K.K. asks from Littleton, CO on November 05, 2008
Daughter in Law Going to AA Meetings
I love your advice! My son called me to let me know that his wife has gone to one AA meeting. I have known that she has a problem with alcohol and that her daddy is a re-covered alcoholic. Months ago I told her that I thought AA could be beneficial and I would go with her but, it never went beyond that conversation. I love her and feel that I may have let her down. I want to support her in any way that I can. But, I do not know much about this subject. Should I offer to go with her to some or all of her meetings? Is this something she has to do by herself? I tend to stay out of their business unless I am asked. What would you do? hugs, K. K.
W.G. answers from Denver on November 06, 2008
The path to recovery can only been done by one...if she wants you to go to a meeting then she will ask you to go. Just by offering in the past is enough. At AA meetings she will get the support and encouragement she needs to live a sober life. You can be supportive by listening to her if she talks to you about what is going on. Often times it is really hard in the beginning but she will make it through especially if she gets an AA sponsor.
M.B. answers from Denver on November 06, 2008
Hi K., I like what you said about staying out unless asked , that is smart. That is great you love your DIL and want to support her, good for you! Wait for her to reach out to you!
T.G. answers from Denver on November 06, 2008
One thing that you can do that would help you to understand the disease and the family dynamics is for you to attend an Al-anon meeting. Al-anon is specifically for the family's of alcoholics. It's very informative, they hand out a lot of literature and the people are very kind and accepting. Depending on where you live, there are numerous meetings, usually in churches or civic centers. Hope this helps.
K.S. answers from Denver on November 07, 2008
You are so sweet to be supportive of her. You are also right- she needs to do this on her own. You did not let her down, she just may not have been ready before, and again- it's up to her.
The best thing you could do is go to a few al-anon meetings to gain some perspective and learn how to not be codependent or enabling (which fyi, feeling like you let her down is a classic symptom of!). You have the best of intentions but need to remember you can't do anything for her, you can only love her, which it sounds like you do fabulously.
Wish my mother-in-law waited to be asked for help!! :-)