Differences in Religious Beliefs

S.,

I grew up with the 'Daddy just doesn't go to Church' kind of Catholic Family and it was odd. We went to church with Mom almost every Sunday, and my Dad never came. He left it up to my Mom and that was just how we did things. But, now that I look back on it, it would have been nice to know about my Dad's religious background as a child. He was raised, Christian Lutherin and never talked about it with us until we were older...

So, I guess the point to my rambling is if your husband is willing to go to Temple and put aside any misgivings he has about Judaism and even learn more about your beliefs...why can't you do the same?

My Uncle married a very Jewish AWESOME lady, and my Aunt and Uncle raised their girls Jewish and he even converted. For them, I and the rest of the Catholic Brood always go to major events at Temple and do what we can to support their beliefs within our family.

I think it's important that kids have some kind of belief structure, but today I am a Catholic who is more spiritual than religious...it's just about faith for me and not about where I pray.

If you want your kids to be able to choose for themselves they need to be presented with even spectrums of both sets of beliefs. I think it's only fair that if your husband is pulling his side of the bargain, and attending Temple and learning about your beliefs it's only right to do the same. Otherwise, you might want to put this on the backburner until you can come to an agreement on how to do it.

Good Luck!

This is a really tough one. Not because you and hubby are strong in your individual and differing beliefs but because your children will be deciding for themselves and may not choose either your religion nor your hubbies. I think that the best you can do is to allow them to explore the subject, show them by example that it is possible and wonderful that you both can love each other and allow each other the freedom to believe differently. That is easier said than done, it means really doing that because the children WILL see the tension no matter how hard you try to hide it. You have to really do it and mean it. Allow each other to believe in the way that each truly feels is spiritually satisfying. It does not mean that either of you has to convert, just that both of you have to allow for and share in the experience of the other. Take turns. And be happy in the knowledge that you are breaking down old walls that have been around for centuries and creating a safety zone of love for your children to see and carry forward. You are creating a brave new world by so doing. Your children will grow rich in the knowledge that strong love can overcome many differences and barriers. Be prepared to let them discover their own beliefs and don't be upset if the road takes them hither and yon. It often leads right back and if you have been angry or unforgiving about it the road back can be blocked by your own self put barriers.

How committed are you to Judiasm? How committed is your husband to Catholism? Would it be possible, just for the sake of sanity, to chose just one religion that is not of the Jewish or Catholic faith to practice as a family? Honestly, I don't know of any watered down Jewish religions, but perhaps you do. As for the Catholic religion, you may want to try out an Episcopal, Lutheran or Presbyterian church instead. They are similar to a Catholic church but, IMO, don't have as much dogma. Or you may want to try out a more free-spirited non-denominational church instead.

I believe that your son will feel the tension no matter what you do. I was raised Catholic and married someone whose former spouse is Jewish. I have a stepchild and because her parents do not agree on religion at all, she presently maintains that she does not believe in any form of organized religion, God or Jesus. It is very sad, because she does not have any type of spiritual faith. Hopefully your child or children will not have to go through this. I think you should let your husband go to temple if he wants to, but don't pressure him to convert if he doesn't want to. I think it would be confusing to give your children both Christmas and Hannukah. Best wishes to you in whatever you decide.

Hi S.. I am Jewish (conservative) and my hubby is an Atheist. I suppose on some levels that is easy on me because there is only one religion being practiced in the house (although we celebrate the commercial side of Christmas). I still have battles with him though because he wants nothing to do with any religion. We found a reconstructionist temple that was a great middle ground for us. They are even less religious than the reform sect of Judaism. He doesn't mind going to those services on occasion or bringing up our children in that branch of Judaism. I am not one who goes to Temple often, but I still want to uphold the traditions that I grew up with. You should try to find a place of worship that you both feel comfortable with. Perhaps a Universal Unitarian church, which is all encompassing might be an option? Either that or just let your hubby take your son to church without you and vice versa. This way your son is exposed to both religions and you don't have to experience the discomfort of practicing a religion you do not identify with.

Whatever you decide to do, make sure you and your hubby are in agreement and do not worry about what your in-laws think. It is absolutely not their place!

Good Luck - I know it's not easy!

I just wanted to say, that is it so great and gracious that your Hubby is so open minded and accommodating about this and such a sensitive subject. Kudos to him. You are very lucky he is embracing other possibilities.

All the best, I know it's not an easy thing for a parent to decide. Just always project a positive feeling about it, to your son. Yes, they do pick up on tension or disagreements.
My daughter, from a very young age, would ask me "How come Daddy doesn't like church?" (my Hubby has his beliefs and faith...but he does not like 'organized religiosity.' But, my daughter picks up on it.) Kids are very observant and keen... and my daughter is naturally a spiritual child and likes to talk about "God" all on her own, without "our" pushing it. So you see....your child will have their own discoveries and natural inclinations too.

Good luck,
Susan

Wow sorry your inlaws are so angry!
My husband and I are of different religious backrounds, I am Roman Catholic and he is Christian. We have come to the same agreement to let our children when they are old enough decide what they wanted to follow in the way of religious belief, and we decided to raise them catholic until that time.
So there's one idea pick a religion and one of you will just deal with it, the other suggestion I have would be to raise them both ways. Celebrate all your holy days and explain when he can comprehend that he is gifted to have such open minded parents to allow him to learn two different teachings of religious education. He comes from two very special backrounds because of who you and your husband are and there is no reason to have to decide on one way to worship. Alternate sundays?? Good Luck