Daughter Is a Slow-mover

To her, the world does revolve around her. She's FIVE. Let her take her time. What real deadlines does she have at FIVE? Rushing her to do things, when she probably doesn't even GET the concept of punctuality, will probably frustrate her. Hell, I'm 30 and it still drives me nuts.

I too have a daughter that moves at one speed and that is slow. She is 17 now, a straight A student and on her way to college. The more we tried to have her go quicker the slower she went. She is a perfectionist and so it just takes her a little longer than everyone else. My advise to you is to learn to adapt to her speed by telling her you have to leave 15 minutes before you actually do for anything and that has worked very well for us.Be patient.

The best thing is to set a timer. Ask her to do a small task like putting the silverware out or put it away. Set the timer. If she gets it done in time, give her lots of praise. If she doesn't take away a privilege.

Also make sure she has an outlet for art and writing projects. Sometimes children day dream and allowing them to get the various things they are thinking of through art and writing help them to then focus on getting things done in school.

N. H. former teacher, 40 years

One of my sons is still somewhat like this, but he is growing out of it. In first grade, it was awful! He would get distracted so easily and zone out into his own little world rather than get his school work done. When he did complete it, he did it correctly because he is a very bright child, but it was like pulling teeth trying to get it done. But each year he has improved. Part of his problem, I think, is that he is young for his grade, and he just needed time to mature.
We didn't do much at home to help with this, but at school we've tried a variety of things: he's had to sit next to the teacher's desk, sit away from the rest of the kids, use a timer, use incentives, etc. Now that he's in 4th grade, he is doing so much better (although he still has his moments), and we don't need to use many of these suggestions in order to get him to work.

My question would be: is she accurate with her school work. You could speak with a developmental pediatrician about this.
She sounds like she has found her own rhythm, and not the same as many people around her. It's a delicate balance to honor her and to teach her how to cooperate and not neccessarily conform. She also sounds like a great chld for Waldorf education. If she is extremely verbal, you might ask her questions about how she feels about other people and how quickly they move and accomplish tasks. That might help to allow her to communicate to you how she sees others. Hope tat helps.
L.

I am a kindergarten teacher and I always have one child in my room like this. What I try to do is put the child, if needed, in a area or table where they won't be distracted by others just long enough to get their work done. It is their special desk or table. When they finish they can go back to their table with everyone else. Sometimes I give them a timer and say they have to finish before it rings. This can be game even- Beat the timer. At home you could do the same thing, Set the kitchen timer and tell her she has to be done before the timer goes off or there will be consequence- no tv, no play outside, etc... I do the same at school, if the work is not done, they have to finish it at center time or outside time. They hate this and usually work really hard to get it done. I have to do these tricks with my four year old son sometimes because he hates to clean up, get in bed, get dressed. I say I am going to win, because I am going to get all the toys first. He frantically starts cleaning while I just walk around and pretend to clean. We race to bed or see how fast we can get dressed. It is fun for them because it becomes a game and they love to be the winner and everyone is happy. My older girls who are 12 and 13 even clean better when the timer is on. They know they only have to work until it is goes off and if they do a good job and finish early even better. If they play around, I add 1 minute.

Good luck! School is almost out! Kids don't want to do anything right now but play until the sun goes down!

As a teacher, I've worked with parents and the best helper is setting a timer - at first start out a little higher than you think it should take... and decrease the time over a few days on the same task!

Good Luck

We had this problem with my daughter when she was that age. We set a rewards program for her. Hubby and I talked to her about how long certain things should take. Then, when it was time for her to do each thing, we would set a timer for the agreed upon time. If she finished before the timer went off, she got a sticker added to her chart. If she didn't finish before the timer, no sticker. After she had a certain number of stickers on her chart, she got to have her reward. Now, we are not made of money, so I didn't want the rewards to be material things. Some of the rewards we came up with were, time alone with Mommy or Daddy, working on crafts, an extra half hour of TV or computer time...things like that.

It really worked! Now, she is 9 years old and, for the most part, gets things done in a timely manner.

Good Luck!

Try getting a timer and set it for small jobs around the house. She will see that the time has passed, and keep looking at the timer to see how much time she has left. I did this for my youngest son. Different situation he was not taking enough time to brush his teeth. It might work or help her understand the concept of a mintue.

Hi G.,

Have you had your child screened for developmental delays?

Talk to your child's teacher to see how to have your child screened.

Good luck. D.

I feel your pain, my daughter is in 4th grade and we still have the same issues. She doesn't have enough time to finish her work and she has no concept of hurry.
She takes time for everything, I think they have to grow out of it- I'm still waiting. It must be genetics, my husband is like that even though he denies it.

Good luck,
S.

I have a little girl who does this. One thing that works is setting a reasonable time limit to accomplish something. If the task is done in the time allowed a reward is given such as a favorite snack or tv show.It's helpful to use a timer so she can gauge her time.

i feel your pain! my younger (now 17) is a deliberate mover and HATES being rushed. we've learned to compromise over the years, he moving more quickly than his comfort zone calls for when it's really important, the rest of us realizing that he does everything better when not being harried.
discuss it with her, and make a real effort to allow her to do things at her own pace when possible. then she'll probably be more amenable to add some hustle when it's important.
kindergarten is supposed to be an introduction to structured school time (at least it was in the happy days before children were required to know letters and numbers at 4 and pre-K became de rigor.) as the pressure grows on her to complete work in a specific amount of time, she'll begin adjusting her chronometer even if she's always a deliberate mover.
it's a matter of finding the right balance, and with patience and love you will.
good luck!
:) khairete
S.

Check with a psychiatrist you trust. Sounds like she won't be able to move faster without some intervention...Meanwhile, can you reduce her schedule so she can do things at her pace, and have her start earlier than others... Feel free to email me for more information if it would be helpful.

I would suggest making a game out of certain chores. For instance, if one of her chores is helping to set the table, join her and make it a competition. Set a timer and see who can do it faster. Give her a reward each time. Gradually introduce a new task each week, such as homework. Keep this up as long as you see fit. Also, don't be afraid to allow yourself to win a competition, this will only make her work harder to become faster. Hope this helps. My parents did this with me when I was younger.

Hi G.,
My son is in 1st grade and the teacher has the same complaint. I think its hereditary as my sisters had it too. I think there are two parts to the problem: 1. the child has no real concept of time. They don't understand how long 5 minutes is vs. 10 minutes. 2. the child wants to get it right the first time.

One of the weekly homework items for my son is to write a sentence for each of the 10 words for the week. It takes my son FOREVER to do this. Just write something already! Turns out that he can think of the sentence quickly, but when he tries to write it out he forgets what he was writing. We came up with a plan to help. We go through the words with him, and he tells us the sentence, we write it down on 'our' paper. Then when he's thought of all of the sentences, we read them back to him and he writes them down.

Another thing that helps is to set the kitchen timer. Set the timer to 10 mins. and have her start her work. See how much time is left on the clock when she finishes.

A third thing that helps, if there is time, is to get the homework done before she can play or watch tv. You'll be surprised how fast it gets done.
M.