Dealing with Well-meant, but Poorly-timed Health Questions

So your 2nd grader does not know you are sick, yet you are noticeably tired and losing weight? I hate to tell you this, but he knows, and if you have not sat with him and explained what is going on he will just be even more scared. I understand the desire to protect them from all bad things, but you can't protect him from this by pretending nothing is going on.

It was hard to find the right way to explain my husbands brain tumor and brain surgery to my children in a way that would not scare them while still allowing them to understand what was going on so they would not be scared by the not knowing, but I found a way, you will too. But until you have had a chance to sit with him and have that talk just politely tell the askers that you do not wish to discuss it now, or that you will talk with them about it later because you want to focus on having fun for the holidays.

Blessed Be

Why don't you just explain what is going on, in terms he can understand. I have never hidden things from my kids because people ask things and a child's imagination is far worse than reality.

If you do that then there is no issues when people ask how you are doing, heck your kid will probably answer for you. Perhaps we have different personalities but it would harm my kids more keeping them in the dark than knowing the truth.

Weren't you worried about taking your daughter to the hospital with you if you had to go to the ER unexpectedly last Oct?
Your child knows you've got health issues.
If you're looking like you're on death's doorstep, ignoring the elephant in the room is not sparing your daughter.
The questions just might cause her more worry than she's already got.
I wouldn't try to hide anything from her but give her info at a level that is age appropriate for her.
I don't know if you've got something terminal or not - apparently neither does your family.
Hopefully you've got a plan in place for what will happen / who will care for your daughter in the event you can not look after her anymore.
As for turning questions aside, you could comment 'bet you wish YOU could drop a few pounds don't you Aunt Marge/Uncle Bill?'.

If you have not talked to your son, you should. Answer his questions so he knows from you (and "I don't know, but the doctors say...." is valid, too) vs making stuff up in his head.

For the busybodies, I think your answer is fine or a look that says that topic is not up for discussion.

"I'd appreciate it if you would not ask about my health in front of my child. You upset him and me." And then don't answer the question.

Why don't you stand up for yourself? For heaven's sake, you don't owe the old biddies an answer.

I don't know what your health status is, but I will tell you that if your 7 year old is not aware that anything is wrong, it's time for a discussion. You may not need to go into extensive detail, but it's appropriate for him or her to know. When my kids were 7 and 3, I had cancer. The three year old knew that I had an operation, that I went to the doctor for special medicine shots a few times a month, he didn't know the word cancer. My 7 year old did know that I had cancer. We told her right away, used appropriate resources, made sure that she knew she could ask any and all questions, and had other people for support.
As for those who comment on your health, why not send an email ahead of time, giving them a health update and mentioning that holiday get togethers are a celebration time, and you'd appreciate no health discussions or questions at those times.
Good luck!

Ask your mom to politely mention to all of them that we're not discussing Persimmon's health concerns / issues during these festive events. If some well-meaning person mentions it, just politely say, "We're not discussing that during today's festivities" and change the subject. If they think you're being rude, remind them of the 7-year old standing nearby .... They're rude to inquire with your child so close.

Persimmon,

You were concerned about back-up care for your child should you need to go to the emergency room for whatever is wrong with you, so I would presume your daughter knows you are sick.

IF you have not told your daughter you are sick and the doctor's are trying to make you better, you have done a disservice to your daughter. She, even young, deserves to know the truth about your health. PERIOD. She NEEDS to know you have a back-up plan in place and what's going on. Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. So give her some credit and tell her what is going on, what your plan of attack is and should something go wrong, this is what will happen in regards to her.

When people ask? Just say - I'd rather NOT discuss it. We're here to celebrate. and move on.

well, for starters, i'd make sure my kids were au courant with my health situation (to age appropriate degrees) so that i wouldn't have to be fakey in front of them.
if you don't want to get into it, which is perfectly understandable, your current response is perfect. i'd keep that as my go-to.
i don't agree with relegating concerned friends to 'offenders' or 'old biddies' as one responder did. people rarely ask these questions to be ugly, and they probably feel that simply ignoring your obvious health issues would be far more hurtful than inquiring, and making sure you know they're concerned. i can totally see how old it gets, but short of just avoiding people, including all these people who clearly care deeply about you, you need to stay courteous.
khairete
S.

I may have missed something, but what is your health situation? Has it affected your appearance significantly?

It is rude for people to pry into your personal information health or otherwise, but maybe they really are concerned. I have an extended family member who has metastatic cancer and is going through chemo. She's lost a lot of weight and wears a wig. Everyone is aware of her condition and as a result, they let her do the talking about it if she chose to do so (and she was very forthcoming about it).

Perhaps something should be said to these people ahead of time...like "Persimmon is fine, and really wants to enjoy the holiday - health questions are off limits".

"Thank you for your concern but I would rather not discuss that right now."
If they persist then say "I'm sorry the subject is closed."

Tell them you will send an email if they really want to know or you can talk about it when your child is not in the room.