"Daughter Has Gone off to College and My 9 Y/o Is Lonely"

I don't have any experience with this but my first thought was to find ways for them to stay connected even though your older child has a new schedule and environment to adapt to. Maybe he could email her on his own to talk to her. Most colleges usually have some sort of siblings weekend/events that he could visit for. Care packages are always nice for college students - he could include some things that will remind her of him. Pictures and letters to his sister would be surely appreciated. Aside from that, spend some quality time with him doing things that you might not done with the age/gender differences.

Good luck!
P.

we have the same problem with our oldest being 18 and in collage 2000 mile away we got a camra for the computer so they could see each other we are also i the process of buying video phones so when they talk they can see each other and our youngest is 3 hope i helped and buy the way you were thinking you wanted to add to your family by having another child

Please don't beat yourself up over this. This is a part of life and you will all adjust, but it will take time. I would recommend getting your son involved in a sports program and or other activities so that he can meet new friends. Have a couple of parties at the house for him with kids from his class, and maybe get him a puppy so that the house isn't so quiet. Have him participate in the house (if he doesn't already), he can help cook dinner, even plan a meal every once in a while, help with clean up and yard work and things won't be so lonely when you are doing all of this together. Good luck.

Kay -

I have a 13 year old and 4 year old who are incredibly close. Your post just made me realize that they will be 18 and 9 in just five years and I will most certainly be in the same situation. I'm tearing up just thinking about it.

I'm sorry that I don't have any helpful advice, but I loved Renee's response and I would focus on some of what she offered. I hope you find some good ways to fill the emptiness for your son. I'll be in that same spot soon and I'll try and plan ahead utilizing some of the advice you receive. Thanks for putting it out there. It's not something I ever thought about.

Warm regards, L.

There is a free video/voice over internet service called Sykpe (google it) that you can download. As long as both sides have a computer, the service, and a web cam they can talk with each other. That way your little once can see your daughter's new room and her roommate and whatever else she choose to share. It might also be a good idea for her to send him a college hoodie - something that he can hang onto that is a part of her, but also makes him feel like he is involved and a big kid too.

Good luck.

I can totally relate. I have a 12 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. My son cried for his sister every morning when she leaves for school. I just try to keep him busy and involved with kids his own age. You may want to consider taking your son to visit his sister once in a while. Also, you may want to get him involved in some type of sport, hobbie, or group. Just keep him busy and he'll get used to the situation quicker that you think.

Good luck!
R.

Hi Kay. Even though I only have 1 child who just turned a year, I do have a response to this. My sister and I are 12 years apart. I am the oldest. I spent 2 years at the community college and then went away to school. When my parents took me my sister came with... she thought it was a big adventure. However, when it was time to leave .... things didn't go so well. She started to cry as soon as she realized I was not going with them. We have always been close. I always made time for her and we had our special 'sister days'. Well, she cried for the next hour in hte car until my father finally pulled over, told her to get a hold of herself and everything would be alright.

My mom called me that night and told me what happened. I was heartbroken too! I knew we were close, but it didnt' hit me how hard my going away would be on her until then. So, I made it a point to call her on a regular basis, like once a week, write her letters, and when the school had their sibling weekend I invited her up. It worked out really well. My parents brought her to school and then they had a weekend to themselves and would normally find a cute little hotel or B&B and have a little get a way then pick her up on the way home.

We always made a big deal about her coming to stay with me for that weekend, so it was something to look forward to. When I would go home I would make a point to spend time with her and let her know I still loved her and she was special to me.

I would talk to your daughter and see if she would be open to doing some of these things. He misses having his sister around, her presence, being able to look up to her. I even bought my sister a sweatshirt from my college... she wore it all the time! ha ha ha But my suggestion would be to call your daughter and talk with her about it. I'm sure she will have ideas of her own. Also, at home you can encourage your son to write his sister letters, or send an e-mail, draw a picture for her ... whatever.

I can say from experience, the age difference between my sister and I (although no planned that way) was great. When she was going through some tough times with my parents during her teen years, I was there to help mediate. She would turn to me when she didn't feel like she could turn to my parents and I could help her see where my parents were coming from. Now, she is older and married and we still have an awesome relationship. The age difference doesn't seem so great now and we are still incredibly close.

Your son will adjust to his 'new life'. It will just take some time. In the meantime, just allow him some outlets to show his sister how much he loves her and misses her.

Hi K., I see this is a top that most moms can relate to. Well, I am a prime example...my mom waited 16 years before she had my sister, well didn't wait more like it was a surprise. When I went to college, my sister was just left alone and I missed her just as much as she missed me. Needless to say, my mom had another baby. Now I'm pretty sure this is a no, no for you and your husband (LOL). Anyway, I have a 10 yr son and 7 daughter. I often take them to the park at their school and there is usually no one there for them to play with. My son and daughter would be more than happy to play with them.

All the responses I read are great. I personally think that if you do a few of them everything will work out great. I really liked the idea of the care packages, have your son help by putting in maybe something that your daughter and him both like to snack on and I would definately get him decorations and college t-shirt from her college so he can brag that his big sister goes to that school.

Kay, Get a web Cam! Both for your daughter and home!!, They run from about $30.00 up! Talk to your daughter and find a time, say 2 times a week when your kids can "talk". It is so much more personal, cost less than a phone call! My whole family does this, "conference calls".. I have grown kids in Chicago, and France, California... It makes us all feel closer to SEE each other. K.