Depression

This might sound a little odd, but you could try surrounding yourself with the smell of oranges. Orange oil is a natural antidepressant. If your kids like oranges to eat, that would make it even easier since you won't have to make an excuse to get them in the house. Just make sure to cut them up so the smell permiates...or start using an orange scented dishsoap or other cleaner. You can also find orange scented lotions and things too. Maybe even some orange oil. I struggle with a mild form of chronic depression and I've found that I feel 100% better if I use my orange lotion and other products scented with natural orange oil. It might help to at least relax a little and take some of the edge off. Another thing you might try is writing all your worries on a piece of paper and then burning it, shredding it, or otherwise destroying it (not just tossign it in the trash) to help your worries go away. Good luck.

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C.,

My take is that your change from work to home and your turning 35 may have more to do with it than your pregnancy. I could definitely be wrong but, when I turned 35, I had just moved to a new state and given birth to our third child and all of these factors came together in a way that made me feel much of what you describe. The changes you describe - going from the work world to being a stay-at-home mom at a time of pregnancy and a significant 'marker' in years - again, I could be wrong but these are all factors that seem to say to me, "take it easy on yourself - it will get better."

As for the worrying about your chidren and potential of post-partum, maybe it might help to talk with them. Take it or leave it, but, I am one who believes kids are pretty darned smart - and the more connected they are to their feelings, the better. It's okay for kids to see us cry or fail or fall short or lose our tempers once in awhile or be imperfect - in fact, if we shield our children from seeing how we cope in life, we miss great opportunities to teach them valuable lessons! So, the way I see it is, right now, you've got a golden chance to engage your children and feel great as a parent, in doing so.

Even the smallest ones can understand things if you put them in simple terms. And kids LOVE to love you - if you tell them that you don't really know why but you've had a lot of sad feelings lately and then ask them if that ever happens to them, they will LOVE you for that! Ask them what they like when they feel that way - what makes them feel better? Do they have any ideas that might help you? Tell them you're trying to take care of your feelings - that you're human, JUST LIKE THEM and have feelings that need to come out and be taken care of and that you know, one of the best way of fixing our feelings in life...is to talk about them! Could you be a more lucky mom, than to have two such kind listeners - two such helpful kids?! You might be surprised at what your kids want to offer and how much it can help them, as it helps you, too. Certainly, it won't fix it all...but, I strongly believe they will feel empowered and you will take more joy in their having this feeling, instead of the one that goes with their just watching you cry.

And, likely, you DO need some adult conversation and to find opportunities to take care of that part of yourself. Whether it's through a hobby, a walking workout with other moms or finding a sitter so that you can let Calgon take you away - whatever - you need to make sure you get some of those needs met. Because it is true, you can't nurture others if you're not taking care of yourself, first.

I'll tell you, what I do in my own life is to make sure that once a day there is one item (no matter how small) that is mine - a total, immediate gratification 'fix' set aside especially for me. Something that gives me a sense of either relaxation or completion (or both). Take the idea of doing something from start to finish - I mean, the laundry is endless, as are all the chores of being a stay-at-home mom. At work, you always find something to point to and say, "I did THIS." It's all so...quantifiable! THAT is an important feeling to ensure you get as a stay-at-home mom. So make it a priority. Make sure you have little things you can look forward to and say, "I took 20 minutes and read about X" or "I took 1/2 an hour to exercise" or "I stopped and had tea and wrote a poem." Whatever it is you choose isn't important - it's the feeling you get in meeting a very important need you have as an individual (be it for a sense of accomplishment or just pure relaxation...because you just plain deserve it!).

Finally, a great thing to keep in mind is that you're going to be fabulous for a whole year of 35 - I didn't think so for the first several months (and, generally, I'm not one who gives a darn for what age is on my driver's license!) - but, I was wrong. I think it's just one more of those natural things we women go through - so have a good cry, dig up some faith from within and then go rehearse your next karaoke act while vacuuming that living room!

I wish you many hours of joy with your children before #3 is born - and a great delivery - and a joyous year ahead for you and your entire family!

WR,
T.

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I'm so glad there are places like this to give others who are struggling some encouragement. It sounds like you are tired and doing a lot and the weight of trying to keep things together has finally taken its toll. I don't care what anyone says but being a SAHM is 10 times harder than working! I worked through each of my pregnancies and with my third decided to take off 3 mos. Yah, it was easier working full-time, being pregnant, taking care of two boys AND sleeping 5 hours if I was lucky (in two sessions--2 hrs here, 3 hrs there) than it was staying home with all three kids. You NEED time for yourself and with other adults so that you can be refreshed.

I love my kids but there are times when I can't help but be tired and short--we're human. Is there someone who can give you some "you" time? It also sounds like you have issues you need to talk out with your significant other (none mentioned but I'm assuming?) or someone who can help you through this time. The beauty of this is you don't have to carry the burden yourself! There's always someone who can help--I pray the Lord will send help your way! Hang in there:)

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C.,

You are not going crazy!! I have 3 children, Devin is 5, Connor is going to be 4 next month and Brennen is 8 months. I understand! Not only is it hard being a mom, and being pregnant, but it's twice as hard being a pregnant mom! I find myself getting sucked in to the world of children and home only, and forget that I to need time to myself away from the house and kids. As far as you crying infront of your children, I did the same thing...and still do some times. It's ok! I don't think your children are going to be damaged or harmed in any way. If they ask you what's wrong, then just tell them that it's not them and that your body is going through a lot and when you are pregnant some times you just cry. You have a lot on your plate, and it's a little stressful! But it's normal. I can tell you though, my personal opinion, going from 2 to 3 kids was easier then 1 to 2. I think that as longs as you are keeping your dr. informed on your emotions, you will be alright once your baby comes. And you will be more at ease once you are doing what you are fearing...does that make sense? Hang in there!
S.

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Good for you for talking about feeling like this. Talk to your doctor as well let them know what is going on. Talk to anyone who is a part of your life and can lend an ear, a shoulder, or just sit there with you. I had two 20 month olds when we found out we were pregnant again. It was not a planned pregnancy. I freaked out big time like 3 weeks before my due date. Three kids 2.5 and under............. AAARGH! I came home from the hospital expecting to go through a crazy nightmare for a while and was suprised that, although crazy at times, I wont lie, it was nothing like I thought.
Being a stay at home mom is VERY hard work and anyone who says different has no clue. They wouldn't last half a week in my house. It gets hectic, loud, tiring, and lonley.I love when someone asks how my weekend was! Seriously, what weekend? My saturday is just like my thursday. Rain or shine we try to get out at least 3 days a week. There is open play at The Zone in Poulsbo that we frequent on those days when I have to get out or go crazy!! It costs but is worth it for a few hours out of my four walls.
Remember to talk, talk, talk...

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Welcome to the club C.! I am a mom of seven with the eighth due in September. I definetely understand what you are going through. I too am a worrier and then on top of it I get frustrated with myself for worrying too much.

Please don't feel embarrassed about telling your Doctor about how you are feeling overwhelmed and depressed. We know from news stories we've heard that it is important to make sure that it doesn't get out of control.

One of the things I picked up from Flylady.com was a well worded phrase. "Even though you feel behind, remember that everything you do is a blessing to your home." Then only focusing on a certain chore 15 minutes at time, helped me to feel not so overwhelmed.

It may seem silly but the 15 or 5 minutes at a time thing really helped.I am total scatterbrain when I am pregnant especially at the end.

Remember, 'This to shall pass". You can do it C.! It is hard work, but it is rewarding! You don't have to be so hard on yourself, because we know that you have a lot on your plate just being pregnant!

Hugs to you!

J.

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Dear C., you have every right to feel overwhelmed. I think every mother finds herself on an island of loneliness even while surrounded by kids, noise, & mess. The person that used to run a business and have a rapport with her peers is now engulfed by motherhood. I used to call it the Black Hole of Calcutta. It's like living in a 3rd world country. And yet, you love these children more than you could ever imagine. I would say let it be ok to be you right now. You are not crazy and emotions are a natural part of life. You can enlist your 5 year old to help with your 3 year old for a few minutes while you have some alone time. You can explain that you need some quiet time and that mommy will be right back. Children don't need a perfect mommy. Children need a mommy that loves them. And this mommy is running on empty right now. It's ok to explain to them that you feel a little sad. Tell them you need a big hug to help dry up the leaky tears. Let them help you. Don't push your emotions away and don't push them away. It's amazing how much natural empathy they have. I highly recommend all the Penelope Leach books. Also girlfriends, baths, camomile tea, and asking for help when you need it. Hang in there... it will get better.

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I have three children and my youngest was unexpected. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown during that pregnancy. I am sure my sons were thinking I was crazy on certain days. Three was very overwhelming for me. I also had to let go of many of my activities in the community, we moved toward the end of my pregnancy, and my husband (who travelled at times) was less than stellar in the help department.
Combining the change in schedule, change in social status, and the family change, it's understandable that you would feel overwhelmed. I felt crazy on many many days. The work load felt near impossible. And just like you, I had been a volunteer, a mom, a teacher. All, it seemed, with ease.

I think the important thing is not to let your worries go on. You will find your rhythm in the new dynamic. You are an experienced mom who will be more than able to care for this new baby and the tears are natural. If your children are worried it may be because they sense your worry. Let them know that tears are natural when you're tired and things are changing. But of course reassure them that you will be fine and so will they.
Be sure your doctor and spouse know about the deep emotional state so that there can be preparation for ppd. Don't be ashamed and let it go unchecked. Get some information about family dynamics with three kids. It's a new frontier.

I recommend deep slow breathing, letting go of some tears, controlling your worries by self talk and by talking them over with trusted loved ones, and accepting the changes that are coming. You will miss adult time, so be sure to set aside time for yourself as well as to get together with peers. (join a group if you can) I can't stress that enough. One more thing, dates with your mate! Don't stop having time alone with your spouse. All this is from my own personal experience, so I hope it helps.
Remember: This too, shall pass.
It all goes by so fast, and it's so beautiful. Worry is a waste of time really. I'm sure you would rather be soaking in your children.
I know you can do this. I was there. I pulled through, and now I find so much joy in the many gifts my children are to me. I just watch them at times. It's really enjoyable.

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Make sure you let your OB know exactly how you're feeling so s/he can keep a close eye on you.

But I think you're probably pretty normal. (You know yourself better than anyone though, so please make sure to mention this to your OB and your husband.) I think it could be the "light at the end of the tunnel" depression. You're SO close, but four weeks is still so far away when you're a hormonal and ungangly, waddling mess!

Find yourself a mom's group, a play group, or something that will get you around other moms. I was a month away from delivering twins when we moved to the other side of the state. I didn't know ANYONE and really had no way to meet people, so I took out an ad in the local paper to schedule play dates with moms with three year olds. I found out about a co-op preschool through one of those moms and really found such a great support system.

Good luck!

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I am in my 16th week and I feel as though I spend every waking moment worrying about this baby. I worry if it's OK mostly but I also worry what this is going to do to my marriage and life in general. But the thoughts that keep me up at night are "is my baby OK? is my baby developing normally? and what is that weird pain?!" I'm at that stage where I'm out of early preg symptoms and not yet feeling the baby move - so I just feel overweight, not really pregnant. I worry and worry but all anyone ever says is "it's fine unless you are bleeding" so I'm trying to keep the worry monster at bay but he keeps coming back.
Pregnancy is not easy. Some women make it seem like a snap but I'm not one of them. I burst into tears, I whine A LOT and I'm scared most of the time. I'm worried about post-partum depression as well as a result of my constant worrying now and propensity toward dramatics. So, I'm sorry I'm not saying things that are probably very helpful but what I can say is, you are NOT alone. And if you are feeling an emotion, I say express it. Your kids may not understand but I'm betting they will appreciate that mommy is sometimes scared and cries, too. And it's OK for everybody to cry if they feel they need to.
I really wish you the best and wish I had a special flashlight for that worry monster - I'd use it on him too if I could! :)

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