I wish I could hepl but my in-laws are just as bad, don't feel bad at all about what you are doing. You need to spend the holidays with your family and as you see fit, your husband if he's like mine doesn't say anything to them does he. My husbands parents live 20 minutes away from me and I am lucky if they see my kids 3 times a year. And like you they only call here when my husbands home, my husband drives truck and is gone all week but the minute he walks in the door they are calling. Never to talk to me always to him and never speak to the kids. My father is deceased and my mom lives 4 hours away, so I am litterly alone up here and the only family is his and don't call or ask how the kids are or nothing. You are doing everything right by teaching your children that family is the most important thing wether shes an aunt or a grandma. My in-laws will pass never knowing thier two biological grandkids our son is 4 and our daughter is 17 months and I have two girls that are 12 and 7. It is hard enough for you to comprehend why the mother in law hates you but try explaining to a child why grandma and grandpa dont come for your birthday or never ask you to come over. I feel for you I do hang in there but know you are doing everything right.