June 20, 2010,
P.C. asks from Bronx, NY on June 20, 2009
Did I Make a Mistake by Staying in My Marriage
I dont want to make this to long. I am so very unhappy in my marriage. It started 5 years ago when aI found out my husband cheated on me, although he constantly denies it. I wen to a lawyer about a divorce. I was so scared because I had a new born. we constantly and i mean constantly argue. The lawyer I hired ended up representing my husband in traffic court. I got rid of him, the lawyer. I am a christian and decided to give my husband another chance. I got pregnant again three years later, i really wnated another child. Things go even worst found out he was still seeing the same person or another. We lost a big junk of our income because he is hard headed and would not listen to me or the person he was contracting from. I guess the person left him cause he could no longer provide her with the lifestyle she wanted. Just to add this when I was 7 months pregnant with my second child, I found out he was talking to a girl on the ph. The man cried because the I told this person I was pregnant. I consulted with another excellent lawyer once again changed my mind because I was scared and my sister who is a SUPER christian keeps telling me god would work it out and I know he will maybe he was telling me to leave. Well to end this I am miserable with this man, I dont love him but I am so scared. His parent never came to visit us when we have the kids every year he wants me to travel south and vistit them. I agree to one week he called me names because I will not go for two weeks. Ladies why am I so weak about leaving. I cant stand this man.
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C.D. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
Sorry I dont know what you are going threw but It is a big step You deserve to be happy its scarry but all new things are, how about just a seperation.Change is difficult. good Luck
S.L. answers from New York on June 22, 2009
I know we all love Mamasource as a way to connect with other mothers and not feel so alone, but the truth is, you should not be listening to any of us on this and we should not be advising you. None of us knows the whole story, including both sides and your family histories that brought you to this point. We cannot possibly know what is best for you based on your brief summary. I think out of all this, the only thing to listen to is the urge for you to get help and don't feel hopeless, helpless or dumb. Find a reliable Christian counselor who can take the time to really understand and provide reliable counsel. I pray the God will richly bless you as you seek His will for your life. He is good and loves you deeply, so he is your best resource for guidance.
2 moms found this helpful
S.D. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
You are not dumb, it is a very hard decision to make and you are very smart to consider all of your options before making a decision.
You received a lot of good advice already. However, I want to add a few things that I have learned from experience. Do not leave the house until you consult with a lawyer. I'm not sure what state you are in, but if they offer an information line such as 211 or 311 call and see if there is a service that offers service on a sliding scale. Also, make copies of every financial document such as taxes, bank statements, your husbands paychecks and or W2 statements etc. and make the copies and put them in a safe place. Maybe a friend can keep them for you. Also, as many others mentioned get some counseling for yourself. There are probably groups of women who are going through a divorce or have finished the process and they can not only provide support, but they can also be a resource for legal and financial programs.
1 mom found this helpful
S.H. answers from Albany on June 21, 2009
I don't have time now to read through all the other responses so I may be repeating a few things. First of all as a Christian I'm sure you know that adultery is the only reason that is given in the Bible as grounds for remarriage. In the eyes of God you are allowed to get divorced and for the sake of your children, who will model your marriage as adults, it's for everyone's good. Your husband has proven himself to be a serial adulterer and doesn't show respect or love for you. You absolutely do not want your children to see this happening.
If you can't do this alone, see a counselor who is neutral. Leave your sister out of it. Sounds like she has a hold on you. Is she older? Maybe she's been bossy or protective over you her whole life? Time to stop that pattern now!
Do all the work involved with leaving. Plan a budget, where you will live, who will watch the children, etc. Going through the steps will make it more real and eventually you will have the power to go. Don't count on your ex for support. If you get it that's great but budget without it.
If his parents can't come for a visit to see their new grandchildren they are very selfish and have raised a carbon copy of themselves (just guessing). I can't imagine traveling with a new baby. That's plain rude. I'm sorry you have invested so much time here but it's time to move on before life completely passes you by.
1 mom found this helpful
M.K. answers from New York on June 20, 2009
You didn't make a mistake,
your making a sacrifice for your children
As for going for the 2 weeks, I hope he is planning to come with you, otherwise, I wouldn't go at all.
Tell him to use the money to bring them here.
When it comes to your marriage, you'll need to work harder at it. No one ever said it would be easy,
Marriage is a job. Just like all the others and you only get out of it what you put into it.
Do you think it would be easier alone? it isn't and it won't be.
You have children by this man, and you decided to marry him, so he couldn't be all that bad.
Now to address his cheating, tell him to stop.
tell him this is unacceptable, and that he isn't just hurting you and him, he is hurting his children.
and then search the web to see if they have a local Sex addicts annoymous group in the area.
This way he can get some free counselling for his addiction.
What to do if he won't go, call some of the members of the church to the house and let them do the counseling.
My point is, this is not something you can fix on your own, you need help.
Your relationship is broken and you need a healer.
Are you embarassed to talk about it.
Well if you leave things alone they'll fester. and become toxic.
So do your family a favor, and make the changes you need to , ask for help from the people who know and care about you.
I am praying for you
Ps I am a Bahai and we have a marital book
If your church won't help then perhaps you can start your own marital workshop using these materials, I am certain the Bahai's in your area would gladly attend.
Or you could even post something on Craigslist.
I want to remind you that when you forgive you let it go.
and put it in gods hands.
you don't bring up the past, you make a firm decision to start fresh, and trust.
Sex Addicts Anonymous - ###-###-#### - 1317 3rd Ave, New York, NY - 7.21mi - map
Sex Addicts Anonymous - ###-###-#### - 545 8th Ave, New York, NY - 9.29mi - map
Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous - ###-###-#### - 545 8th Ave, New York, NY
1 mom found this helpful
J.E. answers from New York on July 15, 2009
40 is the new 20 and if you are miserable GET OUT. This is your life and you have to be happy. Life is too short and too precious to waste so move on and give your kids the best of you!
J.B. answers from Albany on June 21, 2009
What are you afraid of??? Being judged in the eyes of god? Cheating on you and hurting you is not a very christian thing of him to do. You tried forgiving him. I think the 2nd time you caught him was your sign saying that it is ok to leave. March yourself down to social services, file for custody and support, ask them to recommend a good lawyer, take the kids and get out of there. I left my husband when I was pregnant and trust me, although scary to be raising a newborn alone, (I also had 2 other children when I left) you get the strength because you have to. Your a mom. Things will get easier. I am adverse to hand outs but Social services has an abundant amount of resources to be used, from helping find a job, apartment, childcare, even wic. I don't know how far your support system is but if your alone, there is help out there. Put your ducks in row and find your happiness. You only go through this life once and it is too short to feel like how you are feeling right now. You can't just "get over" a betrayal. It chips away at your soul until there is nothing left of you. Another piece of advice is to get yourself a book and start jotting down your interactions with this man, from his name calling, when you caught him talking to this other woman, ecetera. It will come in handy if he tries to get ugly. I didn't think my ex would and I trusted him to be ammicable for the sake of the children and I learned quickly what a monster he could be. Good luck.
K.H. answers from Utica on June 21, 2009
No, you did not make a mistake, but you do need counseling, Christian counseling at best. Talk to your pastor and see what can be worked out.
God always blesses those that are committed to the promises that they make. You are committed, and if He is making you stay committed through your fear so be it. That is not weakness, in fact it may be strength.
Have you ever heard that God's ways are not our ways? Well, they are not, and just when you think that the world is saying leave etc, that is when God is saying stay. Just when the world says yell, God says pray.
The battle is won in the prayer closet, not the battle arena.
Listen to the world and do the opposite, that is what I have found is what the Bible says. This is not our home we are simply passing through.
Did someone tell you marriage would be easy? They were lying, even the best of marriages you must work at.
God bless you with His wisdom and give you His strength to do what He wants you to do, not what I think or what your sister thinks, but listen to the answer from the Lord who loves us and gives us His wisdom.
Write me, I love to talk
K. --- SAHM married 38 years --- adult children --- 37,33, and 19.
J.S. answers from New York on June 23, 2009
The problem right away is STRENGTH! Why are you so hard on yourself you are an individual with gifts I'm sure your husband saw something in you to want to marry you?
If you both cannot seek counselling to sort it out, you will forever be unhappy. No one can fix your problems but you and by the way your husband doesn't seem to have a problem staying in the marriage does he?
God will sort things out...but he made us human to use the wisdom he gave us when we need to. If you have taken on a lawyer, weigh the advice of the lawyer with what YOU really want for yourself, your children and your life.
J.P. answers from Buffalo on June 21, 2009
Oh...LEAVE HIM!!!! God is helping you work it out...by telling you to get out of this marriage! You tried and gave him a second chance, he is the one who isn't trying.You can't always fix the problem, esp. if you are the only one trying!You deserve to be happy. Stick to your guns and go! Good luck!
E.G. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
Hi. I really feel for you. Why prolong the inevitable? You are still young and once it all shakes out you will have a chance to be happy again. You will leave himm eventually so do it earlier while you still have the energy to get back out there again. I am sure it will be a hard couple of years but you can be strong and look forward to the time when you are independant of him. My mother left my father when I was young. She was so miserable and unhappy. I am so happy she left him. He was emotionally vacant and still is. She found a new life, got remarried and was a very happy person. I remember when she was sad and unhappy and she became a different person. It was very difficult for her at the time. She had to go back to school while working but it paid off for her. Don't stay if you are not happy. You live only once so make it a happy life for you and your children. good luck,
K.F. answers from New York on June 22, 2009
I dont care if this guy is a sex addict or not, he is a disrespectful loser!! You deserve better. I was going to say what Elaina said...What would you tell your daughter? Would you want her treated this way or would you want your son treating his wife this way. You are not stupid..you are scared. Which, by the way, is completely normal. If you believe in God, you should know that he loves you no matter what. Your children and you need to come first. My heart goes out to you. Lean on your loved ones and do what you feel is right. If its not leaving him, then so be it. However, by your post, it sure sounds like your ready. You need to repeat this words to yourself. "My kids and I are worth more than what we are getting". And dont forget...the hard part...will soon pass....Good luck..
N.D. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
You need to realize that you do NOT NEED a man. You are a capable woman and can stand on your own 2 feet. You are a Christian and with GOD's help can do anything you want to. Tell your husband you are getting a divorce and tell him to move out of your home. Be firm, get the lawyer. Incidentally if a lawyer is representing you it is a conflict of interest for him to represent your husband in any matter.
You dont need to stay in a relationship that is as caustic as yours seems to be and Im sure it isnt making your kids happy either.
V.L. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
Hi! P.,I had the same problem.My husband cheated while he lived with me for 2 yrs.He got caught a few times kept telling me it was over i had him leave and come back,told me he was living with a friend found out years later he was living with her.If your a chrisitian ask God what to do.I had a very hard time letting my husband go,its been 5 1/2 yrs hes living with her for the past 3 1/2 i have prayed for him but hey men dont change .we are now just get divorced.Just give God your marriage.Its just hard to start over maybe thats why your afraid to leave.
A.G. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
As Christians we are taught to pray about it and God is in control BUT God also put help out there that we can use. If you have a good church and have a trusted Pastor, elder or deacon or just a person who you trust to give you good Godly advice go to them and talk. Get counseling together and / or seperate. Your husband may or may not be willing to 1. admit what he has done and 2. get counseling. You owe it to yourself AND your children to do what is right but also beneficial to you and them. What type of Godly example is their father being by having an affair. And what kind of a Godly woman are you being by doing nothing. I'm not saying to file for divorce tomorrow morning but I am saying get help tomorrow morning (or today if possible). You and your husband are the examples that will influence your children the most in life (good, bad or indifferent). God Bless. A.
M.S. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
It's not that you are weak. It's just that you are not ready to admit to yourself that he's bad for you. No one can tell you when to leave, only you know when you had enough. Until you realize that, then and only then can you make the right decisions for you and your children. Good luck on whatever decision you make.
B.C. answers from New York on June 24, 2009
Hi P.. You're not dumb. Although I don't have an experience similar to yours, my mother is currently with a man who's cheated and probably is still cheating, and he's also abusing her physically and emotionally., She's still with him. And they don't have kids. You have children and you are religious from what I see and your values are probably in a way. You're not dumb though, it is very hard to leave a marriage, especially if there are children. I think you should leave though. You're not doing anyone any good by staing. You're miserable, your children will see that as they get older and it will affect them. I come from a family where my parents constantly fought, bought with words and using their hands. I'm 31 and remember certain moments to this day. They finally divorced after 11 yrs. I was little but I do remember. It harmed me and I now find myself emotionally unstable at times and can blow up on a dime. But I recognize it so I can control it. Your kids will be better off if you leave and so will you. That's all I can stay. Stay strong, your kids should be and I'm sure are your world, and that's all that matters. Good luck. He's not worth it!!!
S.W. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
Your not dumb, just scared. I was in the same situation. My husband had a girlfriend, while married with a child. When I found out, I packed his bags while he was at work, and changed my locks. I too was scared. I wasn't working. At the time I was a stay at home Mom. My confidence level was none, and I had a 5 year old son who absolutely adored his Dad. I had to end it. At the time, I loved my husband. It was very difficult to end. I cried for almost three years. My son suffered horrible, and to this day shows affects from the divorce. On the positive side, I got a job, great childcare for my son, and today am doing better then ever without my cheating husband. My son is starting college and is a wonderful caring young man. Please remember GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES!!!! Please put it in his hand and let him lead the way. I'm sure he wouldn't want you being stuck in a unhappy marriage with a husband who does not honor the mother of his children. You need to seek happiness!! Your children will lead by example. You don't want them growing thinking it's OK to disrespect the mother of their children. I wish you luck in whatever you decide. Either way to be hard on yourself. You deserve a wonderful HAPPY life!!!! God Bless you and your children....
A.H. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
First of all, you are NOT DUMB. It is an extremely difficult decision to leave a man you had once committed your life to, especially since you have children with him.
I would advise marriage counseling, who will probably advise separately counseling for the both of you since is sounds like you might be in a borderline emotionally abusive marriage. My guess is, however, that your husband would never agree to this. so....
Divorce him. You have said you don't love it, and you should NEVER stay in a marriage just because you are scared, and believe me - GOD does not want you to stay in a marriage without love. Love is all GOD wants for you, and I believe that perhaps he helped you find out about the affairs in order to prompt you to leave. I sincerely believe that your husband is not the man that GOD intended for you. Good luck, and God Bless. Make sure you have a good lawyer.
M.H. answers from New York on June 27, 2009
Your question is did I make a mistake by staying in my marriage which means to me that you are no longer in the marriage. If you are I just want to tell you a little bit about me and then you decide for yourself if leaving him was the right thing. I am an older women now but when I was 14 I got pregnant and married the boy/man who was the father and proceeded to live in what can only be considered hell. I have 9 children all by him and we suffered nothing but devistation throughout the time we spent with him. I had no one to advise me for ther was no one who cared. To you I say what should have been said to me. Who is happy in this situation and what is going to happen to your children if something is not done now. Either make up your mind and get marriage counseling or pick up yourself and start over again. Peace of mind and happiness is what we all seek and what is promised to us by GOD for HE says I have given you all things that you need to live and be happy in this life and first and formost we are to seek peace and pursue it. Pastor MVH
P.C. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
What exactly are you afraid of?
Are you afraid of being on your own with your children?
Are you afraid he will do something to you?
Has he ever hit you or given you a reason to think he would physically harm you?
Hun, you are far better a single Mom and on your own than miserable with someone whom you cannot trust and have no relationship with.
I understand you are a Christian and I do understand your wanting to "work it out", but you have gone that route 2 times already. It is clear that if he really loved you and knew that you had given him these chances, he would have tried to work it out with you also.
YES, I believe God is now helping you to make the decision to leave him. God does not want you to be forever unhappy in this life with someone who does not love and respect you. That is not what the lord is all about...and you know that.
It is different when our loved one becomes ill and the spouse wants to leave them simply b/c they just can't take it any more. That is not right because they took the vow for better or worse. You are in a totally different situation and you have more than once given it your all.
You need to seek councelling to help you make the decision to get out of this relationship.
You should still seek the guidance of those in your church, but they must be supportive of you and your decision. You have put yourself through way too much already and gave this man many chances to redeam himself. He has not come through for you.
It is time to move on.
I haven't read any of the other posts yet, but I know they are going to tell you the same thing. And you can bet that God is working through all of us to help you take the first steps to leave and finally be happy.
Do it my dear. You deserve a life of your own surrounded by those that LOVE YOU. Your children!
Take care P.!
N.B. answers from Tampa on June 20, 2010
you need ot leave him. You need to find out if he is willing to change ,because you have children. This is not weak- he is hard headed and wont listen about your income- and you are suffering from his adultery, and NO your sister is wrong- he WILL NOT CHANGE and GOD WILL NOT WORK IT OUT .unless he WANTS TO. Please, do yourself a favor and file- you can always change your mind later, and remarry him IF he changes.
However, I doubt he will. I am married to an abusive man (verbally) who is in constant denial about his finances, and he thinks nothing of doing whatever he wants, IT IS ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE UNLESS he really is willing to change. Sorry, YOu WILL NEVER CHANGE OR FIX HIM> I had to learn this the hard way. You want attention for your "weakness" and sympathy, but you have to be stronger than that, and get out, and stick up for what you believe is right, IF YOU REALLY CANT STAND THIS MAN- ask yourself what is keeping you in this stupid marriage< Kids? money?fear> sorry, ;you are still letting him play you for a victim, and sooner or later, no one will help; you, do it NOW.
get out get out get out before you hurt yourself so much you cant. I mean it.
J.C. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
the longer you stay the harder it will be to leave. dont have your kids thinking a unhappy home is normal. life is way too short. better to be alone and happy. leave the bad husband and get some counseling for yourself to get some more self esteem since being with him has made you more insecure. you need to find yourself again. you need to be a strong independant woman and then when a new man comes into your life it will be a bonus!
i wish you all the luck. i know its hard but you should be happy.
L.D. answers from Albany on June 21, 2009
Only you can answer why you are too weak to leave him. Sure the thought of leaving must be very scary. It means a lot of things will change but you have to believe you are strong enough to do what you need to do and that you deserve to be in a loving relationship. BTW, you need to go back and reread the Bible. A lot of people talk about obeying your husband and sticking it out for your marriage but they never mention that if you read the whole section it says that you only do that if the husband is acting in a Godlike fashion. Your husband is not.
You have to decide what you want your children to grow up learning about relationships because what they see YOU live, they will most likely see as the "norm". I have 3 children the oldest of whom is almost 9 and trust me, if you haven't seen it already, you will begin to see many good AND bad traits your husband and you have manifesting in your children. What type of marriage do you want THEM to have when they grow up?
Pray on it and follow your heart.
Good luck...BTW, a marriage takes two people. You can't make it work on your own if your husband is going to keep doing what he is and not "be there" for your marriage.
C.B. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
I am truly sorry to hear about your misery. I have to say though, that this is not the forum for marriage advice of this nature. Do you have family or friends that you can consult with, people you really trust and that know you and your husband well enough? Have you tried therapy for yourself or together? I personally did and have found that very helpful in being the wife I know I can and want to be. You said you are Christian, seek out Christian counseling, it won't be helpful to seek advice from people who don't share your beliefs. Best of all to you, hope you feel better soon.
E.P. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
Sorry for your trouble - really. If your daughter were grown and in this same situation, what would you advise her to do? Are you children being shown by example what a loving couple looks like so they can choose the right spouse later in life - or do they see what they shouldn't hope for in a marriage? Tough questions, but you have to ask them of yourself. You deserve to be happy and your children deserve a father who respects his wife & family. Doesn't sound like you have that.
Get organized, make a plan, find support (friends and family WILL be willing to help, just ask) and get out while you still have some self-respect. Good luck.
M.T. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
I am not any denomination of Christian, but I can't imagine that God would want you to suffer or that you need to suffer due to the bad judgement of someone else. God would want your husband to be a good husband, father and man, and he is not. He has broken your vows. Since you are religious, have you had counselling with your pastor? if you think that might work, go for it, but honestly, your husband doesn't sound like he really cares about being a good husband and isn't living by your religous morals. Why not consult with an attorney. Sure it's scary to think of separation and divorce, but you are already working and your husband (unless he really makes no money or is a SAHM) is going to need to do his part to contribute financially to the children.
J.T. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
Somethings to think about! Can you afford to take care of your daughters alone? If so leave him if that's what you really want. As far we know we only live once so be happy
T.P. answers from New York on June 24, 2009
P., we all have our weaknesses, especially where men are concerned. You need to take small steps first-each day you should wright down what you would like to achieve regarding leaving your husband. For example, step # one might be to contact a lawyer, step # 2 might be to find out the family laws in your state regarding custody, etc... I would also suggest that you change your diet and start excercising if you are not already doing so. You will be amazed to find that a lot of your "fear" is due to your poor diet and probably hormonal imbalance. Once you start a diet/excercise regimen,I guarantee that you will find the strength you need to move forward. Just remember, one day at a time. I am a christian as well, and I know that God does not want you to be in an emotionally abusive relationhip, which will eventually cause you to develop a chronic illnes due to the stress. Your duty right now is to protect your children and you can only do that if you are healthy and happy. If you husband is unwilling to change, you must leave for your health's sake. I hope this helps.
T. Parke, Holistic Health Counselor
H.B. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
My advice is to go down the court and file for a divorce yourself it will be a big adjustment and your family will be there for you no matter what and your friends there is not need for you to stay in a marriage when he is constantly going ot be unfaithful to you. You will be alright I know you are sacred but god gives us a way to get through it
L.H. answers from New York on June 22, 2009
Please read this bible explaination at http://christiandivorce.1hwy.com/index.html
God is a loving God and would not want you to be scared or placed in a situation where you are not happy or abused. I think a lot of people take quotes out of context and try to apply them to all situation. It doesn't work that way. It also says in the bible, "Let no man intimidate you." Being Christian doesn't mean you are supposed to be a doormat.
S.Y. answers from Jamestown on June 21, 2009
If you are asking the questions about your marriage, you already know the answers. You are just not ready to accept them. You are not dumb or weak - just seeking confirmation for what you already know to be true. Be strong for you and your kids. Where there is NO love or at least mutual respect, there are no easy answers. Whatever you decide, God will provide - be it money or people, and you will be fine. The best advice is to prepare for whichever way you decide - counseling or an attorney. Plan for the best way to achieve your goals and then march on. God is with us always. The answer or help is just behind the next door, you only have to open it. Good Luck. You will be just fine. I will pray for you.
S.B. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
I believe you make your life. You are not living your life like Gd intended for you too. Staying in an unhappy marriage will do more harm to your kids in the future. You are strong. Put your foot down and start living your life like you deserve. Leave him and move on. You deserve happiness. I have done the same in my life. I divorced and remarried. Good luck to you. You deserve better.
M.B. answers from New York on June 22, 2009
So sorry to hear about your awful husband. I know being a Christian make this hard, and other Christian woman will tell you to stick it out .. god has a plan... ect. I'm my opinion being a Christian woman should and will give you the strength to make this decision. Stand up for yourself and for your children... He has repeatedly broken your trust and betrayed your family... it will only continue and this isn't what you want to teach your children. Good luck, be strong and ask god for the strenght.
G.A. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
You have to decided "is it better for me with or without him" will you miss him, yes, will the children miss his presence of course. Will you argue and fight less especially in front of the children? The main question is how much is this marriege "saving" worth to both of you? They say marriages are made to be "forever" remember cast iron has a lifetime guarentee and it breaks as well. Wishing you both well.
S.G. answers from Rochester on June 22, 2009
I have no affiliation with God whatsoever, but I think it more has to deal with what you feel in your heart about the situation. You are not stupid, and if anything, you are simply afraid. Its a normal feeling when you have little ones at home). If it is truly nothing you want to work on, then leave the situation. You are the #1 role model for your children, and you don't want them to see you unhappy all the time. They need to see a loving nurturing environment, which first and foremost includes their parents. If you aren't loving together, then how will you teach them to love?
I agree it sounds like a horrible situation. Your life is yours alone, not anyone on mamasource, not your sisters....no one but your own. Try to think about why you want out, why it isn't working, maybe the pros and cons of staying vs leaving, and I'm sure you will come up with a good solution.
(I too am in a troubling solution and have not yet made any decisions. I think there is still hope for a lost, unloving man, but perhaps in your situation there may not be. I too feel stupid for staying in mine sometimes, but on the other hand I know I feed into the insanity in our relationship....and he is not completely to blame).
Good luck, I know you can do it.
C.D. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
Sorry I dont know what you are going threw but It is a big step You deserve to be happy its scarry but all new things are, how about just a seperation.Change is difficult. good Luck
M.H. answers from New York on June 23, 2009
I would just step back and take a good look at your kids. Is this the life you want for them. If they don't know what is happening now they will when they get older. You are telling them this life is exceptable. Believe me no ones life is perfect. But when is enough enough? I would move on and have a better life with your kids. This is just not once, but many occasions. Your kids are seeing a hearing this everyday. I believe you and your children will be better off moving on.
S.B. answers from New York on June 21, 2009
Change of any kind is difficult. You are not dumb, and I think that you know the answer to your problem. Read your own post and you'll see that you know you should end this marriage. Get counseling for yourself, hire a lawyer (and don't fire him!), then, with advice from both professionals, leave the house or tell the husband that he HAS to GO! Don't let the children see you fight any more. It is shaping their personalities and giving them an unhealthy view about what marriage is all about. For their sakes and for yours, you NEED to find a way to accept that it is over. You have put up with enough already. P., if I could hug you, then I would. ((((P.)))
A.D. answers from New York on June 22, 2009
Dear P., I am sorry this is happening to you. It took me 10 years to leave my first husband. I waited until my 3 kids were 7,8and 9 so they would be in full day school. I knew I would need a job. It was not easy and he skipped to California and did not support us at all. Yes he was cheating and drinking. It all does work out. I had tried Catholic Charities counselling and even a nun said I should do it alone. He was a mess and I did not want that for my children. The good news is I was alone only 5 years when I met a geat man who really loves me. We had 2 more together and he helped me raise the others. We just celebrated fathers day and they all call him Dad. Go with your heart. Only you know what you can live with and what you can not. We all need love. Grandma Mary
E.G. answers from New York on August 10, 2009
I am a Christian as well and I know that God doesn't want to see his children feel the way you do. Sometimes things happen for a reason. Is it possible that God is trying to open a door for you that leads to something great? Pray on it and listen to what God has to say.
K.L. answers from New York on June 22, 2009
All I can tell you is I did it and it was the most stressful thing I have ever been through..I have never been so stressed, so broke, so busy in my life and I have never been HAPPIER!!!!! you are two young and raising two kids, which I have (now 10 and 7) with somoeone you love and respect is so unbelievable!!! my kids were your kids ages as well.... go for therapy and DO IT!!!! good luck to you ....
A.H. answers from Albany on June 22, 2009
P. you deserve happiness and having a relationship that you deserve! Please do not stay with such a louse for
"religious" reasons. Join a local support group and toss this man out of your life like a piece of garbage he is!
You are scared and that is ok but you are SMART and CAPABLE
of doing this without him. Get a good lawyer and go for the gold!!! A man is not what defines you, you control your destiny. Your children will be happier and stronger for it as well. In a year or so this will all be a bad dream and you will be soooo glad you looked fear in the face and made the best decision of your life. You deserve and should demand respect. It is NEVER too late to correct a wrong. So make your to do list for yourself and go for it. Being a Christian does not mean being a doormat!
Lots of love and hugs to you. We are here for you.
A. Proud Single Mom for 21 years :)
A.W. answers from New York on June 22, 2009
your'e not dumb or weak...justed scared. You know it your heart whats right, you just need to do it. Look into your childrens eyes...live the life you would want them to live.