19 answers

'Death' Days...

Do you do something for someone who's passed on their 'death day'? Death day being the day they passed away... for those who have passed, for me, their birthday's and death days are hard, really hard... In some ways, birthday's are harder, because you think 'oh, so and so would have been 30 this year' or whatever... My godfather/uncle passed away almost 4 years ago on MY birthday (which everyone freaks out about, but I take it as a great time to remember him!!)... I love sharing my birthday with his memory, if that makes sense. I always go to lunch with my aunt (his wife) that day, not for my birthday, but so she's not alone. He would want us to celebrate his memory (this is the same guy who had a jazz band play 'When the Saints come marching in' at his funeral!!!!!)

My husband's sister passed away years ago (I never met her)... and her birthday and death day are in the same month, within 10 days of each other. May is a shitty month in our house :( It's a really tough month for my husband (and in-laws).

He is the opposite of me. I really do make it a point to celebrate someone's memory on their death day. It's not celebrating the fact that they passed away, it's celebrating their memory (and in my uncle's case, the end of a long, very hard battle with cancer). My grandmother passed away 6 years ago on New Years Eve, 30 minutes before the ball dropped for the new year. Her last words were 'I'm going to go now; I don't want you all to have to worry about me another year' (makes me tear up thinking about it)... and she was gone. It's so sad, but I love that story... again, she would want us to celebrate her memory!!

So what about you? Are you like me? Do you celebrate someone's memory on their death day? Or are you like my husband? Do you shut yourself into your own brain on death days?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I guess I call it 'death day' from 'dia de los muertos' (day of the dead), like the celebrate in Mexico. Always liked the concept.

@Rebecca: LOL @ GRANDMA!! You know she loves how you guys remember her ;)

Denise, I'm referring to the Mexican holiday: http://www.azcentral.com/ent/dead/
"El Día de Los Muertos originated in Mexico, before the Spanish conquest. "...

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I do not believe that those who have passed on to the other side want us to celebrate their deaths. They'd rather we celebrate their lives. Doing that on the day they died just doesn't click with me.

Celebrate their birthday. Memorialize them then.

3 moms found this helpful

I was very close to both my grandparents and the both died in 2000, one in april and one in august. i don't think of them on any specific day, either their bday or the day they died (i don't even know the exact date anymore). I think of them kind of "all the time" so I don't "celebrate" them on any specific day. Maybe its just me but thats what i do (or don't do). =)

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Yes and No.

It depends on the person. Mostly, I've lost too many people I love (over 40 at last count), my mind blanks out the day of their death. So, by and large, I'm a big fan of Dia de los muertos, because it lets me celebrate everyone together. We're big into wakes, in my family... and parties. My grandfather insisted that he be cremated and buried in a cardboard box (Thanks, grandpa... ever looked into the codes? Troublemaker from start to finish!) and that anyone wearing black would not be admitted. Primary colors only, and bright ones, and no funeral. A double wake, if we had to formally do something. My uncle had a pyramid of pepsi at his funeral and dozens of kids running everywhere in the grass and GAMES put on. We looked like a 500 person picnic! We're REALLY a new orleans jazz band / irish carousing kind of mourners. That trend tends to continue in our remembrances of people.

5 moms found this helpful

my grandma was a wild and crazy woman ( meant in the best of ways!). I love her spunk and miss it so much!!

She LOVED coca~cola, Kenny Rogers and apple pie shots! On her 1 yr anniversary my aunt sent all of us Coca~cola shot glasses and a cd of Kenny Rogers and the recipe for apple pie shots. Now every year on her "death day" we all play the "Gambler" ( that is the song she wanted played at her funeral) and take a shot of apple pie in our shot glasses. Those that live closer all gather together those of us that live hours away still do it from where we are at.

When Pops passed away I found a shirt a week later that has a fish on it and says "Grandpa has gone fishing". My dad and I bought the family a shirt and sent it to them. Pops favorite thing ( other than his family) was going to his cabin and fishing all weekend. Now on the anniversary of his passing we all wear the shirt.

Plus we all get a pic of us taking the shot or wearing the shirt and we post it to FB and tag the page my aunt made in memory of my grandparents. Kind of our tribute to them in our families weird ways.

5 moms found this helpful

My son"s Birthday (Oct. 11th), & Angel Day ( Oct. 18th), are both coming up, And my family plans on doing something fun for his Birthday, liking going to his favorite place. Then on his Angel day, we are having both family & friends meet up at his grave where we will talk about memories of my son, and write messages on balloons, and let them go.

Both days will be tough for me and my family, He had just turned 14yrs last year, then 2 days after his Birthday, he was struck by a car, and died on
the 18th.
I know his school plans on doing something special on his Angel day. His favorite color was purple, so everyone at school is planning on wearing something purple on his Angel day!., As, myself, and the rest of the family will also be wearing a purple shirt in his memory!

3 moms found this helpful

I do not believe that those who have passed on to the other side want us to celebrate their deaths. They'd rather we celebrate their lives. Doing that on the day they died just doesn't click with me.

Celebrate their birthday. Memorialize them then.

3 moms found this helpful

I don't do anything formal at all on the day my mother or father died. I try to remember them all year long in small ways. I'm not real big on ceremonies and I especially avoid any visits to gravesites. My parents don't reside at the cemetery, they live in my memory.

I love the "Irish wake" version of celebrating a person's life at their death (and I'm only a little bit Irish)! If people gathered for my death and drank, sang, and told funny stories, I would be honored. But my family is too Scandinavian to make that kind of "commotion"...

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My Dad, passed away about 11 years ago.
Every year, on the day of his death... we go and have a nice family dinner, go to the cemetery to visit him, and make the day special.
And yes, it is 'celebrating' their memory.
My Dad, I imagine and knowing him, is also "there" celebrating with us. He would have WANTED us to, be all together as a family, in his memory. On that day.
We also do that on his Birthday, every year.

For Christmas, we also hang up a stocking for him, on our fireplace.
The kids, love that. And I also put things in it, for him.

Another cute thing to do is, and which we have done, is to get a helium balloon, attach a cute note message to it, and then let the balloon go up into the air... to the heavens. For that person.

2 moms found this helpful

We don't call it "death day." We call it a Memorial Day. We light a candle and say a prayer every year on the anniversary. Often we pull out photos and place them where we can walk by and be reminded all day. We speak to our loved ones, and believe they hear us and are honored.

2 moms found this helpful

I don't call it a "death day." But, my family does put flowers on my Mothers grave on the anniversary of her death, her birthday, Christmas, and Mothers Day.

I like the concept too! But that's Halloween. I'd probably call it "day of the dead" before I'd call it death day!

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