DiScIpLiNe And My 4-Year old...HELP!!!!

When my kid was 5 she was the exact same way. She would SHOW OUT on me in public. I mean she would act a fool! She didnt listen and was just...just plain out bad. I tried that time out stuff, taking things away and it wasnt working. She kept on behaving the way she was because she knew she could get away with it. I dont believe in spankings, but I spanked her little butt. No kid of mine is going to be embarrassing me and acting like one of those kids on super nanny. After she got spanked, I didnt have anymore problems from her. Whenever she behaved badly I reminded her of the spanking and asked her did she want another one. Dont let a 4 year old rule over you. Take control! You are the parent and she is the child.

yeah i agree with Amy J., it seems that kids now a days are a lot more disrespectful and i hate to say it but i think a good spanking is called for every now and then. she will get it after a while. do you take her out of the store when she starts acting up? i don't know if that would help or not, but that's what i'd suggest, and when she starts acting like she supposed to get her a new toy, or maybe take her some where she likes. but think about giving her a spanking every now and then, there is nothing wrong with it. i think it's very important not to yell, but i'm sure some times it's unavoidable because you lose your patience. don't feel bad about being annoyed, we all go through that some times. stay strong-you'll work it out!

Back to Basics discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. If all you have tried is time outs and taking stuff away then you CERTAINLY have not done everything you can. So don't fret. You just need to firm up. Don't use positive reinforcement INSTEAD OF discipline. Use both. Her life will become much more positive in general when her behavior improves. Four is getting up there, good job taking this seriously! Why aren't you doing anything in public? All three of mine had their turn in the restroom once or twice for consequences for bad public behavior-and learned not to do it. She's also old enough to leave a location AND have a firm consequence after the fact for her behavior. (Leaving the location in itself is not a consequence). She's doing these things because she gets away with it.

I agree with the poster below, however, my kids are subjected to bad behavior all the time, and never got the impression they would get away with it. Removing bad things is never a bad idea, but fortifying your child to know right from wrong is key. Supernanny means well, but time outs are useless on tons of kids.

Monkeyzmom, why do non spankers always know better about how spanking works than spankers? Oh right, probably read some 'studies' which are not at all skewed by using abused people as study specimens because they couldn't find any happy healthy people to participate in such nonsense. Do you personally know ANY kids spanked occasionally within a loving home with fear, insecurity and distortion of accepted feelings? I don't, and I know a lot of spanked kids-like my whole generation for one. My kids are happy, secure and well past all the behaviors my non spanking friends are still wrestling their screaming crying insecure kids into time outs over.

I do not believe any child's personality is just naturally such that they are openly defiant and cruel, nor is it an "age" thing. I think it is learned behavior. That doesn't mean it came from you or your husband...what children is she around? What are her friends like? Daycare? Etc? It's more likely a mirroring of her peers...and they are peers you don't want her to be around.

She isn't too young to teach her how ugly she is being. That may sound harsh, but it's not going to damage her to explain reality to her...that her behavior is ugly, and people don't want to spend time with people who act that way.

You said yourself...she knows you're not going to do anything about it. So start doing something about it...every single time, and I mean every time. You have to be more than consistent...you have to be ROCK SOLID. You do not let her get away with ANYTHING.

And really, the most important thing...figure out where she's learning the behavior, and sever it. Is it a friend, a fellow student, a tv show, etc? Offer her more positive influences, and eliminate anything REMOTELY bad. I think you have to take drastic measures, but it's totally possible. And you don't need any book or expensive program...YOU can do it. You love her the most!! :) Good luck, and I'll say a prayer for you.

Im sooo there! Mine turned 4 in march and that's one moody kid! I can't help but yell sometimes! I just take deep breaths and try to deal with her on her level. Super nanny says to ger down eye level and talk calmly. If that doesn't work, send her to a safe place till she's ready to talk. Hasn't worked for me yet but give it a try! Good luck!

T., I know you are totally stressed out right now. This is the fault of parenting. Our children learn what we teach them by our actions. (I am guilty of it too! We all are!!) Right now, you need to sit her down and find out some of her favorite things. (stickers, playing at the park, whatever...) Let her earn those things. On your way to the store, discuss ways things that are funny, happy, etc. While at the store, have her help get things for you. And, when you are in public, and she begins acting that way, simply explain that you will not tolerate it and if it continues, you two will have to leave. At first, she will not believe you and she will begin a fit. At that point, walk your shopping cart up to customer service and explain that your daughter has made a choice by her behavior not to shop today and you don't want to make it unpleasant for other shoppers at store X. And, thank them. Then, walk out. Do not encourage your dd by discussing, arguing, or yelling. Once home, you are calmer and can talk about what is happening, that is best. This will take about 2 solid weeks for her to understand that you are serious. You can come up with an hourly, or bi-hourly chart. (add stickers, etc.) Have her involved in the process. What are daily rewards vs. weekly rewards? Keep it small and simple. Free is good too! I hope that this helps. No one is judging you. We have all been there before.

Since every child is different when it comes to how we discipline them. I'm providing a link to give you more ideas on things to try with your daughter. I feel for you and you are not alone. :-D
I hope this link helps you. I feel as though you've tried all avenues you can think of in order to get her to behave......
http://www.supernanny.co.uk/

Some of it's just her age...we're going through this with our four year old dd as well! Boy has she tested my patience. I took her bike from her the other day, she laughed! Threw away toys she wouldn't pick up...laughed! Can you believe this?!? I have found; however, that by consistently doing these things, she's starting to learn she will not get away with it. Try reading Love and Logic. You'll love it and you'll get great tips early on in the book to begin trying right away. Good luck and YOU'RE NOT ALONE! :o)

She is bratty, loud and disruptive because she has no boundaries. You say she's knows you're not going to do anything about her behavior so there's no reason for her to behave. I suspect you try some things half-heartedly but with no consistency. Scream-Free Parenting doesn't cost much if you start with the book and their free Tips of the Day. Saying you can't afford the time to learn how to discipline her is, in my view, neglectful. If you are consistent, it doesn't take a lot of time to mold a child's behavior. I don't know what can be worth more time than setting your daughter up for a life of success. That's what appropriate boundaries and productive discipline do.

"The Heart of Anger" by Lou Priolo -- you can probably get this book through interlibrary loan if your local library doesn't have it.

She needs to know there will be consequences for her actions, good and bad.

I have mixed feelings about spanking. I think it can be good if used rarely. I spanked my two oldest but stopped spanking because my third laughed when I did it. But there are other consequences. I was never big on time-out. I did take away privileges, though, and that made a difference. I was also firm when reprimanding my kids--voice, body language, everything. They had to know I meant business and no amount of "cuteness" would get them out of trouble.

Also, be consistent. You have certain rules that must be followed. No discussion. You're her parent, not her friend. And even though she may break your heart with her reactions to your discipline, deep down she likes the security of knowing she has a parent--not a friend--to guide her.

Please take control of the situation now. As she gets older, it will only get harder.

Some good books are 1 2 3 Magic, How to Talk so Your Kid Will Listen and Listen so Your Kid Will Talk, and Setting Limits with Your Strong Willed Child. I've found a few good tips in all of them.

Not that my kids (2 and 5) listen all the time either. My 5 year old is slowly improving his behavior but there are still tantrums and not following directions at times. Sometime sit is a matter of finding the right consequence. My son loves Lego. When he misbehaved severely I took his Lego away and then he slowly got it back over a few weeks. I try and ask nicely for the behavior I want to see. If I have to repeat myself over and over there is a consequence for not listening. The consequence depends on the situation. If my kid misbehaves in the store I make them take a time out in the store (sitting on the floor or in the cart) because leaving the store is usually what they want. If my toddler runs away or doesn't stay near me she sits in the cart or stroller or gets the dreaded toddler leash. Some stuff has it's own natural consequences. My son can be really bossy to his friends. I have advised him that other kids do not like to be told what to do all the time and made some suggestion on how he would work things out but I am trying to let him work it out mostly by himself. If he is too bratty eventually his peers will say something or not want to play with him.

Anyway, in spite of the advice above I definitely have my bad days and end up yelling. Sometime the hardest part is putting aside your own frustration or anger to think how to handle things better.

I have a three and a half year old, but I am fortunate that she is an angel baby, especiall because she is a later in life (mine that is) girl. That being said, my now 11 year old had many of these same issues at that age. As far as embarassing me in public, it was an inconvenience but I just quit taking him anywhere with the explanation that if he wasn't going to follow directions in public, he wouldn't go. Took awhile but he eventually got the idea.

Now the at home stuff was a completely different beast. It took a combination of positive reinforcement and negative punishment. We created a sticker chart for the use of manners. If he used please, thank you, etc, or used other polite or kind words or behaviors without prompts he got a sticker. The sticker gave him not only a visual representation that he had done something good, but also gave him positive attention for the good behavior. Five stickers equaled five minutes uninterrupted Mommy time (no TV, phone, etc). We would take walks and that sort of thing. However if he had to be prompted, he got no reward. If he ignored a prompt, whatever he was doing at the time (tv, toy, what have you) got a timeout instead of him getting one. I found that putting him in timeout only gave him negative attention. If I put the item in timeout, though, I could walk away, ignore the ensueing tatrum, and not give him what he wanted (attention).

Use or don't use whatever would work for you. This is just what worked for us and each child is different. Good luck with her! :)

Oh! And as an added note, DON'T let her realize she gets to you! She is at that age where she is becoming aware that she can affect others' behaviors. I know it sounds just terrible, but if she recognizes that she can make you cry when you get frustrated, it's better than cake and cookies!