A.R. asks from Park City, UT on May 21, 2010
Day Care Issues
I have a three year old and a six year old, both girls, both in day care/ preschool full time (the oldest one rides the bus there after school). Up until now this day care, which is in a home, has been fantastic, my girls love it there and I have never been worried about anything. Recently both girls got Molluscum, or toddler warts. I did what I thought was the responsible thing, I took them both to the pediatrician who recomended we do nothing and let them clear up on thier own. I really wanted to avoid pain and scarring, those were my biggest concerns. The day care provider didn't like this solution and began doing things on thier own, ointments, bandaids, suggesting to the girls to get the burned off, that kind of stuff. I confronted them about it, we agreed to take the girls to a dermatologist, who also suggested to leave them alone. Again day care didn't like this solution and there was a huge confrontation, including tears and yelling and ultamatums, get them taken care of or find a new day care. At this point I was completely fed up and ready for a new day care, but My kids love it there, they always have gone there, since the oldest was 2 and the baby since she was 6 weeks. They feel like this is another home and all thier friends there are more like family. I don't think it was fair to them to pull them out just because it was awkward for me. Also there has been alot of moving and upheaval and we are about to move again, so I don't want to add one more loss, or change if I don't have to. So we bought a really expesive cream that the dermatologist said had a 50/50 chance at working and started using that to hopefully help clear them up. Against my wishes but at the urging of daycare I also agreed to let the pediatrician put an ointment called bettle juice on the warts. It caused them to all blister and now scab over and has been painful. Also from the looks of things, they are going to scar, the two things I wanted to avoid have happened, and I feel like it becuase they pushed me into it, not becuase it was the best thing for the kids. I hope its cleared up the big ones but both girls have a couple small ones on other parts of thier bodies, parts that are covered by clothes, so we are chooseing to just let those go away. The latest issue is this, my oldest girl told me they count her "bumps" as we call them, every day, and it makes her uncomfortable. Her's are on the inside of her elbow so sometimes she has to pull up her sleeve. When I causally mentioed this to day care, they instantly got defensive, went so far as to tell me they girls lie alot at day care, and I shoudn't trust them. I let the issue drop, not wanting another scene and left. Now my daughter has told me three different times, unprompted, that they count her bumps. and then she has denied it after day care. Yesterday the first thing she said to me when I picked her up was that she made the whole thing up!
Sorry the back story is so long but here is my question. I know kids sometimes make stuff up, mine are no exception, but why would she tell me three different times? and the youngest has told me also if she just made it up? My trust in this daycare has gone completey out the window. I believe they are taking care of the kids fine, its just the whole lying issue. I think they really are counting them. I think they don't believe I will take care of them becuase of the fact that I have been so reluctant to treat them all along. I think they are trying to get me to doubt what the kids tll me but they they are also tellign the kids not to tell me that they are counting the bumps. I have no proof of this and I just don't know what to do. Am I being unreasonable? Am I makeing a bigger deal out of this? I just want the issue to go away so we can have a good summer before we move and most likely start a new day car in our new town, but I just don't know at this point. I really just need some advise on the whole situation. Any help would be apreciated, and critisism, is not. Thank you!
A.T. answers from Oklahoma City on May 21, 2010
I had never heard of these warts as well so I looked it up. This is what I found out about them and if I was your daycare provider I would certainly want them to be treated as well and not just "left alone" after what I read about them. ~The virus commonly spreads through skin-to-skin contact. This includes touching or scratching the bumps and then touching the skin. Handling objects that have the virus on them (fomites), such as a towel, can also result in infection. The virus can spread from one part of the body to another or to other people. The virus can be spread among children at day care or at school. Molluscum is contagious until the bumps are gone-which, if untreated, may be up to 6 months or longer.
The time from infection to the appearance of lesions can range up to 6 months, with an average incubation period between 2 and 7 weeks
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A.D. answers from Minneapolis on May 22, 2010
First of all, I sympathize. My DD had molluscum a few years ago. I had the same advice given. There is NO effective treatment for them, we were advised to wait it out as well. It took about 9 months, but they did go away completely. I'm a SAHM, so I did not have the daycare issue to deal with, but I can imagine how difficult this would be.
I would provide the daycare provider with documentation from your doctors, (since it seems she feels she knows better than medical professionals), and from your doctor, some basic molluscum facts, information, and care tips to prevent them from spreading. It CAN be done. Neither my younger DD, DH nor myself "caught" my older DD's molluscum. The bumps are more of a nuisance than a danger. It bothers adults more to see them than it bothers the kids who have them.
You daycare provider isn't showing any compassion for your children, she's clearly annoyed with having to deal with this, and the kids are picking up on her resentment. I know you said they have always loved it there, but they are likely going to have the bumps for awhile. Your sounds a lot more paranoid than patient. Start interviewing providers that have seen this before and are comfortable handling the "wait it out" approach while not calling all this attention to it, and making the kids feel like they are a nuisance. It is such a common childhood condition, I'm sure other daycares have previous experience, and will handle it in a more loving and respectful manner. Good luck!
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S.K. answers from Kansas City on May 21, 2010
Wow, this is a strange situation in so many respects. For starters, I do think the provider has not done her own homework. I've not heard of this kind of wart. But the first thing I would do is google everything I can find if one of my daycare children had this. I always check things out when parents tell me about a problem. It's not that I want to doubt parents. It's just that in the world of daycare, we do see a lot of parents that refuse to spend the money on taking care of things. It's also scary to have our own children and the rest of the children be repeatedly exposed to something that might be catching. I am aware that warts are caused by viruses, so I would be concerned. But as I said, I haven't heard of these.
That said, I find it VERY difficult to believe that your communication broke down to crying over this one issue. You haven't said if it was your crying or hers. But in no way should anything become this emotional when trying to deal with a daycare parent and vice versa for you. Either one or both of you are having a huge problem with communication. Without being there, I will reserve judgment.
As far as counting the bumps go...I'm sure she has. She's questioned your decision to care for them the way you choose. She probably feels justified and thinks it's a big deal. But I almost can't blame her for lying about it if the crying and tears came mostly from you. Without knowing how defensive you may have gotten or how defensive she got, it's hard to know if she's just a liar at heart or if she's just trying to avoid another scene.
I had a daycare child that got these huge wart things on her toes. I was so concerned when they were so large and I was afraid they would interfere with her shoes since they were so big. I trusted the parents so much I didn't do the googling. We had a good relationship and I really wasn't concerned because they were extremely strange and in 24 years I've never seen them. So I didn't think the whole daycare was about to get them. I wonder if they are the same. If I saw them spreading to the rest of her body, I'd be very concerned too and maybe question a choice to leave them.
I'm sorry that this situation has gotten so blown out of proportion. But I support your decision to try and keep things calm and cool until you move. Why make them get used to a new daycare and then have to do it again later? If possible, just try and tell her that you are very pleased with her care of your kids and the girls love her house and you trust her. But that you need to be her parent and for her to respect your bounderies. Does she know you'll move at the end of the summer? Despite her behavior, she does deserve to know that.
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G.L. answers from Salt Lake City on May 22, 2010
Move the kids. A day care that ignores the advice of two different doctors, counts your child's "bumps" every day, insists your child is lying (and most likely has pressured her into recanting to cover for them) does not have your children's best interest in mind. You need to be able to trust the people who watch over your children.
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A.S. answers from Davenport on May 21, 2010
I am guessing that your daycare provider believes that these warts are contagious and is concerned about the spread to other daycare children and that is why she wanted your girls treated. I think you may be feeling guilty for making what you believe was the wrong choice in treating the warts. You didn't want to treat them, she gave an ultimatum, you decided to do what it took to have the girls stay in daycare and now you feel badly about it. I am sure your daycare provider is checking the number of warts to determine if they are truly going away simply because she doesn't want a wart outbreak to occur. It is possible that your older child was told to lie or she has put two and two together and realizes that you don't like the wart counting so if she says she made it up you will let her stay with her friends at this daycare. Bottom line...if you are uncomfortable with your daycare providers actions then you need to pack up you children and find new child care.
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N.C. answers from Washington DC on May 21, 2010
I think you are being a good and responsible mom, and the daycare is being paranoid and unreasonable. Molluscum are very common in childhood, and they usually go away on their own (it does take a while, but they do go away). My son had one when he was a baby, and it went away on its own in a year or so. I know several children in the school where I work who have them, too. And it is no big deal. If the pediatrician and dermatologist both say it is not big deal, and they will go away on their own, the daycare should be okay with it, too. And if they are not, you can always bring in a doctor's note.
Yes, you should be watching the bumps and keeping them dry and clean, but they are really a low-maintenance nuisance, more than anything. I believe children tell the truth most of the time when they are little, especially about what their teachers say to them. Believe your children above someone else, always. I mean, the context could have been that they don't count them every day, but it is almost certainly happening, and hopefully your daughters are not treated differently because of their molluscum. I would start looking into a new school if the daycare continues to be unreceptive. Best wishes.
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K.B. answers from Chicago on May 21, 2010
No you aren't being unreasonable. You are paying them to take care of your children. They are the ones who should follow what you and your doctors have said. Enough said. If they don't want to follow the ways that you want to take care of your children, then you should pull them out. It's really making the situation worse about the molluscum. It's a medical issue... What happens if they get sick on a larger scale and your not supposed to give them anything and they do? Any thing else I would work through, but if they are lying and teaching your kids to lie then its really not a good situation as it is.
As for all the kids that they have grown up with, you're leaving anyways, so I would try to do playdates with them. Take them out -more than likely because you are leaving any ways the home daycare may end up screwing the kids up or at least making them feel guilty about their warts.
Hope that helps. I know its long winded and I'm not trying to be critical.
S.T. answers from Washington DC on May 21, 2010
moving them is the 'easy' solution and in many ways called for. this daycare provider is out of line in diagnosing your children's condition and insisting on treatment that medical professionals agree is not necessary. it's also a huge shame that the trust is broken, and that your daughters are being subjected to inspections.
but i know it's not that easy. moving kids from daycares they know and like is a big upheaval for them, especially if they have a lot of other changes going on right now. i appreciate your reluctance to disrupt their lives further.
i think you need to take a deep breath and have a calm composed discussion with your provider. don't lose your cool, even if you think she is out of line. listen carefully to her concerns and repeat them back to her (oprah style) to make sure you are understanding her correctly. bring a note from your pediatrician to assure her that no treatment is necessary and the other children are not at risk. make sure she understands how pleased you have been with her care and how much you appreciate her. be clear (but courteous) about your boundaries, and how it's up to you to decide if and what medical treatment your daughters will receive. try to bring this back to a state of being in which everyone can live amicably until you're ready to move.