38 answers

Deleting Ex in Laws off Fb

My ex husband "Tom" and I do NOT get along well these days. We have been divorced for 4 years. For the past 5 years Tom has only taken our son one time. He has limited rights of supervised visitation, not that it is needed since he never makes any effort. Lately Tom has posted some nasty comments on my facebook wall, which I have deleted and also deleted Tom. I was contemplating deleting him anyway. I never post anything our son has done b/c I don't want Tom to read it. I feel that if he is going to know his son and what he is doing he should know him through life, not through the internet. I have not been very close with Tom's parents and sister, but I do have them on my fb. I would like to delete them as well. They think Tom can do no wrong and I know they side with Tom in everything. I feel that as a divorced woman I have every right to have my personal space that my ex in laws are not in, even though I realize it's the internet. Do I owe them an explanation or message as to why I am deleting them or should I just do it? Divorce is so hard, I wish the nightmare would end!!!!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for all the feedback. I decided to simply delete them. I enjoyed the points that there are still many other forms of communication. As for those who said I need to make a relationship between my son and ex in laws, thanks for the imput. For my own outlook I think that is Tom's job to establish that bond. They are no longer my family, they are his. They raised him with the morals they supported during our marriage/divorce. Thanks for all the advice, since the internet does bring in new ideas of ettiquete.

Featured Answers

I know you deleted them but you should block them. If you block them and they happen to look for you it as if you do not exist. Set everything to privacy for friends only. Good Luck!

2 moms found this helpful

Just unfriend them. You can send them a message explaining it if they send you a message questioning it. Otherwise, I think they'll know why.

Sheesh - Facebook creates some new etiquette issues doesn't it!?

I like the other moms' suggestions . . . good luck.

More Answers

Delete them then block them. Also delete and block anyone that knows them. You owe them absolutely no explanation, they aren't your family or even friends. They have no business knowing your business. If he hasn't seen your son but one time in 5 years why do you even have any contact with him?

2 moms found this helpful

Don't just delete them, BLOCK THEM. They can still lurk on your page and check in on you unless you block them. No explanation necessary. They don't need to see pictures of all the fun things you're doing with your son, stealing his pics, claiming them as his own. If they want to see your son, they can go through to courts, or cordially call you and set something up. You cannot completely remove them from your sons life (he has a right to know them), but you can certainly respect yours and your sons privacy on facebook. Best wishes!!

2 moms found this helpful

Just do it. :)
Fyi, Facebook does not send notification if you delete someone out of your friends. They will stop receiving your posts but if they have a lot of friends they may not even notice for a while. Only if they try to email you using fb will they notice you're not on their list.
Then, if they notice and were actually to email you and ask, and you don't want a confrontation, you could say 'I was having a hard time keeping up with fb, so for now I'm limiting it to close friends and work colleagues. But you can always reach me by email or phone.' :)

2 moms found this helpful

I know you deleted them but you should block them. If you block them and they happen to look for you it as if you do not exist. Set everything to privacy for friends only. Good Luck!

2 moms found this helpful

This is going to be hard to hear - It's meant in the most loving way possible. This is what I would tell my best friend.
If your ex were allowed to see some of those things he were missing out on, it would tear him to pieces. He would be racked with guilt and spending sleepless nights crying over it. That's exactly what he should be doing! You're wanting to keep your son all to yourself has alienated everyone from each other. You're thinking about what your ex deserves, not what your son deserves. Are your in laws involved in your sons life? Do they want to be? Your son deserves a dad and some grand parents. Even if you have to be the bigger person to build that bridge. That is his family and he has a right to know who they are - even if they are rejecting him. He needs to see that for himself. If you don't make him available to his dad and your ex inlaws then you are giving them an easy out and YOU will be the one answering to your son when he hits 12 or 13. Make every effort to foster a relationship or you will bear the brunt of your sons resentment not your ex and his family. That's real life - not facebook. So far as FB, of course you have every right to your privacy. I wouldn't want my ex or my in laws to know one little thing about my private life. Anything that doesn't concern my child doesn't concern them. You can give differant permissions to differant people or groups of people. If you want to have them as friends so there is an open line of communication, you can do that, while limiting thier access to pictures and your wall. Or call and tell them you dont feel FB is an apporpriate way to communicate or share pictures of your son and you want to open a line of communication by inviting them to come to the park with yall or something. Someone has to take the 1st step. Why not you?

1 mom found this helpful

Before Facebook came into existence, you would not have had this form of communication. You are not cutting them off completely (telephone, email, postal service) If you are uncomfortable with it, delete it.

We don't even use Facebook in our family, so I really don't know how it works, but it is not a necessary as there are other forms of communication if he cares to use them. It sounds like he doesn't care or he would make an effort to see his child.

1 mom found this helpful

Tracy K said it well. When it comes to FB, that is your personal space and who is on it is up to you, but your son deserves to have a relationship with his Grandparents even if his Dad is absent. Even if you no longer have feelings for your Ex and his family, that is still your sons family, and always will be.

1 mom found this helpful

I would simply post that your FB is getting to much and want it to be a communication tool for a very small group of friends and to prevent hurt feelings, just say I am going down to a very minimal group of people don't be hurt if you no longer see me on facebook. Then truly go through all of your facebook friends and pair it down to only the ones you absolutely want to communicate with. Facebook has taken on a life of it's own and people spend way too much time on it and put to much value into it. It's much more personal to pick up the phone anyway. Also make sure you check your privacy settings and change them to friends only otherwise you might as well have not done anything.

1 mom found this helpful

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