don't want her to forget why you took the toy away in the first place. Good luck and I hope this helps! Every child is different and responds differently to certain punishments.

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One book I havn't heard about here is Creative Correction by Lisa Welchel(SP). Awesome book works really well and another thing I havn't seen mentioned here is that if she spills drinks on the floor make her clean it up. My son did the same thing and I got tired of cleaning it, so one day I handed him the towel and made him do it. It took more time, but he hasn't spilled anything since.

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OK, each issue separately, this is how we deal with it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Hitting: We say "It hurts me when you hit and I don't feel safe." Then we leave the room. When he comes to find us we ask if he's finished hitting and then go back to what we were doing.

Standing on furniture: OVER AND OVER we sat "the couch is for sitting, you may stand/bounce/jump on the floor" and put him on the floor.

Throwing toys: you throw it, you lose it. And we don't hide it, we put it on a shelf where he can see it and if he asks for it, we tell him he can't have it because he threw it. He's 2 so he loses it for 2 days.

Spills milk? Use a sippy cup for anything other than water until she learns to be more careful.

Good Luck! :)

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Ha! This was/is my daughter! :) She's 5 now & is testing every moment she can in Kindergarten, as well. (She's been in a daycare setting since she was 2 for nearly 10 hours a day...and STILL tests in K!)

If your daughter truly is like mine, you have to find that special thing that really gets her attention. For us, timeouts weren't working either, until we made her put her nose actually in the corner. She really did not like doing that & so, wanted to stay out of time out. Around 2-3 years old, we ran out of ideas, as well, so we asked her what should be taken away. She sleeps with a baby every night (still does!) and she suggested that. It worked! She had a few nights without that baby & really missed her. Another thing that my daughter suggested was no movies. (She gets oh, maybe 3-4 a week -- and we have no cable, so this was quite a "punishment" for her.)

I think at this age she could be innocent enought to actually help you with ideas. We don't give our kids sweets very often, so that's something we've taken away as she got older. In school, if she makes a (big) bad decision, her sweets are taken away for a week. If you take your kids on play dates, maybe she has to sit with you & quietly play for 20 minutes (instead of playing with the other kids)?

Good luck. I'm so proud of my independent little girl...we just have to get her through the childhood years where she really needs to be listening & learning from others. It'll be quite an asset when our girls become adults!

God bless!

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Hey M.!

Developmentally a 2 year old will respond much better to being told what to do instead of what not to do or what to stop doing.

The difficulty is that you find yourself looking at things that you want her to stop, hittng, climbing, throwing, etc. Give it a try, you will see that even for adults, it is really hard to say "hold this in your hand" instead of "don't throw that".

Now think about being two, she is not able to take your language and reverse it, then actually do the opposite of the action that you just stated, which is the last thing she heard don't "throw, hit, spit"...

Tell her what you want her to do instead, and she will be much more able to comply and be sucessful; success breeds success.

It works, and it's simple, but hard!

M.

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When my kids were that young, I had a "naughty corner" They literally had to stand in the corner without looking around at all, for the number of minutes of their age. It worked great. I think sitting in a chair is just too easy. The corner really removed them from the rest of the house activities because they couldn't even see what the rest of us were doing. Also, if she's purposely spilling her milk, take it away. She may cry and scream like crazy, but I guarantee after the first couple of times of losing her milk, she'll stop doing it. When she stands on furniture, immediately just tell her to "go to the corner". If she throws a toy, take it away right away, put it on top of the fridge and make her go to the corner. Keep whatever toys she throws that day out of reach but not out of eyesight and if she asks for them, tell her "no, you threw that toy so you cannot play with it today" Then, when she goes to bed that night, put them back out. If she continues throwing after the first week or two, then you may want to consider actually giving the toys away that she throws because losing them for a day just may not be severe enough. With my daughter, at first the taking away for a day worked, but after she turned 4, I had to literally take things away and goodwill them in order for her to learn the lesson. Believe me, this didn't last long!! She learned quick! As long as you are consistent, and everytime she does something, have her stand in the corner, she will start choosing to stop the bad behaviors. It may take a couple of weeks though, so hang in there.

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Depends on the severity of the offense, but I use the three strikes rule and then time out. If I see her doing something she shouldn't be doing, I say her name to get her attention, "Ella, no." If she continues, "No" more sternly. If she continues, "Mama said NO." and I pick her up and put her in her pack and play. Otherwise, with hitting, it's an immediate time out. She knows it's wrong, I'm not going to nag and give her more opportunity to do it. Spilling milk gets the milk taken away. Throwing toys gets the toys taken away. Standing on furniture a time out. I don't believe in a consistent response across the board because I feel that different scenarios need different responses, but I do believe in being consistent within scenarios. (ie: If you use timeouts for standing on the furniture, make sure that you consistently use them. If you take toys away when she throws toys, make sure you're consistent in doing so.)

Good luck!

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If she still has a babybed or play pen, try putting her in there for at least 5 minutes, increase to 10 if behavior does not improve, etc.

M. do you have my daughter lol. She is JUST like this BUT she is 4 now and has been VERY independent since 2. I have learned time out with her are a JOKE adn she will laugh SO I found her FUN things she likes and I take it away from her for teh day and if REALLY bad it is 2 days. She acts like her world is crumbling down on her. I do her Fav movies to. EX: the other day she was SO MOUTHY telling me NO and yelling at me I gave her my look and she said OH THE LOOK HUH? I said you are pushing it missy SO she went and pushed her 17 mo bro. I WENT OFF ON her I said THAT IS IT you had your warning SO guess what she yelled NO NO NOT my Nintendo DS I said YOU GOT IT. OH she changed big time she did get it taken away for 1 day. She LOVES horses and that is the game she has on it so try to find her fav thing and take it away. I feel for you I have been there and done that. Good Luck SAHM of 2 4 yrs and 17 mo. TWO WILD VERY active healthy kids.

Put her in her bed with no toys for like 3 minutes or until she decides to behave. If she cries make her stay longer. Tell her Mommy and Daddy are the ones in charge and she will listen or be punished.
Is she spilling milk on purpose ? If she is give her water.Or put her milk in a leak free sippy cup .
Another reason for her behavior could be she doesn't have the vocabulary to tell you what it is that she wants or being able to say she is angry or upset.
My niece did this and it was always a huge scream with crocadile tears and her Brother kept getting punished because my sister didn't see what happened and assumed he had hit her.I caught her one day and my sister came out of the kitchen and went to my nephew, I told her leave him alone he was just playing quietly she just wants to get him in trouble.My niece thought I was asleep on the couch but I was watching her.After that my sister put a video camera in the living room where the kids played and she watched it off and on as she went about her household chores.Boy was she enlightened.

I highly recommed the book Parenting with Love and Logic by Dr. Jim Fay (and other that I can't think of right now). They have an early childhood version. They use a lot of acceptable choices and avoiding ever having the power struggles...giving the child some sense of control within acceptable boundaries. It worked wonders for my children and took a lot of the stress out for all of us. They have a website at www.loveandlogic.com I've also bought some of their books off of ebay.

Good luck!
K.

I read "1-2-3-Magic!" by Phelan and it has worked wonders with my 2 1/2 year old. His dr. recommended it to me and I have found that several of my other "mommy" friends have used it too! Good luck!

Hi- a very good DVD/book is `1 2 3 Magic' by Dr. Thomas Phelan. If you have day care or in house care for your children, you can have the daycare provider and grandparents view so you are all consistent in your discipline. (She may not be thrilled she has to share you with baby #3 :) K