August 16, 2012,
S.S. asks from Cypress, TX on August 14, 2012
Devastated Daughter Was Molested
My heart is broken, my 17 year old is a mild mannered quiet girl and she just confessed to my husband and I that she was molested. I noticed that she was quiet and looked sad sometimes (not very much) but I thought it was because she witnessed my grandmother have a heart attack and die in her face. She says that she was really young maybe 3 or 4 and cannot remember who it was. She said that it was someone that we knew because she was comfortable around him. My husband and I are lost for words and thoughts so I can only imagine how she has been feeling all these years. I am lost and don't know what to do. What do we do to help her to get through this...please help!
So What Happened?™
P.B. answers from Houston on August 16, 2012
I am not being critical, but I was also molested around that time and I've NEVER confessed to my parents (I'm 54) because it was my uncle and I didn't want to cause any strife in the family. He was 14, raging hormones, I was the only female around - not condoning what he did, but I forgave him YEARS ago. I've always been cautious about who my daughter has spent time alone with and she knows what happened to me. I bet your daughter knows and just doesn't want to cause tension because the person is a family member or a close personal friend who's still around. It would be my guess. If she wants to talk to a therapist, let her. If she'd be comfortable talking to your pastor, youth pastor or would rather talk to a female about it - I'd ask the councler at her school for recommendations. Our youth pastor is a female and I ask her for recommendations/advice all the time (I've got an 18 year old DD).
3 moms found this helpful
J.S. answers from Hartford on August 15, 2012
I'm sorry to hear this. Be gentle with her, listen to her when she wants to talk, and encourage her to go to counseling. Make it available to her. Offer to go to her first appointment with her if she's nervous.
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C.B. answers from San Francisco on August 15, 2012
I am so sorry that this has happened to your little girl! I wonder if the trauma of seeing her grandmother pass away triggered these traumatic memories.
About the only things you can do is be extremely supportive and get her into counseling RIGHT AWAY! She has been dealing with these memories on her own and I bet having a third party to talk to would really help her.
Hold her close, love her and make sure she knows that this was in no way her fault, it doesn't make her any less of a wonderful person, and that you support her 10000%
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L.G. answers from Austin on August 16, 2012
At 17, she may have trouble now with the sexual implications. What might have been an event that she really didn't understand before, might now be something that is affecting the way she sees herself sexually. Tell her that you want to find someone that she can talk to that understands the confusion inside and the "dark cloud" that might be following her around. Assure her that the benefit of talking to a professional is that they can help her to see why people do this and that it is in no way her fault.
Then find someone she is very comfortable with. After the first session, she doesn't feel really comfortable, switch to another person. You and your husband might also want to go to a session or two of your own to process this devastating news.
In the chance that she does remember who it is, the counselor will address whether she should speak up or not. But the only thing you need to do is be very open to whatever your daughter wants to share or not share. Let her know how proud you are of her having the strength to tell you. Assure her how much you love her and that you want to make sure she knows that nothing she could have done at that age was her fault.
Tell her that she can talk to you anytime she needs to vent and how sorry you are that she had to go through something like this.