Daughter Is Peeing Her Pants After Being Potty Trained for 8 Years.

My daughter pees her pants for a couple of weeks after she gets home from seeing her dad. She's 7, but this has been going on for a few years. It's so consistent, that it has to be related to seeing her dad. She also had a hard time when we moved up to San Francisco from San Diego.
I don't think it's about being lazy. I think it's about being on emotional overload.
I wish your family the best.

1 mom found this helpful

I believe it is called regression, maybe just take it slow with her ask her frequently if she need to go hopefully that will help. My daughter is only three but has been potty trained for over a year and through my divorce she started to do the same thing. She is probably just stressed out and feels like it is her fault, even though you know it isn't. My 3 year old told my father the other day that it is her fault that her daddy doesnt want to see her anymore. So talk to her see how she really feels, then approach it that way. I hope this helps you.

L.

1 mom found this helpful

My 8 year old went through that.
Try limiting her liquids after 6pm. If that's not the problem then it could be stress-related. Maybe not you because you're too close to the issue, but if she has a babysitter she's close to or a friend's mom suggest they try talking to her to find out if anything's bothering her. If she has a friend over to play, eavesdrop-you'll be amazed what kids say to other kids.
Good Luck!
K.

1 mom found this helpful

It isn't uncommon for kids to regress when they go through a major change in life (like a parents divorce). You didn't say which daughter this is, is she the oldest, middle or youngest? She may be doing it to get extra attention from you (or her dad) or she may be hoping that if you and her dad have a "baby" to take care of that you will stay together (even if she can't say so in words).
When my middle child was born, my oldest son was almost potty trained and we reverted back to diapers for several months before we could finally finish potty training (once he realized that he wasn't being replaced and didn't have to act like a baby again for us to love him). I know your daughter is older, but it could be the same kind of reaction.
I doubt she is just "being lazy", as having wet pants is uncomfortable and can be really embarrasing if it happnens around her friends. I would certainly take her to see the Doctor just to rule out any medical causes, and perhaps the Dr. could refer you to someone she could talk to about everything she's going through (the divorce, you dating someone new, etc.)
As for sleepovers and such, they have overnight diaper type things (GoodNights) that look like real underwear that she could use until the problem is fixed so the other kids don't tease her.
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

It may sound strange but it is very likely a control thing.. Not because she cant control her bladder but she cant control whats going on in her life.. I have seen many children start having potty issues after going through major life changes.. you might try givin her more choices.. more control over things in her daily life.. I would also suggest natural consiquences/ cuase and effect.. Let her change herself and clean up the mess when she has and accindent.

Maybe you should take her to the doctor, she may just have a bladder infection.

This can really be a sign of experienceing trauma. From your divorce to perhaps something more. She is obviously not feeling secure. Be sure not to make her feel worse about it. and seek out some help for her right away. Talk to her pediatrician and get her some therapy to help her cope with the life changes and get to the route of the issue. Good luck.

J....

I had the same problem with my oldest daughter when I married. She was 7 at the time and a very happy kid. Then all of a sudden...she started wetting the bed. She even wet her pants at school once.

I sat down and had a good talk with her and found out that the situation of the marriage and me expecting a baby was just too much for her at the time. Being so young, she just didn't know how to express herself.

I ended up spending even more time with her (one on one), and making sure the 3 of us (she, my husband, and I) sat down once a week and talked to one another about how we were doing with eachother. Or we watched movies together (her choice).
I also made sure that when family and friends would visit, that hey made sure to reference my oldest daughter "before" they began talking about the arrival of the baby. Therefore she didn't feel as though the baby was taking her place.

For us...these little things helped. By the time the baby came, my daughter was no longer wetting the bed, and was very involved in the day to day caring of her little sister.

Perhaps your 10 year old doesn't quite know how to express herself either. Perhaps the divorce, the boyfriend, and the changing of her world is just too much for her to handle right now. She may just need a little more emotional security from you ensuring her that you won't leave her and that your boyfriend won't take her place in your heart.

I would suggest a "Mommy & Me" date with her...filled with things she loves to do. It can even be at home doing nails, eating Mc Donalds and watching a movie. Just as long as it's only the two of you. Then invite her into a comforting loving conversation about what ever it is that's bothering her.

Hope this helps a little.

S. V.
www.dreamplanters.com
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The fact that she is going through this divorce with you should signal an emotional need for her. I was divorced with 2 kids also. After taking family therapy and parenting classes, i learned that peeing in the pants or bed, etc..is a signal (non verbal communication) that she needs help. She is most likely having difficulty processing the split and the new man in your life at the same time. When kids feel out of control, the start to control the only things left in their lives that they CAN control...body functions! This is her cry for help, and to let you know she is having trouble contolling the situation. I suggest family counseling, and LOTS of love to tell her no matter what, her dad is always going to love her and be there. Reinforce the fact that you see there is something going on, and are there to talk to her when she is ready to discuss it. Let her know its OK to be upset and respect her feelings. Maybe back off on the new boyfriend's coming over to your house, and meet him outside until she is ready to accept the replacement. In her eyes, it's probably just too soon to bring another man into the house, so she's letting you know after visiting dad, that she's even MORE upset that he's not returning home with her. Remember, kids always in their minds wish for the parents to reunite and will keep trying to control that issue. It takes a lot of patience and time, before young kids are ready to move forward with new relationships...I know. I was divorced and my kids were very young. It took them almost 5 years to accept my new boyfriend (after 5 years of being single) and now we are married and the kids love him. So there is hope! Just dont push your kids too fast, especially if it's YOU that doesn't want to be alone. She will come around one day and decide on her own to stop wetting her pants. Best of luck!

J.,

She is under a lot of stress if you are getting a divorce. This is her way of getting your attention. Good or Bad. Make sure that you are taking time out for just her. She needs to know that both of you love her and that this divorce is not her fault. Do not acknowledge her peeing her pants. If she does it in the middle of a mall she gets to walk around that way and you act as if it is not big deal to you. Once she realizes she is not going to get your attention that way she will stop.

It's like a two year old throwing a tantrum. You don't give in to the negative ways. She only gets your full attention when she wants to act like a big girl.

Hope this helps and good luck

L. C
Personal Nutritionist
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