38 answers

Deleting Ex in Laws off Fb

My ex husband "Tom" and I do NOT get along well these days. We have been divorced for 4 years. For the past 5 years Tom has only taken our son one time. He has limited rights of supervised visitation, not that it is needed since he never makes any effort. Lately Tom has posted some nasty comments on my facebook wall, which I have deleted and also deleted Tom. I was contemplating deleting him anyway. I never post anything our son has done b/c I don't want Tom to read it. I feel that if he is going to know his son and what he is doing he should know him through life, not through the internet. I have not been very close with Tom's parents and sister, but I do have them on my fb. I would like to delete them as well. They think Tom can do no wrong and I know they side with Tom in everything. I feel that as a divorced woman I have every right to have my personal space that my ex in laws are not in, even though I realize it's the internet. Do I owe them an explanation or message as to why I am deleting them or should I just do it? Divorce is so hard, I wish the nightmare would end!!!!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for all the feedback. I decided to simply delete them. I enjoyed the points that there are still many other forms of communication. As for those who said I need to make a relationship between my son and ex in laws, thanks for the imput. For my own outlook I think that is Tom's job to establish that bond. They are no longer my family, they are his. They raised him with the morals they supported during our marriage/divorce. Thanks for all the advice, since the internet does bring in new ideas of ettiquete.

Featured Answers

I know you deleted them but you should block them. If you block them and they happen to look for you it as if you do not exist. Set everything to privacy for friends only. Good Luck!

2 moms found this helpful

Just unfriend them. You can send them a message explaining it if they send you a message questioning it. Otherwise, I think they'll know why.

Sheesh - Facebook creates some new etiquette issues doesn't it!?

I like the other moms' suggestions . . . good luck.

More Answers

Delete them then block them. Also delete and block anyone that knows them. You owe them absolutely no explanation, they aren't your family or even friends. They have no business knowing your business. If he hasn't seen your son but one time in 5 years why do you even have any contact with him?

2 moms found this helpful

Don't just delete them, BLOCK THEM. They can still lurk on your page and check in on you unless you block them. No explanation necessary. They don't need to see pictures of all the fun things you're doing with your son, stealing his pics, claiming them as his own. If they want to see your son, they can go through to courts, or cordially call you and set something up. You cannot completely remove them from your sons life (he has a right to know them), but you can certainly respect yours and your sons privacy on facebook. Best wishes!!

2 moms found this helpful

Just do it. :)
Fyi, Facebook does not send notification if you delete someone out of your friends. They will stop receiving your posts but if they have a lot of friends they may not even notice for a while. Only if they try to email you using fb will they notice you're not on their list.
Then, if they notice and were actually to email you and ask, and you don't want a confrontation, you could say 'I was having a hard time keeping up with fb, so for now I'm limiting it to close friends and work colleagues. But you can always reach me by email or phone.' :)

2 moms found this helpful

I know you deleted them but you should block them. If you block them and they happen to look for you it as if you do not exist. Set everything to privacy for friends only. Good Luck!

2 moms found this helpful

This is going to be hard to hear - It's meant in the most loving way possible. This is what I would tell my best friend.
If your ex were allowed to see some of those things he were missing out on, it would tear him to pieces. He would be racked with guilt and spending sleepless nights crying over it. That's exactly what he should be doing! You're wanting to keep your son all to yourself has alienated everyone from each other. You're thinking about what your ex deserves, not what your son deserves. Are your in laws involved in your sons life? Do they want to be? Your son deserves a dad and some grand parents. Even if you have to be the bigger person to build that bridge. That is his family and he has a right to know who they are - even if they are rejecting him. He needs to see that for himself. If you don't make him available to his dad and your ex inlaws then you are giving them an easy out and YOU will be the one answering to your son when he hits 12 or 13. Make every effort to foster a relationship or you will bear the brunt of your sons resentment not your ex and his family. That's real life - not facebook. So far as FB, of course you have every right to your privacy. I wouldn't want my ex or my in laws to know one little thing about my private life. Anything that doesn't concern my child doesn't concern them. You can give differant permissions to differant people or groups of people. If you want to have them as friends so there is an open line of communication, you can do that, while limiting thier access to pictures and your wall. Or call and tell them you dont feel FB is an apporpriate way to communicate or share pictures of your son and you want to open a line of communication by inviting them to come to the park with yall or something. Someone has to take the 1st step. Why not you?

1 mom found this helpful

Before Facebook came into existence, you would not have had this form of communication. You are not cutting them off completely (telephone, email, postal service) If you are uncomfortable with it, delete it.

We don't even use Facebook in our family, so I really don't know how it works, but it is not a necessary as there are other forms of communication if he cares to use them. It sounds like he doesn't care or he would make an effort to see his child.

1 mom found this helpful

Tracy K said it well. When it comes to FB, that is your personal space and who is on it is up to you, but your son deserves to have a relationship with his Grandparents even if his Dad is absent. Even if you no longer have feelings for your Ex and his family, that is still your sons family, and always will be.

1 mom found this helpful

I would simply post that your FB is getting to much and want it to be a communication tool for a very small group of friends and to prevent hurt feelings, just say I am going down to a very minimal group of people don't be hurt if you no longer see me on facebook. Then truly go through all of your facebook friends and pair it down to only the ones you absolutely want to communicate with. Facebook has taken on a life of it's own and people spend way too much time on it and put to much value into it. It's much more personal to pick up the phone anyway. Also make sure you check your privacy settings and change them to friends only otherwise you might as well have not done anything.

1 mom found this helpful

I am a single mom too and my exbf recently decided to never come around at all. So he of course deleted me and so I deleted his entire family. If he has decided not to be apart then nobody gets to know how O is. I also had hi SIL re request to be friends and I sent her a message that said
"I'm sorry, but I can't be friends. Since Brian has decided to not be a part of Oliver life, I want to cut all ties. I really appreciate and want to be friends, but I just can't."
She then said that she understood and that was that. Delete them!! Have they made an effort?? Brian's family never did except his SIL.

you have every right to do so, and you may also BLOCK them. you do NOT owe them an explanation; (if you block them you will simple cease to exist; they cant find you in search or anything).

one thing to make sure you do; change your privacy options so that NO ONE can view your information unless they are on your friends list.

so yes. you can and should delete them.
this is kinda a no brainer; you should probably check your list for any other people who you have there that you really dont even want to have there . ;)

Delete them. Do not explain why, just remove them.

DELETE THEM. i am very anti-500-fb-friends. why would you want people you barely know and don't even like seeing into your personal life...it's beyond me. they won't be alerted and may not even notice. if they do, they shouldn't have to ask why.

Sheesh - Facebook creates some new etiquette issues doesn't it!?

I like the other moms' suggestions . . . good luck.

i think you should still block them though. and make sure your photos are set to friends only, not friends of friends. you never know who may know someone.

besides, when you are in new relationships or may have had a nice outing you share with your friends, there is no need for them to know. its just unneccessary and will probaly keep the peace better.

Social Media is such a strange thing. I personally love FB. I don't have everyone I know as a friend because I use it as a personal tool just as I would email. Not everyone you know sees every email you send out, right?! If your ex-inlaws want to be a part of your son's life they can do it through plenty of other means that just FB. Besides, you said that you don't post anything about your son anyways. It is your FB page. Just to remain "nice" send your ex-inlaws a private message explaining that you are "cleaning up" your friend list to only include the current people in your life. Let them know that you still 100% welcome them in your sons life and would like them to call or email you any time.

I understand the divorce nightmare... I've been going through it for the past 6 years. My ex is a terrible human being and his main goal is to make my life hell...he's very good at it. We share 50/50 custody of our daughter. He swears up and down that he's moved on but his actions show that he clearly has not!

Best wishes to you!

I don't know your former in-laws, but they do have some right to know your son. Should they make an effort with phone calls, texts, emails, messages, etc...? Yes! But, don't you think that it would be nice for your son to know that his grandparents are still "involved" or know how he's progressing? I'd imagine that this is a difficult situation for them as well.
So, should you delete them on Facebook? I think you should ask yourself if they have another outlet to get to see things like his baseball pictures, birthday party pics, special days, etc... Do you email them photos? Do they get invited to family events? Do the inlaws get to spend time with your son? Do you make an effort to ensure that they are NOT excluded? If they make no effort, you try, and they are mean, then delete them! They don't need to know what you are doing each day and you should feel safe to post whatever you like. If you delete them and change your privacy to "friends only", then they won't be able to see any of your business, but will still have a means by which to contact you. Just be sure not to close the door on them completely because you don't your son to resent you for not making an effort.
If it were me, I'd send them a FB message that stated, "It been 4 years since the divorce and I'd like to claim my life as my own now, so I've decided that I am going to remove you from my FB page, for personal space. Please know that our son will always be your grandson, and you are free to contact him via .... with these stipulations .... I want you to be involved in his life, but I just feel it is time to have a little of my own as well." This way, they can't turn it against you in the future.
Good luck!

You said it perfectly, as a divorced woman you have every right to your "personal space." If they want to stay in communication with you or your son, they can certainly do so in other ways. Take your privacy back and delete them, no explanation needed. I just deleted two of my own sisters recently, we are not getting along well at all, I'm very upset about the way they're living their life and I choose to not have them in my life at this time, I deleted them and my other sister sent me a message asking why they were taken off and I didn't even answer her back, there was no explanation needed. Family drama is family drama and if you are more comfortable with them not seeing info about you at this time, then take them off, it's no big deal, especially when they're not active in your sons life. Take care!

Unfriend away. You should have a policy anyway of only being "friends" on facebook with people you actually ARE friends with in real life.

It sounds like you are really frustrated -- that's the main issue, not facebook. Can you get counseling to air those troubles?

Do it and don't say a word. You owe them nothing!

just delete them. you dont owe them an explanation.

Just "Defriend" them. They will not even be notified. Based on how many friends they have, they may not even notice for some time. FB does not alert you when someone has "defriended" them. Then go to your privacy settings and make sure all of your settings are set so that "Only Friends" can view. Of course you can keep your name and city public so that others can find you... Everything else make it "friends only." You do not have to "Block" them, just defriend them. If your settings are set for "Friends Only" then they will NOT be able to see your information... If they are not "your friends" and active in you and your daughter's life; they do not have to be your internet friends. Actually I am VERY particular with whom I accept as my FB friend. SO just select with caution and take them off. You do not owe anyone the right of "Friendship." Good Luck!

Delete... Plain and simple. If you are censoring yourself because of them... Delete.

I love/hate facebook. Cyber space in general. But yes drop them like a hot potatoe- none of their business why. But also, of course, be responsible in what you post on line at all times . My new step sons and all my inlaws are friends on facebook and it's been a reality check for me- to be mindful of what I post.

Just unfriend them. You can send them a message explaining it if they send you a message questioning it. Otherwise, I think they'll know why.

I am in agreement with every one else Delete Them! As others have said they will not be notified that you deleted them, they would only notice if they tried to contact you or go to your profile. They are no longer Your family and their expectations of you ceased when the marriage did. If they want contact with you or your son, I am sure that they have other means possible. If the child's father is not very involved in his life, is this extended family? Reclaim your space! It has been 4 years, You owe them nothing! No explanation necessary, if they want to be in your life it should be to know your child, not to know what you do and who your friends are. Divorce is hard and there is no denying that, but now it is time to move on and focus on your new life.

ummm...this seems like a pretty easy question to answer. Delete them. Don't tell them why. They are your EX inlaws. You owe them nothing. From what you said it looks like you don't even get along with them that well at all....no explanation needed!
L.

Just do it- end the nightmare.

Just Delete them they won't be notified also you can go in and block them put their email address and names on the list they won't even be able to see anything about you and you won't be able to see them which I think is a great thing that way you won't be upset by things they might and probably will write about you. You don't owe them anything at all especially an explanation as to why you don't want to be friends on FB. They probably just want to be nosey. He is an EX for a reason. Good Luck. Divorce isn't easy in any circumstances.

Delete them and BLOCK them or they can still read your page. I have had to do that with my hubby's ex and her family.

hell no you don't owe them an explanation and you should have been deleted them when you deleted him! who are they?? if your weren't close with them there is no reason to explain anything with them. and when you delete them block them also so you don't have to be harrased through inbox messages! good luck!!!

I think you are well within your rights to delete them without any explanation given. And if for some reason they would happen to ask, tell them the truth-your ex-husband wrote some nasty things about you on his FB page and you don't need that in your life. It doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship with any of them, so I doubt that anything will even come of it. Good luck!
A.

Just delete them. Make sure you check your security settings so that pictures with you (or the kiddo) can't be shared. Also block out your FB so that people searching on it can't see your profile. Then only "friend" people that you initiate the "friending".

If you are not very active on FB, then they may not notice that you have defriended them. I totally understand why you would not want them to be your FB friends anymore but, since you have a child with "Tom", I would encourage you to do what you can to maintain a civil and somewhat familial relationship with your ex in-laws for your son's sake. That can be done by phone, e-mail and visits, not necessarily by FB. If you do decide to delete them and you think they will notice, I would probably just tell them the truth as simply and as kindly as possible.

Do NOT feel guilty to hit the delete key. You should only have people on there that you want to share with.

I would just block them on FB. You can go to their page and at the bottom left corner there is an option to "Block" that person. Once you block them they will no longer be able to look you up on FB or contact you in any way. So to them it would be like you no longer have a FB account, they would think that you are no longer on there. However, if you are friends with anyone who they are a mutual friend with, they will still be able to see any posts that you post on a mutual friends page. Also, if you ever decide that you want to be in contact with them again, you would have to request their friendship again which might be a little ackward.

delete them all. but. is there another way of communication of the grandparents, like e-mail? it only good karma if u send a picture of ur son now and then, school, vacations, b-day, x-mas, maybe thru regular mail, whats that called, snail mail?,lol.

unless they are evil i would do this.

I say delete them. If they aren't good for you or your son, you don't need them knowing your business. Also, don't just delete them; make sure you block them too. If you block them, they can't see your profile at all. Even if they search for your name, your page won't show up in the search results. This keeps them from seeing that you have a page or being able to message you. Be done with them, once and for all.

shame on your ex...put them all to the curb an move on with your life...

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