Deep, Dark Secrets **THANKS, LADIES***

L., you're killin' me today. I swore I was gonna scrub the downstairs bathroom, and now this!

Of course I have a secret. A big bad terrible nasty life altering secret! More than one in fact! Just about the worst imaginable secret you could have!

Still, the sun rises and sets everyday and when I finish the day with the same number of kids I started with and everyone I know and love is alive and well....well the big ole nasty secrets fade into the distance.

It's a matter for me and St. Peter to discuss when I get there!
Great question, hope it doesn't get pulled!
:)

14 moms found this helpful

I had a secret. It caused me a lot of heartache and stress until I let it out. I had fallen in love with a black man. I was worried that my family would think bad of me or be ashamed of me. I was 25! Why was I worried about what my family would think? I worried that it would hinder me at work, so I kept it a secret there too. We worked together! Do you know how hard that was. I'm so ashamed of my behavior. I hurt a good man and I am so sorry for that. The lengths I went to to keep that secret are the part I am now ashmed of, not the secret itself. When I finally let it all out and brought it to the light of day, it wasn't nearly the boogie man I thought it was. The world didn't stop spinning. We're all better off now.

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Can you write it down and then either burn it or throw it into the ocean?
How much of your energy are you using
carrying this burden around all the time?

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Yes. I have my own secrets and I keep other people's secrets. These secrets will die with me. How do I cope? I don't think about them all that much.

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I too have many 'secrets' some of which are Mine and some are the ones that Others have trusted me (wish people didnt find me so trusting and easy to talk to sometimes.. LOL). I would Never Tell the secrets of the 'others', they're not Mine to share. ONE big one would effect my mothers whole side of her family --- wish I wasnt aware of that one.....
BUT the choice is mine to keep mine in or let them out to the world. Some days you think about them more than others..... I'm sorry you seem to be having 'one of those days'. I hope you get some restful sleep tonight! xoxox

5 moms found this helpful

i have one and plan of taking it with me to my grave. i think about it at least once a day, and i wish i didn't have that secret but i do and nothing i can do about it.
i keep secrets well. in fact i must have the 'secret-keeper- sign on my forehead because people tell me their secrets all the time.

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Hey, L.,
Quick question. Don't you ever wonder about things like getting a cat pee stain out of your rug or what is the best gaming system for a 4 yo? LMAO!

Yes, I have secrets. Not many. A few. Some DO need to go to the grave. Telling them will not help and may hurt. Those are the ones that need kept the most!

I also keep secrets for my friends. I would NEVER divulge something told to me in confidence. I just got it like that! ;-)

5 moms found this helpful

I have a couple of "deep dark secrets." I thought about them at one point and if it affected me to have them. I decided it didn't! Nothing good would really come from telling anyone about any of them, and if I feel like I MUST tell someone something there are a variety of ways to do so -the easiest probably being therapy or if you're Catholic -confession. Non-catholics can also talk to their ministers, but depending on the secret -that may not be very comfortable. I decided a long time ago that things that are in the past are in the past. They've become a part of who I am, and I have no intention of sharing those secrets now. You've unburdened yours to your closest friend, but if you feel you need to tell more people, truly evaluate what it is and what responses it will set off. You say it would hurt people you love, so is there really a point in sharing it? If you feel it must be known at some point, you could write it down and put it in a safety deposit box to be opened upon your death. Be careful with that one though -since none of us actually know when our deaths will be!

Sometimes there's nothing more freeing than just letting go. Just let go of it. I don't mean tell it -just let go of the feelings around it. Choose not to dwell on it and move on. It's in the past and nothing will change whatever it is/was, so leave it there.

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Hi, L.:

There is a saying in Al-Anon, "You are as sick as your secrets."
Whatever your secret is there are support groups for these secrets to
come out of the deep recesses of people's minds.

People need to be held accountable for the harm they have caused. If they are not being held accountable, then injustices continue to be unaddressed.

In Restorative Practices we are taught how to confront and support people when they have harmed others so they can shed the offender label.

check the web.
www.iirp.org

The other thing is: Secret knowledge and limited options is what we call manipulation. We are taught in school to be transparent, open and honest.
People are harmed by secrets. This is why we have so much use of counselor/therapist in our country because we aren't completely honest with ourselves and others.
Hope this helps.
D.

4 moms found this helpful

i have one that family would disown me for if they knew, the only ones that know are my mom, her friend, and my husband...i hold onto it because i am fery hurt and ashamed by it, i have nightmare's due to my secret and is something i'll hurt from for the rest of my life at times wonder if i need therapy because of it, my husband can relate to my dark seceret because he had a "similar" problem, but it's not so dark because it was out of control, where as mine was my choice

4 moms found this helpful

I would tell you that everyone has some secret that they do not want to share with certain loved ones. If it is what I think it is then I have been through that myself. My fiancee knows and so does my best friend. It happened right before I met him in person. There must be a reason that it happened and sometimes we have to make choices that we must live with. I told myself it was the best thing at the time because I was not ready to deal with it and the person I was dating at the time was not worthy of my time. Do not beat yourself up over it. I am not embarassed or ashamed or fearful. I know what I did was right for me and I moved on with my life.

4 moms found this helpful

It sounds like this secret is causing you difficulty. I suggest that you don't have to carry the secret alone. I urge you to find a counselor that you trust and talk with them about your secret. It may be best to never tell and then again it may be best to tell certain people so that you can have peace. Perhaps even discussing it with a professional person will help.

I don't have a secret. I don't think there are any secrets in my family, tho of course I have no way of knowing. I do know that my parents taught us that keeping secrets harms us. Yes, there are things we don't tell everyone but those who love us know our secrets.

I investigated sex offenses for years. From my experience with victims and their families, keeping that sort of information locked away inside causes immense pain. The victim of crimes needs to talk not only for their own well being but for the well being of their family and those close to them. Initially the pain is increased but in the long run life does get better. I'm not suggesting this is your secret. It's a secret common in the world.

If the secret causes embarrassment, shame, fear, think of the release knowing that the secret no long holds power over you and your happiness. Often, telling a secret turns out to be a relief instead of the embarrassment, shame, and fear that not telling created.

4 moms found this helpful

Well... my Husband was previously married. No kids though.
Our kids do not know.
My Mom and late Dad knew. His parents knew.
They probably forgot about it already.
But... well just the other night... I was wondering about it and that my own kids do not know.
I would not want to tell them... it would affect the way they 'see' their dad/my Husband.
I would not want to do that to them.

all the best,
Susan

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Yes, I have a few actually. A couple I would actually like to talk about on here. But, I won't. Because I fear that someone I know may be hanging around and see it!

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Yep, I just try not to think about it too much. There is one my husband knows about and one that he knows the idea of, but not the details. The rest of my family doesn't know anything, then there is one for my husband and I. I have come to the realization that if any of them ever come out, oh well. that was my biggest fear, and the most controlling. While I won't be spilling my secret, if one of the few people that knows does, I will have to deal with it then. Letting that fear control me just wasn't healthy.

2 moms found this helpful

One word: therapy. You can pay people to tell your secrets too. :-) And give you perspective on whether they really need to be secrets or not. Good luck.

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everyone has secrets...
you dont always have to tell those either. if you need to talk about it write a book based on it. Of course dont use your name, but at least that would be an outlet for you. It might ease your mind a bit. If you commited a crime, I would struggle with telling someone, but if it isnt something like that then I wouldnt worry about it.

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everyone does...let it out!

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Yes.

I have a few secrets from my husband that would probably make YOU laugh out loud even though you don't know me. They are things that just don't need to be "out there" though.

I have some secrets I keep from most but not all people.

I think my secrets are pretty common to women, but the funny ones and the not so funny ones, but I am not keen on sharing these particular ones. They're mine.

Someone wrote she has the worst secret imaginable. Maybe I have a better imagination than most, but I guessing she didn't mean she was a serial killer????

(well that, or she's an alien in the 1st line of world domination...)

1 mom found this helpful

I think almost everyone has very bad things in their past they are not proud of. If everyone had to tell everyone everything, people wouldn't even be able to relate to each other because everyone would hate each other for all the bad things everyone has done. Having a friend you can tell is the most important thing and no one else needs to know. Unless of course you have a homicidal mental medical condition that puts your family and others in danger and you're not telling them.
You have to forgive yourself for being human. Looking back and feeling bad does not help after a certain amount of time. If you pray to any creator, when you find yourself dwelling, say a little prayer of thanks for you lesson, express how sorry you are and pray for strength to move on as the best person you can be. And let it go. Do that every day if you have to. Or just do it for yourself if you're not spiritual.
No one is perfect. Discipline yourself to focus on the good. Many great people are reformed ex bad people. Look forward. The guilt you are feeling is proof you are a good person who won't do whatever it is again (and if it's not something you did, then you REALLY shouldn't be feeling bad). Don't use use you conscience to hurt yourself. Be glad it's only one thing!!!

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