Delivering in 3 Weeks & Have a 14 Mo. Old at Home

I had my son 9 weeks ago and my daugher was alittle older, she was 18 months at the time. Both were delivered be c-section. It seems to me that recovering from this last c-section was a lot easier then the first. Take as much help as you can get from anyone who offers. Also even though you aren't to lift anything, with a little one at home, and lets face it, they always want their mommy over anyone else. Lift with your knees instead of just bending over even though that is easier. Hopefully everything goes well and you have an easy recovery.

I have had a neighbor child in as a mom's helper. I pay a little bit only 1-2 dollars depending on the age but it helps to have some one to play with. Then when they are older they are better babysittera as they know the rules. good luck. L.

C.,

You have been given some great advice, so I am going to stick specifically to the lifting issue. You really don't want to lift your 15 month old. I know that sounds near impossible, but I have had more than one friend return to the hospital post-pardum due to internal bleeding or torn C-section stitches from lifting young children.

I was put on "no lifting" restriction during pregnancy with a 16-17 month old twice and got some good advice from friends.

1. Take the help you are offered and ask for more. Let the inlaws and the friends lift and carry Austin. Don't feel guilty. If you let them do it, they will get the blessings and the good feeling of knowing they are truly helping someone.

2. Bedtime. If your son can handle a toddler bed at this age, do it. We did it twice with 17 month olds and it worked. If this will cause you more grief than it's worth, get a small step ladder so that Austin can climb up as high as possible to the crib rail. Lower the crib rail and just give him a little "spot" from behind, but let him do the work. On the way out, give him a pillow or small step to get up on to climb back out. Again, be there to "spot" and then remove all of the steps and ladders so he won't be tempted to try when you aren't there. Plastic steps are best because they are so light.

3. Car seat and high chair. You need to train him quick on this one. He needs to learn to climb in the car and up to his carseat by himself. Be right there to "spot" and support him, but show him how to use the different parts of the car, the seat and the car seat and scale it like a climbing wall. Show him how to safely slide back down on his tummy feet first. Ditto for the high chair. A booster seat may be a good idea at this time because he can climb in and out easier.

4. Grocery store. Park next to the cart return. Pull the cart right next to the car door and let Austin climb into the cart straight from his car seat with you just there to "spot" him, so to speak. Diddo for getting back in. If it doesn't work, ask for help from the guy who brings in the carts. Bring a sippy cup so Austin doesn't need a drink from the drinking fountain. When you are checking out, ask the cashier to call someone to help with the groceries. Also ask the cashier to only fill the bags half full so that they aren't too heavy if you have to unload them alone when you get home.

I know this sounds like a lot of fuss and it would just be easier to ignore your doctor's orders and lift Austin when you really need to. But remember, you need to take care of yourself if you want to be healthy enough to take care of your babies and it is hard to care for them if you are back in the hospital. So take the help, take it easy and know that the worst will be short lived at the beginning and it will keep getting easier and easier.

Good luck,
S.

I had my two girls 16 months apart and I totally understand what you are feeling right now. I had thoughts such as what was I thinking having them so close together, how can I still be a good mom to the older one when I have a new baby to care for, will the older accept the new one, etc. I doubted myself and stressed a lot about it, especially towards the end of my pregnancy. My husband is the one who helps me not stress as much. He would say it was too late to worry about that now and laugh. Then he would always give me hugs and say I am a wonderful mother to one, and it will just get better with two. You know what? He was right! Try not to stress yourself and remember you can't do it all. Take things one step at a time- some days I have to take 1 hour at a time or even 1 minute at a time. My house isn't as neat and tidy as I would like it and some days I don't get to shower until almost lunch time (but that is my fault bc I refuse to get up before the kids to shower). I can't give any advice with the c-section recovery, except good luck and be patient with yourself. I started involving my older one right away. Although she was so young she loved to help get the diaper, hold the blanket, hold the lotion, etc. I really couldn't believe how naturally things flowed and it will for you too! Have fun and enjoy! When I get really frustrated I like to listen to the country song: Trace Adkins You are going to miss this. It helps put things in persepctive!

Get a sling to carry your newborn. (S)he can sleep, nurse and just look around all in the same sling. Just slightly different positions. The Maya sling is very popular but I didn't like the fabric, I got the EllaRoo and love it. I can keep up w/ my 20 mth old and still attend to the needs of my newborn. In the Madison Wi are Happy Bambino carries them and are great w/ helping you choose.

My story is very like yours 3 years with hubby work full time 2 c-s' and they are 23 months apart.

Within 2 weeks you should have the new baby sleep pattern figured out. Typical is to wake and the back for a cat nap. during nap get older one dressed and into breakfast chair. during breakfast, dress baby or get 1 thing done (dishes, laundry, or finish breakfast and clean up). Then feed again while older one has monitored play time. Dress baby and down for nap. Now dinner. Similar timing for supper followed by bath time. snack and night night for all.

This is the GENERAL routine I was able to find for mine. I never planned a routine it just fell into place and I am sure yours will too. I can only hope your 15 month old takes a nap during the day so you can too. 3 am feedings will get hard after a while. My husband was also working out of town starting the day after I left the hospital with limited family help it took me about 3 weeks to evercome my post partum and find my stride but you can do it. And the first time your baby smiles at you, you will know you got it right.

Hello C.,
I have 3 kids close together... Nick (3 1/2), Sophia (2 1/2), and Gianna (7 months). It is awesome, chaotic (!), but awesome, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Nick and Sophia are just under 13 months apart, Nick adjusted really well to his first sister and then number three just seemed like the "norm." I heard from plenty of people that older siblings adjust the best when they are under 2 and over 4 years old. I would support this statement, from personal experience. Under 2 they are too young to get jealous, and over 4, they can "help out." Nick and Sophia are best friends/ worst enemies (beware of sibling fights!) but mostly best friends. They play together all day, I am a 27 y/o SAHM, and we try to do lots of activities to keep busy. Nick is super energetic! Sophia does whatever Nick does, naughty or nice. They almost don't know what to do without eachother when we have one on one time.
Your son taking naps is a good thing, I would strongly encourage continuing this habit! If the newborn sleeps during this time, BONUS for you, or you get some one on one time.
I would recommend nursing, if possible, it makes everything SOOOOOO much easier. (I can nurse Gianna, wherever, whenever I need to, even following the kids around the house...) No need to prepare bottles, buy formula ($$), warm water for bottles, etc... It makes life much easier!
Always communicate positively with your when it comes to the baby. Show him how "soft" feels on his cheek, tell him often how much his baby bro/sis will love him and how fun it will be to play with him/her. This will help him understand how special it is to be the big brother.
Sophia (my middle child) loves her baby sister and is very protective over her. Also both Nick and Sophia are a big help when I'm preparing a meal, folding laundry, etc.. They jump right in to play peek-a-boo and entertain Gianna. Usually just the two of them playing is enough to keep Gianna happy, she loves to watch them, I often wonder what she thinks of the constant chaos.
Okay sorry for the long-winded response... Good luck, everything will be fine! Trust me! Feel free to contact me anytime to chat, and Congratulations!
J.

Number one, accept as much help as is offered. And if no parents have offered yet to come right when the baby is born, ask. You should have one parent or set of parents there right when the baby is born to stay with your 15 month old while you are at the hospital, so you husband can be part of that too. Also, it would be good if they could stay at least a couple days. Then when they go home, you should ask the other set to come for a while. Once you are healed, I suggest getting a really great baby carrier and that way you can follow your toddler, but still give the baby the special closeness they want. Make sure the baby has lots of air space though. I had my first two 20 months apart and would have carried my daughter more if I had a better carrier but the one I had was one of those slings and I just couldn't get used to it. I regret not spending the money and getting a different one. One thing nice is that with your son being so young, he will be easily molded into your new lifestyle and schedule. He will probably just follow your lead. Even at 20 months, by the second day my son had accepted my daughter as part of the family and forgot she had not been there before. Hope this helps.

C.,
I have a 16 month old son, and a 6 week old daughter, and was extrememly nervous to try to care for them both. I think I was more concerned about my son-what a change from being the center of attention to having to share it! It has worked best for us to put most of his toys in one area that is contained and that he can play in without me having to worry about him getting into things (outlets, cabinets, etc.). That way he can be anywhere in the room and do (almost) anything and I don't have to worry too much about him hurting himself if I can't focus just on him, and i can see everything he is doing. We use this area a lot, especially when I am beastfeeding. He still pulls at my hand and wants my attention, but he has gotten better, and has I think somewhat learned that mommy has to feed his sister, as maybe your child will learn that mommy needs to rest, feed the new baby, etc. He will play somewhat independently, and I still interact with him from the couch (throw a ball he brings me, or tell him to "get the ball, or get your train," etc. Sometimes I am able to read a book while I am sitting and feeding as long as he is willing to stand next to me (I haven't quite been able to hold them both safely). It's not always easy, and sometimes everyone is crying, but there is always those moments, and sometimes you wonder if your spending enough time with one or the other, but all you can do is the best you can (I'm sure you will do great!). I don't know if this helps...hope all goes well!

Liz

A planned c-section is a MUCH faster recovery than an emergency c. If you have help for a week, even, you will be fine. Two weeks, you will be great!
Head over to Sleepywrap.com and invest in the best parenting item you will ever own and buy a wrap. Wear the baby all the time, sleeping or awake, and you will be able to fully focus on the toddler and the baby will be content. You can even nurse in there, and keep going. You do not have to have even one hand on the baby in the wrap like you would in a sling or front carrier.

I was in a similar position but it was my 1st child via c-section and I didn't have a Mom so my mother-in-law was a huge help. It was different but very helpful. I think it actually brought us closer. You will probably need the extra help with 2 babies at home. Whatever you choose...I am sure you will do well. When you are a Mom it seems that you can put your needs aside and care for your family if you need to. Congratulations and good luck

I have 2 that are 11 months apart, and another one on the way that will be 16 months younger than her older sister. The best advise is take any help that they will give you. Sleep and rest as much as you can at first to recover. Eat right (plenty of lean protein, fruits and veggies for energy) 6 small meals is ideal, exercise (when your doctor says you can) and try and get a shower every day, it just makes you feel better even when sleep deprived. Somehow it all works out, and you will find the strength to accomplish what you have to do. The neat thing is that having them so close, that within a year they will entertain each other, and you might actually think it is more work to have one alone than both together.

congratulations and good luck!

my kids are 14.5 months apart, d is 23 months and s is 8.5 months.

I am not going to lie...the first 4 months are difficult! I was blessed i had no stiches after my second and she was a very very very very easy baby! I had to pump she didnt latch and i noticed then that d would push his luck. I am sad to say that i did rely a lot on tv to help me out. That is about all he would sit for..otherwise very very very active and non stop! But i am glad to say that we have decreased the tv time!

the best advice i heard was if they are both crying at the sametime, tend to the older one, he will remember, the baby will not.

congratulations and good luck

Hello,
I'm sure it seems a bit overwhelming but you will find away to make it work. I am a mother of two who are 16 months apart. I did have help for three weeks after my daughter was born. I got my son a doll with a bottle so and we practiced baby time. I pretended to care for a baby and showed him how to care for the doll. I hate to admit it but Elmo movies saved my life, some days I was so drained that when the baby went to sleep for a nap I put on an Elmo Movie and laid on the floor next to the couch to get a nap. Find a great park with a small climber. I went to the park and brought a ball I could sit on a blanket in the shade with the baby and play fetch with my son or where the baby while he went on the climber. I recommend working hard on finding a good routine with firm nap times. I was nursing every two hours I had snack cups made up along with a drink. Aqua doodle is a great toy if he likes scribbling and sucking water out of a pen. I got a wonder horse but it was really too big to be useful at 16months. I thought it would get out his wiggles and it does now that he is almost three. Using a baby swing did not work with #2 my son would make the swing go supper fast. He thought it was super funny to sit on baby so a pack n play was supper useful! Some times I even used it so my son could get in and play with special big boy toys like Duplos, or blocks and a dump truck.He loves helping me with bath time bringing me a blanket and finding his sister a toy. Well here are a few thing that helped me. It really is so wonderful being a Mom. You will have hard days, try to slow it down and find a great part in every day. Find time for you. Get support from other mothers by joining groups like ECFE. Best of Luck!
A.

Let you friends and in-laws help as much as they can. Can your husband take a paternity leave? Also look into hiring someone, a high school or college student, to come in a few hours a day. That person could do light housekeeping, play with the 15 month old, make dinner, etc and let you either take a nap or work on your business.

C.-
My kids are 18 months apart, and my son was super active when we brought our daughter home. A couple of things that really helped us was that when I would do something with our daughter, I'd be talking to our son at the same time....so I'd nurse my daughter and read to my son (sitting beside me) at the same time. Or when it was time to change diapers, I'd see if he wanted to go first or second. Same with getting dressed, baths, etc. Sometimes he couldn't have a choice, but when it didn't matter, we'd let him. He became a great helper getting things for me when I couldn't pick them up (burp rags, pacifiers, etc). As I recovered, I'd sit on the floor holding the baby and playing with him (stacking things up for him to knock over etc.) I think the kids just want to know you love them and have time for them.

Sometimes I'd ask a girlfriend to come over and hold the baby so I could read to the older one. Or read to the older one so I could be with the baby. We always took naps together (that's a challenge at first getting the timing down!) but I highly recommend sleeping with the baby sleeps!

My kids are 8 & 9 now and things keep getting easier and easier! It's hard at first, but it's soooo worth it in the end!

Good luck!

I have three kids 10, 4 end of March, and almost 3 in June. So my second and third are fifteen months apart. I did not have a lot of help either, but my husband was home a little more than yours will be as he is a school teacher and was off in June. I worried a lot about my four year old at that time too, but once Molly came things went beautifully. My oldest was a big help in entertaining my four year old when I needed to nurse Molly, but for the most part at 15 months they are so busy exporling their world anyway. Thomas, my 4 year old now would play so great on his own. It is much more challenging now that they are almost 3 and 4 because they find so many little things to fight about! But they also have times during the day where they play so good together as well. Take this morning for example: They started the day fighting over a silly white truck because it looks like my dads truck and they both had to have it, then Thomas got mad because he and MOlly got the same colored plate at breakfast, and after putting Molly in her room for ten minutes when she threw the truck at Thomas, they are watching Cars the disney movie together and thomas is playing with a Star Wars guy and she has a different car she is playing with. They are getting along great right now, oh sratch that, now they are bumping into each other trying to use the same space, screaming at each other. Gotta go! Seriously, the infant stage will be just fine. But find plenty of escapes like typing a note to another mom for a break from it when they get a little older. :-)

I certainly know what you are going through. My kids are 10 months apart, and I had to have a repeat C-section with the second as the first was a midline/vertical section which I had a lot of problems with. Longer recovery time, too. I was going through a divorce and moved back by my parents so basically had to care for both kids by myself. (Ex terminated parental rights on both.) Sure, you're not supposed to lift more than 10 pounds...but how are you supposed to not lift, carry, or put your 10-month-old (or your 14-month-old, in your case) into the crib? To make matters worse, my oldest didn't walk until he was 14 months old! Luckily, I didn't have much trouble with the second section, and I was doing things that I wasn't supposed to be doing, obviously the lifting, amongst other things. It is just amazing what motherhood does to a woman. You can accomplish things you never imagined you could have before. My second was a terrible sleeper, so that didn't help things, but they both played really well together. To tell you the truth, now that they are 2 and 3, I'd rather go back to those days of a newborn and 10 month old! Definitely have my hands full! I bought the Baby Einstein CDs, and both babies actually found them interesting, so that was a help for me! You'll be surprised what you will be able to do to get through it. Chances are that they will entertain one another at those ages...instead of taunting one another and aggravating one another at ages 2 and 3!!!! Congratulations and good luck to you!!!

Hi. I had triplets by c-section last July. I also had a 6yr old and 10yr old at home. They had put a "blocker" in my epidural that lasted days. You could talk to your doctor about it as I'm not exactly sure what the "blocker" was. They also gave me Oxycod/APAP 325mg which did not hinder my ability to take care of anyone.(I could still pump and the babies were not affected by the meds) The "blocker" was so good that the nurses were pushing the meds on me when I didn't need them.(just in case) My babies were actually in the NICU for 1 1/2 months so I was walking from the RMH to the hospital several times a day to feed them and spend time with them. I actually felt great. I guess my suggestion would be to check into that "blocker" and get up and moving as soon as you can. I walked behind the wheelchair only a few hours after surgery.(as soon as the dizzying meds wore off) If you have any questions, I think that you can get a hold of me on here.(?) Hope all goes well.

Hi C.! I am sure by now you have gotten lots of great advice. My girls are 14 months apart. The first was by c-section and the second vaginal. I have heard from several friends that the 2nd c-section is not near as painful and the recovery time is quick! So hopefully that will help. I was very nervous that I would have to have a c-section the second time around and did not know what I was going to do about picking up my oldest if I did. I went to "Super Suppers" and made a bunch of frozen meals. Depending on the size of your family you can actually get 12 meals for $120 dollars (you split the 6 meals in half to get 12). That REALLY helped me. Fortunately, as you may remember, newborns sleep a lot during the day so I didn't find it too crazy. It only gets crazy when they both want something at the same time. My oldest had (and still has to) to learn to wait a little bit for something.
It is funny, with my first I was so overwhelmed...it seemed like there were never enough hours in the day and I was jumping up every few minutes to do something. With the second one I feel like I am an old pro and still wonder why the first seemed like so much work. People always ask me how I do it with two so close (in a shocked voice I might add) but really, it doesn't seem like extra work. The only thing that gets hard is when I have to take them both out at the same time and can't use the stroller.
You will be fine! Good luck with everything!

...I just notices somebody said they relied on tv...I would put in one of the "Baby Signing Time" videos while I breastfed if my oldest was being needy or sassy. She loves them and she learned how to do sign language because I would be able to sit there and interact with her. I will admit...breastfeeding was sometimes a challenge. I had the breast pump in my bedroom which she usually can't get into. We have a night stand that she can get the door open so we put little things in there that she typically doesn't get to play with. So when I would go into the bedroom to pump she would follow me in and be in her glory because she got to explore a new spot.

I can't say enough about the Baby Signing Time Videos!
...sorry I was so windy!

You might consider hiring a Postpartum Doula if that is something you can afford. She will help with dishes, laundry, picking up and caring for both baby and toddler. Check for a list at Childbirthcollective.org under profiles or DONA.org She can work any schedule that works for you and that she is available.