Daughter Is Having a Major Attitude Change

Unfortunately I don't have alot of advice but I am in the same boat. My 8 year old is acting the same way. I've tried everything. I am hoping it is just a phase and it will go away as quickly as it appeared??? She is no fun to be around these days and it makes me sad to think she is so unpleasant.

hey J.~~
man can i relate to this. i have twins and they just turned 13 and i'm dealing with the same thing. My daughter is acting the same way at times. I though maybe it was due to puberty?? Im not sure but im getting the attitude from both of them. they are good kids 95% of the time but its the other 5% that can be unreal & i dont know about you but i've about reached the end of my rope at times. If you get some good advise please share it--i could use it too. good luck

R.

She's normal. 9 years old is like 3 years old. Really. She is individuating in similar ways to how she did then. So ramp up the warmth. She needs to feel her family as a soft place to land but not as confinement. Lots of snuggling times--reading, warm baths, back rubs. Don't push her about little things like being afraid of the dark (if she is), but instead walk with her to turn on the light. Ignore the bad and support her with warmth, and just wait it out. It'll get tons better very soon. Keep your eye on the prize, which is a good relationship with her in later years. Build that in the warm times.

One more thing--just double check that school is okay. If she's being bullied or experiencing some bad social stressors you'll want to know about that & see if you can support her through it.

Your 9 year old daughter must be getting some kind of pay off or she wouldn't roll her eyes. Maybe she's trying to get attention? I'd roll my eyes back at her and make an awful face and tell her thats what you look like when you do that. What do you give her for punishment? Just courious?

I have an only child also she is only 6 and diong the same things as your daughter. I recently started watching a friends new born and am having more difficulty than before. This week I sat down and talked to her and told her that she was treating mommy badly and it didn't make me feel very good.at the end of the conversation we were in agreemant that for every day she had an attitude she would loose something ie time in web-kinz world which she really enjoys.Also if she had more than one attitude she would loose for 2 days etc.She is now starting to realize that she does not rule the house and we all work together she is also helping with the baby and on occasion she now helps with dishes and laundry.I also try to get her with other children as much as I can
D. D. 42 year old stay at home mom business owner and now part time nanny.

J.,

JUST KNOW ITS NOT JUST A GIRL THING. I HAVE A NINE YEAR OLD BOY with an only child mentality. He was an only child for 7 years.
1st accept that they are reaching pre-pubity age (that one is hard for me).
2nd Make sure you know everything that is going on in school and with her friends. My son has been bullied for about 1 1/2 years and everything is coming to a head now. And the worst thing is he is a pretty popular and confident kid.
I have had to take him to his Pedi and other doctors as well as get him into counsling. Althought I don't allow this behsvior I do know where it is coming from and it makes it easier to deal with.
3rd if everything is ok there then think back to what we did to our mothers and brace yourself because they say its payback X10

Hi J..... Oh yes... My daughter is 10... They are really coming into it.

The first thing I do is make sure she's had enough sleep. Many times this attitude is due to fatigue. (Yes, I know, puberty is coming.) I know it is for me - so why not her?

I have also always closely monitored her friends and influences. This is big. Different houses have different rules and therefore there can be a wide range of acceptable behavior accepted at friend's houses.

Stick close to her. Make sure she knows she's safe with you - that she can bring anything. Again - another huge one.

Good luck!

have you tried to have a mother daughter night out? like one suggested over hot chocolate, but maybe over shopping and a dinner to make her feel special and make sure her self esteem is still up there, 9 is defaintly a tough age, theres so much going on, they are experiencing new things, and definatly trying to understand their body. she's defaintly testing you, I think every age is a true test, and defaintly DON'T back down and not worry about it, be their for her, not in a negative punishing way but as supportive as you can like, 'go clean your room', if she comes back and says "no, you do it' or , NO and stomps away, say, xXxX listen, your father and I buy you nice things so you can be comfortable and all we ask is that you take care of your things we buy for you, or help around the house, you will get more from being nice, but you won't get any if your mean. I don't know if this helps or anything but, a great talk helps and understanding that you are their for her

I also have a daughter that is 9. She is the youngest of three. She also has a bad attitude. I think they are just testing the waters. Hopefully they will turn out to be good teenages.

Hi J.,

What wonderful responses!! I too have a daughter who's turning 9 this month and I'm experiencing this new "attitude change"! My son who's 11 however is giving me and my husband an even harder time! Wow! (I don't quite remember being like this...but I'm sure my Mom could fill me in!!)
Anyway, seeking advice from friends and family, I was given a particular book that has been VERY helpful with what may be going on...it's called "The Everything Tween Book - A parent's guide to surviving the turbulent preteen years" It's written by Linda Sonna, Ph.D.
It's fabulous!!! You must check it out!

Good luck,
C.

As a teacher for 16 years now, I can tell you that the attitude change is pretty normal for a 9/10 year old girl. It ususally coincides with the 5th grade issues like catty girls on the playground who are learning how to be mean and how its feels to be on the other side of that mean-ness. I have found it successful to tell the child that the looks and snaps are hurtful. Then I ask if someone is talking to them like that and how it feels? Unfortunately the rolling eyes will probably continue, but it is an opportunity to keep communication lines open with your daughter so that as even more difficult situations come into her life she feels safe telling you about them. It is not easy for either of you. Remember that.

K. L