Daughter in "Hairy" Situation

Hi B.:

I really sympathize with your daughter's situation. I have severe ezema and it was a real issue for me growing up....kids used to make fun of me a lot because of how my skin looked.

One thought, have you had this checked out by your pediatrician? You mention that this does not run in your family/only she is affected. Could there be a medically related reason that is causing this? Some endocrine and/or hormonal related problems can result in abnormal hair growth. If there is an underlying problem, fixing it could resolve the hair problem.

I hope you find a solution!

N.

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Hi B.!

I so feel for your daughter!!!! I can relate to her so well - I have my mother's pale white Irish skin and my father's dark Italian body hair (mostly a problem on my arms and upper lip - legs can be shaved.) As a kid I would only wear long sleeved leotards, DREADED warm weather because of short sleeves... remember kids calling me "orangutan arms"...horrible! I don't know if it will help, but here's what I did.

As a teenager and in college I used Jolen bleach (from CVS) which would bleach the hair to light brown or blonde, depending how long you left it on. It worked well but would make my arm skin itchy and burn while the cream was on. I remember trying to stick it out long enough to let it work and couldn't wait to wash it off with cold water, but was so happy once the hair was blonde. (I also found that if you put in less accelerator and more cream it burned/itched less but took longer to work.) I would have to bleach every 3 weeks or so.

In my early twenties I went to Elizabeth Grady a few times before vacations and had the hair waxed. Not too painful but not a great idea to do too often because the hair grows in thicker and darker, though they say that if you do it long enough it will be finer and thinner. It also stimulates new hair follicles so although some my be caught in time of the growth cycle that will deaden them, others will start growing, so not a good permanent solution.

Then I started going to an electrologist. She did my upper lip and arms. The upper lip was fast to clear but the arms took a long time. I went twice a week for 2 hours for a few months to clear the arms and then less time every 3 weeks to maintain for awhile. It was a bit painful at first (but your skin gets used to it) and I was so motivated that I didn't mind (and I have a really low pain tolerance). A few weeks into it, I began using an anesthetic cream when I was doing the long appointments. It is an over-the-counter cream called LMX (4% Topical Anesthetic Cream). It would take CVS one night to get the big tubes for me which was more economical - the 30 g tube was about $50 and would do both arms maybe 5 times. I learned that the longer you let it stay on, the number your skin would get. I would put the cream on about an hour before my appointment and wrap my arm in plastic wrap which accelerates the numbing process. It isn't the pricking of electroloy that hurt, it was the heat. The cream really helped me to be able to have such long appointments and get such a big area treated so quickly.

Now my arms have very little hair (and upper lip is clear) and I have to tell you, it was the best thing I ever did for myself. Every year when spring rolls around again I no longer dread short sleeves, and am happy that I no longer have to think about something that I was always so conscious of. It was expensive ($50 an hour maybe) which is why I had to wait until I was working and could afford it but am glad that I did it. Back then I told my husband (who I was dating when I did the electrology) that if I had daughters with this issue I'd pay for the electrology so that they would have to feel so self-conscious. Now I have 2 daughters and I realize that the issue is not so black and white.

I think it is wise of you to try to build your daughter's self esteem and accept people's differences yet also realize that she is struggling. 8 years old may be a bit young for electrology (or laser that is available now which I understand is much quicker though pricey too and may not be permanent) but maybe you could try the bleach? Or maybe talk with her about the options (after you look into them and determine which you are comfortable with) that you might give her when she is 10 or 12 or something. It's tricky because we don't want to make our kids more self-conscious or impose society's beauty images or have them go through anything uncomfortable, but I would say that if it is coming from her and she is already asking what she can do (and is so self conscious that she is limiting her activities) it is worth trying to help her take care of it just so that she doesn't have to think about it anymore.

We put braces on their teeth, so I think this is a similar thing. Most important is that it be her decision because that is what will motivate her to deal with the discomfort of a remedy. I don't think of it like changing how she looks - it's more removing something that is causing her anxiety, discomfort, potential loss of self esteem and confidence. You'd be doing something to help her regain confidence and enable her to just not have to think about it anymore - just be able to wear short sleeves and be active and not think about hair. Let me know if there's anything else I can help with. I'd be happy to share more. Best of luck!

L.

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Hi B.,
I can relate to your daughter's situation. My best friend growing up had dark body hair and it was a source of great anxiety for her. Other kids can be very mean and anything that sets you apart makes you fair game for teasing.
My friend's mother actually began taking her to a salon for bleaching treatments when she was about in the 4th grade. It lightened the hair and made it much less noticeable.
I would not recommend shaving or waxing. The stubble would be more of a problem than the hair!
Good luck,
S.

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I would seek out the pediatrician first. If you read the MSDS sheet on Nair, you may not want to use the product on her. Anything that says 'dispose of in accordance with environmental regulations', I am afraid to use on my body.

http://www2.itap.purdue.edu/MSDS/docs/11976.pdf

When I used Nair I didn't like the smell, so I looked for the more alternative solutions. The above is a MSDS sheet I found on 'Nair'; click on the PDF file. Maybe you can check with you local health food store for a more natural solution.

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I use to have very hairy arms and hated it. I tried to shave it and it came back, thicker and longer. When I got married I got my arms waxed and it came back lighter this time. I have had hormone testing and I had higher levels of testostrone and took herbal supplements to correct it. Also watching what you put in as well as on your body helps tremendously. There are many hormones in animal products getting organic or local is good or limiting products that use hormones. Dairy and meat. Also some chemicals in products like shampoo, soap, deoderant, gels, hairsprays, sunscreen, ect can all alter the body's preformance and how it develops. Getting natural products really helps to. Good luck and tell her that she is unique and special. My real friends didn't mind my hairy arms.

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While it certainly is unusual to need to do hair removal on an 8 year old, it sounds as if the circumstances warrant it. She is at an age and stage where extreme self consciousness may impact her self image for the long term.

If it were me, my first step would be to consult with her pediatrician to see if there is some underlying cause. In the meanwhile, I'd really delve into family history on both sides, to see if there is anyone else who has had this problem.

Also (and at the risk of sounding like a kook), I'd try eliminating all non organic red meat and dairy from her diet. The problem here is that, except for organic raised, US cattle is routinely fed growth hormones and antibiotics. A certain amount of this gets to the end consumer. When that consumer is a young girl ... Have you noticed that girls are developing and physically maturing faster than their Moms and Grand-moms did? I do NOT think this is due to BETTER nutrition!

ASIDE: The FDA does not allow the use of Growth Hormones in Chicken. They do allow the use of some antibiotics, but there is a weaning schedule before slaughter, to prevent these from being present in the meat.

If you are going to go the hair removal route, I'd suggest going for waxing. While it is momentarily painful, the advantage is that there is no stubble, and that repeated waxing tends to kill off hair follicles, so hair comes back thinner, finer, and finally not much at all. (That takes years ... but worth doing it right from the beginning.)

Best wishes & good luck in getting this sorted out!

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HI B.!
Have you thought about lightening it? I feel like removing it will just end up causing more problems than what she's experiencing now. She is awfully young but I know how tough kids can be on each other when someone seems different.

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I can recall being ten years old and going to a pool party where I was ridiculed because of the hair on my legs. I had not even noticed until that day. I went home and shaved with my older sister's razor. It was honestly traumatizing, and I remember it vividly more than 20 years later!
I don't know what to tell you, though. I understand not wanting to make a big deal of it, but it already is a big deal for her. I think if it were my child, I would look into bleaching. I realize your daughter is young to start that kind of thing, but obviously this is really bothering her and I would guess that no amount of reassurance or image-boosting is going to change the way she is feeling.
Please let us know how it goes!

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Hi B., that IS a pickle. Personally, I would consider the self esteem aspect as priority and look for removal techniques. Clearly, waxing would be painful so that may not be suitable for a young child. Have you looked into laser? That may be painful too, I don't know but I would check it out. There are always depilatories to which she may or may not have a sensitivity. I would definitely try that first. If these are not suitable, well I would shave her arms,legs and back until she is able to take over.

~Be well,
J.

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Hi B.,

I think you are doing so many good things for your daughter! We live in a very unforgiving culture, and unfortunately this is only the beginning for girls' struggle to keep a positive body image!

I'm sure you'll get many good suggestions for how to boost your daughter's self-esteem, but I'd like to suggest something different. There's growing evidence that our hormone-saturated food supply leads to a host of problems affecting girls. Early puberty is the one we hear most about, but heavy hair growth could well be another (since it's not a family trait). I would strongly consider trying to go organic-only for meat and dairy products. It is more expensive, and it's a bit of a pain, but if a sub-clinical hormone imbalance is contributing to your daughter's hair growth, it may be just the ticket!

I've got my son on an organic-only diet for meat and dairy when he's at home, though I don't stop him from eating what ever is served at other people's houses or at school. Again, there's no denying it's more expensive, but I just consider it an investment in his future health.

Best of luck with your precious little girl!

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I agree with Shelli who told you to use Nair. It's easy and it's low key, so your daughter won't feel like this is such a big deal. Just try it and see how it goes! You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain - your daughter will be so happy, especially now that summer is coming. (Just try the Nair first in one spot, to make sure she doesn't have any reaction from it though.) Good luck!

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Hi B. - First of all - THANK YOU for your use of paragraphs! I actually wanted to read your entry and could do so... Beautiful.

My thought is bleach... Why not try to lighten it?

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All I can think of is maybe finding a product to lighten the color of the hair - that way it won't be so noticeable. I would make an appt with a dermatologist for a consultation - I bet they can provide you with some ideas.

Best wishes!
C.

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http://www.aragonproducts.com/theproducts.cfm?master=1289 This website (above) has a hair removal system called NADS it's so safe that you can actually eat it. It was made by a mom that had the same trouble you're having now. I tried it and like it and also did it on my mom for her hairs on her chin and she has very sensitive skin and she didn't get a rash or anything. The website says it doesn't hurt but it hurt a little. You just have to do it fast and hold your skin tought. Google it to see reviews on it.

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I had dark hair on my arms and legs when I was a little girl as well. I feel your daughter's pain. I would do what others have suggested and see if there is something going on but I would also consider buying her and electric razor that can't nick her skin and allow her to shave her legs. I know she is young but after much begging my mother bought me one when I was 11 and it really helped me feel better. Good Luck.

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Hi B.,

You can have your daughter waxed... the hair will grow back lighter and lighter until it is normal. It sounds like it is really affecting her and it isn't a big deal to get waxed... my Mom brought me to get waxed when I was 11 because I was also hairy.

Good Luck,
Allie

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my best friend in high school used to bleach her arm and back hair. it really made a huge difference.

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my older sister had the same problem she is a person with a lot of hair. My mother let her shave her legs around the age of 8 maybe u can try that. I know it seems young but it might just help her a lil' bit with her self esteem.

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I have always been very hairy. I remember feeling very self-consious about having bare legs at age 12 and fighting with my mother to start shaving. I agree wihth all of the recommendations about foods without growth hormone. I would also suggest looking into waxing or laser and not letting her shave at all. This is a problem your daughter is going to have to deal with her entire life. Shaving is only going to make it worse. Waxing will make the hairs come in lighter and finer and most likely destroy some of the hair follicles. Laser is costly, but usually you can get on a payment plan. It is also permanent. I hope this helps!

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If it bothers her that much I would suggest letting her shave her legs. Try an electric one since she is not ready to learn with a razor. It is not that uncommon these days to have an 8-10 year old shaving. She could shave her armits and legs for now and that may help her some.
As far as her arms well she can't do much but also visit www.dovecampaignforbeauty.com

They have some great little girl stuff there to help with self esteem and how everyone is pretty and different.
Good luck

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Hi B.,
My daughter is 7 and has had the same problem since. kindergarten.... Alls it takes is just one mean girl.
I just explained to her that as we are all growimg some kids grow faster..then others. its ok, but she is still just little. i explain to her mommy was the same way. but when she reaches (12) in my mind its when she gets her period....then yes she can shave, but we dont recoomend it to do it sooner because it will grow faster....she was ok with that as long as she knows someday it will be taken care of. she slowley is back in to shorts or skirts with no tights but it has taken a while with reassurance. good luck...KIDS ARE SO MEAN.
J.

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You may want to take her to have her hormone levels checked, as that could be causing it. She is likely totally fine, but excess hair can be a sign of other things going on. Good luck. My heart goes out to her!

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Hi,
I would respect her feelings, and try to do something to lessen the visibility, and get some medical feedback where it isn't a family trait. Find the method that works for her. But shaving will not make it grow faster, fuller, or darker. It is a hair root under the skin. It is no different than cutting the hair on your head. It simply is coming back evenly, so it may appear to be faster because you don't notice a tiny bit of growth unless there was none. If it is darker later, it would have gotten to that point otherwise. Hey, if that worked to make it thicker and darker, all greying thinning-hair folks would be shaving heads, right? What works for one part of the body might not be best for the whole thing, chances are you may be bleaching one part, nair on the other, etc. Laser is permanent, but painful. You might want to wait til she is older for any of the painful methods. Waxing too is painful. I think the reason women take the pain is we are tired of dealing with it, then it is "worth it" to us not to deal with it as frequently, or ever, as the case may be.
Hang in there, many of us have been there.

D.

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Hi,
I am by no means any kind of an expert on this. I'm a 57 yr old Grammy, with 5 grandkids. When I was a little girl, my wonderful sister (7yrs older than me) took me to get my eyebrows waxed. I was 12 at the time I think. I had a total unibrow, and was very self conscious about it. I felt so relieved and free of this concern when it was done. I think if your daughter is not doing things she loves because of her hairy condition, you should first take her for tests. Again, not an expert, but maybe has something to do with hormones, puberty etc. I started menstruation at age 10, so I know this can all happen quickly. Then, given that she's not got a medical issue, I'd look into hair removal for her. Be her biggest supporter in making her life the best, happiest it can be. You're so right to be concerned about her self esteem. I know nothing about body hair removal. Maybe they have developed some techniques that are permanent and don't hurt. Good luck..you're such a great Mom to have the concern and that you really listen to your little girl.
Best Wishes
L.

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I agree with everyone else that responded. I also noticed one post about the hormones in food and buy organic. Scientists have done studies linking the excessive amount of growth hormones in food (most specifically chicken) to have a direct effect on puberty in children. I guess it's been more noticable in females...developing breasts earlier and also getting their periods at a younger age. Although it seems there may be something else going on, this is something you can change that wouldn't have any potential negative effect on your daughter.
PS I was the 'hairy' one growing up, too. Looking back now, I wish my mum had been more supportive and helped me figure out something to help it...even bleaching the hair on my arms would've made things a little easier. Definately show her you understand how she feels rather than make her accept the indifference. There must be something that can be done! I think that alone will help her self-esteem.
Good luck!

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Dear B. ~

Due to the fact that it is really bothering her. I would help her. There are a lot of products out there. From hair lighteners to cream removal. I don't know for sure if this is true , but I heard that if girls wax before puberty- they have less hair regrowth. Maybe call a esthetian and ask for some advice, I have a wonderful one here in my town and I am sure someone would give you some suggestions. There phone number is ###-###-####. I would defineately look into doing something- please don't let her go through a summer feeling the way she is. Kids have enough stuff to worry about never mind hair- From a hairy friend :)

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B.,

Please take your daughter to see an endocrinologist. Not only might there be a reason she's growing hair darker and sooner than family members have, but whatever is causing this might have other side effects you'd prefer to avoid or catch sooner.
Also, as loving as it sounds to say you'd love to trade places with her, I agree with pp that this could drive her to feel you really don't "get it", not a precedent you want to set going into her tween years!
I'm leery of bleaching and taking extreme measures on the body of a young girl, even if she is going through puberty early, so I, personally, would put off waxing, bleaching, and depilatories like Nair. On the other hand, I also think that teaching her to shave and buying the supplies she needs is a good idea. It's better than having her experiment on her own.
Best wishes to you both!
M.

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I have a 9YO daughter. She has the same problem. She's also very concern about it. I have used Jolen. It works GREAT on her.

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Hi B.,
I understand your situation not because my child has a lot of body hair but because I did when I was younger. It really started bothering in me in 6th grade because my mom wouldn't let me shave my legs and I had extremely dark hair on them. I had hairy arms and facial hair. It can be a very embarrassing thing for a child and unfortunately kids can be cruel:(. When I was in 7th grade I snuck to the store and bought a hair removal kit for my face. It worked and my self esteem increased after that (my parents were mad).
So, I guess all I can say is that it's probably going to get worse before it gets better (sorry). Maybe you could talk to your child's doctor about the issue and she could recommend something safe for you to use or give you some good advice.
I wish you luck:)

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Hi B. - I know it is early, but I would help her out and at least shave her legs and try to lighten the arm hair. I have really dark hair and I feel her pain b/c I felt the same way when I was in elementary school. Maybe you can look online to find if there is any way to lighten naturally instead of with bleach, and maybe you could Nair her actually instead of shave.... Poor girl, I know exactly how she feels, it is awful to have other kids say something about it.
Good luck.

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Hi B.,
Sounds like the exact situation I went through with my daughter who is now 13. Even down to the detail of not being from a hairy family. I can tell you 4 summers ago was painful as she wouldn't where shorts, short sleeve shirt, etc. She begged me to let her shave. I agreed and it has done wonders for her self-esteem. She would come home from school crying and beg me to let her shave. She does wonderful. I felt it was worth constant ridicule and making her so self-conscience.

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My daughter and friend's daughter are also "hairy". We both agree that either lightening the hair (which has to be done frequently) or waxing is an option. On a more expensive note, laser hair removal. While you may not agree with my opinion, the facts are kids can be cruel. Not all kids of course! but the few that are, can make or break a good school experience. I look back on my school experience and thank God I do not have to relive it. Kids say things that hurt and that hurt sticks. I am sure her friends are supportive, as mine were, but it is still awkward. Summer would be the perfect time to make the "change" for her. She can start the school year with a whole new confidence.

Good luck!

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I too have dark have on my bidy. I was always concenred as I have it on some knuckles on my hand and my arms until I met a girl who had darker hair and longer hair on her arms.
She naired it - you know the hair removal stuff - it grew in darker for her. PLEASE try not to have her do it to her arms!!
You can talk to a esthetician. I have a great lady who is always helpful at the salon I found. Bobbi at Andre Robere in Easton MA. You can talk to an esthetician about waxing, laser and shaving. They can guide you both with information.
I have yet to try laser as I am still having children and have been leary about such a technique near my ovaries. It just has not been around long enough for me to do it yet but I plan to once I am done.
I have had electrolysis on my feet and eye brows. I think it might be too much for an 8 year old. I hated the 'pain' it caused and I started in my 20's.
I started shaving at a young age with my dark leg hair as I did gymnastics. I shaved the whole leg too.
It is hard and if others are commenting, that is terrible. I did not have anyone comment but I was always worried about it.

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I agree with the people who suggested an endocrinologist. I also think waxing is the way to go. Yes it is somewhat painful for a very brief time, but it sounds like your daughter would be willing to put up with it. The results last MUCH longer than shaving (and you cannot very well shave your arms) and eventually the hair will grow back in lighter and lighter. Bleaching and shaving are time-consuming and won't fix the problem, and the laser is extremely expensive. Good luck!!

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B.,

Have you checked with your doctor about this situation? It could be linked to hormones. Your doctor may have some suggestions on what to do. I agree that she might be developing self-esteem issues (kids can be so cruel).

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Hi B., My daughter went through the same situation. I also tried to normalize the hair/make her feel good about herself. Unfortunately, peer opinion rules. I felt like she was too young to shave her legs at age 8 so looked into other options. Nair lotion hair remover did the trick (it's OK on arms, too). Hope that helps!

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Laser hair removal is safe and effective and , although costly, sounds like it would help your daughter immensely - usually performed by a dermatologist or plastic surgeon - look for one with a good reputaion and who does a lot of laser prosedures

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