Daughter Isn't Interested in Anything....

Hi J.,

Please listen to your daughter and let her stay home with you, she is only five, I would get worried when she is 18 and still wants to stay home at you, wanting her to explore new things is only pushing her away from you and hopefully you know that will have consequences when she will be a teenager. You can explore new things together at home, making new crafts, explore the world of learning how to knit, making new foods, reading new books, planting seeds and tending a garden, We adults often seem to forget that our needs do not have to be the same as the needs of our children .

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Hi J.!

It sounds like what your daughter would love right now is mommy and me time rather than something more structured. Put in a children's song and dance video or cd and dance around the room with her. Bake cookies. Do some craft projects at home together, make sock puppets and put on a show for daddy. She has her whole life ahead of her to try new things and if she has just started school, that may be enough "new" for her right now. Before you know it you'll be lucky if you get a "bye mommy" before she runs off to whatever activity you have her in at the time. Enjoy every minute of your precious angel!
Regards,
Melissa

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She is 5! That is perfectly normal! They have a short interest span and expecting her to stay with a class for the duration of the classes is asking too much. She WANTS to be with you. She will have plenty of time to explore her interests when she is 7, 8 , 9, 10, .... If she is in school already, that is enough at her age. If she isn't, maybe a playgroup where moms switch off and do activities with the kids would be an option. Maybe as a SAHM you may think she isn't getting enough stimulation just being with you? Or are you looking for a little scheduled time for yourself? Just enjoy your daughter and follow her lead.

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J. R
Let her be a five year old... They love to stay home with mom and follow you around... do what you do... and undo what you do!!! Before you know it she'll be her own person and figure out what she likes to do... She will let you know! Let her be a kid with no pressure. Keep telling yourself SHE'S ONLY 5!!!
T.L.S

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Unfortunately, I can't help you, but I wanted to let you know you are not alone. My 6 1/2 year old is identical to your daughter. Also, if I am around she and her friends she ignores them to sit with or talk to me. I look forward to the responses.

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Dear J.,
first off remember she is "5" Just the fact that you are introducing her to different things may be enough.
At this point it might be more interesting for her to just do small things with you, like doing some cooking, or some craft project together. Keep it simple so she does not get disinterested, a child who is forced is less likely to find interest later.

I know there are lot of parents out there who wish to have a 5 year old genius or all star; as for me I was pleased with just allowing my children to just explore.

Good luck~

She will be fine!

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I think that she will have lots of time to explore interests later. It's good that you are giving her the option to explore these, but it sounds like it may be too much for her now, especially in today's fast paced world.

I would explore these interests with her at home or places where you get to do one to one activities with her. I worry sometimes that I don't have more things going on with my daughter...all my friends have their kids in martial arts, dance, swimming, gymnastics, etc., etc., etc...but I realize that my daughter truly adores her time with me and is not really a 'joiner' at this time. But she's young and I feel she'll have plenty of time to explore her interests. I think sometimes at age 5, kids just want to play! and not necessarily have to have the responsibilities that taking classes requires.

J. :o)

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Give your daughter time. At 5 yrs old being with you is the best thing. You can explore things together. It will be great for both of you. She'll have years and years where she'll want to be out doing and you'll be wishing she was at home with you!

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Hi J.,

As a music teacher, I would advise letting her stay home with you for now. At 5, she doesn't have the attention span for a full class, which is perfectly normal.

I teach school music classes to k-3rd graders and their attention span is very short. I also give drum lessons to students ages 6 and up, but I take 6 and 7 year olds on a case-by-case basis, since even though there may be a lot of interest, the focus for a half hour lesson is not always there.

When I get calls about children age 5 or younger, I recommend that you buy videos (music, dance, whatever she's into) for her to watch at home. That way, she can do something she likes and when she starts to lose focus, the video can be turned off and resumed later.

Good luck,
R.

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Hi there I put my DD into 4H. It was great!!! She learned so many things and each meeting was a different topic so the little ones got to explore many subjects and broaden their horizons. The parents stuck around to offer security support and help.4H isn't just about raising animals and cooking it is now so much more. My DD stayed with it until she was a teenager and went to college with great leadership skills and has been able to be resourceful and cope well with all the stresses of moving away etc..She makes friends easily and shares her knowledge with others. One of the great projects she really enjoyed was hatching and raising butterflys. She built an enclosure and decorated it along with the other kids. They learned about all kinds of things.My DD learned she can do or be anything she wants.. The world is wide open.This is such a confidance builder in the security of a small environment. Check it out!!!
S.

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Try ice skating!(a mommy and me lass maybe...at 5 she needs to be with you!) Not the winter Lodge though they aren't very nice there...We skate at Ice Oasis in Redwood City. Good Luck!

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Right now, you daughter has told you what she wants...more time with mom. That is totally cool. She may simply not be ready for the structured environment in the activities you signed her up for.

I loved playing at the piano as a child, but I didn't enjoy piano lessons...it took play and made it into work in something I really didn't want to work at.

Don't push her to do the activities...it may end up being more of a turn off.

Give your daughter the thing she wants most...time with you. When she gets older, her interests will become more important to her. You can still introduce her to other things by doing things with her. Taking her places.

Enjoy your time with your child.

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Hi J., J. here.
If she just started K this year, I would think that is enough for her to handle, without adding to the time away from Mom. Maybe she needs more time and varied experiences WITH you so you can observe what her interests are. I know my Mom was frustrated tring to get me interested in a hobby as a teenager, and my sister the same with her daughter, and both of us (my neice and I) found great delight and fulfillment in serving/ caring for older people.

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Hi, my oldest daughter is 5 years old too. I homeschool, so she actually loves outside classes because she gets to meet new friends. So our situation is a little different, but I hope I can still offer my input. Just wondering how your DD does at school since you're not there with her? Also, do you sign her up for after school classes? Maybe she's just too tired to do any more "class" time? It might be a matter of timing.
Also, since she's already in school, in a class setting, and she's expressed the desire to just stay home with you, consider looking for a class you can take together. Then it would be more fun and meaningful to her because she's spending time with mom and learning about something that interests her.
You'll also be able to meet other moms while she meets other children.
It's hard to say what to expect at 5 because children are so different even in the same family. My daughter is quite independant, but my son is more "clingy" and careful...he also tends to shy away from classes where he has to be on his own. Hope my input helps a little. Blessings. MS

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I think that sometimes in the desire to give our children everything possible we forget that what they really is need is simple down time, unstructured, no obligations, where they can safely follow their whims. While my children have interest in activities, they also get frustrated quickly because they feel "too busy." Every child is different, of course, and you have to find the balance that works for your child. In this case, it sounds your daughter is telling you the activities are simply too much for her. Don't worry about she will miss by not doing them, because something else will be gained: time together, and time that she learns to use her imagination and entertain herself.

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Edit - I just realized I'm a little late, and you've already settled this with your child. Walking home and taking your time with life sounds lovely. Enjoy!

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Hi J.. My daughter is 6 1/2. She loves to dance & draw and read. She took dance class from age 2-4 and we stopped for awhile because we were busy doing other things in the summer. Sometimes during class she would be clingy and other times she was fine. When it came time to sign up again, she was totally against it. We would take her to my boyfriend's daughter's hip hop class last year and she knew all of the dance steps. When we got home they would do the dances together but she refused to participate in class. One day she did participate and she was doing great and the next thing I knew she was in my lap crying, because she didn't think she was good enough. Later I took her to a trial gymnastics class and I really thought she was enjoying it. When it was break time, she came over and started crying and said she couldn't do it "right". I was so frustrated, but I realized I couldn't force her, esp. if it meant that I would be the one losing out financially. NOW she is signed up for t-ball and it hasn't started yet, but I'm going to keep my fingers crossed. If I have to stay out of sight to keep her from having a complex, I will. And btw, I don't even know where she got this complex, because I always tell her how great she is doing. I think she is a born perfectionist! If I were you, I would wait, it might be years until she is ready.

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I have two girls. 9 and 14. With the first we did not do any extracurricular activies until she was in 3rd grade. And with the 2nd we started earlier, she was interested and then lost interest. This year (she is in 3rd grade) she is in something and interested again. 5 is very young, and I think this society put such pressure on parents to get their kids into programs/ sports at such a ridiculously early age. They just want to be kids, playing and hanging out with mom. I look at my 14 year old now and I see there is so much time for their activities and interests when they get older. I would save my money (for later) and just hang out with her.

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If she's not ready then pushing it will not help. She is probably not ready to be alone in these kinds of classes. I suggest finding classes where you can participate with her and then ease her into classes by herself over time.

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I am an experienced mom and grandmother. I find it admirable that you are trying to find an interest for your daughter.

Many areas have cheerleading for what they call pee wees. The pee wee cheerleaders cheer for their local pee wee football team. My granddaughter, now 11, was very much the same as your daughter. My daughter-in-law enrolled her in the cheering league and we were amazed at the difference in her attitude and self confidence that resulted. She still cheers today. You may, however, need to attend a few practices with her, or even become involved as a coach, until she develops the confidence you both will enjoy.

You will notice that most of the 5 yr olds cheerleaders are much the same as your daughter, as are the pee wee football players.

Please don't worry, she will be just fine.

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I have the same problem with my daughter and she is 6 going on seven this September. I try to get her to do things because she is a bit shy too, I mean she'll talk if you go up to her and talk to her (sometimes). I don't if it's because she is my first and I stayed home with her. She had a hard time in preschool and kindergarten when she first started. She just wanted to stay home with me. People tell me to just be patient she'll grow out of it. Or just keep putting her in the class and eventually she'll make friends and she'll enjoy it. I haven't tried myself but I'm going to try. Sorry I wasn't alot of help but I just wanted you to know someone else out there has the same problem too. Good luck.

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My daughter is sort of the same. It may be the age...mine decided that when she started Kinder that was all she could do. We finally just started Karate and believe it or not she loves it. If you are in the SF bay area One Martial Arts is great. ____@____.com

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At five years old, maybe she really does need quality time with you. I don't think it's unreasonable for her to want to play with you more than she wants to be in classes.

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Hi J.,

It is tought being 5, growing and going to school, some kids really need to rest afterwards and stay at home and take it easy. If you are able to stay home with her, maybe you should? The two of you could still do things together do art, play in the park, read books (skip the TV) and then, ask her again in a couple of months if she wants to do any after school program. Remember how it was when we were kids...we didn't do half as many things as kids are expected to do these days... Just my two cents... Good luck!

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Hello! Have you tried Kindermusik? It is a fun way to stimulate your daughter in all aspects. You may be with your daughter for the entire time during Kindermusik classes if she isn't ready to let go.

Do tell me how it works out. :)

S.

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Sounds like you are pushing her too much. She may be shy and you may be outgoing. OR you could try do a Mommy and Me class, where you go WITH her. Once she feels safe and is ready to go OUT and about.. then you can offer her 'things' to try and do. MY Son was very much like that. He needed friends around him and then he was more willing. He's now 19 almost 20.. went to Mexico for 2 quarter of college, traveled all around the country (sometimes alone).. and had a BALL. He, now, has the traveling bug, is outgoing and in charge! It's a wonderful transformation. Let her blossom with encouragement and possibilities. LOTS of conversation, and she will begin to 'see' her own possibilities... Try to 'see' her, not as your daughter, and what 'you' want, but as her own personality. Guidance and parameters work.. As parents we need to be open to who 'they' are.

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Hi J.,
My daughter is only 2 1/2 but she is the same. She loves to stay home with me and sometimes it's a trial to get her out of the house. She loves to color, dance, and do craft projects. She does enjoy having playdates but loves HER house. I think some kids just want to be kids without having things that they HAVE to do. I'm assuming she is in school now. Maybe that is enough for her at this time. My husband and I are very different. He is very social and outgoing while I am more of a homebody. Our daughter is more like me, which drives my husband crazy. I keep telling him that we need to allow her to be herself and respect her feelings too. Give her some time and make sure she is well rested.
Sincerely,
L.

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She's probably tired after her school day. Hire a 5th grader to play with her a couple of afternoons a week for an hour or two. Sometimes, the 5th grade teacher can recommend a child who would be appropriate for this kind of "job."

J., although your daughter is only 5, it is not to soon to get her involved in a sports program. Try soccer, little kids love to kick balls! My daughter was like yours at 5, I got her involved in sports and karate, then she just thrived. Her focus became more defined and the rest is history. Today she is 15 and I never dreamed I was giving my child such a wonderful gift. She has been a star player on an Elite soccer team, she became received an advanced belt in Karate and outshined the competition in everything she pursued. She's been on the honor role in every grade and makes the Presidents list every year. The greatest gift you can give your child at any age is confidence and assurance besides love.

The Little Gym has good classes that keep the kids moving form station to station and is pretty fast paced the kids all seem to love it. Do you have one of those in your area?

If she's five and you force her to do things she will learn to hate those things. Go slower.

I think she might be going through seperation anxiety, my boys did the same thing. See if there are neightbor kids or another little girl/boy she wants to play with. I had signed them up for T-ball. I would pick things to do that were exciting and fun, they could not wait to do. I got a neighbor friend of mine to have there kids come over at least 3x's a week. The boys knew I was there, but to have someone there to play with helped, they weren't so clingy to me. :-) Good Luck

There are a couple of ways to go about this: the first is to sign her up for a class with a friend. that would also help you since you can alternate driving. Both kids start looking forward to the day that they share the class. The second way is to sign her up for something that doesn't allow parents to wait in the room while they work through a series of classes to a recital or mini performance. Both the Berkeley Y and the Albany Community Center have dance classes that you could enroll her in that end with a little show. The girls want to show their moms that they've learned something and can do it well, and not be the one messing up. If you live in Albany, there's also tons of classes at University Village for children, including Spanish, where you could sit in the back of the room and learn yourself. Then the two of you have something more to share! When my elementary school age kids were 5 I put them in Kevin Bloomfield's (not sure about the last name) Soccer class on Fridays. He works through the Albany Community Center and is really great at keeping things moving along and fun (he has a son whose about 8 or 9 now) I don't think there's one kid who doesn't have a good time there and now my kids are very good soccer players on the Albany Berkeley Soccer League.

hope this helps,

A. B

At five she might just want to be with mom, but have you thought about her trying martial arts. My sons attend Richard Lee's East West in Alamo and there a lot of girls/women. They have classes everyday for little ones (so you're not just limited to one or two days a week). They have 5 introductory lessons she could take to see if she likes it. They also have a demonstration almost every Saturday morning. Call beforehand to see if they will be having one. They usually have quite a number of girls performing in the demonstration so she will get to see that girls can do this too. It is a great school!

When I homeschooled my daughter, we joined a yahoo group that was for homeschool activities. They met for all sorts of fun fieldtrips and outings. It was great even though my daughter was usually one of the few older kids (most were 3-5yr). They usually meet during the day so you might need to start another group for after school young ones.

Maybe if she gets to try different things with the same bunch of kids it will interest her more....she might feel more comfortable letting you sit back with the other moms if she knows some of the kids.

Good luck.

My daughter was the same way when she was little. Later in her education she was found to have an Aditory Processessing issue in learning things. This may not be your daughters issue, but you might ask your doctor about it. Has she had her adnoids removed? That could be holding her back also. All things and thoughts to consider asking your doctor about. If you don't get a answer from your doctor , ask for an ear and noise specialist about it.

L. T

I was a little like that as a child. First, she might want to try something with a friend to feel more comfortable. I took piano as a child and knowing my friend was taking piano was motivational. We had a friendly competition going. Or she can try something like music if she doesn't feel like being outgoing. But the best piece of advice I can give is to set a goal when she tries something new and don't let her quit until it's met. Then if she wants to quit, you both can discuss the pros and cons of her goals.

I think we need to have our kids stick with it another month when the going gets tough. I quit piano because I saw it as a way to get out of practice and my parents let "ME choose". Looking back I wish they would have had me stick with a while and dicuss the pros of piano at a time when I didn't have to pratice.

I think if you can both make an agreement about what's good for her beforehand and make a commitment to stick it out, she may go somewhere. Good luck.
J. C., mother of 4, ages 11 yr- 6 wks

Hi J.,

I would encourage you to send her to a child psychologist or start out with your pediatrician as there may be some developmental issues that aren't being addressed or she may just be shy.

But in order to help her have confidence in all situations, I would start out talking with her teachers and see if they can recommend someone for your DD to see so she can get the loving help she needs.