Daughter Scared of the Upcoming Move...

The first thing I did was look at your profile to see if you were close enough to get together in person to talk (unfortunately, you're not). My family and I have had lots of practice moving, as my husband was active duty Navy for 27 years. My daughter has moved 6 times in her 8 years of life, and my son has moved 3 in 4 years. Her are a few of the things we do to help make it easier.

Before we start packing for the move, we hit Build-a-Bear and build a "moving buddy." The moving buddy stays with the child throughout the entire process, even when all the other toys are packed, sleeps with the child, rides in the car with the child, goes everywhere the child wants to take it. We talk to our moving buddies about the move, how it's going, how we feel. We help our moving buddies feel safe by explaining to the moving buddies what's going on. This sounds really cheesy, but I've been amazed at how much it helps. Even if you have already started packing (and a week out from the move, I hope you have), it may be worth acquiring a moving buddy.

There are also some very good kid books out there about moving. There's a fairly ancient Mister Rogers moving book (if you can find it) that is perfectly pitched for your daughter's age, and as a bonus you'll get to laugh at the pictures, which are VERY 1970's. There's also a book entitled something like Alexander, Who's Not Going to Move, Not Ever. And there's a book from Usborne publishing called Moving House. You may be able to grab one of these (or something similar) at your local library.

Neither of my kids have had toilet issues when we've moved, but I did end up with them in my bed again for awhile. After about a month, we sent them back to their own bedrooms, first by laying down with them, and then by insisting that they were ready to manage on their own, with the help of their moving buddies. As for the potty, the only problem we've had has been a couple of accidents at the very beginning because folks waited until it was urgent and then forgot where the bathroom was.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Don't stress about it. Don't dwell on it.

Ask her to help you when you need help. If she gets scared, nod and say, "sometimes I think about that, too....but I'm happy that you and mommy and daddy will be together :)"

try to keep her thinking about stuff in the present. ask for help packing or making lunch or unpacking. toddlers don't deal with ideas for the future well. If you're OK...and she's thinking about the present, she'll do fine.

I would reassure her that the whole family is going to go, and list the little things, like her bed, dresser, teddy bear, the towels from the bathroom, the soap, and that they will be going to the new house. I may also try to get to know some of the children who live in the new neighborhood and let her know you can still visit her old friends. If it is close enough. Good luck..

Our son was 3 and one month when we moved from the only home he had ever known and started traveling with my husband's job. He didn't regress at all with potty training. Sleeping was a little harder. I'd say, just find a bedtime routine that helps and stick to your guns so you don't loose the progress you've made there. We did give him a night light that finally, at almost 6, he has given up. He did also have a little bear that was a special gift that had to go to bed with him every night. Enjoy the new home. I wouldn't worry too much. She'll probably be fine when the adventure finally comes. :) Kids are great that way!

Hey, A.. First of all, congrats on your new pad. Secondly, I think it's a little scary for everyone to move. There are so many things that feel out of our control and unsettled. For kiddos, there are lots of books out there you could read to your daughter that might help with the transition to the bigger house. Maybe you could go to Boarders and ask them, or do a search online.

As far as the potty training regression goes...with my twin boys, I have seen this happen for every (what I consider to be small) change our family has gone through. When we moved, it did happen, but not for too long. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you - it might happen, but it's not going to be full-blown-have-to-re-train potty training. She'll get back on track in a couple of days, if she falls off the wagon at all. Just remind yourself that she's not acting out when you're cleaning up the pee.

Good luck with everything! This is such an exciting time for your family.
Michele

Hi A.,
Congrats on getting a bigger place. This will be a great move for you and your daughter. My husband and I have moved alot and we've gotten the same reservations from our children. What we would do to make them feel more comfortable with the move is we would give them boxes and have them help with the packing. IF we were still house shopping we would take them with us and let them tell us what they liked and disliked about the houses. Pretty much we kept them involved in everything and that helped them feel better because there were no suprises. So starting today get her involved in the move and I'm sure she'll feel better about it. Maybe even consider having a small goodbye apartment "party" where you and your daughter tell each room goodbye and you can take pictures of the room (to save for proof of the condition of the apartment when you moved out.) Make sure to leave the apartment in good condition and clean and take pictures of it and maybe even have the landlord walk through before you turn in the keys. The last house we rented the house was pristine when we left, the landlord hired a cleaner to do the fine detailed cleaning and she stole the blinds and fire alarms and we got blamed for it and the landlord took it out of our deposit, so make sure you get that walk through before you're gone for good.

I hope your family has fun with this move! Good Luck!

C.

ok so i can relate completely to you. when my daughter was 4 we had to do her first move. i thought what a breeze. every thing when smooth till the day of the move. then she got scared. for the first few nights i stayed in her room reading storys and singing to her till she fell asleep. at the apartment she went to bed around 8 to 830 but for the first few weeks at our new place she wouldnt fall asleep till after 9 which can totally stress out you and or your relationship. i know i may have spoiled her but it worked and by the end of the 2nd week she was in her big girl bed in her big girl room at 830. hope this helps. very time consuming. haha
danielle

She may regress, just prepare yourself, keep it low key if she does. Be upbeat about the move, if she sees you are okay with it she will be too. Kids don't like change. I have to move soon too and have a four and seven year old that have always been in this house and they are freaked by the thought. I just talk positive about it, how exciting it will be and know even if they are scared it won't be long lived.
Kids like to be able to predict and feel secure. Just keep her on the same schedule and keep things as normal as possible.
They are amazingly resilient and just need to see you are okay with it, assurance her stuff is going with her (I have gotten questions like "do we take our toilets?"..) but just keep things calm as possible.
She may regress and she is so young she can get back on track. She will be fine, good luck!

My oldest was VERY attached to our house in Tucson. She would panic if we talked about getting a new house. Well, my husband got a new job in northern Montana and we had to moved - she was 7. She was kinda freaked out about leaving "Casa Q." (yes, we named our house).

We were in 3 different places before we bought a house. It was hard for everyone, but especially the kids. But, when we bought a house I let her choose which room would be hers. I told her if she wanted, we could change the color in the room and I let her choose a border to put up.

While I understand you might not be able to do that in a place you're renting, maybe there IS something you can do. Let her pick out a lamp she digs to put on the dresser. Just something to help make the room hers.

Some kids seem to need a place as their security. My younger was not like this. Of course she was all of 2 when we moved.

Let her help packing her things. Let her make a bag that has a couple of her favorite toys in it that she can open as soon as you get to the new house. Maybe if she carries them, it will help her get the idea that her things aren't going to be left behind.

I know it's hard. All you can do is continue to reassure her and make this sound like great fun. Include her - ask "Where should we put a swing" or something like that. It will help tie her to the new place.

Good luck!

We up and moved my daughter cross country right after she turned 3. She really did well. She too had just potty trained and I worried she would regress. She talked alot about our old home and Michigan (where we moved from). The first thing we did was unpack and set up her room. Second was her playroom. If you have time, paint and decorate her new room before moving in. Let her pick the colors and whatnot. If there is not time or money perhaps get just some wall decals to make it a more personal space. You can get them at walmart or I have even seen some at Dollar Tree. They are removable stickers. Don't dwell on the move and loss. Just talk about how excited you are for this new house. How fun it will be for her to have her own room to sleep in in the new house. Just accentuate the positive. Make sure life and routine stay as close to normal as you can after the move. You'll be surprised how well she adapts. She will "feed" off of your emotions though. Good luck.

Little ones like your sweet girl are very security-oriented. They only take risks when the risks are safe to take - so they can act up or do silly things, but it's within the boundaries of knowing where they are and who loves them.

Your little girl has questions she doesn't know how to ask! Some of them may be: will she have her toys with her or will they be left behind? Will they like the move? Will Mommy and Daddy be close by at night, the way they are in the home she has always known? What will happen to the old home? Won't it be sad to see them go? There are probably many others. Little people have big imaginations! (My older son was about three when a small abandoned commercial building near our house was demolished. He almost went into shock! He had never known that a building could be taken down! He thought they were hurting it! I had to reassure him that it was all right with the building, and that we'd see a new one soon.)

So expect her to be insecure! This is a big scary deal, and it will take a few days for her to feel that everything is OK. Let her help with packing the things that are most important to her. Share with her your attitude that yes, this is a new thing, but it's an adventure, and you all will be taking this adventure together. Let her know - over and over, if need be - that you and Daddy will always be there for her!

If her room is too far away from you the first night or two, I'd go so far as bringing her mattress or sleeping bag into your room and letting her camp out there. Not every parent will do this, but it's an in-between spot between keeping her in a new bedroom and letting her share your bed. (You don't have to suggest this to your daughter - just keep it in mind yourself in case you need to do it.)

Give her your attention - another way of being there for her - over the first few days, even though you'll be very busy. Figure out how to let her help you pack and unpack if she wants to. Stop unpacking and read her a couple of her newly-unpacked books, or have a tea party with her and her favorite dolls. Maybe there can be a surprise for her at the new house - something she has wanted and will be glad to have.

I suspect that if you and your husband are cheerful and secure about this move, she will feel the same way within a little while.

I too have done this. I would just talk a lot about how she is such a big girl and that her current house is too small for a big girl so you are moving so she can have big girl space with a big girl bed and a big girl yard.....you get the picture. We had to do this to convince my oldest to move, he has a really hard time with change. I also had him help me pack his things in a box and showed him it going on the big truck to his new house. He panicked at first but He seemed really relieved when he got to the new house and I opened his box of toys. I didn't realize it till we were unpacking that he thought he couldn't bring his stuff to the new house and when we packed it he thought I was getting rid of it. So talk her through the packing process too. The more comfortable she is with the whole process before it happens the less likely she will regress with sleeping habits and potty training. Also put a night light in the hallway so if she needs to find you in the night she won't feel so lost and scared.

Hi A.,

First of all, congratulations on your move to a house, life will change for your family in a good way. My advice is to make sure that her bed is set up with exactly the same bedding and stuffed animals and any blankets that she may be attached to as soon as you get to the new house. Also, have your daughter help you pack a very special box filled with toys and anything else that is important to her from your apartment and then give her the "job" of unpacking that box. Keep her bedtime routine the same as it is now, including the time that you puther to bed. Let her know that you will check on her at least once after she has been put to bed, and do so for as long as she needs you for that transition time. Good luck and enjoy your new home.
Y.

maybe familiarizing her with the moving process will help? my dd was freaking about doctors all the time but we read a Going to the Doctor book the day before she goes and when we are waiting to go in and at the Docs. it helps. There is a Moving House book in the same series. maybe you can find it at your library? if not you can order online if you are interested. www.celestsbooks.com Moving House.

When we moved, we gave our son something very special for him to look forward to that would be only with the new house/place. You know, like a house-warming gift for him. We decided on something that he's been asking for and that we've wanted to give him (a scooter). We made it exciting that he'd have a new room and new friends. We also made sure that the first room unpacked was his room, and we let him decide where he wanted to put furniture, toys, etc.