Daughter Wants Hugs Constantly

Updated on November 13, 2008
T.P. asks from Midland, MI
19 answers

Hi ladies I could surley use some advice. My 2 year old daughter has just recently(last week and a half) started begging for hugs all day long and even in the middle of the night. I can't even go to the bathroom without her wanting a hug. I can't cook dinner without her wanting a hug or being picked up for a hug. She gets all the love and attention that she needs. we read, play games,color,write everything but yet she acts like she is fearful and very insecure and has been given no reason to be. Any suggestions or advice would be helpful...Nothing has changed in her life that would have caused her to be obsessive about hugs.

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S.S.

answers from Detroit on

This too will pass. Too quickly she will be a teen and not want you to touch her or even look at her. Hug her NOW! :)

S.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

Sounds like she needs more physical touch, you might be doing lots of loving in other areas, but not meeting this need. I'd try making an effort to give her lots of touch, deliberate and casual, and see if it makes a difference.

Best wishes!

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T.O.

answers from Detroit on

Give her all the hugs she wants - her need for this won't last that long. I found with my daughter that, even tho it was an interuption at times, to give her all the hugs/holding she wanted was the answer. Trying to say "not now" or "not again" or anything similar in word or action, caused her to be more needy. Fulfilling her desire for this show of affection from you is not a spoiling, just a stage.
I think, if I remember correctly, some children go through this when they realize they are separate beings from their parents/mom. This realization scares them, so they need constant reassurance that you love them and are there for them.
My daughter is 24 now, calls me every day and is still very affectionate, but doesn't "need" like she did when she was 2. :)

1 mom found this helpful
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K.K.

answers from Saginaw on

My daughter is the same way with kisses AND hugs! She started it about that age, and is 8 now!
I think she is just projecting the love you've shown her back on you...
I know it gets a little annoying, because they always come around when you are your busiest.
I just try to remember that someday, she'll be a teenager and want nothing to do with you...so enjoy it while you can!

1 mom found this helpful
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D.D.

answers from Detroit on

T., it could be a control thing. She knows you will stop what you are doing to hug her which gives her the control. If this is the case she will surely grow out of it. Remember, it could be worse, she could be exerting control by throwing tantrums! Enjoy your hugs and maybe try turning the tables on her and requesting hugs from her all the time.

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.H.

answers from Detroit on

It's true the lovey stage doesn't last long. I had to start making dinner earlier to accommodate both our needs. And didn't get privacy in the bathroom till she was 4. Now she's 5 and sometimes I don't get hugs before she dashes off on the bus for school. She has her own agenda and doesn't want to cuddle as long, if at all. She's exploring her independence and loving it.
Good luck, I do remember the days of having a toddler hanging on my knee where ever I walked in the house. Maybe all you really need is a few hours break to restore you. I know that made a big difference for me.
Good luck! A. H

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R.G.

answers from Detroit on

It is pretty normal at this age. It sounds as if she is going through some separation anxiety which is very normal for her age. Just keep reassuring her by giving her hugs. Pretty soon you'll have to bet her for hugs so take advantage of this while you can. :)

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C.E.

answers from Detroit on

T.

First of all it could be simply that she needs a bit more reasuring, I wouldn't necessarily look at it as a control thing, but take the hugs while you can get them. Now not to be an over parinoid person....

How long ago did this start, was she introduced to new people? or around someone alone she hadn't been before? Is she scared at night or just looking for hugs?

I would contact your family doctor and just to make sure it's possibly a normal thing, but from family experience when a child is molested they can then become very attached to their parent. It is reasuring and a safety to be where they feel safe and at two she may not be able to express her self more, then just becomeing cliny.

Sorry to pur a negative spin on it, but if something did happen you need to start working on the emotional dammage now. Beleive me it won't get easier and would express itself in very bad ways later in life.

Good luck and hopefully it's just she wants more attention.

Chelle

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V.G.

answers from Grand Rapids on

It may just be a phase that she is in. Or she may just be a touchy child. My youngest daughter has always been very cuddly. If I'm home she wants to cuddle - no matter what I'm doing. On the weekends it's generally better, as I'm home all day with them - then at least she'll wait until I'm sitting down. However, I've got to be holding her constantly. I figure that I'll take it now, because when she's older she may not want as many hugs and cuddles. Good Luck!

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N.B.

answers from Detroit on

I dont why she would feel this way. Sometimes kids know things or sense things that we as adults cant. Maybe she senses that you need them. Maybe she is having bad dreams and needs them and feels scared. All I can say though is HUG her, and hug her and hug her as frustrating as it may be. These moments will not last long. Everytime she hugs you or wants one try to remember that in 5 short years she probably will not any and you will habe to beg for them. :)

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A.H.

answers from Detroit on

Hmm... My little guy (not so very little anymore!) does this once in a while. Nothing much has changed in his life other than he began Preschool.

I feel that they fall into a phase at times. Fear does develop around age two, although mine seemed to have fell into it again at four.

I wonder if there was a show that impacted her? Doesn't take much to affect a little body.

I am not sure that it is a control thing~ just because mine does it too, and I notice it is when he is not feeling 100%, or if he had a bad day (like a potty training accident, etc.) or if he had a 'talking to'. I think he is trying to assure himself, as well as I ~ that he loves me and I love him.

It can be annoying if you are cleaning or cooking, but I stress to him I do love him, I just cannot not hug right at the moment. He also follows me into the bathroom, but I never close the door due to 'safety' so I can hear what he does and it is just something we never did. (When dad is home, I close the door as I do enjoy my privacy!).

I am just enjoying it~ too soon it will be the opposite and they are 'too cool' or 'too big' to hug me!

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A.T.

answers from Detroit on

You state that you are a single mom. When did this happen? I was just thinking that maybe it is a security thing after watching her dad leave. She is so young, and doesn't know much going on. But she still may have that insecurity and that fear that maybe it might happen again, and you might leave her!
Good luck, and enjoy the love and hugs. Though it may be a little overwhelming at times! LOL!!
A.

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M.K.

answers from Detroit on

Oh how wonderful that your daughter loves hugs!

I have a 2-year-old as well. What a wonderful time at this age.

Before you cook, offer the choice of a long hug or a cuddle that will "last" until dinner is ready. This will give you a chance to sit with her and cuddle and read a book.

When going to the bathroom, tell her that you need "by myself" time.

I've never been through this, but with my 13-yr-old daughter and 10-yr-old son, hugs are so cleansing for them especially after having a rough day.

We can ALL use one good hug every day. God created us all to have that need met.

Blessings and hugs to both you and your little princess.

P.S. My 13-yr-old wants to convey to you that it's just a phase and that she will eventually grow out of it.

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A.H.

answers from Detroit on

That is the time that fears can start to sprout, maybe she wants one just in case of something? It's probably just a phase that she'll soon outgrow, then one day you'll wish she wanted as many! :o) If it's really bothering you, you could try giving her popcicle sticks for her hugs, meaning that she gets so many sticks at the beginning of the day, like 10, and everytime she wants one she gives you a stick until they are gone. Then perhaps she really save them for special moments. This isn't to say that if she hurts herself or something that you can't give her one, it's more for her excess hugs. Happy hugging.

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J.R.

answers from Saginaw on

Greetings.

Do you have a sling or carrier? I would load her up and keep her close. She is moving through a period where she is realizing that she is likely discovering her self idenity and that can be a BIG CHANGE. My son went through that at around 2 and my family did 2 things: 1)I loaded him up in our backpack and sling and did the dishes or cooked. We choose some special time to be even closer. 2)My husband (could be a grandma or close friend) started tuning in more closely to him by spending more one on one time and taking over some of my roles. We found that he needed to attach more closely to both of us in different ways.

Good luck.

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K.B.

answers from Kalamazoo on

Give them to her...being a 2 year old now her world has just gotten so much bigger and that causes her to be a little insecure even though she has had love and attention all along. My son went through the same thing, just be there for her and give her what she is needing even if it is slowling down your daily routine. Set up shop in the kithcen for her to pretend cook with you, just keep her near when she needs it! It will go by too fast anyway and before we know it they won't want to hug us at all :)

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L.C.

answers from Detroit on

Are you sure you're not talking about my 2 year old???

For the past 2 weeks my son (28 months old) has been attached at the hip to me! I get hugs and "nose kisses" all day long.

My best guess is that this is a phase because nothing has changed at my house either. I've also noticed that my son is starting to assert more independence and has become more defiant, while still wanting to be an arm's length away from me.

I think he's finally seeing the two of us as seperate people and this is also the age that "fears" begin. This may also be the case for your daughter?

Good luck I completely understand how you're feeling!

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K.V.

answers from Detroit on

It sounds like she has found a way to get your attention! If she is getting in the way of make dinner, etc, maybe you can redirect her by having her help you make dinner. It will make a mess and take longer, but she will feel a part of things and might let you get stuff done.

If that doesn't work, you can always get a hiking backpack (borrow one or get it from a second hand store) and when she is trying to control you with this, just say okay and put her in the backpack so she can get her "hugs" and you can get your work done. It only took once or twice of this for mine to decide that she would rather be "free". All of a sudden, she could wait until I finished dinner, or it didn't seem so bad to help make dinner or set the table.

Good luck.

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D.S.

answers from Grand Rapids on

T.; yes this can be quite an annoyance, my middle son did that, and he became a mommas boy, in only wanting mom, and wanted and needed hugs, all the time, i am not a huggy person, he is now a teen and still wants hugs, all the time, he appears to be just a loving person, he continues to have a good heart and still gives me a hug before going to bed, as a teen, some children are just lovers, however as a son, and older and wanting hugs we were able to teach him how to hug people without offending them, or the thought of perversion , so he hugs sideways, as a little girl you may not need to do this, just might have to teach her how not to hug guys all the time, if it continues throughout life, she may outgrow all the hugs, when you hug her give her strong cuddly hugs, dont hurt her, but give her maybe longer hugs and a bit more stronger, she might last longer between hugs, dont ever be afraid to hug her and give her affection, it is a personality trait that many have, cherish it one day the hugs will dissappear, i am not a huggy person or a touchy feely person so this was also very hard for me, but i have had to teach my self if my child needs this , id rather be the one they get it from than to search elsewhere until its time, any way , enjoy life and continue to love and hug your child, D. s

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