Dealing with Breastcancer

I went through breast cancer treatment last year (2010). I finished chemo exactly 1 year ago this week. My son was 19 months old and my daughter was 3 (almost 4) when I was diagnosed. There are so many scenarios with breast cancer that it is hard to say how to help without knowing what kind of treatment she will get. But, in general, just be sure to pray for her and the family (that, quite honestly, helped me SO much to know just how many people I had praying for us). Take the kids off of their hands to help them out. Some days, I was just not physically or mentally able to manage them on my own. Food was a huge help for us. My church provided food for months on end (I didn't necessarily request this....people would just call out of the blue and tell me they were bringing something by....just happened again this week!). One thing that helped me keep people informed without having to tell my story 100 times was to start a CaringBridge site. I journaled everything on there (specific things to pray for, my medical updates, thoughts, feelings, etc) and it was very therapeutic for me and very informative for my family, friends and church family so that they would know how to help or pray without me having to tell them or ASK for help. There is also a guestbook that people can sign leaving encouraging messages. Those were always a great pick me up. I am not one that likes people to do things for me (I'm usually the one doing for everyone else), so accepting help was VERY hard for me, but it was something I just had to get over because there was no way I could have done this alone. Maybe you could help her get a CaringBridge site up and running. They also have a site called CareCalendar.org that allows you to schedule meals, rides, childcare, etc. for the family. Maybe you could be the coordinator for that?

I have just been through this journey and I feel as though I was given this as a mission to help others through it. I'm happy to talk to you or your friend if you have more specific questions. Just send me a PM and I'll get you my contact info. I know how difficult it is, but I'm also living proof that you CAN get through it! I'm cancer free now and life is slowly returning to "normal" (whatever normal is anymore), but this experience has changed me and it will always be a part of me and I am happy to share my experience with anyone who just needs to have a sounding board.

I will be praying for this family.

My sister battled breast cancer almost two years ago. My aunt bought a white pillow case & sent it around to all our family... all over the USA... along with fabric markers & had each of us write a special note to her. The kids drew pictures. Then my aunt bought her a big fluffy pillow & presented it to my sister. She brought it with her to chemo & laid on it every day after.
She still uses it, she says it did & does bring her great comfort.

My mom just has a mastectomy last week. The surgery went really well. They caught it early in her case too. Here is what will happen.
She will see a slew of doctors to best determine what route she will want to take lumpectomy versus mastectomy, chemo docs, plastic surgeons, radiation docs, Seriously a ton of doc visits. At this point she needs someone to go with her to the appts. I did with my mom and took notes which came in really handy, also others might come up with questions she isn't thinking of right now. Don't take the kids, they will be a distraction she doesn't need at the appts she needs to be focusing on what the docs are saying. So you might offer to watch the kids or go with her.
I will def pray for her!

Breast cancer, like most cancers, is not hard to heal using natural approaches - visit www.cancertutor.com and www.cancertruth.net - also undergroundhealthreporter.com, realmedicalhelp.com, www.drbradleynelson.com, and naturalnews.com - Maintaining a positive attitude and expectations, reducing stress and healing any low-vibration emotions will help with bringing cancer into remission. I've known a good number of people who healed their cancer by using only natural therapies such as diet and energy medicine - they've had a much better success rate than people who believe in the norm of chemotherapy and rely on that. I'm a mind-body wellness therapist and energy healing practitioner in Miami so I've encountered a variety of people dealing with cancer.

You have my prayers for sure! So sorry, but let me give you something optimistic to work with. My mother is a cancer survivor of over thirty years. She had a masectomy. In those days that was the only option. There are now so many more choices and the patient is very included in the recovery process.this is not a death sentence. And it is not her fault if she questions that. Cancer starts as one itsybitsy stupid cell that multiplies or gets bigger. Hopefully it is caught early and is nothing more than a brief removal of the lump. There isn't a lot to say or do other than acknowledging this condition, offering to help with their beautiful girls, meals, (if you live nearby-if not perhaps solicit help from a local organization) if there is an operation and have everyone you know saying prayers. There is power in that. And I know that for sure. On July 18 I will have been a two year survivor of uterine cancer! WOOOOHOO!!

E.,
I am so sorry to hear about your SIL. I like Valerie's advice to post on CaringBridge. My cousins daughter was born with downs syndrome and kept everyone informed that way.

I work in a building with 40 employees and 3 women had breast cancer. Their ages were 35, 36 and 67. The 36 year old had a masectomy due to having 2 tumors in one breast and the other 2 had lumpectomy's. Here at work we just supported them by talking and being encouraging. Sometimes I would go to lunch with them to get them away from the office.

The 35 year old worked in my department and was very depressed about losing her hair when she started chemo. We went to lunch one day and after she got out of my car there was hair everywhere. I never told her I just cleaned it out. We found wigs online and took her picture so she could try them on virtually. She enjoyed that.

My main advice is to not treat her differently. Treat her the same as you have. Take her kids for the weekend. Give her husband a break by staying with her after surgery. Sometimes having a women there helps. Offer to take her to chemo. The worst day for all the ladies that work in my building was the day after chemo so she will need more attention then.

I will be praying for your family in hopes that the cancer isn't too advanced and that she can be cured. It's nice that she has a SIL who cares.

I have some history here that might help.
My grandmother survived breast cancer back in the 1950's.
Breast cancer has had the most research done so they have the best knowledge on how to treat all types the best.
Many people get rare types of cancer for which no or few proven options exist.
My late husband died of cancer and handled the information his way. Ooooh, that was tough on all. He didn't talk about it much because he wanted to seem like he was confident and not talk about how deadly that one was. So, we all bluffed our way through it. Occasionally he would blurt out "I'm dying" to get something done and that was just wrong.
Then my next husband's mother got cancer and she showed me the way. Tell people up front as matter of factly as you can. The more you tell it to people less close to you, the easier it is to tell it to those close to you. Be open about everything: how you like your doctor, your confidence in him, what treatment you're getting, what the expectations are, and "fake it til you make it" for confidence. Losing your hair is not as bad as losing your life for petes sake. When I thought I was losing some hair, I grabbed my fun friend and said let's go try on wigs: all colors, all lengths, and make it fun. It was during the week, midday, so the people could give us time to do that knowing they could get two buying customers. I picked the best of what they had and waited to see if I lost my hair. I was going to visit a bigger place, but my hair quite thinning. I was determined to do whatever it took to look beautiful and proud. So many men and women are choosing to go bald, that I thought I'd dress it up with a tan, big earrings, fake eyelashes if need be, and dress like a million dolars. Plus a few fun wigs, scarves. I even wondered if I should save my hair and see if they could make it into a band of hair sewn inside a sunhat or something.
When people asked if I was open to getting e-mails on natural cures, I said yes, but of course I had to run anything by my doctor to make sure it didn't conflict with my chemo. (Sloan Kettering has a great site on that)
There are cookbooks for people with cancer to help them eat well and avoid things that can make their tummies upset. You can ask them if their doctor's nurse gives them a longgggggg talk about side effects, what to expect, what to do about them, what nausea meds to have on hand (various types and levels), etc.
Ask your brother how you can help. Errands even. Are you good at reesearch on line on topics he may want to know more about. visiting her during the day. I expressed that I didn't want a bunch of sad faces staring back at me. I wanted things close to normal: laughs, hugs, optomism, concern over my side effects, someone to go with me to the doctor who was smart, took notes, and remembered to ask for copies of doctors notes, scans, reports in case a second opinion is ever needed.
I could go on ...

It depends upon the cancer, how early it was found, if it has spread at all, etc. I think the best thing you can do is find out what treatment plans they have and then offer to help from there. Is your sister-in-law going to have surgery? If so, offer to take the girls so that they have a "fun vacation" while Mom is going through surgery. Is she going to do radiation or chemo? If so, she may need a driver for either herself or her children. If she does either radiation or chemo, she may not be up for cooking. If your brother doesn't cook, then either cooking for them or getting them some almost ready meals would be a huge help (think DreamDinners).

Encourage them to make sure that they get the best medical care possible and follow through with treatment. If you need a positive story, my Mom had breastcancer in 1990 at the age of 40 and she is healthy, happy and grandma to two today.

C.

Just be there and do small things for her. Contact the local cancer society office and talk with them. They usually have a person of similar age that can help the person diagnosed. All the surgery decisions will be made by your SIL and her doctors. I did radiation only with my cancer but others have had chemo added.

Try to make a few meals up and take them to her or clean the house or take the kids for a day or two so that she can rest. The best thing for you to do is to get ahold of the book for cancer patients and radiation. It has a list of the foods that are suggested that she eat during this time to help her get through the treatment. Yes if she had radiation she will have the reverse bikini line. If she has a mastecomy she will have other things to contend with.

If you can find travel pillows they would be great so that she can rest her arms on them for comfort and elevation.

Good luck to your whole family.

The other S.

Cancer surviror 14 years