Dinnertime Battles

I think it's a phase...we had a similar experience with my son except we called him Mr Atkins because he DID like meat and veggies and fruit but no rice, pasta, potatoes, etc. I think he will outgrow it and begin to eat meat. Sounds like he's eating healthy without the meat right now so I wouldn't stress over it.

This is a tough issue. At this age, certain foods; and even at older ages (which President stated he hates broccoli?) foods have a consistency that is just not palatable.
As long as daily vitaims and minerals are in the food (and I campaign for home-made smoothies and popscicles) then nutritional needs are being met. I used to prepare different foods for my children; and different food for my husband. That was nuts.

I have been a vegetarian for a very long time. I do not cook two meals as my family eats meat and poultry. I make several veggies and maybe potatoes, rice and what ever meat they are having. Pasta is a filler and not that grate for you everyday. If he does not like beans and he is not allergic to nuts, have them available for him to eat. Peanut butter is another good one with bananas and apples. I have never liked tofu I think its gross! But I would make dinner and if does not like it I would not make anything special just for him. He should be able to eat what you make besides the meat. On occasion I would let him have cereal. Good luck!

Hi D.,

I've known lots of children who didn't prefer meat of any kind. I've also known many kids who come from vegetarian or vegan homes. There are hundreds of meals you can make that are geared more towards his preferences. Maybe he will grow out of it - maybe not. If it were me, to be quite honest, I believe in (to a certain extent) allowing my kids to be themselves and express themselves. They have to learn who they are somewhere - and the safest place is at home. I'd let him go with what he feels is right for him - if he changes later on, great, if not, thats great too.

Now about this refusing to eat business... We have a lot of this in our house. I make one meal. I don't make a peanut butter and jelly if SOMEONE decides he doesn't want the dinner I've had. However, Ihave come up with a few easy ways to compromise without him knowing I'm compromising.

Firstly - I make a few side dishes. Not specifically for them - ones that my husband and I like too... but ones I know they enjoy. Usually 2 or 3.

Then I make the main course, which in our house is usually meat of some kind.

SO, dinner is done... plenty is there that I'm sure they will eat. Here is the trick: we all make our own plates (obviously with help for my little guy) and they may choose what to have.

Have I made extra things just for one person? No.
Am I going to have to have a fight at the dinner table? Probably not.
Does everyone get to choose? Yes.

Now that being said, there are times when he doesn't want anything. No matter what I've fixed, he doesn't want anything.

And, as a matter of personal belief, his tummy may remain empty. But not because I've sent him away from the table, and not because I've fixed some crazy dish I know he probably won't like.

Its his own choice.

And I'll have to tell ya, he's only done it once. I made a great meal I knew all of us loved, he was in a stubborn mood and mad that I wouldn't let him continue to play with the sidewalk chalk outside - so when he sat down at the table he crossed his arms and refused everything.

#1 - THATS OKAY. He should be allowed to safely express how he feels at home, so long as it is appropriate according to you. (ex; you can be mad, but you may not throw a fit, you can pout but you may not punch the wall...)

#2 - He is not allowed to leave the table. He doesnt HAVE to eat - thats his choice. But he WILL sit with the rest of us and have family time at the table like everyone else. Just because he's willing to be the cranky one does NOT mean he gets to scamper off to his room and play with leggos.

#3 - Later on, when he's upset because he's hungry... don't rub it in his face. He will be upset and asking for food, and may even cry... and now is NOT the time to get a catty attitude and say things like "Well I guess you'll EAT next time huh??".... I calmy, and lovingly remind him how much I wanted to feed him a yummy supper, but he did not want any supper. And now supper time is done and the kitchen is closed. And I' so sorry baby but in the morning we will have breakfast.

He'll learn not to skip dinner without snide comments from Mommy.

Mine has never done it since. And you know- that next morning, the kid ate 3 eggs, two pieces of toast and a bowl of oatmeal.

Remember - you don't have to be a pushover, but don't be ugly!

Best of luck to you!

Hi there!
For the most part, I have always been mainly a vegetarian. My mom told me from baby on I did not care for meat...they used to force me to eat some, but I only liked hot dogs and bacon and thats it! I continued to grow up this way and only occasionally ate meat, and now I am a vegetarian, and very healthy. I think as long as your child eats healthy, he will grow up fine. I know it must be frustrating making separate meals for him though. Keep offering him everything and go from there...that is all you can do. What he will become in the future is hard to say, but they all definitely have 'preferences' which may develop early on. My son, on the other hand, likes meat! Good luck!!

My son is 5 and he was the same way. He would eat chicken nuggets, but nothing else. He has started to "grow out of it" and eat more meat. I don't think meat will ever be his favorite food, but he does eat it in small portions now. You just have to keep giving it to him. Whatever you make, put it on his plate. We always make a deak with him that if eats 2 or 3 bites he'll get to watch a program on tv or get extra dessert (fresh fruit). Once he tries it, he usually likes it. Getting him to try it is't always easy.. For him I think a lot of it was about the texture of the food. He is getting a lot better. JUst keep supplemnting his diet with the other food. As for what to do if he doesn't eat, I have tried sending him away hungry, but it breaks my heart. I make him try everything, then if he stil won't eat it, I make him something I know he will eat.

you'll only have to send him to bed without dinner a handful of times. thankfully, i didn't have to resort to that but i did have to deal with picky eaters for about a year and a half. my children lived on kraft mac n cheese. i hated those. i still hate those but that is pretty much what they wanted, otherwise no food. so i started using the timer. and i removed all kraft boxes from my house. i would put a few things on their plates, meat, side, and veggies. they would pick around the plate. timer would go off. the deal was if dinner was not finished (i give very small reasonable portions), when timer would go off and food was not eaten then no snacks would follow. they still had something in their tummies but nowhere enough. it took a few times. i was persistent, they were not. they started eating more and broadening their tastes. now they're 5. they still don't eat enough but they eat everything i put on their plates. we also made a deal, they could choose two things which i will absolutely under no circumstances make it for them. their choices were no squash and zucchini. they felt they were in control by eliminating these two from their diet. it's true that kids have preferences, and many are picky eaters, but every behavior can be broken. i didn't want them to go through life living on vitamins because their diet didn't include a variety of healthy foods.

Hi D.,
No, if he is refusing to eat and you know it's something he likes, you don't offer something else. It's a control issue, and I would not allow him to control you in that way, jumping up and making various meals. It's fun to make Mommy do that! The best way to get him to eat is to ignore him. Don't comment on what he does and doesn't eat, don't beg, bribe or wheedle. When you have a picky eater, I suggest serving one main dish and a lot of sides, and let him take whatever he wants. My oldest didn't like meat til she was 4 or 5 years old. I didn't see it as a big deal. At dinnertime, I'd put out a variety so if she didn't want to eat the pork chops, she might make a meal of brown rice, bread and butter, cheese cubes, melon, a cooked veggie and a raw veggie. Don't get so desperate to get him to eat meat that you give him bacon because it's the only "meat" he'll eat - it's not a healthy food and he's better off with no meat (this is what our doc told us about the hot dogs when my daughter was that age) Get yourself a book or two that deal with vegetarian nutrition for kiddo's. Good luck!

I was sort of like that when I was a kid.... the reason is, meat made me sick... especially if it was process stuff/meats. The preservatives and nitrites in it, made my stomach hurt. I just naturally ate and like a lot of fruits, veggies, whole foods etc.
But I grew out of it. Meat also has a strong taste/smell, that when you are young... it is just sort of gross.

As I got older, I eat meat, and still do. Kids, WILL change their tastes... as they get older.

My son is picky. I don't battle him about it, nor punish/force etc. And he is a grazer... and he will only eat if hungry.. he does not eat according to a clock. Its fine. I rather him know his hunger cues, than to eat just because.
And, about my son being picky... well, now that he is 3.5 years old... he does naturally try other things and eats other things. Which I knew he would... as he gets older. A child does not have to eat everything. Its just a natural progression... in taste bud development or changing tastes, per their age. That is why, I don't force my son to eat things or to "have to" either. He knows himself. That's fine. He's healthy and grows fine and develops fine.
And to put in in perspective, even adults have varying tastes or preferences... for adults, its okay. None of us eat the same things, nor like the same things. Its fine. In life, a person and even a child... will change in food preferences. I just give my son what I know he eats... and I don't go out of my way to cook 2 entirely different meals either. From whatever we are eating, there is inevitably something there that he will eat anyway. So that's fine. And my son is a grazer. And he likes plain foods... so if I am making pasta for example, I just put aside a little amount, and don't put the pasta sauce on it. Then, I can use that plain pasta just for him, for at least a couple of days. So I don't waste food either. Whatever I do cook... I just put aside a little amount separately, before I really season it up... for my son. And that will be used for other meal times, for him. The next day or two.

Per his 8:00 bedtime and you both not getting home until 6:00pm... why don't you just make some things in small amounts (since kids don't eat a lot), prepping it ahead of time or on the weekends, then just defrost or heat it up/warm it up, in the weekdays for his dinner. It just takes planning ahead. Then perhaps that way, it won't be as stressful or such a mad rush to do dinner time by certain time deadlines.

I never make my son starve or go to bed hungry... just to teach him a lesson about eating.

all the best,
Susan

Hi, I just want to share with you that my 5 year old does not eat any kind of meat, he ate I think just one type of baby food that had turkey, I could never get him to eat any others. He will not really even try ANYthing that was an animal...and he doesn't even realize that's what meat is. We did not enforce the trying everything-at least one bite, as we should have but now we're at the point where he eats the parts of the meals he likes, never the meat! Like if we have tacos, he eats shells, cheese, tomatoes, lettuce and cucumbers. It sounds weird but it is a balanced meal for him - plus he makes up for it during the other meals. I used to worry that all his protein came from dairy...as he got older and was able to try nuts and peanut butter, thankfully he liked them. So he eats peanut butter, almonds, peanuts, roasted soybeans and still a lot of dairy products :)

I struggled with it for a long time, as he was on the thin side and I was always worried he wasn't eating enough, but now I am to the point where most parents are jealous about the amount of fruits and veggies he loves to eat and requests, so I am trying to just be happy that the things he eats are healthy things!

So it doesn't always 'go away' but I can certainly relate. I am not going to make him eat meat if he chooses not to. We had a similar situation when he was smaller that we ate so much later than him, that he wound up having dinner before us an sort of got into the habit of having what he wanted for dinner. Now most nights we eat together, and he has to eat with us...sometimes he eats just the veggie side dish of the evening and we make him grilled cheese or peanut butter, but we will start the next kid having to try everything we eat from the beginning so we're not in this situation again!

I actually went through this with my son, except it was way worse as he didn't even like fruits and vegetables. But he was extremely strong headed and would throw a fit. I tried punishing him, but he didn't like them and didn't understand why he had to eat them. So we decided to feed him the same thing every day until he got tired of it. This was because I refused to make another meal every night, and I was hoping with him getting tired of eating the same thing over and over he would eventualy choose to try something new. I also made this choice as a personal choice so we could sit down to a meal without screaming every night. It was the only meal we ate with my husband and I wanted it to be enjoyable. Whether or not this was a good reason, as I said, it was a personal choice. Anyway, I happily report that he did tire of the same thing every night, and around the age 8, his taste buds were changing, and we started having him try a different food every night. He always said they tasted bad, but eventually, he started to eat new foods. I am happy to report that now he eats every meat we eat for dinner: steak, fish, chicken, hot dogs, bacon and sausage! It was a tough 9 years, but it turned out in the end. Be prepared that if you do choose this, a lot of people gave me grief about not "making him eat what I put in front of him". But my priority was to have a unified family, and when he was of a reasoning age, we then were able to reason with him about the foods that he at and since your taste buds change every 7 years, this gave us a great advantage. We also have a food texture issue that runs on my dads side of the family and I have these same issues, so it wasn't just stubborness. Again, this was my choice, I just thought it might be of some use to you. Good luck.

we use a timer and if it beeps before she's finished (she eats very slowly if it's something she doesnt want to eat) then dinner goes down the garbage disposal and she goes to bed hungry. It didnt take very long before she was eating at our pace instead of taking an hour and a half for dinner.

its a battle of wills. You must stand frim and say "this is it" and put them in time out or we send our daughter to her room. 10mins later, she agrees to stop the fit and come eat. It was very hard to listen to the fit and be tough but i was tooo worn out from making so many meals or battling with her.

I have an eating disorder caused by my mother who forced me to eat what she put on my plate! She was so aweful I hated her and all the food she made. I ate bread when she wasnt looking. I would eat at other folks homes. I would eat raw veggies from the fridge at midnight. 25 years later my older sister had a daughter who was a picky eater who wouldnt eat what my sister made. She didnt want her daughter to hate her or hate food so she asked me for advice. What can she do to get her daughter to eat more things? Her daughter only liked grapes, bread, cheese and vienna sausages. Any kid would be happy with that and that is actually a good diet. So my suggestion was this. Give her exactly what she wants... that same exact plate of food every night even while the whole family sits together and eats another more interesting meal. Eventually she will want to try your food... on her own schedule. For my sister...it took 2 months to get her daughter to try the family dinner. She was not faking it... she was not fussy... she was not trying to hurt her moms feelings by not eating, but rather, a childs taste buds are different than an adult... and what tastes good to you might not be good to her. That same child could not eat chocolate... she even refused oreo coookies or chocolate milk. She is 16 today and has a wonderful appetite and she can eat anything now. And, unlike me, she loves her food and her mother.

Wow I almost wish I had your problem because my oldest daughter doesn't like a whole lot of fruits and veggies. All that aside, Selena is not a big meat eater either. If we make Hamburger Helper, she will eat the noodles and not the meat. She will eat chicken and some beef but only at certain times. Also she has refused to eat at times what I fix her. If she doesn't, then I don't fix her anything else because the one time I did, she wasted that too. So if she doesn't eat foods that I know she likes then she is obviously not hungry. Good luck.

After talking with the pediatrician and my mother, here's what we did. And have done with all 4 of our kids for the past 8 years. They get a children's multivitamin every day. At mealtime, we serve what we are going to serve and they either eat it or don't. We are not a catering service. Making them something just for them (unless they are sick and need something different) sets up a bad precedent. It teaches them that they can have whatever they want and it doesn't matter that mom or dad put time into dinner. Our only requirement is that they have to eat ONE bite, after that it's up to them. Some nights one of them chooses not to eat because they don't want what is served. For the most part though, they eat just about anything now. They are all healthy, so a meal here or there isn't going to hurt them. My mom had the same rule with my brother and I growing up and neither of us is a picky eater.
I do allow my kids to contribute to our menu for each two week period, so that helps. Again, I just have one rule, that a veggie of some sort be included with each meal choice. It all seems to work just fine here.

You can not make him eat. All you can do is offer the healthy food you are eating and leave him be. When you are done eating just ask him if he is finished. If he says yes, then clean up. The only way you can make them eat is with a feeding tube & I guess if he doesn't eat top the point of starvation, then medically they could do that. Really though when nobody cares or gives attention about it, then begin to try things on their own. they play with it etc... Do be sure not to give big snacks as of course they'll live off that, so give him small snacks. I do snack time at 9:30 & 3:00.

D. B,

I am a mom to 3 boys, I have gone through similiar battles with my boys. What I have done is make combinations dishes such as chicken and rice or chicken casserole and mix it up a bit. Then just offer plenty or choices with dinner. I have learned over the years that they will either eat it or they won't either way they are not going to go hungry. They will eventually eat something. My youngest one is going through a stage right now where all he will eat is chicken nuggets, steak, turkey meatloaf and chocolate or some sort or muffins. Just put a variety on his plate at dinner time and let him make the choice, don't push he will eat if he is hungry he isn't going to starve; trust me.

Good luck.

S.

As far as eating, you should try not feeding them anthing so that he will have a hungry appetite for one. you can put a snack that they love to eat there to give when they are finished eating. If that does not work cut out snacks that they like until they eat food. Let them know you love them and you cannot just allow them to eat snacks. It is your responsibility that they eat food.

Children will not starve! If they are offered food eventually they will eat. It is harder for the moms than it is the children.

There are many children that do not like the texture or taste of meats. It can and usually does change over time. Also remember their sense of taste and smell is very fine. Everything is magnified to them. Black pepper can taste like jalapenos to many young children same with onions, even if they are cooked. Garlic can overwhelm them. Sometimes, I would give our young daughter foods that I had not spiced up yet. We called eating "plain". She would see me spicing up something and would ask, may I have mine "plain". No salad dressings no butter. Worked for me, so I would do this and sometimes I would put any sauce (spaghetti, cheese, salad dressing) in a tiny container for her to "dip", if she wanted to try..

We also had a rule. No ugly remarks, and no ugly faces.

I suggest not making a big deal out of meals. Instead, feed your son tiny portions of what you have cooked or prepared. if you do have meat, give him 3 tiny pieces, a Tablespoon of mashed potatoes. 4 peas, a cherry tomato, whatever you all are having. Whatever he does eat, just quietly add a little more.. Once you all are finished or if he does not want to eat,It is over. Give him his cup of milk and no more all gone. No snacks.

As our daughter got older,(5) we had a rule for the whole family. "If you do not like what has been prepared for dinner, you may have a bowl of none sugar cereal." It really did not happen very often in her entire childhood.

My son is 12 and has never eaten red meat, hot dogs or anything like that. He has always just flat out refused. When he was a baby, if I tried to give it to him he just spit it out. It is frustrating because I don't want to cook a million different things at dinner time. This is what I do, I make sure I have atleast one thing at the table that he likes. He eats egg whites so I always have hard boiled eggs in the refridgerator. He will make a sandwich, sliced egg whites and cheese with mayo. He will eat white meat chicken, he does eat vegetables, peanut butter, fruit, pasta. I cut up an apple with peanut butter. Pasta and cheese, grilled chicken, lately he is eating more creative pasta dishes as long as they do not have red meat in them. I keep thinking that he will grow out of this and one day eat a hamburger but it hasn't happened. My son eats alot, but it is all healthy food and that is what he chooses so how can I argue? Oh, he does love treats!!!!

If my kids do not eat what is at the table even though I know they like it, I do not make a big deal, I just say that is fine but if you are hungry later you are not getting anything else, so that is your choice, they usually end up eating. This also prevents a power struggle.
Good Luck

G

Here's my dinnertime preparation rule: I make one meal. I don't make separate meals for everyone. If you don't like what I make, you can eat what you want as long as it doesn't involve any more effort on my part. What we generally do is have a few backups around. I try to make mostly meals my daughter enjoys, and she is pretty good, but there are some things we eat that she doesn't. I let her eat carrots and hummus on those days, or some other leftover that she prefers. I try to keep carrots and hummus around so she can eat them. I make a lot of stir-fry type meals with Indian sauces or Thai curry sauces and serve rice on the side, which she will always eat, and I will rinse the sauce off if it's too spicy though.
I would think the easiest thing for you to do is cook stir-fry type meals that have chunks of meat in them rather than cooking with ground meat, and don't serve him portions with meat. That way you cook once and you all get to eat what you like. He can eat the vegetables he wants and leave the ones he doesn't want, and it's really no more effort on your part. For us this has avoided a lot of fighting, since because I have a girl and my mother is weight-obsessed I have a higher focus on avoiding food issues than making her eat a certain way. When I cook I try to include at least some vegetables that she generally likes, and some days she likes one kind and some days the other. Whatever. She has to eat a certain amount of vegetables to justify her small dessert, but otherwise we don't regiment her eating. We do give her whole milk after dinner if she asks for it, and that's a decent supplement.
He may grow out of it or not, and if you do become worried about protein you can always let him season his food with Bragg's amino sauce.

You have a choice here. You become a short order cook or your child learns to adapt. I always go for the child learns to adapt lol. My middle son hated meat. He would eat hot dogs or chicken nuggets. only. for about 2 years. But what we did was I made dinner. I always made sure there was something he would eat. He had to eat one bite. He became a chipmunk lol and would not swallow it. eventually it got to the point where I didn't make him eat the meat. But we did make him have a vitamin each day and I made sure to make stuff for the other meals that I knew he would eat. Scrambled eggs, grilled cheese, vegetables which were heavy in iron. Weird cauase he wouldn't eat meat but would eat an entire bag of brussel sprouts himself. He is an adult now (20 years old) he is 6'2 and eats very normal. Kids go through these stages. He may change later on. Just keep offering it every day. One thing our doctor did mention is that at 2 and a half you should be putting only about a tablespoon of each item on his plate. it doesn't look so overwhelming then. also make only really soft meats to start with. baked chicken, baked instead of fried pork chops, Salisbury steak, stuff like that that is easy to chew helps get them going in the right direction.

well i have a two and half boy and he is the same at meal times he will eat his vegies but no meat, that does not bother me at all. try to cut it up into small pieces and mix it into the veg with some gravy, that works most of the time for me.
the other question about not eating well been there and still are. You can put them to bed hungry it does not hurt them it will teach them dont give in and give them something else, cause it will keep on happening, i know from experience. Or try to take there favourite toy away from, and tell them they are not getting it back untill they have some tea..You might feel bad but it has to happen..

Disguise it! Shred some chicken into applesauce, bits of ham in mac'n'cheese. Sometimes I make grilled cheese and put slice turkey in between the cheese slices. It should get some protein in him until meat is back on his list.

If my child refuses to eat, I'll send them to bed hungry. I leave their plate on the table, and when/if they decide they're hungry enough, that is what they will eat. I try to explain to them that some kids don't have food to eat, so they should be thankful and I'm not throwing something away because they don't wanna eat it. Tough love!