M.P. asks from Minneapolis, MN on May 17, 2012
Dilemma with My Father and His Live in Girlfriends Grand Daughter
My mother passed away 4 years ago, since then my father has dated 2 women that passed away, both suddenly from medical issues. One was diagnosed and known about, the other was sudden and unexpected. So for him love comes hard.
He met a fairly nice, and decent woman, albeit a little kooky (say this because this is how I viewed her at first). I dont mind her too much, but most of my family hates her. Shes the kind that wants to be called mom and grandma, but shes not ours. She's a tad pushy, loud, and demanding. So recently, we as a family feel, she pushed her way into my fathers home. She now has lost all respect from me, and my support. I am also with my family in trying to oust her.
Our family home is a very large farm home, that had a added on apartment that at one time housed our great Aunt. So when we all left to live our lives, the large house was too big for them to handle. Eventually my oldest sister, moved back in with them to help my mom through cancer, and pay for the mortgage, by renting the larger main home. When my mom passed my father stayed in the apartment, and my sister stayed to help him out as well.
So now girlfriend is living with him in small apartment. In the last few months, her grand-daughter has run away from home and is living with them. She is 19 years old, and has some very bad habits. There is NO bedroom for her, so she sleeps in a reclining chair in the living area, or on a blowup bed on the floor. She walks around in bra and underwear, teddies, tights with NO underwear, Shirts with too much cleavage, and has a habit of inviting men from the internet over. Then they are having sex in the bathroom. GA-ROSS. My sisters part of the house is connected to the apartment by a door that had no lock, never needed it. Till one of the girls conquests stole many items after a love fest. Now there is a lock. She plasters about a 100 pics a month on Face Book, Twitter, and various hook up websites. Sex websites to be exact. She recently was walked in on, by a extended family member visiting my father, while she was doing strip and other things via webcam in the kitchen on the table. umm, yeah
She is ALSO taking pictures of herself in sexy poses, little clothing, and swear words written on her body... in the home with her grandmother sleeping in the chair behind her. Also the issue is that MY high school graduation photo as well as photos of me and my children are in these provocative pics on the walls behind her. Several times, male admires have made mention in comments about my and my kids pics. THIS IS NOT acceptable to me, but my father finds it amusing and shakes his head at me when I make a stink about it. Not only me but most of my siblings. She also took a litter of semi-wild barn cats that were only 3 days old from the shed, and put them in her cleavage and pants and took pics of them. Needless to say the mother cat didnt want them back, and they were dead in a few days. Plus they were full of fleas, and it brought fleas into my dads apartment. Easy to get rid of, but still ticks me off, since we have to help them get rid of them.
Legally my sister is paying rent, but has missed some of her payments, so she has little legal ground to stand on, about making my father boot the girl. He wont, her grandmother is not finding anything wrong with her behavior, and doesn't seem to find the shrine of men that this girl pasted on the closet wall in the hall, disturbing. Shes "just infatuated". Grandma doesn't find the choice of clothing bad or dirty, and my father doesnt seem to care, or be bothered by any of it. He wont do anything to alleviate the situation between my sister or this girl. Grandma thinks we are persecuting her for being different. That we are muffling her artistic soul.
Sister has a 10 year old son (my nephew), that she is very worried about with these strange men around, and doesn't want the girl talking to him or being around him because girl takes drugs, drinks, and talks like a sailor on shore leave. My sister is currently looking for a new place to live, but will put my father in the lurch, because she is paying for utilities, and other things like cable and garbage. Even if she doesnt always get in Rent. This will cause him to default on the house payments, and he will be out on the street with these two. He has already asked for my help and advice in this matter, and I dont really know what to tell him. I did however tell him that his lady friend and grand daughter are not welcome. Only him. That was met with anger and resentment now towards me from all three.
So question do we have any rights, or legal ways to ask my father or make my father take our pictures down, or take them off the walls? Can my sister press charges for this girls destructive, and dangerous behavior, since she is worried for her son. The girl is already embroiled with legal matters, and doing community service for the involvement of the theft from my sisters home. We are trying to go around our father with this issue. Why? cause we have talked to him till we are blue in the face, we had asked them nicely, we have been not so nice, and we have been strong in voicing our dislike of this. None of us want to hurt my father, but we feel his judgement is impaired here. I think he likes this girls behavior too much, for now we dont think anything is going on there, but he is male, she is not related and we are afraid of what could happen. Anything legal to stand on with that?
So What Happened?™
Dawn, agreed and its getting sicker by the week. We have asked to take them down, and take them away, and he now is being stubborn and spiteful, he says no. I dont want to make anything worse with the theft investigation by just going in and doing it, and the grandma and her are there almost constantly.
One: yeah it is really odd, I am not friends with her on FB but she has no privacy settings, so anyone can view it. She has over 1000 friends, and are majority creepy males when I checked out the pics, I was able to view everything, and comments as well as a total outsider. That is where I personally saw what was said and the pics. The photos of me and the family are all large portraits that my mom had of us when she was alive, so they are pretty prominent.
Toni, thanks for calling my story unbelievable, unfortunately its all true. Its pretty clear you didnt read fully and only skimmed. We did call police on the theft, since she didnt do it, it was the guy. She got a slap on the wrist and community service. Her grandmother made her write an apology to my sister, and she put it on heart stationary with kissy lip stickers all over it. Your welcome to PM me and come on up I can invite you over to meet Destiny. I will also give you her facebook address and you can look for yourself let me know anytime. By the way a man in his 60's watching a girl run around half naked, does not mean he is not a good grand father. You suggest then that all men are sick if they like to look at half naked women. In your opinion, ALL men are disgusting. He's male, not dead.
Marda: agreed his life, but he is pulling Innocent people into it with out there consent. my pictures being in there. How many people here are comfortable storming into there parents home and taking pictures off their walls with out permission? So you suggest I let it go on with not a care in the world? hmmm not usually your regular advice I am used to.
Some have said in there replies, that the men are not looking at the pictures in the background, however I think you failed to read the part that there are strange men (more than one) commenting on "whose that in the background" and at one point a comment was made as to "Whose kids are those, I want to get to know them" referring to my 3 -14 year old nieces (at the time of the portrait they were 10) in dresses my mother had made them shortly before she died. So I have proof they are not just looking at Bubbles.
J.W. answers from St. Louis on May 17, 2012
Find out when the granddaughter is there and with drugs and call the police. Better yet drugs and a guy who will most likely be wanted. At least that will get the granddaughter out of the house.
So far as everything else goes your sister should find another place to live. When she finds it, before she signs the papers, sit down with your father and say here is where we are. I have this place and the means to support it. I know you can't afford this house without my rent and utility payments. I will stay here so long as I feel safe and I do not feel safe with the granddaughter in the house. Throw grandma in as well if you guys feel the need. I do think it would be easier to pick one off at a time.
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J.S. answers from Columbia on May 17, 2012
No legal grounds, unfortunately.
However, your sister certainly DOES have negotiating power. She can threaten to move unless the pics are taken down. BTW - the pics are the only thing I'm concerned with, as everything else is a choice of your fathers - and out of your control.
You have negotiation power too. "I can no longer be a part of your life when you continue to put my children in danger by having their photo's displayed when Bubbles takes pictures of herself".
I have a feeling you've said this, or something like it - but in the middle of complaining about his choice of companion (which is likely when he stops listening).
Try it again - but only make one single solitary point. The pictures have got to go. No other topics, no distractions, no changing the subject. Pictures. Out.
ETA - I like Jo's suggestion too. Do some googling for court records and granddaughter. More than likely her probabtion includes no alcohol. Turn her in.
7 moms found this helpful
D.. answers from Charlotte on May 17, 2012
Added for your SWH - M., ask a lawyer if you have the right to remove pictures of you because of what's in FB. That might help with the "theft investigation" aspect of it. And if you do think dad's mental facilities are slipping, then going to court to have him declared incompetent may be what you have to do. It won't be easy, and he may have already given all his money to them by then, but I'd really consider it seriously, if I were you. And going over your post again, I don't think that your sister should pay anymore rent since she is having to go through this. Instead, she should save her money so that she can move! Again, SO sorry!!
Can't you just go in there and take your pictures out of that house? I don't have any advice other than that. I doubt that you have any legal grounds, unless you and the family can establish that your dad has lost his mental facilities and have him declared incompetent. At least THAT would keep him from giving this woman and her granddaughter the house and all his money.
So sorry - this is one sick story!
5 moms found this helpful
A.G. answers from Dallas on May 17, 2012
I'm so sorry you are going through this. We went through something similar with my step-father. It ended very badly. Jo and Dad on Purpose have given some good advice, but ultimately it's going to be up to your father to start making better decisions. I hope he does.
3 moms found this helpful
M.R. answers from Chicago on May 17, 2012
Gosh, that is a walking talking trouble! And her grandmother (your dad's gf) ought to be given a wake-up call if she thinks its just 'infatuation'.
As for your family's pictures being in the background of her FB pics, I can think of two ideas. One - you can report a pic on FB, and cite a reason that your pictures are on the background, and you consider the pic as an invasion of your privacy. But unless the actual pic is 'obscene' according to FB standards, it won't be taken down.
Two - Go to your dad's apartment along with your sister, show him the FB pics, and tell him you clearly do not want the family pic anywhere in the background, and simply take down all the pics and put them somewhere in the main house.
Ask your sister to keep the connecting door firmly locked. And if the girl causes even the slightest trouble, ask your sister to call the cops once, citing disturbance. If there are any more troubles like the fleas, don't help your dad. Tell him to get his gf and the granddaughter to help clean up. When they won't, he'll understand.
Drastic steps maybe, and your dad could end up feeling angry towards your sister/you/other kids, but it could just be the wake-up call he needs to understand who is the real family and who isn't.
I understand how sad it feels to see your dad's judgement is wrong, but ultimately, he is the only one who can help himself. And if understanding comes only after bad experiences, there's not much you can do to help...
3 moms found this helpful
☆.A. answers from Pittsburgh on May 17, 2012
"So question do we have any rights, or legal ways to ask my father or make my father take our pictures down, or take them off the walls? Can my sister press charges for this girls destructive, and dangerous behavior, since she is worried for her son...."
Probably not. Sounds like her behavior is sleazy and totally lacking character, but it doesn't sound illegal. Annoying, yes!
Remove the pictures yourself if they are that much of an issue. (I find it odd that some strange dud looking at pictures of this girl in "sexy poses, little clothing, and swear words written on her body... would notice the pix on the wall behind her!)
Sadly, I think this is clearly a case of dad's house, dad's choices, dad's decisions.
His choices might cost him his family.
Your sister needs to move...yesterday.
3 moms found this helpful
R.B. answers from Duluth on May 18, 2012
I can't believe how non-chillant a lot of the people are being about this situation!! This is NOT NORMAL. Yes, your dad is an adult, his gf is an adult, her granddaughter is an adult, BUT...it directly involves your sister and nephew, therefore, it involves you and the rest of your family. First of all, does your sister pay for the phone or internet? Because if she does, she should first cut that off. If this girl has no internet, she can't be on fb, and I'm guessing she doesn't have a job so she wouldn't be able to afford it on her own. Then, I would start reporting her pictures to facebook. They can close down her account for it being inappropriate. She will probably come up with another profile, but since she isn't secretive about it, you'll probably hear about it and can report that profile also. You didn't mention if you or your siblings allow your dad and his gf and her granddaughter to see your kids, but if you guys do, I would cut that out. Give your dad an ultimatem. If he can't kick them out of his lives, then he won't see his grandkids.
Not only is it sad that "dirty old men" are looking at your kids and nieces pictures, that's gross all on it's own, but it is also disrespectful of your deceased mom. She put those pictures up for her pleasure and enjoyment, and now they are getting tarnished by "perverts". So, so sad.
Please PM me if you want to chat or vent anytime! It seems like this situation is clouding the rest of your life because it is such a horrible situation, and you're obviously a nice person if you want to help your sister. This is your life and you deserve to be happy!
2 moms found this helpful
B.C. answers from Norfolk on May 17, 2012
Looks like your sister and son have to move and your Dad will lose the house.
The granddaughter is turning his house into a brothel and your father is letting her.
Unless he's becoming senile and you think you can have him declared incompetent, there's nothing you can do about it.
If/when he hits rock bottom (and I suspect the girlfriend and granddaughter will move on to find someone else to exploit once your Dad has nothing left), and he's on his own, then you might be able to help him.
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