Deployment

I'm not currently going through a deployment, but have in the past. If you need to talk, please contact me! Your husband and the rest of your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Deployments are tough. Thank you to your husband for defending our country!

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Good morning! I don't have a husband deployed, however I'm currently on a 15 month deployment and I was a stay at home mom when my son was 6 months old and his father (my husband at the time) was deployed to OIF1. If you need any advice, help, or info on anything I'd be glad to help. I know what your going through and it's one of the hardest jobs ever! Stay strong it will be over before you know it. Try to stay busy, take lots of pictures so that your husband can watch your son grow even if it is from a distance, try to write him as often as you can, and try to find time for yourself. I wish you the best!

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My husband is not deployed now but I've been through two tours to Iraq. Hang in there! If you need someone to vent to, I'm here.

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T., My husband just got back from a 15 month deployment. I have three kids 11,8 and 1. Take every day one day at a time never look at the whole picture! Focus on that son of yours make memory books/vidios. Get excited about his homecoming. Have a few close friends and family to lean on. Never ever be afraid to ask for help. Pray a lot. If you need to tell him something e-mail it or write it in a letter. Don't listen to the media believe what he is telling you. I know that one is hard. Try to find other military wives or people in the military to talk to because sometimes others outside the military just don't get it. Is he Reserve or Active?? My husband was in the National Gaurd and it was hard because there is not a base for 600 miles. We where active for his first five years in. If you need anyting or have any questions like about Tri-care or anything else let me know. We are all in this together! ____@____.com M.

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My husband has been deployed since sept. He will be back from SE Asia in March for less than 3 weeks and then he will be deployed again on 29 march until 4 sept 2008. (we find out in late may/ early june) if we will have to move that fall to a new base.
This is the third time we have been separated, so I guess I am kinda used to it. The first time was only about 4 months, the second was 8mo. and this one will be 5mo. + another 5mo. more.

Is your husband in the Army? Mine is serving in the Air Force this coming april will be his 6th year in.

I know how hard it can be so if you ever just want someone to talk to or just get together with. Feel free to call me anytime! :)

S.

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My heart goes out to you. My husband returned from an 18 month deployment back in March, so I KNOW what you're going through. Our son was 15 months old when my husband left. It was HARD. I hope you have a good friend/family support system. Please contact me if you need to talk.

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my husband has been deployed several times and is currently deployed. All I can say is make sure to make time with friends. When is your husband due back? I hate to say it but in my case it was so much easier when my children were younger. My children are 15,13,8 and they are all in sports and activities and i work full time so i am never home and constantly on the go. most of the time i feel like i am being pulled in ten different directions.

P. S

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Mine might be going back soon. I know what youre going through. If you need anything let me know :)

~S.

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T., I understand how you feel. My husband was in the Navy but hes out now. We only went through one deployment but it was the hardest because that was when our little boy was born and he was over seas. He missed the birth and the first 3 month of his life, so it was very hard but I had all my family cause he moved me home before leaving from where we were living in CA back to IA but still not the same and for your first child to miss it was very hard for him. But all the times the ship would be gone at weeks at a time or on west pack I was in CA alone with no family but I made a few friends and had a job so I kept busy oh and I had a cat to keep me company. But you have a child who will keep you very busy and if you have family around lean on them. They help to keep you going. They helped alot whne he was in boot camp for 9 weeks and school for 5 months. Im sure your a stong person hang in there I cant say it gets easier for everyone but for me at times the longer he was away it got a little easier to deal with the shorter times he was home and left was the hardest.

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T.,
I understand exactly how you feel. My husband is AF and the first time he deployed our first child was 6 weeks old, the second time he deployed our second child was 9 months old. The best thing for your son is to show him lots of pictures everyday of his daddy, that way when he comes home he will still be familiar. As for you, make sure that you have a support system of people that are willing to give you a break once in a while!! You need to be able to have a little time to yourself, even if it is just to go back home and take a nap or a bath to pamper yourself. Take as much joy from your little one as you can, and remember that the time will go by much faster for you than it will for your husband. I hope this helps, I know its hard. Let me know if I can help in anyway.
D. S.

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My husgband is currently deployed to Afghanistan. He was deployed with only 28 days notice, and left when our new baby was only 6 days old. We also have a 4 1/2 year old. His tour is for approximately 13-14 months (only 11 left!). I guess they'll tell us how long it actually will be when it gets closer.
It has been extremely difficult, the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But , I know that it will bring us closer in the long run and will give us a new appreciation for eachother (it already has).
I've found that if i keep myself and my children busy, then it's easier. Also, take lots of pictures and video, write lots of letters (and emails if you can). I try to send a care package every 2 weeks or so. He really likes that.
Support your husband and listen to only what he says, it's hard for them too! I try to stay current on the events in the middle east, but don't take it too seriously, the media has a way of spinning the stories for their benifit. If i have a question, i'll ask him (most the time he can't tell me because of classifications), but he says it helps him to know that I care about what he is doing.
I can tell you, so far the most important thing for us to get through this is communication and support from those around us.
If you would like to talk more or need anything, please feel free to email me, ____@____.com.

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My husband was deployed in 2004 to Iraq. I had 3 little girls - the oldest had just turned 4 and the youngest was about 6 months old. It was a very difficult time for me. One of my friends said I would find out how strong I was - which was true - but I also found out how weak I was. I think it's hard when you have little ones who don't understand where Dad is or why he is gone. Plus difficult for you when you wonder if he is safe. Try and stay as busy as you can - that helped me. I got involved with the community and found an excellent friend who helped me through. My family was also great!

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T. - I'm not a military wife - but I just wanted to send you a message of support. I can't even imagine the strength and courage that it takes to be a Mom while Dad is deployed. I don't know if you are religious or not, but our family prays every day for our military men and women and the families they leave while they serve. Be strong and know that there are many many people who appreciate what you and your husband are sacrificing for our country.

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Have you heard of Wives of Faith? It is a faith-based organization created with the intention of encouraging and supporting wives of deployed soldiers. Check out their website...
www.wivesoffaith.org

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Hi T. and all of the other moms with husbands and daddies deployed! My husband is not in the service but I just wanted to tell you Thanks! Thank you for sharing your husbands and your childrens fathers. Hopefully you can get through this tough time by knowing that other families really appreciate your sacrafice. Blessings to you!

2 moms found this helpful

My husband was deployed to Afghanistan when my oldest daugher was 15 months and I was 5 months pregnant with my second daughter. It was really hard, but I realized how strong I was through the experience. I started my own business from home while he was gone. It felt impossible, but it was so rewarding to have something so positive that was my own to pour all that worrying energy into, and he was so proud of me when he got home.
Just make sure to keep talking about how you're feeling, and stay connected to other moms!

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My husband just got back from a 20 month deployment. Our son was 10 months old when he left, and 2&1/2 when he returned. I have tons of advice I'm willing to give. Let me know what questions you have? There are so many aspects of life that change and you have to adapt to when you're husband is deployed. Let me know how I can help.

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Hey there T.,

I don't have my husband deployed but my brother is and this is his 2nd time. He has left behind a wife and 2 young kids. His son is 6 years old and his princess just turned a year and mommy says she is looking for daddy daily. If you need to please feel free to email me any time. My brother and I are close so I know ALOT about the military life. He has been in for 15 years now and plans on retiring at 20.

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Hey T. :) My husband is also deployed along with a good friends and it is rough at times I know!! One thing we do every day (or atleast try every day sometimes it is every other) is take a picture or two of something to email that night...a this is what we did today. It seems to help my husband feel like he is part of what is happening here.
If you have any questions or just want to talk I am here and I get it. Most people don't unless they are in the situation or have been. Does your base have deployed spouse dinners? Ours does once a month and they are great!! Let me know if you want to talk

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My BIL is deployed and has been since April. If you live on the base there are groups you can find to help support you. Usually it's made up of other wives in your situation. Good luck and you have our thanks and prayers for his service. And your sacrafice to our country.

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T.,
I didn't take the time to read through everyone's response, so I appologize if I'm repeating advise already given to you. My husband and I have been married for 3 and a half years, during which, the longest we've spent together at one time is about 2 months! He's in the Navy, and has been on a Forward Deployed Ship out of Sasebo, Japan, where our daughter (18months) and I live. One cool thing that we found online is video emails. Go to www.springdoo.com and create an account - it's free - and you can send video emails to your huband - it's also a great way for us to keep in touch with our family back in Michigan. As for making it easier on you, find some good friends, and some hobbies! I've got two great girlfriends here who's husbands are on the same ship as mine, and we go to the gym together every day, go grocery shopping together, watch movies at each other's houses, do sewing, knitting, scrapbooking, home decorating and many more projects together. No, we're not old! I'm 25, and the oldest of the three of us! The one thing that has helped me the most though, is having a life! I know so many Navy wives over here that are so consumed with their husband's absense that they cry all the time and get so depressed! Find things you enjoy doing, and DO THEM!!! Time will crawl if all you do is count down the minutes till he's home! Good luck, and hang in there!

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My husband just deployed for the second time and I am pregnant with our first child. With the first deployment I was emotionally all over the place. This time being pregnant it has been easier not to bounce emotionally all over the place. THat is until I went into pre term labor and got put on bed rest. Now I am just hanging in there. But despite that keeping myself occupied and talking to your friends and family is about the best thing I can recomend. Without them i would be a stressed out basket case. Also knowing that its okay to be upset and that we all know how you feel helps. The big thing is don't ignore your own health and well bieng. We all know that its the moms and wives that keep things going. So taking five seconds to breath or lord forbid five minutes to take a shower or rest is critical to keeping going. Not following this advice and trying to be everything to everyone was what put me in the hospital and ultimatly scared the heck out of me husband when there was nothing he could do to help me. My husband has enough to think about without worrying about me. Some time you have to let the little things go so you have the energy for the big stuff. I am still working on that lesson day by day. I hope my perspective helps

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I'm sorry I'm just now seeing your post. My husband is also deployed, this is our third and strangely enough, the easiest. Some credit I have to give to my daughter, she wasn't even a year old when he left, she's kept me so busy and so happy. As some of the other ladies have mentioned, a good support system helps. I'm a memeber of a message board, http://glnavywives.freeforums.org/index.php it's designed for military wives in this area. We have playdates, lunches, all sorts of stuff. Please come check it out. I hope to get to talk to you again.

R., wife to an outstanding Sailor!

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Hi I'm newly married and my husband left PCS to Korea for a year it's only been a month :( but I'm hoping it gets easier, hang in there :) Sincerely, Val USAF wife

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I am an air force spouse as well, but my husband doesn't deploy. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that there is an informal play group on Mountain Hom AFB that meets when its convenient for the moms. There are kids of all ages and many of us moms get together throughout the month to do other things like scrapbooking.

My suggestion to you: be active; don't sit at home; get involved; start a hobby.

I can give you the information for the playgroup if you would like it. My email is ____@____.com or you can respond through this site.

Good luck - hope to see you around!

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T., I caught your post a bit late I don't have a husband deployed but we have a son that did a tour in Iraq. At the time of his deployment he was 19, to me still a child. I thank God every day that our son came home to us after his tour.

T., I know that wives, moms, sisters, brothers, dads and friends go through some very emotional times when their loved ones go off to an uncertain future. Try to keep balance in your life for yourself and your son each day. I'll pray for your husband's safe return to you and yours. God Bless You and God Bless Our Troops.

J. Blue Star Mom and Proud Army Mom

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Hi T.. My husband has been in the Navy for 15 years. Our children are now 15 and 8 and we have been through SEVERAL deployments with the kids being all different ages for each one. He is leaving in August for Bahrain and will be there for 18 months. They say "Military Wife" is the toughest job in the Military. The best advice I can give is DON'T BE ALONE!! That will only depress you more. Find friends or groups or hobbies...anything!! If you ever have any questions or just need to talk, feel free to e-mail me anytime: ____@____.com

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You are not alone. Our church has a support group for ladies in your situation. You need not be a member of our church, or any other church. I am going to give 2 e-mail addresses: ____@____.com & ____@____.com can ask questions, and find out more. Just put "wives support group" in the subject line.

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Dear T.,
My husband is not in the military. However, he is a Merchant Marine working on a ship that delivers cargo to the Middle East. He will be gone for the next 3 months, leaving me with a 3 month old and 2 dogs. I don't know many people in the area, and our families live far away. So, in a sense, I know what you are going through. The easiest way to get through it is to STAY BUSY. Surround yourself with other moms going through the same thing, and family if you have them nearby. Most importantly, you want your son to know his daddy. So show him pictures of your husband every day. My husband made a video just before he left, and I watch it with my daughter several times a day. She seems to recognize his voice, even though she doesn't understand who he is yet. Also, take pictures of your son frequently, as babies change so quickly, and send them to your husband. Be proud of your husband for serving this wonderful country we live in. When you are having a tough day, try to remember that it is probably much tougher for him. Good luck.
J. W

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there is a site called Just Mommies ( http://justmommies.com ). If you scroll through there there is a section for Military Mommies. This has been a great help to me, as my husband is deploying in January.

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T., I know I am responding to you late, but wanted to share. I am in the ARMY, so my view point is different. I was 2 days from being deployed last March and they pulled me and I didn't go. But the agony and stress of "almost" going was horrible. Just hang in there. Stay supportive and loyal. He'll be home before you know it!

A.

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Hi T.,
I know there has been so many responses, but I just wanted to lend an empathetic ear/shoulder. My husband is on an 18mo. deployment, he left in November. This is our 2nd deployment, but the 1st to Iraq. I've kept myself busy by going back to school and trying to finish up my college degree and my son (4yrs. old) keeps me busy as well. My husband deployed the first time when I was 8mo. pregnant and totally missed our son's 1st year, but in a way, my son being a newborn kept mr SUPER busy and made the time fly by. So I'm sure your time has been mostly spent feeding, changing diapers, and doing the everyday care that a newborn needs. I remember back and at the time it seemed like I was all alone and had no help and a part of myself resented my husband for not being there to help me. It was our first child and I was there changing as a mother and he was off practically being a bachelor over in Korea. Just know that you are not alone, if you are in the Greensboro, NC area, please do not hesitate to email me. I find it a HUGE help to have other military wives around and the support we give to each other is soooo helpful. Not that civilian wives can't help, its just that military wives can relate better (in my opinion anyways), we know what it takes, we know how it goes and we know how to support each other. Keep your head up, stay strong, not just for your 9mo. old angel and your deployed husband, but for yourself!! If you don't take care of yourself, then the rest kinda falls apart. Make sure you get some "you" time, it will make you a better mother and a better military wife. Just know that you are MORE than a mother and a military wife....don't loose yourself and your ambitions just because your life has took a detour. And I'm speaking of personal experience naturally, and all this may not pertain to you, but its how things played into effect in my experience with the deployments. Good luck and don't hesitate to reach out and get a supportive network!

Hi there...
My hubby has been deployed 2 times already...we were overseas for the last one. It really helps to have a support system, like friends going thru the same thing at the same time. Get with the other spouses so that you don't feel like you are alone. Be sure to spend alot of time with them as well. Noone knows quite what you're going thru like someone else that is currently in the same boat. I had a group of friends, we were together alot and did things alot too. We took turns cooking and eating at each others homes. I am grateful that I had them, it would have been alot harder to do without them! The military can take you away from blood family, but gives you a military family of friends! I have a best friend that I made during the deployment, we were like books ends. We lived across the hall from each other...we were always there for the other one and especially in weak moments. Seriously...be with friends going thru the same right now...it helps. You can also get involved in the FRG (family readiness group)...some of them are really great!
Good luck...you can do it!

T., thank YOU for your sacrafice. While I also send thanks to your husband for his, those of us left at home are often forgotten. In reading the responses, it looks like many of us have been in your shoes, so know that you can get through it. If you are in the Phoenix area, there is a wonderful support group headed by Viana Bruce that meets EVERY Wednesday at the Sweet Tomatoes near Metro Mall. They have been meeting since the beginning of the war and have NEVER missed a Wednesday. It started as a military moms group, but as others of us trickled in, it has become a military moms/wives/aunts/grandmothers/etc group! Not only are they supportive, but they are a wealth of information and resources. They welcome new people with open arms every week! They really helped me through my husband's first tour. Also, look to your husband's command here in CONUS - they may have established an ombudsman and other supports for you as the Navy did for me. Good luck! You've got lots of support out there!

Hi T., My husband was deployed for 14 months. He is in the Army National Guard. I was 7 months pregnant when he left for training at Fort Dix, NJ. He came home for 3 days when our son was born and then left for Iraq. It was really a struggle for me because I don't have any family in the area. As a new mom I was very concerned that I was doing things right, etc. My husband was stationed in a place where communication was very limited. He had no phone or internet. He didn't even have running water. I only heard from him about every 10 days or so. It seemed like forever until he was coming home. My husband was back in October 2007. The deployment struggles are still very fresh in my memory. If you need to chat or just "vent" about anything please feel free to reply. I really appreciated the Family Readiness Group in my area. I got to know some wonderful families that I will forever be connected to. I would encourage you to seek out (just like you are doing) others who are going through the same thing and really lean on your family.

T., I am...My husband has been deployed since april 2006. First 15 months he was in Kuwait, then he came home for a couple weeks now hes in Mississippi. Its not easy honey, and anytime you need to talk let me know...send me an email. I have two teenager daughters at home 18, 15 and an older daughter 23 not with me but I am currently raising my grandchildren ages 6 3 18 months and 6months. It gets better, or should I say easier to cope. At first was so hard but I know hes just trying to get retirement in for our future. Keep your chin up, and i will add your husband to our prayer chain.

Hi T., I understand your situation, first hand. My spouce just returned from a 15mth tour. It was the hardest time in my life. I found comfort in the "good" people that I had supporting us. Rely on them, and try not to worry to much!!! Stay strong A.

Hey T., I am just seeing this note and read through some of the responses. I am a retired 05 and former Director of Family Services Center. I don't know where you are stationed so I can't tell if you are on base or off. If you are on base with resources, don't forget the Family Service Center. The AirForce calls it something else if my memory is right. The Family Service Center should have some referral sources for you. As many folks said, get connected with other wives. I know sometimes wives don't want to hook up the the Spouse's Club but maybe you can meet at least one person who you can connect with while he is gone. Your spouse's unit Commanding Officer's wife can also be a good source of information & support. Don't be intimidated. That person by virtue of seniority normally can refer you to services and group support. They have more than likely been there. In the military, we really try to take care of our own. Don't be alone dealing with his deployment and parenting too.
While I am retired, I am connected and can probably help you to find some resources depending on where you are. If you want to e-mail privately, please do. D.

Hey T.,

I was reading the responses..The new name for Family Support is the AFRC..They have programs now set-up that really help the spouse's out..They have outings for the kids, dinners, crafts..Also they have a Parents Night out once a month that is usually set up through your CDC. Also another avenue is spouse's in your unit..I make sure to get our spouse's together so we have a support group because they usually all deploy at the same time now..
I try to keep myself busy and it's easier on the kids..We do movies, playdates, bowling etc..I have 3 so sometimes its a bit of a challenge..But remember its great to talk with other wives because they are usually going through the same things.

Here is alittle story that is passed around between my friends that always helps me out...If you need to talk you can email me anytime..

THE MILITARY WIFE The good Lord was creating a model for military wives and was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. She said, "Lord, you seem to be having alot of trouble with this one. What's wrong with the standard model?" The Lord replied, "Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, possess the qualities of both father and mother, be a perfect hostess to four or forty with an hour's notice, run on black coffee, handle every emergency imaginable without a manual, be able to carry on cheerfully, even if she is pregnant and has the flu, ans she must be willing to move to a new location ten times in seventeen years. And Oh yes, she must have six pairs of hands!" The angel shook her heard, "Six pairs of hands? No way." The Lord continued, "Don't worry, I will make other military wives to help her. I will give her an unually strong heart so it can swell with pride in her husband's achievements, sustain the pain of separations, beat soundly when it is overworked and tired, and be large enough to say, "I understand" when she doesn't and say "I love you", regardless. "Lord," said the angel, touching his arm gently, "Go to bed and get some rest. You can finish this tomorrow." "I can't stop now," said the Lord. "I am so close to creating something unique. Already this model heals herself when she is sick, can put up six unexpected guests for the weekend, wave goodbye to her husband from a pier, a runway, or a depot, and understand why its important that he leave." The angel circled the model of the military wife, looked at it closely and sighed, "It looks fine, but its to soft." "She might look soft," replied the Lord, "But she has the strength of a lion." Finally the angle bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Lord's creation. "There is a leak." she announced. "Something is wrong with the construction. I am not surprised that it has cracked. You are trying to put to much into this model." The Lord appeared offended at the angel's lack of confidence. "What you see if not a leak." He said, "Its a tear." "A tear? what is it there for?" asked the angel. The Lord replied, "Its for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride and a dedication to all the values that she and her husband hold dear." "You are a genuis!!" exclaimed the angel. The Lord looked puzzled and replied........"I didn't put it there." Author Unknown

Thanks A.

Hi T., my husband has been deployed 2 times and is scheduled for a 3rd. I keep very busy with my children, their activities- most posts have free activities for deployed families. There is mom groups, playdates and you should be getting 10 hrs a month of free childcare- use it you need a break at times. You can do a search on yahoo groups for your posts, you will probably find a spouses group in your area. I am the owner of one in my area- groups are a great place for info and support.

I'm not in your situation but just wanted to say thank you to you, your husband and all the other posters here for what you all do. I have cousins in each military theater right now and my heart goes out to you all! Stay busy and keep those memories alive with pictures, video, letters, e-mail... Good luck!

Hello T.

I've been where you are. My husband was Army for 21 years and I raised two sons pretty much alone because of his constant deployments and field duty assignments.

I kept myself busy associating with other wifes, I worked and took care of my sons. I suggest keeping yourself busy and staying strong. The last thing your husband needs is to worry about his family. You are in the military just as he is, and there is nothing stronger than a Military Wife.

Hi T., My husband is retired now after 20 yrs in the Navy. I also went through many deployment. I was eight months pregnant with one of them with a two year old at home and living 11 hrs from any relatives. My best advice it to get involved with your family support group and stay busy. You need friends, but definitely don't go to bars or singles places. I witnessed many marriages break up because of that. Stay faithful and trust each other. Concentrate on raising your son and taking care of your home. He'll be home before you know it and the reunions are great.