Dealing with Other Parents in Pre-K

Most schools will give out an information sheet with parents of the same class, this usually includes your contact info. In your post you said you know your son will get into trouble if he is not busy and that you are working with him through this. I bet this isnt the first time this father hears about this, to be truthful I would be pretty upset if my daughter was scratched, I think children have different personalities and I understand this but it just isnt fair to have one child in a classroom acting up all the time because he/she isnt busy, its not fair for the other children who are most of the time well behaved. Also pulling hair is not ok, it seems to show a bit of agression and I would be livid if I had a child pulling my daughters hair? I know both sides of this, my daughter has always been very well behaved, she is sweet and caring and very respectful of everyone's space and she has gotten bullied before by other children her same age for whatever reason it isnt right and I have the right to be upset and find out what is going on. On the other hand my son is a handful, he is 5 now and is calming down a bit but between 2 and 4 he was very active and distracted so he would push other children just because he wanted to get ahead to the slide or things like that and I was very aware that this could upset other parents and it would be their right. But also my son was not intentionally hitting or pulling hair and scratching. I think that we all parent differently I am not a tolerant parent when it comes to things like this with my own children so I expect the parents in my childs class to be as involved, if the other parent is very tolerant and doesnt discipline enough then they have to understand that there will be many times when other parents will be asking what is going on. I have worked overtime to show my son he has to respect other people in every way, being bored isnt an excuse. Also I dont think this parent is attacking your child, he went directly to you. I think you can ask the school how they handle these situations, some schools will encourage the parents to talk and some will not.

I agree with Kara. I also wonder how this dad knew to call you. Is there a list of phone numbers, and did you give permission for yours to be shared? Maybe his daughter said your son's name, and he just looked your number up for himself. However, his call to you (however well intentioned to protect his daughter) was out of line.

Schools have directors for just this type of situation. I was a preschool director for years. I don't mean to scare you, but on more than one occasion I have seen parents go after other people's children for this type of situation. Sad, but true. It's important to make sure there is a plan of action to address the personal space issues in accordance with school policy (and it sounds like there is).

DO NOT RESPOND to the father. Don't go to the teacher. Go immediately to the director/principal and ask for immediate intervention. You also need assurance that the staff will not allow the father (or the mother) to approach your child regarding this situation.

You know what else? Four year old kids have space issues. It's part of being in daycare/preschool...I hope this father comes to realize that and allows the preschool staff to handle things appropriately.

I know this can be uncomfortable. Good luck.

I would be wondering how in the world he got your phone number and I think I would talk to the teacher or someone at the school and let them deal with it.

Our preschool shares addresses and phone numbers of the other kids in the class. It is possible the teacher had a list and shared it with the parents.

The teacher should have handled all this in the classroom. What is the teacher doing with your son? Do they use time out? Are they moving him to another table with other kids? What has the school tried with your child discipline wise? You say what you do at home, however it needs to be dealt with in the classroom and during school time.

I would contact the Preschool Director and your teacher and tell them what is happening with the Father of the girl calling you. The teacher didn't have to say the name of the child that pulled his daughter's hair. It is possible the child also knows the name of your son too. Sure, this is something you want to work on at home with your child. You might want to get some books on touching/keep your hands to yourself-Hand are not for hitting is a good one. Ask your Son's Teacher what she is doing and find out is it working or maybe they need to try something different. You might try a reward chart or reward system with your child. Each day you pick him up check in with the teacher on the touching/behavior issue. Each day he comes home with a good report he can get a star or sticker on his chart. If he get 2 or 3 days of good behavior he can go for ice cream or to the park,etc...

Hope this helps, C.

I have a 5 yrs old boy and 3 yr old girl.

First, I would inform the principal and let the school take care of the father issue.

Second, I would take care of my son's behavoural issues at home. It sounds like this has happened more then once. I would be extremely upset if there was a child upseting/bully either of my children - particually if I was paying for a private care education.

I believe normally this would be handled by the teacher and the director with each respective set of parents. It's possible, however, that the father didn't think they were doing enough so he decided to go straight to the source. I wouldn't take offense to what he said or how he reacted. He's a dad just trying to protect his daughter. In this case, though, I would go to the director and inform her of his call and ask her to explain to him what they are doing there at school to help the situation. You could also inform the director of what you are doing at home to help and give her permission to pass that info on to him if you wish. I don't believe the father was attacking your son and I really don't think he was out of line giving you a call. You, however, have the right to speak to him either directly or through the director/teacher and since you are already on the defensive about his reaction, it's probably just best to let them be the go between in this situation.

We had a similar situation between my son and another child at his pre-school and it was handled completely by the teacher and director. The other parents never contacted us, nor us them. I asked the director if she thought I should speak to the other parents to give them some reassurance since my son was the one who was acting inappropriately and she said no. And in all of my years of dealing with day cares and pre-schools between three kids, I've never been contacted by another parent and have not felt inclined to do so either.

I would most definitely follow-up with the teacher daily about your son's behavior in general and specifically towards this other child. Continue to have consequences for your son when he steps out of bounds and I like the idea of giving rewards when he keeps his hands to himself as another mom suggested.

I tend to assume that other parents are a lot like me and I try to put myself in their shoes before I start judging their reactions to a situation. You may not have handled the situation the exact same way this father did, but I'm sure if you think about it logically for a moment, you will be able to empathize with his perspective and understand why he called, even if it's still not what you would have done.

I think ultimately all parties involved need to remember first and foremost these are 4 year old children, certainly not old enough to know the error of their ways or the complete consequences of their actions. If nothing else, the teacher should be doing more to keep the children separated so these opportunities don't come up as often. When dealing with pre-schoolers, guidance and constant supervision are a necessity and in my opinion, really the only way to keep disruptive behaviors to a minimum.

Good luck!

I would just talk to the Teacher or set up a meeting with the Teacher, you and your son. Goodluck

If the teacher/school gave him your information, it is a violation of privacy. Even if the teacher told him what happened, she is not to use your son's name, she is to refer to him as "another child".