Development Issues

NO, it is not your fault. NO, you could not have prevented it. It also doesn't mean that your son is damaged in any way, it's just a way to explain how his brain works. I didn't speak at all - no mama or dada or anything else - until I was 3 years old. Now I'm a teacher and writer. I am still much more sensitive to physical stimuli than a lot of other people. (Among other things, that means I hate roller coasters.) My husband has lower than average physical sensitivity, so it's often hard for us to "get" each other, but that's OK. That's life.

There are literally thousands of ways we can label our abilities, perceptions and stage of development. We sometimes feel that "average" means perfect, or that it means mediocre; neither are true. "Average" is a statistical, mathmatical term; it means finding the middle among the highs and lows. That doesn't make it better or worse, just the middle.

Maybe you or your son or another family member will one day be diagnosed with vision problems, high blood pressure, ADD, high cholesterol, hearing problems, low blood sugar, depression or any one of THOUSANDS of diagnoses. NONE of those things signal failure on anyone's part. They're all like having brown hair, or catching the flu; they simply describe what's going on in the body. They're not a value judgement.

Hang in there, and know that you're a good mom. Listen to the doctors and therapists, and do what they ask, but don't stress!! Don't compare your son to other kids, just to the best HE can be. That would be equally true if you one day discovered he has a genius IQ. He wouldn't be any better, or worse, than a child with a low IQ. Life is not a contest.

3 moms found this helpful

<grinning> It's only your "fault" on the speech delay IF

- You're bilingual
- You're deaf

Kids growing up in bi (or tri or quadra) lingual households nearly ALWAYS have speech delays (but a year or so later than other kids they speak TWO+ languages fluently), which is a GREAT thing, not a problem.

Hearing children in deaf households tend to have verbal speech delays...for obvious reasons...they're either not actually hearing language spoken at home (but are fluent in sign language)...or they're hearing pitched speech AND are fluent in sign language (the bilingual thing). Once they're around adults and kids without the pitched/accented speech that deaf people have, they pick up whatever accent is spoken in school (be that SoCal, Southern, British, Australian, what have you)

OTW....Nope. Not your fault at all. No way to prevent, lots and lots and lots of ways to treat. Kind of like being born with brown hair. If you have brown hair, you have brown hair. Now you can dye it red/blond/green if you like. :) But you couldn't have prevented the brown hair, or have made them be born with blue hair.

Speech pathologists are amazing, and one will get your son going on the right track, no worries.

As to the sensory integration...only if you left him in a crib 24/7 even for feedings and never touched or spoke to him (sensory integration is something nearly all small children raised in russian orphanages have...literally NO human contact). Since I'm guessing that's not what you did...ditto...soooooo not your fault. But lots of stuff to do to treat it.

So get rid of the guilt, give your little guy the big amazing smile he deserves. He's perfect. Utterly perfect. Just human, like the rest of us, with challenges and stuff to work on.

:) :) :)

2 moms found this helpful

Ditto to Riley's post and others! It is absolutely not your fault. Please do what you can to set that thought aside and turn your focus towards loving your son and approaching this particular challenge with positive energy. As others have said, the most important thing you can do is become informed and offer him support early.

Sensory Integration takes place in the nervous system. Because the brain is 90% developed by age 5, intervening early is the best thing you can do to support positive changes while the brain is still developing. I can't tell you how many parents I've known who wait - they way they will wait to age 4 or 5, until their child starts preschool, to see if they "catch up on their own". And if these parents only understand how they were closing the door on much of their child's potential by doing that, they would make a different choice. So I also applaud you for recognizing the issue early on and seeking support!

If you are working with your local regional center, make sure that you like the Speech therapist and Occupational Therapist that they assign to you. Be an advocate and fight for what is best for your son. If you can afford a private OT or speech therapist, get started soon.

I am a pediatric OT and family coach and I live in Los Angeles. If I can be a resource in any way (referrals, information, etc), please just let me know.

Take care,
D.
____@____.com

2 moms found this helpful

No time and no place for blame here Suzanna:o) What you do need to do though is get some things in place to reverse and help what is happening because it can and has been done. Go to www.tacanow.org and take full advantage of all of the information there. True, it is a site for children with autism and I am not even saying your son has autism, but most of the kids that do have also speech problems and with this being a site to support families you will find A LOT of information that you will be able to use.

The second thing is STOP all vaccinations until you figure out what is going on. This age is the tipping point for children that do develop autism and learning disabilities. Please make sure YOU have done the research on vaccinations for YOUR child. The AAP recommended schedule of shots for children is too many, too soon. Here are sites and books that I always recommend for people to start their research:

www.909shot.com
www.tacanow.org

Healing the New Childhood Epidemics: Autism, ADHD, Asthma, and Allergies: The Groundbreaking Program for the 4-A Disorders, by Dr. Kenneth Bock

The Vaccine Book, by Dr. Robert Sears

What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Childhood Vaccinations, by Dr. Stephanie Cave

Evidence of Harm, by David Kirby

1 mom found this helpful

Don't ever do that to yourself! That is not fair and wastes energy that could be spent elsewhere. Enough. You dont' deserve that. He has what he has, just move forward and deal with it and help him recover from it as best you can.

In my opinion and after going through much of the same thing when my son was two (now 6 and doing GREAT!), it was too many vaccines that caused his symptoms. Now, 4 years later he is completely developmentally "caught up" and doing really well. It was after much therapy and biomedical therapy that we are where we are today. Our 2nd two sons are totally fine but they were not vaccinated and the first guy was. There is really no big mystery to me. Heavy metal accumulation causes sensory integration disorders, speech delays, autism, etc. If I were you, only my opinion from going through it all, I would STOP all vaccinations, get him in as much therapy as possible, eliminate wheat and dairy from his diet for awhile and seek as much info as you can. www.GFCFdiet.com, www.tacanow.com, read Dr. Kenneth Bocks book "Healing the 4 A's: ADHD, asthma, autism and allergies..." and really deal with the symptoms he is having and work on recovering him. Diet and supplements are big. If you can afford it, I would see a DAN (Defeat Autism Now) doctor in your area. The TACA website can help with that. Kids can recover from all this stuff, dont' let anyone tell you they can't. Good luck and hang in there!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Mom,
NO way this is your fault! Please do not blame yourself. Rather you should seek help right away. Contact your local Regional Center for a free evaluation. They can provide services such as speech therapy as well as occupational therapy. If you have medical insurance, they sometimes cover a certain number of therapy sessions a year.
There are regional centers in every county. I have worked for the Regional Center of Orange County and the Inland Regional Center. I have had many children with this similar situation and they have greatly improved. The Regional Centers provide service until 3 years old. Then the kids are transitioned to the local school district for services. There is no labeling of the kids!

Good Luck to you and your son!

NO, NO and NO
Each child develops at his or her pace. Boys usally are later in their speech development than girls. You are doing great. Your awareness is critical plus I am assuming you have gone to the docotor and got this diagnosis. Often parents don't realize there is a problem until later, when they are thinking of preschool or kindergarten. There is plenty of time for you to work with him before he goes to school.
Please don't beat yourself up, get busy helping him.
Your name is Hungarian, I am Hungarian too live in SoCal.
Write me if you are interested.
____@____.com ( I am from Romania-Oradea, have been here for 20 years )

NO. Probably not. And, does it matter where the delay came from - does your sense of guilt help or hurt?

The important thing is to get your son the intervention that he needs. Talk to your pediatrican about what the next step is. If the therapist recommends "homework" do it! Many children are born with delays or problems and catch up just find - with INTERVENTION!!!!!! Just make sure your baby gets the help he needs and stop blaming you!

my now pre-teen child did poorly on all "testings" from age 1 to 4. you would not have guessed that now. homeopathic treatiment did a lot of good. highly recomend it.
Good Luck
V.

No, it's not your fault. I felt the same way. My son is having the same problems as yours. He is also tongue-tied. He will be having a frenulectomy on Tuesday. So please pray for him. Anyways. He will be starting speech therapy, occupational therapy, and early intervention next week also. There is no way you could have prevented it. Everyone is different, everyone develops at different ages. It's up to you on how you can hlep him now.

I'd love to talk to you some more. Seems like we have a lot in common. Talk to you soon.

No girl- it is not your fault! My daughter- now 11- has been through the same things I have read other people write. I have 4 kids - 1 is honor roll/ performing arts, 1 is high functioning autistic & bipolar, 1 has other mood disorder (yet to be determined), and 1 is just 3 but no issues detected as of yet! And I did the same things with all my pregnancies, deliveries, etc. It was hard for me at first too, I too blamed myself but after years of doctors, therapies, clinical & biblical counseling, and heavy prayer-I have found that it is not our fault. Be encouraged, zsuzsana, my daughter is doing awesome- considering. She had speech therapy at school for k-4th grade, now no longer needs. Her meds have evened her out and I have taken every class, seminar, anything the doc recommends. I was even a 1 on 1 aide for lil boy with sensory integration 3 years before my daughter was born and some of the therapies they taught me in my 6 weeks training help my daughter too (joint compressions, brushing, weighted vest activities, spin chair....)I do have my daughter on an all natural liquid supplement too that really seems to help and she loves the taste.
I do suggest a support group. I just found 1 near me that has 5 other fams, meet at 1 of their house have BBQ, the kids play, we visit, sometimes have guest speaker, its a blessing!
Hang in there sister!
Blessings<><

C. McElroy

www.myvemma.com/momma4god
www.myverve.com/momma4god

http://www.mamasource.com/biz/bigmommas-mean-clean-housek...

###-###-####
Live your life in such a way that
when your feet hit the floor in the
morning, Satan shudders & says...
"Oh darn....she's awake!!''

This is in no way your fault. No, you could not have prevented it. Just do whatever you can to get treatment for him, including speech therapy and other therapies if needed. Many districts offer such services free through a preschool assessment team. Call the school district where you live and ask whether an assessment can be conducted.

Best of luck,
J.

Not your fault!!!!!! My son is now 3 we have had this same issue. I went through the same thing- guilt, shame, jealousy of other children who are "normal", fear and sadness he would never get through it and it was my fault. I can tell you it is counter productive. i have learned many of these issues are genetic so you could not have "prevented" them but you can treat them.

It is amazing we need to learn and be tested on almost everything except parenthood. All of my 3 small children have had special little challenges that thankfully we have been able to identify. I have found being involved with the treatment has taught me so much. Things i would not or could not have possibly known unless i had graduated with degrees in speech pathology, physical therapy, psychology, nursing, special education, neurology, nutrition & alternative medicine. I had no idea how to help my son with stuttering or help my daughter "strengthen her core" -what the heck???? Autism well that is it's own thing isn't it yikes! we are dealing with that one one day at a time for now. i read the books "what to expect when expecting" and "what to expect in the first year" but other than that "training" not much more. Children are so complicated and they their brain is growing so fast.

You are an amazing mom! the fact that you have identified this now WOW you are paying attention. If you haven't contacted the regional center do it- your Dr. can give you a referral. be involved and get a team together. don't believe people who say you cant or your child cant it is not true. face it and and move trough it the best you can with a group of trained professionals. (you are probably already doing this) don't live in -what if I had.... live in the -we can now....This has helped me tremendously.

Forgive yourself for even thinking you created this challenge. You have only done the very best you can with what you know and you will continue to learn so you can overcome it.

you can do it!!!!

You have some great feedback from lots of informed moms out there. This is a resource that just keeps giving! I also agree, early intervention is key, however, don't let the intervention stop at the location where the therapy takes place, this will be a life style on your part to support all the techniques he learns in order to see maximum progress. As a special ed. teacher, I have seen all too many times, parents who leave the interventions to us professionals, but when they get home, all the progress we make is reversed because of the lack of support we get when they are not with us. Two steps up, one step back. This isn't necessary if you do your part at home and make the intervention a daily life style.
I wish more parents were like you, and not in denial about their children's disabilities if they potentially have them, as the longer people wait to intervene, the worse the condition gets, and the harder it is to work with.
Good luck, Wendy

Absolutely not, It is not your fault. Many children have speech delays and many other developmental delays as well. This does not because their parents are bad or have done anything wrong. The best thing that you can do is to shake off the guilt and just move forward. You are not alone, this is actually very common. Early intervention is very important for your little one. Put your energy towards finding him the best people to help him - and do it early. Stop thinking about what you could have or should have done in the past and focus on the great ways you can help him now. The actions you take now will help your son and you can feel proud, as a mom, that you helped him through this. Stay positive! Good luck

How could you have prevented this?? But now that you know please get proactive and get him some help and work from there. The sooner and more intense the help the better for the future. Any questions please feel free to write back.

P. Amic
CEO Special Beginnings Inc.
An Early Intervention Network

Hello Suzanna,

To approach this situation you must get rid of the "fault" factor in the first place. It's simply not constructive. Also, you would be losing an opportunity by focusing on what it could've been... And you never know down what roads a challenge can take you!

That said, I think you must have your son evaluated at an early intervention program. As many moms have pointed out, early intervention is the key.

My son was born with malformations that, for starters, delayed his motor development. With proper therapy he was able to catch up and now he attends pre-school with no problems. He also has visual problems which made it difficult for him to learn to walk (he is very nearsighted)... And here's the interesting thing: precisely because of his delayed physical abilities, he developed the most amazing spatial orientation I have ever seen in a child (a wonderful survival skill when you can't move around with all the confidence and swiftness you need). It's fascinating how our bodies and minds find way to compensate, even more so in young children.

My son also had sensory issues and he has been able to overcome all of them gradually. When I started to pay attention to outside circumstances, I realized how overstimulated modern life really is. Today it almost seems obvious to me that a more sensitive child can develop sensory challenges.

Don't panic, take it one step at a time and give your child the chance to surprise you in way you couldn't have imagined possible.

Good luck!

Maria

It is certainly NOT your fault. Obviously you need speech therapy and OT (occupational therapy -- some specialize in sensory integration). Getting therapy now will help ensure a more positive experience by the time he heads off to school. Depending on the degree of his issues, you may need to make schools aware of the issues, but that's a ways off. In either case don't beat yourself up about it. There are far worse problems to have in life.

I know how you feel but the answer is NO! Both of my boys have a speech delay. They have been in special education for preschool and kindergarten. They just turned 5 & 6 and are making great progress. My advice would be don't waste time feeling guilty. Don't give up on your son. He can make great progress in a short time. Work with him. Read to him, talk to him more than normal. Work on sounds and words. Have play dates with kids his age that can challenge him. All this helps. I'm getting my kids out of special ed and into a regular ed class now. They've made that much progress in the last three years. The bottom line is don't feel guilty just do what you have to do to help your son. The gap between his age and his delay can very possibly start closing sooner than you think. Good thing for you this was detected now rather than at 5 when he's about to go into kindergarden. You have time for an intervention that can really help him develop and be ok.

The others who have posted have sooo much better worded advise/wisdom than I can compose, but know that I, as an elem. teacher, have had many children w/ speech delays in their record that I would never have known about - because it is in their past and early intervention is the key - hats off to you for catching it so early so that you can do something about it - contact the county services and/or the public schools - they should have FREE programs to help your son and teach you some special things you can do - try to erase the unfounded guilt and move forward with your wonderful little man

I really like and agree with Riley's post. I'm assuming your son has been diagnosed by a professional so my hat's off to you as a responsible parent. Early intervention is the key to everything!

I"TS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!

So if you are worried about your son's development, have him evaluated by your states early childhood intervention agency. It is usually free and if your child needs help, the services are usually free and easily accessible! BOth of my kids received services, my first for a speech delay. My second daughter actually spoke really early, but she developed a stutter, which they also helped her out with (for free). Both of my kids are healthy and well adjusted members of their respective age groups. Talk to your pediatrician about the early intervention services. Good luck.

No, it's NOT your fault. You've received some good advice here. THe only thing I want to mention is that REgional Center MAY not be able to help you. They have been experiencing MAJOR budget shortfalls and I just heard that unless a child has a delay of 50% or more behind they may not be able to provide services. Definitely get in touch with them as soon as possible. Good luck!

No I believe most of the childhood disorders can be linked to environmental, hereditary, or medical issues. If you ever watched Dr. Oz on Oprah there is so much stuff going on in hospitals these days, its no wonder we all made it out okay.

My son is 11 and diagnosed with ADHD/autism at 3. Both are almost totally invisible. In fact, I will say that the HD portion of ADHD is completely gone.

It will get better and easier. The earlier we find out the better. So you are in a great position.

Hi there,

My son is 2.5 years old, and has been recently diagnosed at mildly autistic and CAS (childhood speech apraxia). It is NOT your fault. My son has been receiving services through the Regional Center since he was 18 months old. We are in the process of beginning to transistion to the local school district. Someone mentioned before, and it is true, the Regional Center are experiencing SEVERE cuts. To qualify for services now, a child must be at least 50% delayed in one area or 33% in 2 or more areas. Call them though and see what they say. They are all under the state, but I do believe they are run indepdenently of each other.

Good luck and kudos to you for being pro-active in your child's life.

NO NO NO it's NOT your fault.
Please, don't guilt yourself.

*Oh, per Riley's posting- my son IS bi-lingual. Fluently in both languages.

My son, who is now almost 3 years old.... "had" a speech delay. Yep. But he is now no longer speech delayed! From about 19 months old, he had a Speech Therapist, which was FREE from our Regional local Zero-To-Three program.
Ask your Pediatrician about it. Every State seems to have one of these programs. But it is only "free" until 3 years old.

My son did not have Dysphagia or Apraxia or any developmental problems/issues. He was just slower to talk. MANY BOYS ARE. Per our Speech Therapist, it is often a "gender" difference, and 80% of her clients were boys!

Don't worry. A Therapist can really help assist your son and you.
Some Moms would even tell me "How come your son doesn't talk yet..." and they would talk to him like he was "stupid." (the nerve!). But, my son was also assessed as being 'advanced" in several developmental areas. And he has many gifts and abilities... and now he is so chatty we really know what he was thinking all this time!

Each child, has their "gifts" and even a speech delay is not a detriment. Don't worry. Focus on the positive... and certainly do NOT let anyone stigmatize you OR your son. Focus on the "gifts" your son has. Kids, can "feel" any negativity or stigmas against them... so just nurture your son, and take advantage of any speech therapy if possible.

*Einstein, didn't talk until he was 3 years old. Mozart, the musical genius, also had a "speech delay" as we would call it. Many gifted & talented adults, had speech delays or sensory issues. And, look at what they became! Today, they are called geniuses and unusual talents, that have benefited humanity and the arts.

It is not something that a parent is at fault for. It is just developmental and nature. But, speech therapy is very beneficial. My Son LOVED his sessions and his Speech Therapist.

All the best,
Susan

Hello, Our children develop at their own rate. Unless you have kept your child in a playpen or crib his whole life without ever talking to him, I doubt that you have been the cause of his delay. Some children do not talk until they are three years old. Our oldest grandson was three when he finally talked. Before that it was a word here and a word there. He is now 13 and is on the honor roll at his middle school and is in excelled classes. Don't blame yourself, it will come. Also, check with your local elementary school and find out if there is a preschool program for speech. I don't know if they will take him this young, but it is worth checking and they can assess his needs.
Good luck with your precious little boy.
K. K.

Not your fault AT ALL! Call the regional center (Local in Los Angeles). They will come to your house and see him. They will set you up with speech therapy and sensory therapy. It is a state funded program and fantastic! My son went through this and is in school at the top of his class. I know how hard this is..stay strong and don't torture yourself. I KNOW!! My son is talking and is a happy 4 year old after a year of speech therapy, he started at 2.