Discipline and Rules for a 1 Year Old

Hi! I have a little girl who turned 2 in November and a 9 month old boy. They are both all over the place... but I have learned to make sure the boundaries are there. I let them do things but make sure that it is safe. The high chair thing to the light switch... I see as a little dangerous... but the playground thing seems ok as long as you are there. I guess the way I look at it their have to be bounderies so they learn what is right and wrong and know what danger is.... but are aloud to have fun. I hope I got my point accross ok and I hope it helps... good luck!

Your son and my daugher are cut from the same cloth. :-) Sophie crawled at 4 months and walked at 9 months and 6 days old. She has always been a very active child...climbing, jumping, running now...spinning, you name it, she does it. HOWEVER...first and foremost you are the Mother. It is a prooven thing that children NEED rules and boundries to feel and BE safe. You are in no way stifling your child when you set boundries. Sophie has a structured life of rules that she has to follow or there are consequences. Most are to keep her safe. (example, no way is she allowed to pull chairs anywhere to climb up on things...as this sets the president to pull chairs anywhere she can and it could be a hot stove, or the medicine cabinet etc) Some rules are because I love my house and my furniture, and no matter how hard a two year old (or any age person) tries, accidents happen, so in my house, you only eat in the kitchen. Besides, it is SO MUCH HARDER to break a bad habit later, so as hard as it seems to enforce it, know it will be 10 times harder to break it later when they are older. As the get older, they get mentally stronger and MORE willful, so NOW IS THE TIME to set rules and stick to them consistantly. Even with Sophie's rules, she is in no way stifeled. She can throw a ball forward, balance on balance beams, do front tucks on balance beams, she knows colors, numbers to 20 and can appily them, loves to paint, chalk, and do all that crazy active stuff. We joined The Little Gym,,which is a class made for kids like ours. She is not afraid to do ANYTHING...and it is a safe environment in which to climb, tumble, flip, balnace, fly, you name it. You also learn, as the Mom, how to spot these activities at home to keep your little one safe. "No" is not a bad word. In the real world, they will hear the word "NO" and there are rules to follow as a young child and teenager and adult in the real world. It is only common sense to enforce that concept as soon as possible so our children are prepared for the world that is out there...so it is not a shock to them. Besides, without rules and the word NO,,,my Sophie would be unbarable, and she would run our house. My Mom's famous phrase is 'if you can't control them and have them listen to you at 2, what are you going to do when they are 13, 14 etc?" Imagine a teenage with no rules. OMGoodness. Scary stuff. Anyway...I TOTALLY know how you feel some days. Sometimes its all I can do to keep up with her....and I due to have our second child, our son in 5 weeks...so I am especially tired lately....but God gives us what we can handle,,,that is what my friends tell me,,so somewhere inside you and I is the knowledge of exactly what to do with our Little Monkeys :-) Write anytime,,even just to vent a tough day,,,cause I know those exist :-) Many Blessings. Jenny

I too have an active daughter. She is 24 months old. We had to establish boundaries with her. Sometimes climbing is okay, sometimes it is not. Give your son opportunities to do the things he likes to do in a safe environment. Climbing up his highchair to turn on a light is not safe. He could try to do that when you aren't looking, fall and hut himself badly. If you stand there and watch while he is doing something and you allow him to do it, he will think it is acceptable behavior. Our daughter was forever climbing up on the couch, standing and jumping. We had to constantly get her down. We would tell her she could sit on the couch or she could stand on the floor. We would sit with her and let her know this was the correct way to be on the couch. When it comes to things like stairs, we let her know that she had to have "help" to do the stairs. She now will grab someone's hand and say "help please". Many of these things take repeating over and over and over again until they fully understand what you are trying to do. I have seen children that have been allowed to climb all over things all the time and they end up being very challanging children. You have 4 and 5 year olds who go into someone's home and start standing on furniture. Most people don't like those type of children in their homes.When children are at this age, it is hard to try to make them understand why something isn't good for them to do, but with consistency from you, they will eventually get it.

Food issue: Both of my children have always loved their milk. They are allowed to have sippy cups with them. We have worked with them to make sure they put it on the kitchen table when they are done. They are not allowed to have reqular cups anywhere except at the table. They can only eat at the table. A rule of thumb is that it is always easier (even though at the time it may not seem like it) to not allow something than to try to break the habit later. My 24 month old, if she had her choice, would not eat at the table. She would also eat a little bit, get down for a while and come and eat some more later. She eats until she now says she is done. Once she gets down, she knows that the plate will be gone and that is it.(Snacks included). I have to sit down with her sometimes while she eats her snack.

Each child is different, and you may have to change how you do things differently, but children really do need the rules and boundaries. Sometimes at this age, you just want to give into them, but later on you will be glad you didn't. My 2 year old is full of personality and I don't believe she has been hurt by the rules and consequences she has encountered. She still gets to express herself in ways that are appropriate and she is a joy to be around. Good luck to you.

I think thats wonderful, and as long as you are there supervising, there is no problems letting your baby explore the world. Keep up the hard work. Best of luck.

Your son sounds exactly like my youngest. He is now 19 months old and doing all the same things. I have two older children (4, 3) so I thought he was always just trying to keep up with them. From having them though, it is important to start setting the ground rules for things now. Enforcing the kitchen only rule is one we have too, and though difficult, it should be enforced. Some of the other things are okay, I would say. My son is no longer in a crib (hasn't been for quite awhile) and he doesn't have a high chair - just a booster for at the big table and there is a little table and chair set that the kids eat at most often. I allow him to climb and push and be himself as long as it isn't dangerous. My hardest thing is him climbing on counters and getting into things, so that is diciplined. It's tough, I know, and I wish you the best. These little boys are very smart, and we should be thankful for that. Take care!

The only discipline appropriate for a 18 month old is redirection. You have a bright boy on your hands and shouldn't stifle his learning, but you obviously need to set limits on things which are unsafe. Thats part of learning, too. I don't think any of the things you mentioned are crossing the line if you are there with him. However, you may have to consider the comfort level of you and your spouse. Rules you may have started out with (like food on the kistchen) may not have been realistic for your family, and its okay to abandon them if you and your spouse agree on that. (I tend to think like you, but my husband is much more anxious and protective.)
Just rememember that he will grow out of this stage and move on to other things.

I was just telling a friend yesterday that my boys have a "climbing gene". My older son could climb just about anything at 18 months, and his brother has followed in his footsteps. I just let them do it, and stay close in case they get into trouble. My philospy is that if they can do something, let them do it. But they have to do it by themself. If one of my kids wants to do something which is clearly out of their skill level, I redirect them to something else. For example, if my 2 year old wants to climb something on the playground, but it's too high up for him to reach, I won't put him up there, because he won't be able to get back down himself. Lots of people hover over their kids, and won't let them try things, or give them too much help, I think this can be dangerous in the long run because kids need to learn skills on their own. I think it's great to let kids learn independence, open doors, walk up and down stairs (with help), get dressed, etc. It's never to early to instill that sense of pride in being able to do things for themselves.

That said, I do think that if there are rules that are important to you, and which you think you'll want to enforce in the future, (like eating only in the kitchen, also one of my rules), then you should start enforcing them now. Otherwise down the line, you will be having to break your son of bad habits. Teaching kids to respect limits is not stifling, it's actually good for them to learn boundaries and have structure. I think you can have a good balance of independence and boundaries. Enjoy your son, he sounds like a lot of fun!

J., My children are much older now, but we have a similiar philosophy for rules. I also require the kids to eat and drink int he kitchen; however, there are certain ways to have snacks outside of that area. Such as when we have movie night. Early on I would buy them a mat of their choice. The mat was only to be used in the den and they had to keep their snack and cup on the mat. No messes, no spills on the carpet, and snack were always in a bowl or ziplock baggie. We would set the mat down together and they figured out that if they could follow the behavior it worked out. Regular meals were eaten in the kitchen or dining area only, and I followed the same behavior. After a few months it was just normal for the do's and dont's of food. Even in if i was in the back of the house and one of them wanted a drink, they knew to go to the front, to the kitchen or sit on the mat and then return to where I was.

the eating and drinking rule should be upheld firmly...timeout,etc. the other things as long as you dont mind him continueing this behavior at a later age as appropriate so be it. if you wont let him do it at 3 yrs dont let him do it now it creates bad habits that youll have to correct later and that can be confusing to a child. exploring should be a monitored behavior and safe. good luck

J.,

YOU are the mom! YOU get to make the rules! :)

Just because some people are more restrictive doesn't mean you shouldn't let your son explore & grow.

Figure out what your own rules & restrictions are and enforce them, but don't arbitrarily enforce someone else's rules.

It sounds like the Positive Parenting/Positive Discipline philosophy may be a good fit for you. Some authors to read: Rebecca/Becky Bailey, Barbara Coloroso, Mary Kurcinka, Faber & Mazlish...

J.,

I am not sure we have exactly the same philosophy - I don't agree that boundaries and 'discipline' will stifle a child's personality or creativity. All children need boundaries and limits. However, if he has learned to do things that are not putting his safety in jeopardy, in your opinion, by all means let him do it - but if his safety is at stake, he needs to learn that what he is doing is not appropriate and not safe - you still have to protect him from situations that he is not developmentally or physically ready to handle, although he may disagree. My daugther loves to climb, push her stroller, slide down the slides at the park - but there are times where I know that she may put herself in a situation that may not be safe - like she may be able to climb and reach what she wants, but does she know how to get down without me? If not, than no climbing because my eyes are not on her ALL the time...her safety is in jeopardy. As for snacks and cups - I am with you for now, however, when she goes into a 'big girl' cup - the rules at my house are going to change and she will have to accept that fact as the circumstances are different. SO - my final advice - consider his safety! If you are not there, would he be okay doing what he is doing - because I want to be sure if I am folding the laundry and my daughter walks away from me, she knows her limitations and I don't have to worry about her getting hurt - like my daughter knows she can not go up the steps without me - she sits at the bottom and waits for me to come - it is not stiffling her personality - it is keeping her safe. Hope this helps one way or another :)

J.,
When you find out the key to disciplining a one year old, please inform me! For the time being, remember, prayer changes things. LOL!

You have to pick your battles and figure out what's most important to you. When you pick those rules, just stick with them. The above things may seem wrong to some, but say he came up and slapped you across the face, would you punish him??? I think that is something so much more worthy of a boundary than having cheerios in the living room. He has to know his boundaries of what is and is not acceptable, but I don't think there's anything wrong with exploring!!! And if you are attentive, don't worry about what other people say! good luck!!!