Death of Daddy and Birthday

Oh my goodness...how very sad for you and her. Is there anyone you can reach out to that can buy and take cupcakes to school for her? She should have her day even admist this horror. Her daddy would want that. Reach out to those around you - they will want to help at a time like this. My thoughts are with you.

I am so sorry for your loss. I do feel like I can help you. You do not say if this loss was sudden or expected, and I guess in some ways this might matter, although if it was not sudden she may be aware and able to understand a bit more. If it was sudden, then you all will be in shock and hopefully you have family with you to help deal with things. There are many good books and online sources that will help you find the language to explain death to your daughter--I did this when my best friend died when my son was three--they were very close. Truly, three is very young to be able to understand death.

What I can really help with is the birthday question. My father died when I was just turning two. My mother scheduled the funereal for my actual birthday. It has caused sadness every year. She now, after 43 years, wishes she had not done this. We as a family cannot help but recall the sadness.

So, with 42 years of insight of what it means to lose a father at such a young age and right near your birthday, my advice to you is to make/buy the cup cakes and let her take them to school or if she is staying home have them at home. Decorate a special one for your husband. Let her help you decorate it. Light a candle for him and tell nice stories about him. Let her blow out his candle and make a wish to him. (If you believe in heaven maybe talk to her about how she can still talk to her daddy even though he isn't here.) You could make this a beautiful, happy tradition. I will bet your husband would want to know that his little girl was happy celebrating their shared birthday. There will be plenty of days filled with loss and grief, unfortunately. In this case, try to hang on to this little bit of happiness for your daughter's sake.

Call a friend and have the go get the cupcakes and deliver them to the school. You have enough to deal with. She will figure things out in her own time.

I am so sorry for your families loss. My prayers are for you all tonight.

Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

If I were you, I would buy some cupcakes and drop them off at school. If you can't do it, have someone else. Birthdays are going to bitter sweet for your daughter going forward so do what you can.

Hugs to you and your daughter. How awful and overwhelming you must be feeling right now. I bet any mother or teacher at the preschool would be more than happy to take care of the cupcakes for your daughter's birthday. Don't be afraid to except help from others when you need it.
You will be in my prayers.

My condolences for your loss, L.. May the Lord give you strength and comfort you. Most three year olds do not understand death. Do your best to answer her questions about him. It is actually a blessing that she is so young. It would be much harder on you if she were older and this happened. She will understand in time. I probably would not send her to school. Everyone in your house is in shock and in mourning. Her birthday can be celebrated at a later time. A majority of children do not remember much before the age of 5. I would therefore put the school/cupcake idea on hold for now.

I am so sorry for your loss, L.. You will be in my prayers for comfort and strength during this time.

Will your daughter be going to school today or are you keeping her home? If she will be home you can tell her that she will have her cupcakes in a few days. Yes, you will want to stick to a routine, but within reason, you do what you can do. If she is going to school I would explain that with Daddy gone you haven't been able to get the cupcakes and she will need to wait a bit.

A friend of mine lost her husband and his funeral was on the birthday of their 3 year old. We had planned a party but understandably did not have it on that day. Then after a few days my friend asked what we should do for her daughter and I said, "He would want her to have a party." So we had a party, a week after her birthday, but we had fun, laughed, and it helped all of us and her daughter was happy to be acknowledged and celebrated.

So do what you have to do, keep explaining to your daughter that Daddy is with God, (be prepared for her to possibly be upset that God would take him) and that she will have a birthday celebration in a few days. Little ones really are resilient, more than we generally give them credit for, and with your love she will get through.

God bless, {{HUGS}}

I am so sorry... my heart aches for you... Blessings

Do you have family, close friends that might be able to help you? I would keep her with you today. You both need to mourn and maybe if she sees what's going on she will understand better. Like you said, right now you are keeping routine. This isn't routine for either of you right now. You are in shock right now and soon that will end. Please try to get through the day & if you want to be in your jammies all do - do it! If you need someone to talk to please do so. Do not let it bottle up for the sake of your daughter. All kinds of emotions are going to happen. Sad, mad, angry...

Please know that you have lots of prayers for you!

L., I don't know how you are writing this. Bless your heart. I'm so sorry.

Ask a friend to take care of the cupcakes. Your daughter is too young to put anything together in her head. Having the cupcakes and a quiet nod to her birthday by the teacher is a little comforting.

She won't understand anything you say because she is too little. Her understanding will come with time, when daddy doesn't come back. Please call her pediatrician and ask for a name of someone to talk to about how to help her through this.

You are both in my prayers, L..

Dawn

I am so sorry for your loss.
Wish I could be of more help. Would having her at school tomorrow give you a chance to get your thoughts together? You could just have someone pick up cupcakes and drop them off at school for her. Keeping things as normal as possible may help her and you cope.
Good luck and God bless.

Oh my goodness!! I'm so sorry for your loss!!! I think you handled this very well. Answer questions she may have in a simple way. I would explain the reason behind no cupcakes. Tell her that you'll do it another time for her and tell her why. Keep it simple. I wish you the best. My prayers are with you and your family. HUGS!

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I would just tell her he is gone or he isn't here. She may not understand if you explain further and it may make it more difficult for you.

Do you have a family member or another mom you can help you with this? They can call the teacher and explain what is going on and maybe even throw a party for your daughter, so you don't have to deal with any of the planning/preparing.

Take care of yourself. Prayers are being lifted up for you.

Oh honey, *hugs*

Anything I can do?

:(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE ONE!

Oh big big hugs for you.

Can I just urge you to NOT to make the passing of you husband and her birthday celebration one together....can you hold off on any major celebration so that she doesn't associate the sadness that is happening with her celebration. I know this sounds harsh a bit maybe but I cannot tell you how hard it is for me to be celebrating our anniversary in just three weeks because I will also be celebrating the passing of my father a year ago. I don't feel it would be such a big deal but so many made it a big deal that we were celebrating our anniversary and then my dad passed away. Try very hard to keep the memories sepearte and apporpriate.

again big huge hugs and remember that your husband is not in Heaven a wonderful place to be!!

I am SO SO sorry. I have been through something similar.My oldest sons dad died unexpectedly when he was 2. I couldn't seem to find the right way to explain it to him either. At this young of an age, they can't really grasp it. Reach out for support from a professional. They will have better methods to deal. Even call her pediatrician for ideas.

Do your best to keep today about her birthday. But if you need to remove yourself from the house or situation, do so. My heart breaks for you both. This is such a roller coaster ride of emotions you are about to go through. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to "talk" with someone who's been there. Stay strong as you can, again I am so sorry for this tragic loss. (((((HUGS)))))

Very sorry for your loss. If you have a friend who can take care of the cupcakes and daycare that would be good for your little girl and give you some time to take care of what you have to do. I hope you have a good support system and may God bless and comfort you at this time of great sorrow.

Blessings....

im sorry to here this, and i have no answer, i think you will know what to say.
i might have the feeling my son will change soon . my son is one and a half but latly bee havs been diffrent my soon to be husband has had cancer now for about two years now , and my son seems t want every one but me he huged a old lady too day she even picked him up he gave her that warm hum about two min i tryed to get him faster i felt uneasy and he done it with my friend and with his daddy of corse.i am sorry that happend to you i dont know what to say no one is in the same boat but ill be praying

L., I'm so sad for you. My heart is with you and your baby and family today. I think you did a great job with so little preparation. If your doctor, church, school district, pediatrician etc. can recommend a grief counselor for each/both of you, that would probably help you a lot. I'd also ask if a grief counselor could talk to your daughter's pre-school so they can help her if they need to. There may also be books at the library.

Did your husband have a favorite cake, cookie, cupcake? Maybe it would help you if she took that to school? Since she doesn't understand, really, deep down yet, I think she needs to have that happen as usual. Whatever you can do to fill the day with love, even though it will be touched with sadness, is the best birthday gift you can give to her, and to the memory of your husband.

Please PM if you need to. {HUGS}

I don't have any advice for you, but just wanted you to know you are in my prayers. I am so sorry for your loss and the difficulty you have been faced with and hope that you are given the strength that I'm sure you are hoping for as well. <3

I'm truly sorry for your loss. This must be devastating...especially at such a young age! I will put your family in my prayers...hugs are going out to you now!!!

I think you told her right - that God wanted him up in heaven to look out for you guys from up there and that his body wasn't working right...

As for school - stop by the store and buy cupcakes or ask a friend to do it. While I agree with normalcy, you need to grieve as well.

You will both need grief counseling - i would suggest that you talk to your Priest, Pastor or Rabbi or find a counselor within your medical insurance.

Prayers to and yours. I am truly sorry for your loss.

I am soooo sorry for your loss! My sympathies and prayers to you. I think you've explained it quite well. Please take any help you can get during this time. Also, celebrate her birthday after the funeral as to make it a happy occassion. I know right now things look pretty sad. I am sorry.

Oh L. I am so sorry!! I lost my husband on the 7th and his birthday was yesterday too. I am sure you are still in shock from this whole thing. It takes a while for everything to sink in. Your poor baby! My kids are older( 21, 19, & 14) and are still having a hard time!
My heart and prayers go out to you!! I found Hope Hospice in my town that offers great assistance with ALL age groups. I am sure there is something in your area. Seek help for you too. You will need someone to listen and ways to cope with this.
GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS!
D.

I am so very sorry for your loss and all you are going through. This is so much for you to manage right now.

I think you've gotten a lot of good advice so far. Definitely get any help you can from friends, family, church, work, etc. Anywhere you can. And ask the pediatrician or even her school may have a list of references of places to get any help you may need.

I worked as an elementary school counselor, so I have some experience in this area (although not with kids as young as 3). I think you explained things well enough now. Expect her to have more questions here and there both now and in the future. She may ask questions out of the blue, but it just means it's on her mind at the time. As she matures and understand things differently, it may prompt more questions. It's always best to answer with simply with basic information and allow her to ask more questions if what you've said wasn't enough.

Don't be surprised if she doesn't react the way an adult would to death. Kids process and grieve very differently.

Also, either now or as she grows a little, books may help explain some things. There are many titles out there. Ask the pediatrician, the school or anyone else you know who might have knowledge. Even an internet search and/or a trip to the library would help.

I hope you've gotten the help you need here. Again, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

B.

I am so so sorry to hear about your loss. My young sister-in-law passed away on her daughter's birthday. My brother, her husband, found the tiniest spark of happiness in knowing that every year when he would be feeling the saddest, he would be forced to celebrate and focus on the happiness of his children.

Don't make her cupcakes or lift a finger! Now is the time to use your support groups. School, church, friends, family, work... whoever you have, send them messages, ask for help. Ask for dinners made, laundry done, you name it because you really, really need it, and the people who love you really really need to help you. Your community will step forward. For me, that was the one beautiful thing about the way in which my sister-in-law passed away -- that she left an entire community to raise her children. She made sure that the family left to take care of her children didn't shrink by one but grew by hundreds. Please ask for help.

Oh my goodness! HUGS! To both you and your little girl!

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Oh my goodness! HUGS! To both you and your little girl!