Dealing with Dog and Baby

Hey T., I have to say the only response that seemed to make a lost of sense was teila. If your husband truly loved his dog he would take an active part in training and rearing the animal. I would definantly make the dog an outside dog. Hell would freeze before I let some animal play mind games with me going in and out. I grew up with dogs that were not super well trained so I get very frustrated with untrained dogs. Put the dog toys outside, only feed her outside. That is what eventually happened in my house and it worked. Tell your husband it the dog or you, or get rid of the dog during the day. Serious. It just seems completly disrespectful towards you and his child to put an animal over your welfare and happiness. I now own just a large cat. He is more my husbands cat than mine. But when our son was born I told him, if that cat even LOOKS at the baby wrong, he is a goner. I can always get another cat, but I can never replace my son. Best of Luck, PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN.

1 mom found this helpful

hang-in there!
we had 2 dogs. Then a cute baby girl, then another baby...
Both dogs died over a few years/ we remember them fondly.
(we only had 8-12 years from our dogs)
Our children are a lifetime....

Dear T.,

Well, for one thing, you are going to have to be the one to manage the change here. So firstly decide that the dogs bones and toys are not a health problem. My great grandchildren have proven that to me. I used to cringe when they touched the dogs things, but they are still healthy. It wasn't my home, so I couldn't make the rules and had to observe.

Next, realize that the dog is important to you beloved husband, and you need to respect that. After you have conquered those two mountains, then you can start to solve the problem of the dog's behavior. Go back over the training that the professional gave you, then watch that dog training show, I have forgotten the man's name, I think that it is Caesar, but I am sure that you know who I mean. He has even trained Oprah and Stedman about their dogs. Caesar is very cool, and has good suggestions, and a lot of them make sense for when you are dealing with children or other adults, just don't let them know that you are plotting to train them.

I used to be a teacher and have used my disciplining tricks on my husband and children a lot. Without their knowing it.

Remember to comfort yourself. For goodness sake you are uptight and that cannot be fun for you. ...and remindyourself that you are in control. You are the lady of the house, but you cannot force, you have to guide. O.K.? O.K.

I truly hope that this helps you, C. N.

Take the dog to doggie camp :) or daycare for doggies :)

T. ~ I truly wish that I had something helpful to say, but I don't know that I do. The trainer is nice, but if you don't do what the trainer suggests, its just a waste of money. Dogs do love to learn so if you work with your husband's dog with the advice of the trainer, in time things will get better. Also, you may want to install a doggie door so when you're home, the dog can come in and go out as it pleases, then you're not interrupted to let it out, just to have it want back in again. Also, suggest to your husband that perhaps you can have one designated are in the house for the dog's toys. This way, you either don't put your daughter in that room or if you do, you know you need to constantly watch what she's doing. Having a pet in the house is really nice and very good for kids, it teaches them compassion and responsibility, you certainly don't want to leave your home, your husband, the father of your child because of a dog! Having a pet is very similar to having a child, it is a lot of responsibility and takes a tremendous amount of effort, but is equally rewarding. Personally, I would take the suggestions of the trainer and work with the dog. In the end, it's your home and your peace of mind, you have to do what's best for you. Good luck. Also, Pets Smart has good trainers for dogs, its really not necessary to spend a lot of money for a private one. We've taken both our dogs to Pets Smart and hare very happy with the results. We really only spend about 15 minutes a day "working" with our dogs, the rest of the time, we just remind them with a "no" or "drop it", "leave it", "sit", "stay", stuff like that, but when your dog does something good, remember to praise him/her with a "good girl/boy" and maybe even a belly rub. You'll see the difference right away, they love the attention as well. Like I said, I don't know if this is helpful, but I do wish you the best of luck and hope all works out for you and your family.
L.

Hi T.. I can understand what you are going through. Dogs are like children. Their hard work and can be very tiring! Plus, I do NOT trust dogs around my son. Babies like to grab and pull, and dogs like to bark and bite.
Do you have a backyard? If so, the dog can stay back there. He can become a back yard dog.
I know that you said you have fantasies of leaving: express that to your husband. Let him see its getting to that point.
Good luck and Best Wishes, T.

I do childcare for a living and some of the dogs were in the families before the children. What we forget is the dogs is apart of the family and they just want to sit and play with the baby. It takes a lot of patience just like your toddler now. Go for walks, play in the backyard include the dog except at eating time. Sometimes I have 4kids two different families and their 4 dogs. At first it is more work. The dogs are now 1 - 5 year's old. This is just an example now I have 2 6month old pupplies in two other families 5 children and I of the children has special needs.

I do live in California. The dogs just want †o be apart of the action and your daughter will learn that the dog is her buddy as she gets older. Which until you have another child she has a playmate. Sincerely, ____@____.com

Hi T.,
I share your pains!!! I have 2 dogs, a Boston Terrier who is very hyper and a Rottie, who is to big for the house, but a house dog. I have a bit of a love hate relationship with the dogs, I don't like smelly breath or dog hair and do not have the time to keep them up after working and chasing baby. I have told my hubby the dogs are his responsibility, so they just get ignored ~ poor things. I have put away all of their toys and bones because of the baby and that is that. I cannot have their stuff within her reach. The baby does eat dog food from time to time, but what can you do??? She will usually put the pellet in her mouth and suck on it until I discover there is something in there and ask her to spit it out.

But back to your question...if the dog is older than 2 years it will be more diffictul to train, but not impossible. However, dogs do adjust (most often). If you put the dog outside he should adjust to being out there, try longer and longer periods and then bring the dog in when you and the baby are not there or have moved on to another room. Can you make a dog section with the baby gates? They make some large gates that do not need to be mounted to the wall.

Good luck.

I am having the same problem. I hate the dog! She chews stuff and jumps all over the place and my husband never walks her and her hair is everywhere I have to vaccumm twice a day and still the vacumm doesn't pick up all the hair. She is alot better when my husband takes her for runs and gives her attention but that doesn't happen often. However we have gotten her to obey better since we got a shock colar. I know some people think this is mean but we tryed the choke chains and they didn't work. She's a lab and has a thick neck. Try a shock trainer. Especialy for the barking. I still hate the dog, but she's a little more tollerable now that she listens and doesn't run off. But she brings the baby her bones when he is crying and that drives me nutts. And the baby trys to crawl out the doggy door so now I have to let the dog in and out. I have to stick her outside sometimes when she gets too wound up. Basicly ask your husband if his dog is worth losing his family over.

If you can afford it , I would call the dog whisperer. e would know the best way to handle the situation and it would be an unbias opinion. When I was pregnant I had a rottweiler, I took her to K-9 companions in Riverside and then I brought her home she was a much better dog. Even better after I brought my son home. Those are 2 options.

Hi T.,
I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time with your dog. It sounds like your issue with the dog has really just reared it's head since you've had the baby. Presumably before the child, the dog was the family "baby" and was considered a big part of your lives. Now that you have a child, your focus has understandably turned to it instead of the dog. Perhaps instead of being "filled with rage", you need to try and give a little positive love and attention towards the dog. He may respond better to you with this and it will set a positive example for your child about caring for animals. Now that you are a mother, there may be other frustrations and issues in your life and marriage which are being transferred to the dog. Obviously no one enjoys putting up with a poorly behaved dog, but is this really an issue to end a marriage?
Has this become a control issue between you and your husband, ie: its me or the dog...choose now or else. People have very strong bonds with their pets, many stronger than human relationships because we are their caregivers. I urge you to not make ultimatums, but work together to solve the problem. Forcing him to get rid of the dog may only make him resent you and hurt your relationship even more.
Remember you can get a lot more accomplished with positivity than focusing on the negative. It sounds like in the rest of your relationship you have a lot to be thankful for.
Hopefully if you get your issues sorted out, the dog can become a great companion and friend for you and your daughter. Best of luck!!

Oh boy- some of these responses- there is one really great one I believe at the top of the list it maybe just after mine now? Pets are a commitment just like family and babies- unfortunately this is why shelters are overcrowded and euthanasia rates so high because once baby comes dog or cat gets the boot- I can't get over how many people used the word hate and dog together- ouch. And I wouldn't recommend choke chains or shock collars or shutting him outside? Pets ar part of the family- it is often hard for pet people and non pet people to cohabitate-these were issues before the baby came and if your husband does love that dog he will work with him- the dog doesn't know what is going on- he's just being a dog like he was before. But I used to have a dog that was more than handful and I LOVE animals but I know your frustration- dog barks just as baby falls asleep and all of that. BUt dogs like people respond better to positive reinforcement -it's not going to happen overnight and you have enough to do so hubby needs to help figure this one out. He should walk the dog twice a day and burn off some of that in and out energy and only give him his toys outside if the baby is tasting them. I don't have a simple answer just don't give up and don't let it get the best of you- fighting over the dog is the pits- I have been on the other end of it. Good luck. I'm sure there is a solution but aggressive or abusive training methods don't work- they are a short cut to results that end up doing more damage in the long run. I once knew gal that would punish her kids with hot sauce- I never could understand that -so mean- it's the same idea with pets. Patience, consistency, comittment and love is better. But it is your husbands responsibility to take the lead roll and maybe vacuum up all that hair once in a while!

Hello T.,
I'm sorry to hear about your dog problems. I do have to agree with the responses that say you have to work with your dog to get it to behave. Unfortunately, if your husband is anything like mine, that will fall into your lap. I would personally not use a shock collar, I would try a remote citronella collar to discourage behaviors that you dislike. If you really don't want to do a lot of the training yourself, I know there are some places in Sonoma County that does dog training for you. You do have to follow through on it once they train your dog though. PetSmart does have some great trainers (Gary) I took both my yellow labs there, but that is a class where you participate with the training. Cotati Boarding and Grooming, out Bodega Ave in Petaluma, offers doggie day care that they will train your dog while the dog is there. I find the best thing to do, for me and my dogs, is send them to doggie day care. I don't have the time to walk them an every day (poor things) so they go play for a few hours every day. I can get what I need done in the house without them, and they come back so tried that they don't want to do anything but sleep.
If you decide to install a doggie door, they do sell some that have a sensor that goes on the dog collar so it only opens when that sensor is going through the door; so your baby doesn’t crawl out the door.
I hope that helps!

Hi T.,
One thing that I would suggest is make your husband take the dog to work with him one time. Let him see how hard it is to work with the dog. Most guys dont understand that watching your child is a full time job. You are working at the same time while watching the dog. Hope this helps.
J.

Hi T.,

First you have to find out why the dog is such a big deal. Seriously many of us go about things superficially. It seems to me this is much deeper for you than putting up with your husband's dog. I suggest first you really take the time to understand yourself. What is the real issue, let me tell a story so that you can understand me. A man and a woman had been married for many many years, lets say 15, ok so this woman started to collect teddy bears early in their marriage. But with the years it because an obssesion. There where teddy bears all over, the decoration in the home was teddy bears. I mean everything, from curtains, doormats, towels, pictures, and actual stuffed teddy bears, a whole room filled with them. So her husband got a little anoyed with this, you know he couldn't invite his friends over cause there where teddy bears all over. And don't even think about touching any of them or moving them from where she put them. And of course this was a sentitive subject for her, don't even ask her not to have her teddy bears. So the husband finally said to his wife that this was not normal and that they should go get some counseling, cause it was hurting their marriage. When they went to counseling it was revealed why she needed to have these teddy bears and what it meant for her to have them. You see when she was a little girl she had a best friend, her teddy bear, she was 6 years old and her teddy was so special for her she loved it so much. Well her dad was an acoholic, and one night he came home drunk and started yelling an screaming, and took her teddy bear from her and ripped it all up and destroyed it. Well to her at the time it looked like her dad killed her best friend, and she was hurt more than she or anyone could imagine. Imagine for a child to endure such a heartbreak. So of course without even thinking this is what she was doing, she was trying fo fill up that void she had in her heart from such a long ago, she wanted to fill up emptiness inside her that was caused by this single event in her early life. To her it meant that no one would ever take away what she loved so much. You see T., we go about our lives making a big deal of thing that to others seem unimportant because they don't see the true meaning of it and sometimes we don't know why either. I urge you to find out where is your anger coming out from. It is really not about the dog, its really about something else you need to figure that out, and let your husband know, what event can you single out that makes you feel the way you do about the dog. Many times marriages disintegrate because of superficial things. Doesn't it sound silly to you that you are thinking about leaving your husband cause you don't like his dog? It is silly. There is a real issue that you haven't dealt with. Ask your husband too about his dog, why does this dog mean so much for your husband. What childhood event has caused him to be so sensitive about his dog, why must he have this dog? Those answers will give you more understand for what the dog represents in his life. You need to know that, you don't want to hurt your husband and you definetely don't want to end your marriage because of superficial issues. Wouldn't have been silly for the couple I told you about divorce over the teddy bears? Yes and many marriages break up over silly stuff like that. Yet by finding out what the teddy bears provided for her, both the husband and wive moved on from that subject. The husband understood what her need was and she did also. She could keep a few teddy bears but she didn't need to fill her house with them cause she released that pain she carried for a long time. She forgave her dad for what he did, she let go of that, and she was free. I wish you and your family the best, I hope I made you look at things differently and that you don't give up on you marriage, you need to stand strong against everything that comes your way, that is the only way to build a strong marriage. If you have time visit this website www.forbetterforworseandforkeeps.com I hope this helps you.

God bless you and your family,
I.