June 17, 2008,
G.W. asks from Clermont, FL on June 12, 2008
Diffferent Jealousy Question - Traveling Husband
I know many of you out there have husbands that travel quite often for work so maybe you can help me deal with some emotions I'm having about mine. My husband's travel schedule has increased dramatically the last several weeks and will continue for several more due to some changes at work that I won't bore you with. He's having to travel to Ontario, CA which is right near Anaheim. Anyway, I find myself really struggling with some jealousy because he's getting so much down time after work to do leisure things. He called the other night from the Angels baseball game, last night he went to dinner with a guy from work and then told me he'd e-mail me a picture the guy took of him standing in the Pacific Ocean. There have been a few other activities besides the general staying in a nice quiet hotel and having nice meals every night and driving a nice new rental car every week (one was a nice convertable Solara :-) ) Of course, I'm at home 24/7 with three kids - 3 year old twin boys and a nine year old daughter. I hardly ever get to do anything by myself or get the time alone with my husband that so many other people seem to get with him. He's a great husband so the problem is not him at all, it's me missing him and just feeling sort of jealous that he's having this other life full of activity away from me (us). Do you ever feel that way about your traveling husband and if so, what do you say to yourself to make yourself feel better?
J.S. answers from Houston on June 12, 2008
Yep, I'm in the same boat. So I changed the way I talked to him. Instead of being the whiny (me not you) wife who is stuck at home, I became the fun-having wife, so that he was jealous of me having fun at home. I also recently started scheduling "girls' night out" more frequently, and he's started becoming jealous of it. He has actually said that he wants to spend more time with me.
Hope this helps!
1 mom found this helpful
A.S. answers from Dallas on June 17, 2008
Have you considered dropping your kids off at a Mothers Day Out program? They're usually offered at churches in many communities, and you could have some time for yourself to do whatever you want. Also try joining a mommy group for more social interaction with other moms during the weekdays so your days won't be so lonely. I'm a new SAHM for about a year, and I've really enjoyed doing playdates and meetups at various places throughout DFW area. I've really enjoyed meeting the other moms in my groups. There are lots listed on www.meetup.com. You just put in your zip and can find one close to wherever you live.
My hubby probably doesn't travel as much as yours, but when he does I do wish sometimes that I could stay at some of the nice hotels like he's getting to stay at. He did tell me that he would rather be home with me and only fills up an empty time with activities so he won't be lonely himself while he's away from his family. If he's in the middle of nowhere, he gets mildly depressed if there's not anything to do while traveling. I'd rather he be happy and engaged in something fun rather than all alone in a hotel room missing his family. :) Hang in there!
T.O. answers from Birmingham on June 12, 2008
Mine still travels 4 to 5 days a week, but when they were little I was always mad at him..... then I told him to stop calling me and telling me about his dinners and stuff. There's a lot that is not fun about traveling, but when you're eating PB&J with one hand and feeding the baby with the other it doesn't really matter how hard it is for him!
The other part is that when he came home, I wanted to go out... with him... and he wanted to stay home. Bummer.
So I started doing things on my own during the week (and I do work full-time but I telecommute, so no interaction like an office)... But I joined a bunco group and played one night a month, and paid for a sitter. I joined a book club, I would "do dinner" with girl friends once a month. So just about every week I had one night out... and paid a sitter, till they were old enough to be left alone for a few hours. It helped.
I still don't want to here about him finding the best Thai restaurant in Missouri or whatever, but it's bareable.
K.D. answers from Dallas on June 13, 2008
I am in the same situation, and it is not easy. I would suggest that you try an dfigure out some things that you can do during the weekor month that you enjoy...such as meet for coffe witha girlfriend, join a bookclub, or dinner club. Try and find friends that aslo have husbands that travel too so you can support one another.
It is not easy. Also I would suggest trying to plan a family activity on the weekend when he is home, and a date afternoon or night for just the two if you.
I just try and remmeber that even though he does some fun things he is working toi support our family so I can stay home. So I have to find interesting things to do that I want to do also.
Please PM if you want to exchange numbers and talk. I also havea list of great babysitters.