50 answers

Disappointed I'm Having Another Boy - How to Cope

I found out yesterday I am having another boy (I'm due in March). I was really really sure I was having a girl and I can't believe how disappointed I am. I am very blessed to have this chance to have another baby - but I am just sad. I have a two-year-old little boy who I just adore, and I am excited to have another boy to be his playmate. However, my husband doesn't want any more kids - and I find myself being crushed thinking about the future. My sons will be off doing things with their dad (my husband said - now I have to learn all about sports - great) - and when they grow up - they won't stay close to their mom like a daughter would. I was hoping to have that kind of closeness with a daughter when she grew up, and I was hoping to pass my wedding dress on to her, help her plan a wedding, help her with grandkids. It's just not the same with sons. I don't know any guys who are close with their moms. Just thinking about this makes me depressed. I know I will get over this someday - I wanted to deal with it now - as opposed to waiting until my baby was born - but I can't help but feel really crushed. Any words of wisdom welcome.

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What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Update (8/20/08) - My boy is now almost 6 months old - and I can't imagine it any other way. I went through my grieving process - and occasionally have pangs of "what if ..." but I adore my little boy just as I thought I would. It still helps to continue to receive responses on this topic and I am so glad to have asked this question since you all have helped me make my peace and let it go.

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Thank you all for the supportive responses. Believe me - as I said - I am blessed to be having another child, and I really hope he is healthy when he comes out. Thanks for the validation to allow me to grieve. I will make my peace with this before the baby comes, and I know once the baby is here - any thoughts of "what if" for a girl will vanish. It's hard to see it now, given that I am still "grieving" but I want to feel this grief, work through it and let it go. It was especially helpful to hear from the moms of just boys. Thank you all again!

Featured Answers

Ok I kjnow this is late but here goes... I have 2 boys and its great they are dclose in age... if you can wait a bit adn go for No. 3 you may or may not get the girl but 3 is fun!! Work but fun!! If you feel you will want another child you can do it!! You were very honest expressing you wanted a girl... You are grateful for what you have and will continue to be a great mom!! :0)

Honey, boys are so much fun!! and trust me, they don't whine near as much. I have two grown young men (20 & 19 yrs) and I have an 11 yr old daughter.
I think it's just important to stay involved in their lives and be supportive to them as they grow. They will love having each other to play with and will appreciate their bond as they get older. And yes they will fight, but somehow when they're grown it makes them closer.
Try to believe in the bond a mother has with her children. I always thought my sons would be closer to their father. But they show me a love and respect that is different. You are somebody in their lives that nobody can change. I hope this helps some.....enjoy them for who they are!!

Kelly,

I had a boy first then 3 1/2 years later I had a girl I had the same thoughts as you did while I was preg wanting a girl. Now my son is 13 and daughter is 9. My son and I have a GREAT relationship in the morning he comes and climbs into bed with me before school and talks to me about what hes going to do....He still kisses me good night. Him and my husband have a great relationship also but there are times you will see that a boy just needs his mom and you will be there. I never would have dreamed of wearing my moms wedding dress we have different taste....So dont hold on to all of that. I have always kept a open relationship with my son he knows he can come and talk to me about anything...and he does he comes to ALL the time about friends and girlfriends....hang in there I promise it will be great to be a mom of two boys!! I would raise an army of boys before I tried to raise another girl...lol and mine is only nine I have a long way to go...:)

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Don't give up on being close with your sons just yet. My husband was so close with his mom. She was a wonderful mother-in-law and said I was the daughter she had always wanted and had to wait forever to get! Sadly, we lost her to breast cancer this past January.
As he and his two brothers were growing up they were all so close. She would go camping with them (mostly with scouts), attend the games, and even go fishing with them. Now that's not to say she preferred those things or didn't long for those "daughter moments" but I really think it was her willingness to do all of those things and teacher her sons how to have fun even with a GIRL around was the priceless experiences that made my DH so close to his mom and in turn him such a great husband. And who knows, maybe your DH will change his mind and someday want a girl. You're right though. I believe you are truly blessed to have this baby...be it boy or girl. Good luck and I hope this give you hope to cope!

1 mom found this helpful

I know quite a few "boys" who are close to their moms. My husband for one. His mom had two boys. My sister has four boys and they are very close. I think there is a special bond between a boy and his mom even if he does the sports things with his dad. I have a 3 1/2 year old boy and I have to admit that I was a little dissapointed when we found out we were having a boy. I was picturing girly things but there is so much to love about having a boy. Also, I look forward to the time when my son will go off with his dad and I can have a little "me" time.

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Congratultions! I have two boys, ages 4 and 1, and we don't plan on having anymore. Before I found out the sex of our second, I was torn between a boy and a girl. I wanted a boy because I wanted my son to have brother he can be close to his whole life. I have sisters and a brother, and I am closer to my sisters. I think brothers or sisters stick together more, and they are each other's best friends. Not that a boy and a girl can't be best friends, but it's different. So, when I found out we were having another boy I was so happy for my sons. I just thought of all the wonderful things they would do together and how close they would likely be their whole lives. I think boys and girls remain close, but it's not the same as having two brothers or two sisters. So, try to look at it that way. I can tell you that as a little girl, I always dreamed of having a baby girl and dressing her in cute things and doing her hair. I never dreamt of my life without a daughter. But now that I have two boys, I wouldn't change a thing. Is it what I planned for my life, no, but life rarely goes according to plan. God chose for me to have 2 boys, so I am happy with that. I think you need to have time to grieve for that dream that will never come true (of having a daughter). But, don't let the grief consume you. Try to focus on a healthy baby and try to think of how happy your sons will be together. I believe that boys can be very close to their moms throughout their whole lives. I am also hoping to build a close bond with my daughter-in-laws as well. *Hugs*

1 mom found this helpful

It's OK to grieve the loss of a dream -- the dream of having a girl. But don't fall into the stereotype trap. Having a girl doesn't mean you would be able to do all those things anyways. I was always closer to my dad than my mom. I played sports and still play ice hockey on a regional women's team and travel all around the midwest and Canada in competitions. I know plenty of men who preferred reading or other quiet hobbies instead of sports when they were young. Our oldest son hasn't found a sport he likes yet and it's a bit dissappointing to my husband. We all have dreams for what our children will be like -- but they are their own persons with their own dreams and personalities that we can't change.

1 mom found this helpful

Children are a blessing no matter what gender. I have three boys. Yes, I wanted a girl but it wasn't what happened. So, I made the best of everything. My three boys are into sports and love to spend time with mom. So I have the best of both worlds. I have private time when they have sports and then I have mom time with my boys when we do many things.

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Ok, my turn.......

I am a mom of 2 boys, ages 3 and 6, 6 year old of which I do not have custody of (not by choice, todays courts will take a child away just because "dad" says...but anyway, thats a different topic).

I know my boys are young, but I am very close to them both. They are mommies boys, but they are both tough in their own ways. I am 28 and to be honest, most men I know are VERY close to their mom's. They are big protectors.

I know the disapointment though, my husband and I would like to try for our 3rd, but we both want a girl, it may be dissapointing for another boy. But, you will love this child like no other when he arrives. You are mom, no matter what, your boys will love you and cherish you forever. So don't be sad M., feel blessed to have another one coming and that they both live with you. Because I would give anything to have my 6 year old with us, and I feel sad every day because he is not here, but he is alive and healthy and that is all that matters.

Good luck to you and your family. I wish you nothing but the best in life.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi, Kelly. I have two boys, and when I was pregnant with the second I was sure he was a girl. The first ultrasound, they thought it was a girl although the US tech told me to come back for another US in 3 weeks because she wasn't sure. Still, my husband and I were shocked to find out it was another boy.

We also felt guilty immediately - how wonderful to have a healthy baby on the way to a happy family. Yet, we were quiet and disappointed on the drive home. It took some time to get used to the idea. And I had to mourn the loss of a dream I had had since I was a girl. My mom's family is very woman-oriented. We pass down names through the girls in the family - my middle name has been a first or middle name for girls in my direct ancestry all the way back to my great-great grandmother. What a heritage, and what a loss to not be able to pass it on to another girl.

But mourning what I had hoped for was NOT the same thing as rejecting my son. I wanted him, too. And as soon as he arrived I adored him perfectly as he was - girl, pah, who wants a girl, anyway? I immediately lost all interest in anything other than my own darling perfect baby. And he is a delight. I love having my two boys. They roll around like puppies together, and they are just wonderful companions together. I would not change anything about my family.

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Please be grateful that you are lucky enough to have another child. There are plenty of women who would 'reluctantly settle' for having a boy.

I think you are thinking way too far ahead and jumping to conclusions, putting stereotypes on your sons before they even have a chance to develop their own personalities and bonds with you. How do you know that they are always going to be off doing things with dad? My husband is closer to his mother than he is to his father.

You can sit around and grieve this and wonder what might have been or you can work on developing a strong relationship with your sons so they can build strong bonds with you and celebrate the joy they will bring into your life. Heck, they might even get married one day to women you would consider your daughter. I happen to be very close to my mother-in-law and am grateful for the wonderful relationship we share.

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