Different Generations of Moms - Is It Just Me?

I don't think "older" moms realize the insane amount of pressure us "younger" moms have in today's world... I have two girls, 9 mos. and 3.5 and I work full-time as the main breadwinner in the family. I feel constant pressure and guilt about a million things a day. I feel like I suck as a manager because I have to take so much time off for my family, and I suck as a mom because I have to be at work so much. Plus, me and women my age are constantly trying to meet "society's" insanely high standards: you have to breastfeed or you're basically giving your baby poison (formula), you need to make your own baby food (with organic veggies of course), the bottles have to be BPA free (or your babies will get cancer), you have to be skinny, dress right and look young like all the celebrities out there (lose all your baby weight in 2 weeks!), you have to make sure your kids car seats are the right ones and are buckled in the right way or they will die, you have to make sure their toys are not made in China or they will be exposed to lead and other chemicals... You also need to have a nice, clean house and well-kept yard. Oh, and make sure you have tons of fun activities (crafts! library! camping!) with your kids on the weekends to create "memories" for them! No slacking and just watching TV! Oh, and NEVER let your kids watch TV or they will become autistic! And you wonder why we're a little high strung and stressed out- geesh... :-)

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I'm in my twenties. I am married. I expect my husband to love, cherish, honor, respect, and raise our child and manage our home and finances equally. He expects the same of me. I love my in-laws. He loves his. We teach our son to respect others. (he's 2, it's over his head in a lot of ways right now, but he's getting it.) He will not have electronics at three. He will know the joy of using his imagination, and playing outside. His only purpose right now, is to be a boy. to scrape his knees, to play with bugs, to be silly. I do not care if doesn't know 300 words. I do not care, if he doesn't want to do what other kids are doing. We only want him to love life with no expectations from us, what loving life means. My husband and I don't (and have never) partied, we don't drink alcohol, we are not constantly "plugged in." Most nights our life consists of playing as a family and eating a good meal...and we like it that way.

Most of our friends (also in their twenties) are the exact same way. While I think there is a difference in many people, I think you can't possibly know enough people, or come across enough people here...to be able to label a generation as so different. OF COURSE it will be different in 25 years. Look back at how you were raised. I'm sure the world was much different then compared to the world you raised your children in. It is meant to change generation, by generation. For better, or worse...we are supposed to evolve into something different. I'm not taking your post personally, at all. I just think you'd be surprised how many twenty somethings are "traditional."

P.S.
I also grew up VERY poor, and learned that I would have to work for everything. I have never received anything without work. I value work. I think that has a lot to do with how we raise our child and look at life. It depends on where you live in the country, too. In my community, no one is rich. Everyone struggles and works, no one feels entitled.

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I love this question!

And I won't expand, because so many ladies out here have posted their great thoughts.

But bottom line, anyone that's managed in a corporate environment would tell that there is 100% a behavioral difference between the generations. And you hit it largely on the head. It mostly surrouds having vs. having to go get. Many in Gen Y have never had to "go get".

Great observation!

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Well I started to respond earlier in the day and got sidetracked. Now I'm glad I waited. I will try very hard not to point fingers but just point out how I've come to see things as an older mom.

I am 49 with a 21 and 17 year old. I guess I am in that 'older' mom group, because I do see things differently. And have even said, I am so glad I don't have small children now! Although, teens and early adults are NOT a piece of cake people!

I do understand the pressure of a young working mom, most of it I took upon myself! I worked full-time as a registered nurse by MY choice until my oldest was about 10. I had to work and pay for my own education and I didn't want to waste it! In MY opinion and from MY experience, I was fortunate to have a wonderful work-site center and the later home based nanny. But that too added to the stress and the guilt. That meant my husband had a quiet commute to and from his work while I still had the responsibility of taking our son to the onsite center. He had at least 30 minutes a day quiet time.

But what I refused to do was play the game of keeping up with the Joneses. As my husband says, it's only a game if you choose to play it! Our children were in ONE activity at a time. Mostly because with 2 working parents we often didn't have the time/money/energy for our kids to be overly involved.
But what they (we) did do, was spend time with our friends, relatives and neighbors. Just outside. What an 'old' concept! No planned activities but just being able to play! ;)
*And to all you young moms. . . . someone told me this when my kids were little and I remember how angry it made me, but it is SO true! The stress and activities just get worse as they get older. Even with just one activity, if they take it serious, can keep families busy at least until they drive. Our daughter plays competitive softball and is a pitcher. It's easier now she can drive herself to practices, but we never miss a game, no matter how far away! Not to mention the increased expenses as they get older and the worry for their health. You get through a healthy pregnancy and delivery. You get through the SIDS phase, childhood illness, accidents. Then they start playing sports at a higher level. Driving. Friends. You think you are not supported as a young parent because you don't breast feed? Wait until they get older and you don't allow drinking at the house.

As far as my relationship with my husband, we work together as a team. Period. I do not expect 'things' for special occasions because I get 'gifts' all the time. I get the gift of his time. The gift of being able to stay home. The gift of an amazing-loving father/husband/son-in-law. Sure he used to send me roses for every year I was old. Until I saw the bill. What a waste of money! I've often said I worry about setting up my children for unhappy relationships, because of how people have high, sometimes (in my opinion, unreasonable expectations.

My in laws are beautiful, supportive people. Have the irritated the snot out of me? Sure, but so has my own family. Fact is, they raised their son to be the man I fell in love with and am still in love with and I cut them slack.

I do think there is a difference. I'm not sure if it's parenting or as someone said, the exposure to mass media. We are bomb-barded from many sides on many levels of how it is 'supposed' to be.
I don't think as an older mom, I'm judgmental. Again, speaking from my experience, it has gotten to the point where I am more secure with myself and therefore, I really don't care what people think of me or what/how I'm doing something. Quite frankly at my kid's age without anything more than a speeding ticket, I'm thrilled. They are kind, sensitive and respectful. I must have done something right, but if you really don't want to know, don't ask.

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I think it's a combination of both: we're more tolerant, calmer, & have more life experiences behind us. We've learned from our own mistakes & those of others....& recognize that life is beyond our own realm of control (for the most part). We are on this forum because we truly want to help & share.

A huge % of the flaming on here is the result of a younger mom not getting the answers she was looking for.....or an older mom who's never learned to grow past that stage! I know that statement will offend many moms! & I'm not going to apologize. This forum is meant to be used by all walks of life.....& many moms are still learning to walk thru life.

I believe that all of our responses should be based on honesty, past experiences, & our own beliefs. The problem that arises is when the original poster AND the other respondants can't accept.....or find exception to those words posted. It's like a "hothead" convention.....& serves no purpose.......other than to offer some of us an opportunity to just sit back & laugh. Soooo, conversely, would that be the point of some of the stuff that's posted on here??!!

Earlier today, I answered a posting with my own honest opinon. When my response posted, I noticed that the 1st responder had already been flamed. How sad! One more example of "how not giving the expected answer" caused dissension & a lack of respect. I truly believe that if we post on this forum, then we should at least approach it with an open mind & heart.......& be very aware of the importance of choosing our own words.

As for your thoughts on the differences in generations: YES, absolutely! For me, it's just a shifting in expectations of our children....a desensitizing of what's bad vs. good. AND while I'm sharing my thoughts: I HATE violent video games! I believe that game systems have caused the death of a generation, particularly young men!

Good question & many thanks for opening up this one! Peace....from an old mom!

EDIT: I truly don't believe that young moms today have it harder. I DO believe that each generation of young moms believes that she does have it harder.

My mom had a slacker husband (sorry, Dad, love you, miss you, RIP). She had 2 daughters & 1 miscarriage in 27 months. She worked full time, sewed 95% of our clothes, & struggled to cover all bases. It was only thru the force of her strength that we had a lake home AND extra-curricular activities! We even canned some of our own food....that's how full her life was thru our childhood. & as a heads-up, her mother & grandmother say that the Great Depression had NO effect on them, because that's life as they knew it! Sooo, I don't think today's world is harder.....just different!

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I went to a conference several years ago and saw a presentation about generational differences in the workplace. The presenters explained that the young folks had always lived in a time of prosperity (this was before the economy went sour) and that, as a result, they were very confident, used to getting what they wanted, and used to being rewarded for minimal effort. In contrast, the older folks thought you needed to "pay your dues" to be rewarded/promoted, believed in hard work, and were maybe not as confident. Might apply to moms, too?

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Every generation sets out to do things just a little better than the generation that came before us.

The younger generation (and this is all relative, not speaking Boomers vs. Xers here-just in general) needs to remember to listen to the older generation because they have experience the younger generation lacks.

Likewise, the older generation needs to allow the younger generation to feel their way through parenting and gather their own learning and experience.

Neither is better than the other... we're just all doing what we feel is best for our families. Let's be careful not to judge.

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I'm not an "old mom", (32) but my goodness... so many "young moms" make me crazy! I was having lunch with a friend the other day and the preschooler at the table next to us told her mother to "go away, I don't want to talk to you" and SHE DID! WHAT? I'm seeing this more and more with my son's friends.

I don't know that it's a generational thing so much as an "I want to be my kid's friend so they will like me and let me hover around them forever" thing. I have young mom friends who (like me) parent the way our mothers did... love, patience, understanding and a real appreciation for the "Blessing of a Skinned Knee"- great book if you have time to read it!

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I agree with JulieBean. We all want to build on and improve what the generation before us did. It's natural, we all grow up thinking...ill never do that to my kids or when I'm a mom, I'll know better. Then we read a bunch of books with the latest research and form some strong opinions. Some right, some wrong. For instance, I'm 40. When I had my oldest 19 yrs ago, both grandmothers smoked. They just rolled thier eyes when I insisted on a smoke free environment for my baby. Today, that's a given, but my parents generation, the OB himself was smoking in the drs office. So, I was totally right. Counterpoint, I got sucked into the "self esteem" thing and treated my angels feelings like glass - yes baby you're special....just like everybody else! lol That one is turning out to have disastrous results. We have a generation of underachieving, entitled, lazy 20 yr olds sleeping in our basements. Not my baby of course, but a whole lot that I know. So theres that and then older moms have learned what to stress about and what not to. I'm on my 2nd set of kids - my do-over. I'm actually doing a much better jobthis time. imho even though I was armed with a library full of parenting books the 1st time around.

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you are right. different generations, different opinions. different cultures-different upbringings-hence, different way of mothering.
as for MIL. a b.... is a b.... no matter how old or young :)

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Honestly, being a younger mom, your post offends me. You make us younger moms out to be irresponsible, uneducated, drama queens! My expectations for my husband may be high, but that's because my dad was a huge part of my life. I expect my husband to help out because, well, we took this on together! I didn't impregnate myself, he helped, and he can help me with our children and things around the house too.

I think it doesn't matter how old you are, some MILs are fabulous, and others are just horrible people! I am blessed to have a wonderful MIL, my mom (who is obviously not a young mom) has a MIL that is horrendous and my mom has every right to complain about her just like all of the "younger moms" have every right to complain about theirs. I don't think that's a generational thing!

Maybe what irks us younger moms doesn't irk you, but I'm sure there are things that bother you that we wouldn't think twice about!

I don't think younger moms are sweating the small stuff (preschool, friends, etc.), I just think you don't remember what concerned you when your kids were little! If I am paying for my son to go to preschool (which I do), then I want to make sure it is worth my money and his time (just like you would with a sport, private school, etc.). If there is an issue with the neighborhood kid, sometimes it's nice to have another perspective as to how to handle/react to the child. For many moms on here, young or old, this is a place where we can ask questions without feeling like we are being judged.

I'm glad that as an older mom, you think you have it all down. I hope that someday, us younger moms can live up to your standards!

P.S. Jo, I understand that not all younger moms are the best mothers, but neither are all of the older moms. I just think to put us all in a pile together is a horrible stereotype...

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I'm confused by the fact that at least two younger moms are saying It's a different world they live in with more pressure and they are busier than we older moms. I live in the same world you do. So do we all. I'm 48 raising a five year old (my other two are older) other parents here have teens but we're living in the same world, NY metro mom of teens is probably not a someone who spent her younger years canning vegetables and going to barn dances while her kids walked to a one room school house. And Bellamomma (please take this as me being nice) that's the whole point, you DON"T have to be all that! don't put all that pressure on yourself! don't drive yourself crazy it isnt the best thing for your kids. I've been a younger mom and an older mom, and what my perspective tells me is try to stop and think about what you want to remember from these years that fly by so quickly. You will not remember what dress size you wore, and whether you looked like a celebrity and made you own baby food you will remember the smiles on the playground and dirty faces looking for worms in the backyard, you will remember the books you read to them at bedtime, not exactly how many minutes of TV they watched. I didnt think there was such a difference between young moms and older moms till I read this thread. What I've learned from being both a younger mom and an older mom, a SAHM and a Working full time mom, a single mom and a married mom : enjoy every minute, they grow up too fast, Now I think every midnight feeding is an opportunity to cuddle a child without interruptions (of course we're exhausted till our youngest is five) every thing we describe as stress could also be looked at as a responsibility, or even a gift, I try to remember that every room we need to clean is a room a homeless person doesnt have, every needy child is a child an woman with fertility problems would gladly take care of, every trip to the grocery store well you get it ...

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To be honest, I have found that older moms tend to be judgemental to younger moms and think that their way is better no matter what the situation. Unfortunately this post and some of it's answers have made that theory stronger. I had hoped that I would be proved wrong, but that will be my job as I grow older, I guess.

I have major issues with my inlaws, but it's not because of my youth or my generation. Years ago it was taboo to stand up for yourself against an abusive husband or terrible inlaws. Now women are able to stand up for themselves with less repercussion.

I don't really understand the reason behind this post. I wouldn't feel it appropriate to ask a question titled "Why are older women so judgemental and self righteous?" because I know that not all older women are that way, and I refuse to let a few bad apples make me write off the whole bunch. Why can't you do the same with younger women?

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I think the younger moms are taking this too personally -maybe the issue is sensitivity! LOL

I'm in the middle - I'll be 37 this year - but I waited until my 30s to have kids. That right there set me apart from "younger' Moms - everyone one of my siblings and cousins all had babies in their early 20's and my one aunt even commented that her unwed daughter should have a baby around 24 because "you don't want to be having your first at 30".

I also think education plays a factor. More educated usually (but not always) equals a later time for having kids - and that overall plays a role in how people parent. Not saying good or bad - just different. I spent my 20's being a glorified kid - though i did earn a BA and MA during this time - so I was "ready' to settle into kids by hte time I actually had them.

MIL issues abound for everyone. Is mine perfect? Hell no - but neither is my own mother - nor I am - so I just take it with a grain of salt and roll on.

Husband demands? Sure you see a change in generations. Heck - I never saw my grandmother NOT cooking something delicious for my grandfather. when she died he did not even know how to boil water. On the flip side - I don't cook. If you expect a meal from me - well - frozen chicken nuggets better be ok. Otherwise - you are on your own - hubby included. We split household chores but we both work full time - I think it's more of a necessity and less of a generational thing.

Overall - young or old - the goal should be to support each other - support our kids - and work hard to create a responsible, educated upcoming generation of young adults.

Happy mothering!

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I'm going to have to agree with Meaghan here. I don't see any purpose to this post other than to offend an entire demographic of mothers.

I'll add that this does not personally offend me- I can appreciate that when I'm older (I'm 28), I will probably feel the same way. However- this post is condescending. All of life is relative. There is no good from condescending younger generations. After all- you know nothing of some of the stresses that younger generations have to deal with NOW, because you didn't have to deal with them when YOU were younger. Even my grandmother and my mother tell me that I have it much more stressful than they ever did. So, cut the younger crowd some slack, eh?

**UPDATE: In regards to your SWH, there's not much similarity between brand comparison and generational differences.

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I am there with you NY Metro Mom.

I am a 46 year old with a 15 year old. I do notice differences between the way I am raising my child and the way younger Moms raise theirs. Not every Mom - but sometimes I am struck by the difference.

I also notice cultural differences on how we raise our children in different areas of the country, urban vs rural, etc.

I have older, what are considered "old fashioned" values about marriage, gift giving, sex, manners, respect. These are the values that I am teaching my son, and I notice that sometimes they "clash" with what is current in today's society.

Ultimately, all us Moms are raising our kids the best we know how. If they grow up to be responsible, honorable adults then we have done okay - no matter how we got them there.

God Bless

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I'm 26 years old, and my girls are (almost) 3 and 4.

I'm sure my age does help inform my parenting, perspective, and my life experience. My race, class, sex, sexual orientation, nationality, etc. are also descriptors.

As a young mom, I'm not sure that I relate to your description. I am keenly aware of my mortality, and I have a deep desire to live in, and appreciate the moment. I've been slammed against my own inability to plan around and/or control the unforeseen. Thus, I don't try to protect my children from life itself, nor to raise them from a place of my own fear or control.

I *try* to raise my children as consciously as possible, and I've taken certain cautions to heart. In other words, I wouldn't consider myself a reckless mother. My kids get dirty, fall down, are fairly independent, and I encourage confidence (not to be confused with selfishness, or arrogance). While for ME, my kids are the most amazing creatures that have walked the planet, I know that the world does not revolve around them, their progress, or me. We are all equally valuable, and have different skill sets, in my mind.

I love information and enjoy questioning and evaluating our cultural norms, which shapes the way I digest the latest studies, fads, and traditions. They are bright kids, and I have fun watching them learn. We do lessons because they really enjoy learning. Not because of a fear that they won't be gifted, special, talented, or successful.

While my age DOES influence my parenting, it doesn't define my parenting. I suppose the same would be true of other generations of mothering. I think, also, we can attempt to be self aware and balanced throughout and at any age. That, for me, is a big goal.

ETA: I don't have a lot of space for drama. My external/internal life has been chaotic, and my focus these past months/(years?) has been on regaining/learning how to live in serenity and balance. My circumstances are pretty funky at times, but I am learning how to walk through without crumbling. This has been out of necessity, not age. I try to raise my children from that place.

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I'm an early 70's baby, as is my DH, so I guess I'm in the middle. Manners and respect are HUGE in my house! My husband and I will overlook some behavior but rarely, if ever, a manner issue. We often tell our children when someone else is way out of line that is not accepted in our home because Manners Matter! I often wonder why manners and respect have gone out the window and bad or rude behavior are just accepted. I think the world would work a lot easier if we went back to "the old days" with the additional ease of some of todays gadgets.
PS. When people flat out ask for money it makes me crazy!

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I'm your age, and I've noticed the same thing. I don't think it's cultural, I think it's, as you say, the mellowing and maturity of age. Most of the older moms on here tend to be mellower. And I don't mean to be condescending when I say that, because I too, was once younger. :)

Really understanding (grokking) that your time on this planet is finite tends to have the effect of helping one not sweat the small stuff.

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Wow, I'm 36 and I think you have a point. A lot of younger people (in general) seem more easily offended by what used to be very trivial things. There is nothing wrong with paying your dues and earning what you get. In the U.S. "entitlement" is not a right :)

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I love this question...Because there is a line drawn in the sand at my kids school for this very same reason.

Most the moms that have kids in Kindergarten are 33+. A couple of the moms, I was shock to find had teenagers as well as younger kiddos too..It was surprising because the two moms that do..I thought were maybe only a year or two older then me..nope they are both late thirties(I am 28).

This was sort of a relief when I found out. I am terribly shy, and these same moms seems so snotty towards me..Which was confusing because I had mom friends at the school(I thought maybe I was coming off bitchy or something). I know no one likes EVERYONE but you would have to be there to feel the tension I felt. There were a group of eight of them, that would stand around after drop off and make plans for a coffee meet up or something...I always walked by hurt they never thought to invite me. I thought it was odd for one reason...I was friends/acquaintance with a few of them because my middle guy shared the same Pre-k class with some of the brothers and sisters of kindergartens..So on field trips and class room events we would mingle...I think it is safe to say though it was the fact I looked and act alot younger. I can see that now. I am also just a different model then they are too.

I think the younger moms have alot more to stress out about. There is soo much more to look out for in the world..There is alot more anger and violence. Not to mention the sex industries has doubled about ten times as big as back in the day. All this being said...Having all of that on my plate I tend to be a bit more high strung.... Now I am also trying to loosen up on some of the stuff they have shoved down my throat for years...I am trying to see that some of the lines can be smudged. And where I can make up my own rules. I have found it is easier to be the unconventional parent, over the carbon copy parent...It makes my mom crazy sometimes to see me doing something she would never had done. When I succeed though she always comes back with a ''GOOD JOB'' and most the time will say sorry for doubting me.

The one thing I can say as a ''Younger'' mom(I am going based off when my kids were born in relationship to the age I was..I dont feel ''Younger'' anymore:)), I feel judged..and Poorly so. Here is my for instance on this...We were at Party City not to long ago. We needed goodie bags and a Pinata. We didnt want to bother with a cart but my three year old decided making daddy freak out would be the best thing. I was trying to calm my spouse down and explain his reactions were more crazy then the way he(son) was acting. Well, this older lady(my guess late 50's early 60's)turns around and says something to the effect...''Or you could just listen to your husband and control you kid''...What excuse me?? Did I really just hear a perfect stranger cut in and tell me what I should do? My son was literally an arms reach away. He was playing with a Spongebob thingymabob..and giggling(yes the laughing was a bit loud..but it was better then the screaming that followed when I took the toy away)..at first what she said had not hit me. And by the time it did I was not going to bring on a verbal fight with anyone.

My point with that story is that sometimes i feel the older generation of moms is looking down in a negative way on us young moms. Some have this well to do attitude like I did it and I did it right, your way is wrong attitude.

There have been countless times, I may need to say go to the store...And I have no choice but to bring the troops. If my kids are tired, bored or uninterested in what is going on around them...It can make for a bad time. One is usually tired when this happens. So, many times have I had an older person(both genders) and tell me I ought to take him home and give him a nap. I am aware that he needs a nap...I am also aware that my schedule only allows so much time to hit the store....and Sometimes it has to happen when they are sleepy/crabby.

I know alot of times they want to just ''Help'' because they have been there. But alot of times the delivery on the help is so hurtful that we just dont want to hear it.

After reading this I need to explain my tone is not in harsh manner. I would not be where I am today if it was not for the help of the older mamas in my life. I love each one of them in so many ways. This is more generally speaking because those mamas are out there..the ones that only feed the negative and never focus on the positive.

Now that my novel is done I am super excited to read the other responses..I truly love this question.

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I don't know about the MIL issue as I've never had a MIL - my husbands mom passed before we were married. I do think that maybe there is more 'helicopter parenting' these days. There is so much media coverage about terrible things happening (vaccinate/don't vaccinate, food additives, kidnapping, bullying, etc. etc. etc.). I'm sure not so much has happened differently than in the 60's, 70's, 80's however now we respond more as we hear about all of these terrible things - DAILY. We are so worried/paranoid - constantly.
Faster culture: definitely - I live in the Chicago suburbs but grew up in a small town in central IL - I am contstantly nagging at my husband about moving back to my hometown so things can be more 'simple'.
Upset with teachers/etc: my son has only been in preschool for tw years but I attribute much of his progression to the teachers.

I had a completely different answer coming out as I started writing this and then went of on a tangent. Yes, parenting, I believe, is different.

I am a full time working mother - the main breadwinner of the family - I never expected that. I am the baby of the family and was always 'taken care of' but situations (which you'll likely hear about in posts of mine) have led me to be the 'leader' of the family - this leads to mommy guilt: I don't get to see the kids as much and when I do I am exhausted. I try to cram a ton of stuff into one weekend knowing the weekdays are too hectic to do 'fun' stuff. I don't spoil I don't think but we are certainly in motion constantly........we need to stop and breath - what happened to just sitting in lawn chairs and letting the kids play - we constantly think we need to entertain them.

this is all over the place - sorry!

Oh - and I want to add: I'm 33 - not sure if that puts me in the 'younger mom' crowd but this post didn't offend me in the slightest......I have been excited to read peoples answers.

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I'm 34 and I do notice a difference between the ages but I think it goes both ways.

To tell you the truth sometimes the older women/moms are really nasty to the younger women/moms or at least that has been my experience over the years. I wish that older moms would mentor younger moms more and esp. working moms in the work place. I know that when I had to start working FT I found myself working with two older women who were also moms and I was so excited when I found out a little bit about their backgrounds, wrongly assuming I would have some type of support and could benefit from their expertise both in the home and in the workplace. To my surprise, they treated me like I was some dumb kid and as though my input didn't count for anything. They always acted like my suggestions were the dumbest thing they had ever heard because they were so different from their ideas. I'm getting off topic but one example is: we work in an office and I suggested that we get a couch for the lunch room since an agency next door was giving one away. My reasoning was that I had worked at an attorney's office before and they had one in their lunch room and the rule was that if you weren't feelig well you can go lay down for a while. I felt that it really helped a lot and so did my coworkers at the attorneys office. Well, I threw the idea out there at a staff meeting and the exchanging of looks began, and the eyes starting rolling, and my idea was quickly tossed out the window. Now fast forward 10 years and I swear just today one of my coworkers says to the other 'hey, whatever happened to that idea of getting a couch. Why didn't we ever get one. We should get one'. You see she wasn't feeling well and in fact most of us aren't today so she made the connection between the not feeling well & the couch which tells me she was speaking about my idea. It just goes to show that they could have been more open minded toward me and my ideas. This is just ONE example of ideas that they turned down and now are drudging back up and wanting to incorporate. It's funny because I stopped giving ideas after a couple of years because they always rolled their eyes at them and so now it's so funny to hear them bringing these ideas back up that I only mentioned the one time.

My point is that younger women can benefit from the mentoring of older women and that it would be helpful for EVERYONE to try and put themselves in each others shoes. I understand that sometimes younger women don't want to deal with older women and wouldn't accept the mentoring anyway but this mom would have welcomed it!

Forgot to add: older moms need to be open minded toward younger moms ideas as well. It really is about mutual respect.

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Definately... it's a generational thing, as well as a mix of culture.

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As a young-ish mom (25) I do see a huge difference. I think some girls my age are ridiculous and bitchy, don't pay enough attention to their babies, are ultra materialistic, and expect the world to welcome them with a golden spoon. On the other hand, I think older moms (40s-60s) are extremely rude as well in their own ways. They ridicule if a mom doesn't breast feed long enough, think moms should be the stay at home mom and do nothing but make the husband and baby happy, and always compare things to 'back when I had a baby...' Of course these are extremes, but I do believe that these differences are caused by generation differences and simply age differences. I think there are awesome moms at any age, just like there are annoying moms at any age =)

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Okay, here it goes. I am an older mom (63) but I always tried to think young. My parent's generation was Depression Era and they had the hoarder mentality of keep it til it can't be fixed.

Many changes occurred in the early 50s that allowed the country to prosper in good ways. Yes my mom was a SAHM and that's all I remember. Dad worked and provided for us. Fast forward to the 70s I knew I would be working and as such prepared for that. My first child spent the first 3 years in child care and the second had me home for 3 years. (The military does strange things to and for families.) Even then there were moms who were like the younger moms on the board with their ideas and dreams and then there were the "older" thinking moms. Many times they crossed paths back then so it is not that much different than today except for the speed of light data constantly streaming before your eyes. There does seem to be the competition of getting into the best x,y,z schools from pre school to college that I didn't occur when I grew up. You went to a college that you could afford and got a degree. The only ones that spent much money were doctors or lawyers.

I try to reach out to all moms so that I can learn and find out what is going on and keep current and not offend. I go to school with students that could be my grandchildren and am accepted as one of the group. That is special to me that they accept me. I don't judge people because I am not perfect and what might work for me won't work for you.

The best thing to do is to find an inner peace and go from there. Love to my fella moms. I agree with comments from Bug, Tracy K, Kristina M and Mom of R A and B.

The other S.

PS They burned the bras when I was coming up and Barbie had just come out along with Sesame Street. No I didn't do the peace and love thing in San Francisco.

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Yes. I agree with you. However, there are always exceptions. Such as me. I'm very "traditional" compared to many other moms- in many ways. I'm actually having a hard time "adapting" to a new style... even though it is my generation (I'm 30). I don't know. I'm very appreciative, forgiving, un-spoiled, and I want to raise my kids in a more traditional way, but it is hard, cause hardly anyone else is on the same page... people seem very self-centered and more aggressive (particularly women). I can be quite feisty if I want to be, but for a good cause. I dunno- I wanna move away from the dc metro area and raise my kids closer to traditional values, farmland, fresh air... I'm going off on a tangent!

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I am a younger mom who totally does not "get" a lot of the actions/mindframes of other mom's my age. I do not sweat the small stuff in the same way. I am not married to the father of my child, yet (wedding set for next year) ... I do agree that it may not be the best for all involved, however it has worked well for us -- we are stronger in our love and relationship than many of our same age married with kids peers. I do, however find myself agreeing with many of the other moms that are older more so than the younger moms or moms in my age group.

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I am a 45 year old with a 5 year old. DH is 50. My impression is that the difference is the era when we grew up, not when we had kids. I find that I am much more of a feminist, way more concerned about gender stereotypes, the princess culture, and much less concerned that DS masters reading in preschool (actually way more concerned that he has time to play and be a kid) than the younger mothers I know. I think it is the younger moms who have the more 'traditional' values (home as opposed to career or having it all) not the older ones. My mom's and MIL's generation (they are 74 and 81) are the ones that fought hard for the right for women to have what men took for granted - a career and parenthood.

The women I know in my age cohort are way more likely to have continued working outside the home or taken a brief (2-3 year) break than the younger women I know. They are way more likely to have a partner that expects to be a 50:50 partner in childcare and economic contribution to the family than a husband that 'helps' a little around the house. I have a good (we are not best friends) relationship with my MIL, she is my husband's mother and she did a good enough job at that, right.

My impression about things like sex and marriage is that the younger women I know are way more likely to marry young and to marry because they are pregnant. Most of the women my age I know have been much more open about sex and living together. I do not know anyone my age who got married because they were pregnant. I know many younger women who did.

My impression is that there was a brief window of hope for gender equality for kids who grew up in the late 60s to the 70s and that now we are back to the 50s. Yes, I know there are people who will consider that a good thing.

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I think you just learn as you get older and your perspective changes a bit. Also your position in life has alot to do with the way you approach things. I have a 12 yr old daughter,12 yr old stepson and boys that are 10 and 8. Im considered a young mom I guess, I just turned 30. If we have another baby there is alot I would do differently. I think that I have very different expectations of myself and my husband than alot of other moms both my age and in general but it works for us. Sometimes I do sweat the small stuff but I usually get over it relatively quickly. As for my mil she drives me crazy sometimes and we have words but I would never alienate my husband or my kids by making a huge deal over it. What I am trying to say but dont think I am doing a good job is I think it is a personality thing more than an age thing.

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I'm older than you and I think things definitely change by generation - family values, discipline methods, marital roles change just as fashion, music and cars do. When I was raising my daughter, (seventies and early 80's) spanking was still the most commom form of punishment. We didn't use it and it tore me up that I was possibly doing the wrong thing and I was heavily criticized for not using it. Now it's just the opposite. We thought we were advancing the sisterhood of women but now I just laugh at what fathers/ husbands are expected to do (not laugh at the women, I think it's great but we didn't have that). I didn't like my MIL but I will agree that our commitment to our parents and traveling to our parents (as opposed to the parents coming to us) was a given, like breathing, it wasn't even something we questioned. I would have loved to have had a mamapedia to go to! I think the awareness of autism, aspergers, ADD, ADHD is good - sometimes a little overdone with everyone wondering if their child has something (that we would have just considered behavior or personality) but all in all a better thing for more children to have early intervention and a more satisfying life. I love that there are SAH Dad's. I wish we had moved farther than we have in our acceptance and thoughts about working moms but we haven't yet - that was is s-l-o-w progress. I think for the most part the changes have been good and they represent progress. Of course now that I'm in the grandparent stage, I wish that parental commitment thing was still in vogue! And I wish computers and electronic toys hadn't overwhelmed playing outside and playing "pretend". As far as not sweating the small stuff and slowing down and enjoying...I remember my mom telling me that it was going to go so fast and I should slow down and enjoy. In fact, it was probably yesterday that she told me that because to her, I'm still "young". So that one is probably true at every stage of life and we could probably all slow down and enjoy more but it's hard to take that advice when you are up to your eyeballs in diapers, or up to your eyeballs in potty training, or up to your eyeballs in teeny tiny toy pieces, or up to your eyeballs in school and after school activities, or work or caregiving or whatever stage you're at.

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I was born in the early 80's. So I guess you would consider me a young mom. Next year I turn 30, my hubby will be 34 and my daughter will be 5 years old. I married shortly after college, to a man I dated for 3 years and was engaged to for only 9ish months. We were married for 9 months before we were surprised when I was expecting (both condom & birth control failed, but my daughter is a true blessing to us), we wanted a family were planning on waiting but God had other plans. So that is me.

To me it has to do with how one was raised and the time in whatever culture they were influence by. The majority of the above that you said I agree with but I may say it in a different way because of my personality (which can be very honest & blunt sometimes).

When it comes to schooling I think everyone has to make the decision that is best for their child, unfortunately I do see many parents pushing their child into so much so fast that the kid never had time to be a real kid. At some point you have to let kids be kids, have free time, not scheduled to the max. My daughter went to preschool for two years, but mainly for that fact that she is an only child who needed that bonding with her peers before entering kindergarten this fall.

Surprisingly she started to read at age 4 and jumped levels quickly, all I did was read with her daily since she loved stories. The preschool read books to her too, taught letters but no other reading skills emphasized. One day I walked into the living room and she was reading a 1st grade level book by herself. Of course I encouraged her but I never forced reading upon her, I noticed her gift and went with it.

Yes there are many days that I fill up with doing way too much, I forget to enjoy my time with my daughter and family. My parents use to live in Bulgaria and I remember that kind of slow life and loved it. Here in America it is very fast pace, I try my best to put my foot down and say no, slow down.

Over generations points of views change, life changes, society changes, events happen, the way they were raised, all of these and more play a major roll in what a person's ideals and values are. YES the age difference sometimes makes all the difference in how a generation thinks, there is no changing it, you can only change yourself. At times I believe my generation and the one following mine makes so many excuses for having it hard, well if they really took to heart say the Great Depression or how many less unfortunate countries/people they would stop make excuses and do what needs to be done to raise a family. Sometimes we get so caught up in yourself that we forget that we are ALL in this together. (funny thing is I wrote this last line before I read your 'so what happened'... looks like a "younger" mom and you can think alike)

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I have a large gap between two of my kids so my oldest are on their own and youngest are 10 and 12. It seems like the difference is information overload. It is like we have all this information so we won't make a mistake like our parents did. They know all the latest studies on what will make the stronger, healthier, smarter........see we had to get all that on paper so by the time we read it they had already disproved it.

I don't think it is jaded it is more of MY RIGHTS!!!! forgetting that other people have rights too. The one who screams loudest gets the most rights! Like my kids have the right to play on this street!!!! what about your car, your rights can wait....oh and don't you dare run over the toys junior left in the street he is busy being creative so he doesn't have time to pick them up, it is his right!! to be creative.

Okay I need to get back to work, this was fun to respond to, :D

Just so Meagahn doesn't think I am a hater, hun, like everything this doesn't apply to everyone. You know how it is, the annoying people stick in your mind, not everyone else.

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WHo knew this question would be such a lightening rod eh?

I guess I don't fit in much here - I'm 44 and have a 3 yr old, I am the primary breadwinner in my family and do most of the household stuff (mow lawn, take garbage out etc). My husband works a ton too.

I have to say, in real life I don't have a real sense of differences between 'generations" of moms, it's only here on Mamapedia that it comes out with how easily people are offended by anyone responding to the post in a way they don't agree with etc. I've not noticed a big difference in real life, at the playground or pre-school but of course I am probably too busy to get drawn into any drama and all my friends are my age with little ones so very similar dempgraphics.

ANyway, interesting questions. I do think the world is a different place than it was in the 70s and so much has changed it's hard to pinpoint the causes, but we are all evolving to live in the world as it shifts.

I'm a younger mom, and I would be APPALLED by that gift suggestion. I think registries shouldn't be mentioned on invitations and people should NEVER throw their own showers.

There are some differences between younger and older moms, but there's no single cause. Problems with MILs probably have something to do with the moms and something to do with the MILs (the were probably the first generation of overbearing "helicopter" moms).

Culture IS very different 25 years later, though. There was practically no internet 25 years ago; that alone has made enormous changes in the culture and the way we live our lives than in the previous generation.

But then, these are all generalizations. In some ways, I feel like an older mom. I have many of the values of the previous generation. One of my good mom friends is only slightly younger than you, and she is every bit a "young" mom!

I agree, it's the generation we were raised in. Plus it's the bit of maturity on us that helps us to remember what is really important and what's not worth arguing with a 4 year old about. We have more knowledge, we have more patience, we have a bigger picture to look at. Is it really going to matter what they wore to school today in a week? a Month? next year? If they want to wear flip flops in january and there is a foot of snow on the ground then yes, it matters what they wear but most stuff really isn't worth arguing about.

I think that every generation IS different, manners and expectations do change. At 43, with a 12 and a 16 year old, I don't know which of your groups I'd fit into. There has always been a generation gap, and if you're 52 with a 12 year old, you may be in contact with 42 and 32 year old moms with kids the same age. A 52 and a 32 are just not going to see life the same way and will have been raised differently. Sometimes change is good and necessary. There are moms/women I know who are my age and have very different ideas and expectations in life, marriage and motherhood than I do. Some of these differences make me feel like shaking my head or pulling my hair out, and some make me say "Hmmm, maybe I have something to learn here."

i totally agree with you I am 50 and wish i was doing this 20 yrs ago but we must change with the time i guess