Daughter Wants to Shave

I finally broke down tonight . My sweet girl was truly acting depressed for the last couple of months. Actually since school began back up. Today she was really distant.. She even went as far as to say she was lost. I asked her why and she mentioned the shaving thing again. I went ahead after months of saying no and said OK. The relief in her voice and her actions ment alot to me. Iam so glad I gave in with out a huge ordeal. It was obviously very important to her self esteme. It was actually fun going in and showing her how to do it. I started allowing her to shave under her arms about a month ago, but this was different. I accepted that my sweet little girl is growing up and I am solucky that we are close enough to be able to talk about things like this. It turned out to be such a blessing.
What ever you decide, as long as the relationship between the two of you is open, that really is all that matters.
hugs,
N.
www.aromaticbotanicals.com

My 24 year old was almost 10 when she also wanted to shave. I will also let my youngest daughter shave when she feels the need. I am the oldest of 6 girls and I remember well, that not all of us shaved at the same age, my mom let us shave when we wanted to start as it is a body consciousness issue.
I let my daughter shave when she was 9, but bought her a razor that was very safe, so she did not end up with nicks all over her legs. There is really no reason she should not shave, so pick your battles. Im my opinion this was not something to ban. The same issue will come up when she wants to wear a bra. Don't ban something just because you are afraid she is growing up- she will grow up no matter wha and it is better to have good communication and a good relationship where she feels he can come to you with issues. Good luck!

I started shaving at about 5th grade because I needed to. I don't think it made me any better or worse of a person in the long run. I say go for it if she wants to. Its not the end of the world if you don't, but thats just my take on it. Do whatever you feel is right. Good luck! -S

I don't think hair removal is a question of age. I think I took a razor to my (heavily dark haired) legs at 9 or so because I just hated the way it looked and couldn't stand it anymore. my conservative immigrant mother went nuts, but then she got over it. I'm pretty sure my daughter (who is currently 15 months and already has little dark hairs on her legs!) will have similar hair growth and I plan on making it as easy for her as possible to remove her leg hair :0)
I think I would ask your daughter why she wants to shave her legs. Is it peer pressure, embarassment, body image? I would address that first... and then show her how to properly handle a sharp razor! lol

I told my daughter that it was okay with me, but I warned her that once she starts shaving that there is no turning back that she will have to shave for the rest of her life! That deterred her for another year or so. Now that she is 14 and an experienced shaver, she hates it!! LOL

We let me oldest daughter start shaving on her 11th birthday (before 6th grade). Although, she had already done it at her friends house that week before. I have other friends with girls who have very blonde hair and they have waited longer. I think I would tell her that she shouldn't start until Spring when it starts to be shorts weather again. Let her know that in the winter she won't have to worry about her legs and nobody will notice them. Explain that once she starts, then her legs will start to get stuble hair and it's a lot of work to keep up. At least now her legs are still smooth. Good luck. My 2nd oldest daughter has really dark hair and I know we'll have to start earlier.

The way that I look at it, shaving is a chore that I'd rather not choose to do.
In the winter I usually decide against it.
I would ask for the reason that she wants to shave. If it's because everyone else is doing it, I'd question it. Maybe explaining that when she can come up with an appropriate answer then she'd be mature enough to do it.
If you take the attitude of picking your battles, then let her choose. In the realm of piercings, tattoos, and exposed mid-drifts, this isn't a big deal. Who knows maybe if you let her make her choice she'll try it and hate it just as many of us do.

Hi P.,

Well its funny because my daughter just started shaving her legs this past summer no thanks to the ex sister in law for she has 2 daughters 17 and 9. I've accepted the fact and it really ain't all that bad except for having to get her her own disposables. It's not a permanent thing for they can let it grow back out.Thank god it ain't like a tattoo or anything. She will see what a burden it is so just warn her and then one day she will say mom was right and hopefully listen on bigger decisions in the future.lol

I have a 12 year old daughter that started shaving around 9, The way we did it first tho was bought the Nair thing with the blade less razor to let her get the feel of using the real thing but after a few times she started using the regular one. I think now days little girls are growing up at a different pace but see no reason to not let her if she feels she is ready..

I remember being in 4th grade when I asked my mom if I could shave my legs. I think I was 12 before I was allowed to shave. As a 4th grade teacher, I rarely see any of my girls with shaved legs. Every once in a while there will be one girl, but for the most part their still young. I would talk to her about why she really wants to shave. Your probably right thinking it's because of the older girls. I personally would have her wait for the right reasons.

My daughter started nagging me at 10. Her hair is blonde too. To make my point that once you start, you are shaving for the rest of your life. I let my black leg hairs grow long and stubbly and let her run her hand over it and then over hers. I explained that this is what she has to look forward to if she shaves. I then asked her if she could live with it longer. She replied yes. good luck. I am praying that she stays ok with her legs and just shaves armpits. That will soon be to follow.

I was about your daughters age when my Mother finally allowed me to shave my legs. She has hit that age where all of the curiousness is starting to surface. She's also at the age where she is going to be teased a lot for not going with the crowd.

Although it's good to make sure she knows that she is her own person, it's also good to allow her to start exploring a few things that are in most aspects quite harmless.

Personally I would let her shave her legs if she really wanted to. But, before I did, I would make sure that she knows once she starts, it's something she's gonna have to do for the REST OF HER LIFE!!!! lol

Good luck.

E.

i think that the big issue is not the age, it is the committment to continue shaving once you start. If there are just a few dark hairs those can be snipped off with scissors are by her a little time. It is along the lines of ear piercing...maintenance and responsibility.
You daughter has to be ready for that kind of committment and be mature enough to upkeep the shaving. She will have to take extra caution of not putting lotion on for hours after shaving..she should also be aware of little red bumps of irritation that she could get as well.
She should wait until she is sure then if she still thinks she is ready my daughter really loves the venus breeze. It comes with the cream attached (and refills) but it is quite expensive. She should so resposibility with some helpful chores (regular watering of the plants, making her own lunches, always putting her clothes in the hamper...) that she could prove to you that she is really growing up and that you would want to pay for this, and how awful her legs would feel with stubbles instead of baby soft skin.
So, it is not an age thing, it is a maturity thing.
good luck.

Since your daughter is so young and her leg hairs are light, I'll bet she does it a couple of times and then decides it's too much of a chore!

I remember asking my mom to shave my legs. It was the summer before I began the 6th grade. My daughter is 5 right now and I don't think I'll let her begin doing that until she's about 12. I remember I had to start because I started getting very dark hairs in the knee area and down my shins. I hope this helps a little bit. Good luck.

Hi P. it has been a long time but i remember well when it happened to me with my 2 daughters. They are 2/12 yrs apart so when my oldest got to shave at 13, my youngest at 10yrs old had somewhat dark long hair also wanted to shave. Well i had a rule they could shave at 13 so this was a problem for my youngest. I actually let my 13yr old make that decision because she had to wait and didn't think it was fair. The 13yr old said mom her hair is alittle dark and long and was happy to say go for it. I agreed because it she was self conscience and that cured it. It was right. Good luck M.

My daughter is also 9, and she too is asking me about shaving. Personally, I thinks it's a bit young, and intend to start allowing her next summer after she's 10. And I'm hoping that by having her start during the summer, she'll have the hang of it by the time school starts again.

Hello P.
I can remember asking to shave around that age. Razors are very scary i still to this day cut myself when not paying attention. Anyway my mom never let me use a razor, but i was so self conscious i convinced her to let me use Nair. She was worry free and I was happy with hair free legs.

On the safety issue, do they still sell cheap electric razors? I went with my mom to buy one when I was 9 or 10 and started getting noticeable armpit hair. Then I just used it on my legs myself. Doesn't end up as smooth as a razor, but much easier and faster (I still have one for when I forget to shave in the shower) and no risk of cutting yourself.

I personally think 9 years old is still a bit too young for shaving...they have not even started puberty at this age. I mean, are they going to be able to control a razor enough in order to keep from cutting themselves? I think 11 and 12 is a more appropriate age for this. That is just my personal opinion though. :)

I didnt start shaving till I was in the 6th grade. I feel like this is the perfect age. They are just entering Junior High School and more girls will have done it and will be doing it. I also got my first set of make up then.

Hey there!

I just had a baby 5 months ago. I was thinking when is the appropriate age for getting her ears pierced. Your request made me think "Oh no! Sarah will be bugging me too in 9 years to shave hers!" I was made fun of in 6th grade because I didn't shave my legs. (Peer Pressure) I do wish that my mom would have shown me how to do it. Also to tell me that I don't have to do it everyday because it makes the hair grow back thicker. I also wanted to say that I feel bad for girls today. There is so much pressure to pierce some thing or have the best of what ever the item is. The media is always making a big stink of celebrities losing weight esp. after baby. So, my advice to you is if you think your daughter is ready show her how to do it, make a fun day out of it. Also, one of the responses I did read was do not put chemicals on her they can have such harsh side effects in the long run. But once again, it is your choice. Good luck to you and your daughter!

Take care
J.

I believe that I was allowed to shave when I was 9 or 10...I think she's at an ok age...but let her know that it's not going past that at this point (if you decide to let her)no make up or things like that.
I know this wasn't a whole lot of advice, but I hope I helped a little! Good luck

I hope I'm not being too blunt, but is this really the hill to die on? Our parenting philosophy is to say yes as often as possible on the "less important" issues, that way, on times when we need to say no, it carries more weight. I understand that shaving your legs is another step toward maturity, but it's not just our children that need to grow...we, as parents need to grow too! Use this as a wonderful time to bond with your daughter & open up the lines of communication! Teach her how to be a young woman that has respect for herself!

i dont know how many of you did it but i know that most of my friends did it evenwhen tehir parents wouldnt let them. i was 9 also andeven thoughi didnt have much hair, moslty on my shins because i rode horses a lot, i still wanted to do it because i was the only one that didnt. and i heard the usual "if all yor friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? thing form my parents. so one night after everyone went to bed i got up and shaved. and cut my legs all up, had to wear long pants the next day and it was summer. and i thoguth my mom would never find out , haha! maybe the long pants were a clue? so if i had a duaghter which i dont, i would show her how to shave. i mean whats the bid deal. you dont grow any more hair than you already have. that is a myth, you are born with the same hair follicles that you will always have, soeday they may fade or get less of them but you never get more. shavingdoesnt stimulate hair growth. if that was true all the bald men would be shavign and regrowing their hair back. hair doesnt get hicker or darker. hair grows to a set legnth on each part of the body. through use or it rubbing agains stuff the ends wear out a bit but it is mostly the same size, i fyou are out in the sun, then exposure makes itlighter. when you shave, it looks like it si coarser anddarker but it is not really.just make sure she understands that once she does it she willhave to do it for he rest of her life.my youngest son was in bodybuilding when he was 13 he had to shave all his body hair for competition. my redneck husband had a fit but i helped him and gave him pointers on how not to shave a chunk of skin off your ankles. then later he started runing competitivley andagain he shaved hislegs. i orten see huge scabs on his legs because he does it in a hurry in the dark shower instead of how i showed him how to do it.

My sister let my neice start shaving this year (she is 11) she let her use the veet shaving system...kinda like nair, its a razor with no sharp edges and you have to use the special shaving cream and it gets rid of the hair. Maybe try that for awhile, and if she gets the hang of it and likes it move on to razors...I do not remember when I started shaving either, but I know I started out with an electric shaver than moved on to saftey razer blades (where its very hard to cut yourself), you will have to look up to see if they make those anymore. Good luck with your growing girl!!

My cheerleading advisor requested that we all shaved our legs for competition. I was about 9 years old at that time, my parents didn't have a problem with it. I remember when my cousin who is 11 years younger than me was in about 6th grade, and my aunt would refuse to let her shave. (We are a sicilian family, not a blonde in the bunch), they were both being irrational. It is so not worth fighting about. There are going to be bigger battles that will be worth standing your ground. I say if she is old enough to feel self conscious about leg hair, let her shave it off. Just think, a lot of parents at this age are still fighting with their kids to wear deodorant, brush their teeth, and take showers. Just a thought :D Good luck with whatever you decide! There is no right or wrong.

Jen

My two cases of reference would be myslef and my only daughter who is now 16. My daughter, at about 9 or 10, didn't ask or seem concerned about needing to. She just started shaving, and I found out when she cut herself. I found her, panicked, crying hysterically and bloody with toilet paper all over her and the bathroom. After I cleaned her up, I told her that if she felt strongly enough about it to go behind my back, then she should have asked me to teach her how first. I would have rather she start shaving than to sneak and end up cutting herself. It's kind of poetic justice, though, as I did the same thing to my Mom. I cut myself pretty badly (then ankle area, of course) and then blamed it on cutting myself on my bicycle pedal. She knew and told me she knew. It was very awkward. Another option to consider is hypo-allergenic Nair or some equivalanet. That way it's safer than her cutting herself. Good luck, and God bless...these are only the beginning of body self-image problems and peer pressures, as we all well know. Hugs, Kat

I was in 7th grade when I started shaving. My daughter wanted to start shaving and I kept saying no also especially since she is homeschooled. then one day I noticed hair under her arms so I bought her the venus razor (nice razor) and had her start shaving. I think she was 10 or 11... I have friends who have their daughters use the hair removers or waxing. I have no idea what that is but they say it's better than shaving...My daughter does fine with razors and the venus ones are easier to shave with...maybe you can say "when you are 10..." or pick an age...

I was about that age when I started shaving my legs.. although my mom also told me I am too young. What ended up happening is I didn't know how to do it right and cut myself very badly with the razor on accident. If you are going to let her shave her legs, at least show her how to do it so she does not cut herself more than the usual few knicks.

Well, P., you've had a lot of responses and I haven't read all of them so please forgive me if I say things that repeat the advice of others.

I'm very much an anti-establishment, against the grain kind of person. I don't follow the "norms" of our culture anymore, as I don't think most of them are healthy. I would never consider, for example, putting a serious chemical on my child's legs to remove hair. But that's just me.

Personally, I think that this is a beautiful opportunity for teaching your daughter what true self-esteem is. Teaching her to love and accept the body that God gave her. Teaching her to resist the flow of the culture that would have her believe hair is ugly or abnormal, small breasts are inferior to big breasts, blonde hair is better than brown, or one skin color is superior to another. This is just one more example of how children are taught what is "normal" or "beautiful" by our media -- TV, magazines, models. It's just not healthy.

I remember wanting to shave when I was young. I asked an older cousin to show me, and did it myself. I was probably 12. My mother fairly freaked out, and was angry at the cousin, because she felt she had mowed her lawn, so to speak -- had stepped on her prerogative as a mother. She wanted to be the one to teach me how to do it properly so that I wouldn't cut myself (short strips, I remember her saying) etc. She also felt I was too young. And she gave me one more nugget that I'll never forget -- she said, "Once you start shaving, you have changed the texture and thickness of the hair on your legs forever." She was right.

One thing you can tell her is that when she is old enough to bear the pain of waxing, she's old enough to remove hair from her legs.....! Chemicals are out of the question. Razor blades are not for children. And who says you're not beautiful just as you are?

My daughter is 10 and hasn't even asked me yet. She's brought up the subject, but not with any investment. She accepts her body as it is, but I've been instilling this type of confidence in her, and the anti-establishment thinking, since she was little. She doesn't have any problem with the idea of refusing drugs, because we don't even use over the counter meds at home and think it's the wrong choice for the body -- so why would she ever do a recreational drug? She has no problem saying "no" to candy, either, for the same reason. She knows babies are safest when born at home.

Sometimes a person's mindset is the product of years of conditioning. If your daughter is getting some idea that hair on the legs for a nine year old is somehow not natural, she's probably watching too much TV, or needs to spend some time in Europe or Africa or pretty much anywhere but America -- we are the only culture that routinely shaves our legs and armpits. In other words, what she considers to be "normal" and "beautiful" is completely relative, and her point of view can be educated.

Would you allow her to augment her breasts at 15? It's much the same question -- at what point do you have the conversation with your daughter about self-image, self-worth, self-respect, self-acceptance?

Anyway, my mother's note to me about the consequences of my actions stuck with me -- I told my daughter that once she starts shaving, she will be a slave to it. She's not interested. For now.

Good luck to you.
S.

Hi P.,

This issue came up with my 9 year old over the summer. It wasn't that she had friends shaving, she was just becoming more aware of the changes in her body. After talking with friends and a co-worker with daughters, I chose to pick my battles and let her shave. I grew up being self conscious about everything and don't want her to feel the same way.

E.

I wouldn't just pick a random age. It's not a number you can just choose or "plan" on. Well, I guess you can just say "12" and that's that, but really... we live in a climate where we are in shorts and bathing suits 9 month of the year. Many girls show signs of puberty by 10. I would consider how dark or thick her hair is and make the decision based on her needs, not on a number. Yes, 9 is young, but if it's necessary, let her do it. Otherwise wait a bit, but don't make it a set number.

I think I started at 10 or so, but my hair was brown and I was a gymnast, so I was showing bare legs year-round and was more aware of it due to that.

Daughters shaving their legs is a "rite of passage" just like menstration and body odor. I'm 60 and I remember "just doing it" because it was not something I felt comfortable asking my mother. My daughter is 39 now and I believe she "just did it" when she was about 10 or 11. So I think what I am saying is better to monitor her shaving (watching, instructions, etc.) than to have her bleeding all over her clothes and self. Just stock up on band-aids because she will need them! Good luck!

Hi P... I had the same issue with my 8 yr old. My daughter is now 13 and I allowed her to shave her legs at 9 years old. We tried Nair and just didnt do as well as I thought. She was very self consious as well. She would not wear shorts or want to participate in school activities because of her legs. At first I thought "she's my baby" I didn't want her to grow up! I finally got her a shaver that wouldn't cut her since she was a beginer. I then showed her how important it was to shave her legs slowly and with enough lather. It worked out and I thought I was the only one expierencing this. All her other class mates had been shaving for some time. It's always hard to make the decision, I personally was a little conserned about what other people would say. But come to learn I was the last to allow my daughter to shave. Let her it's ok....

P. - my daughter (now 11) wanted to start around 9 years as well. Our compromise was to get her a "bladeless" kit, Veet and Nair both make them. It is hair removal lotion with a plastic curved piece similar to a razor to aid in removing the cream after it sets.
We of course started with the sensitive formula, doing a small test patch and waiting 24 hours to see if there would be an adverse reaction. When all appeared normal, I taught her how to apply the cream, wait and then "shave" it off using the plastic piece. It worked wonders, she was pleased, and I didn't worry about her cutting herself.
She is now in 6th grade and started just this past summer using a razor. Her experience with using the plastic piece helped teach her to control her motions, and now she uses the Venus Breeze that has shave lotion strips on both sides. One of ther greatest inventions ever!!!!
That's what worked for us - way better than me sneaking in my great grandfather's razor blade and cutting half my shin off when I was spending my 10th summer at their house. Scared them to death, I bled so much. Wish these things would have been around then, but they are now, and I hope if you decide to try it it works for you and your daughter.
Best of luck - J.

My daughter was allowed to shave when she was 11 or 12. I told her about the possibility of cuttiing herself and that she would need to be careful. I showed her how and guided her when she tried it on her own. She tried waxing with my ex's girlfriend and said she wouldnt do it again cause it hurt to bad. the excitement of it wore off and she doesnt do it any more though. I guess she will again when she is really ready, good luck

This isn't really advice, just a cute story. The other day my little 2.5 year old was telling me what a big girl she is. When I agreed, she said "Can I shave?" lol