Daughter Favoring Daddy

The good news, this is a stage and will totally pass. I'm the primary caregiver in our family and my daughter has been thru the exact same thing with Daddy. We've cycled thru the Daddy's Girl thing twice now (about 18 months and now again at almost 3). There are times when she won't even let him out of her sight.
The hard part, dealing with it as a Momma. It is natural for you to feel a bit jealous. You did grow her for pete's sake. And it must be harder not being home with her as much, you want the time you have to be special. Just take a breath and know that this too will pass. As long as you remain open and ready for the day she wants to be "Momma's girl" I'm sure you too will have a wonderful relationship/friendship down the road.

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Awe try not to be jealous, it is totally normal!! You are so lucky to have one of you home w/your kids at all times, my husband and I do the same only he is the teacher and I am the night worker :) My kids (ages 2 and 3) have gone through their preferences over the years and yes, sometimes it sucks to hear "I want daddy" but I know he has heard "I want mommy" plenty of times as well. Just be happy that they have such a loving and involved daddy and know that you will always be their mama and they will love you forever with all their hearts.

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C.,
I have twin daughters who are now 14 years old, but my husband and I did the same thing you did. Between the ages of 1-3 years old, I worked during the day and he was home with the girls until 6 p.m., when I'd get home for work, he'd leave to work the swing shift. I was very hurt and jealous. How could my children prefer daddy over me? I have to tell you it will pass. As she gets older, she will rely upon you for nurturing, love and guidance. Therein lies the foundation for building a good loving relationship. As I said, my daughters are now 14 years old and when my husband or I tease them about how they were daddy's girls they shake off the thought. So in short,once your daughter starts
pre-school; child care issues have been put behind you; you can starting setting aside time for yourself and your daughter; she will naturally gravitate towards you as she gets older ..things will work out just fine.

I have a 12 year old daughter and I would say around 18 months she had started to seem like daddies girl. I was a little hurt that she seemed so enchanted with daddy. I was staying at home and had started doing daycare so I was even with her more. I think it turns out that girls have a special "princess" kind of relationship with their dad. Now that she is 12 she shares a lot with me. I have a very close relationship with her. She still has the daddies girl "princess" thing going on with her dad. I found for me that I needed to get past my jealousy and let her be loved fully by both of us.

When my son came along, my husband had to struggle with similar feelings because my son really prefered me as a toddler. Now they have lots of "man" time together.

Hope this is helpful. It is so scary to raise kids, you just can't be sure how it will turn out.

P.S. I love scrapbooking as well.

Children go through these phases and you don't ever know who will be the "favorite". The wonderful part of this is the amazing relationship your daughter will have with her father. Even now when dad's are more involved, mom's are still the main caregiver, but in your situation, your daughter will have something surprisingly few children have which is a truly engaged father and mother. Your relationship with your daughter will still grow into the one you are hoping for because there are things in life she will need you for which dad can't provide.

My husband and I were in a similar situation and he says that having to care for our children while I was at work was the best thing that could have happened. He treasures his relationship with our children and our whole family is very close.

It's natural to feel jealous and it's also natural for young children to prefer the parents with whom they spend the majority of their day. It won't set the tone of your relationship from here on out. I'm the mother of 2 young boys. I'm a SAHM so my boys have always been mama's boys. They've always preferred me for everything, sometimes outright rejecting their dad who works a lot. My 4 (almost 5) year old is changing though. He and his dad are developing more common interests. And now this son almost prefers his dad to me. I do feel bad about it but I know that my husband has been missing out on the bond that my son and I have shared. I also know that children do go through stages where they connect more with one parent than the other. Your daughter will reach out to you at different stages of her life. Right now is her dad's time. So I won't say that you should stop feeling jealous but try to look on the bright side. They're developing a bond now that will help carry them through difficult times, such as the turbulent teen years. And take this time to spend some extra moments with your son who will grow up all too fast and become independent before you know it.

Don't be sad! My understanding is that this is completely normal and all little girls go through this somewhere around 2 to 3 years old. She is just a bit early! My little girl is only 7 weeks old and I am glad I was warned about this. I can see how it would make a mommy sad, but just know it is normal and an important part of her growing up. She will come back around just try to be patient. : )

I've experienced the same thing - I have two boys (6 and 4). I have felt hurt, rejected and despair at whether I'll ever have a close relationship with my sons. They had seemed to 'always' favor their Dad. From about 16 months to 5 years old -- I felt like a peon with my oldest son. Then magically at 5 years old (I had to learn to not take it personally, love him anyway, and kiss him when he was sleeping), my son wanted to sit with me, hold my hand and show affection towards me. He still prefers to ride with Daddy -- he has a cool truck, and talk with him. I have a slightly different relationship with him than he does with his Dad. I, also grab opportunities for when we are alone to chat, be silly, play with my son -- this helps develop and strengthen our relationship. I hold on to those moments when I feel ignored so I don't become petty with my sons.

What I'm saying is all of your feelings (jealousy, hurt, anger, betrayal perhaps) -- deal with it with your girlfriends. Show love, be consistent (this was hard for me to not personalize his behaviors) and be patience -- she'll come to you. My boys still favor their Daddy yet their attention and affection are not directed exculsively towards Daddy.

Heck no, that will not set the tone. And don't feel jealous. She is just going through a phase where she wants just one parent more. Both my girls did the daddy thing and now they do the mommy thing. It will bounce around between the two of you. I wish that my father had been around more so that we were closer. I'm very close to my mom, but feel a bit distant from my father. Just think at how lucky you are to have both parents around. Your kids will know that they will be able to count on both of you whenever they need to. Take this time to enjoy your son right now since she is with daddy. Soon it will change and it will be hard to give them equal time. And then they will both be fighting for your attention!

Not sure what anyone else has to say, but I am a mom of a 14 1/2 month old girl and she has ALWAYS favored my husband even though I was home with her for the first 3 months. Part of it is that he had to take care of her while I was recuperating from a c-section the first 2 weeks so they really bonded. (I did breastfeed for about 6 months as well. Didn't make much of a difference in our bond!) They are still very close. She doesn't cry if I leave the room, but she does for daddy. It is very easy to feel guilty or jealous, but I am so grateful that I can say that her daddy is very involved in her life and that she loves him. She has recently shown more excitement to see me and I see us bonding more and more as I make more efforts to bond with her. I am pregnant again (10wks) and am hoping for a boy. Who knows. This time the kid might bond with me more and daddy might feel left out.

Ultimately, your bond with your child is going to depend on you. Don't let this get between your relationship with your spouse either. Talk to him about how it makes you feel, but also be grateful that you don't have a baby attached to your hip every minute and can actually get a break without hurting your daughter's feelings right now. Girl, now is your chance to breathe if you can! Sit back and enjoy watching your daughter bond with her daddy. It truly is special. Hope this helps.

Hi C.-
This is normal behavior and it does not set the tone for your relationship later in life. It is normal to feel envious. Who doesn't want to be a rock star in their childs eye. Believe me you are very special in her life but she is at a stage that she is noticing her power and how her behavior influences reactions and preferences.This is a stage and you can say to yourself how great it is that she has such a loving family and you can be secure that there is enough love to go around for each member of the family.Don't feel guilty that you can't be with her all day to "earn" the number one spot. Simply breathe and relish in her trust to show you she can exhibit preferences and at the same time you can accept her communication. You can be flexible and wait to have your one on one special time with her too. Hope that helps and remember this too shall pass.

Dad takes care of her more or she sees him more often so she prefers him. I think this is perfectly normal. It has happened in reverse in my family and the boys call me "dad" on accident...
Maybe you can create a special evening for the 2 "girls" and you play a game, paint a picture, have a snack, etc. and she will look forward to time with you.As she gets older she might depend on it--my daughter did. My kids always wanted me to put them to bed and dad wanted a turn. I just told the kids that dad loved them , too, and wanted a turn with them. They seemed to understand.

I don't think you're setting the tone "forever". This is just a stage in her life. He's there and she's bonded and that's where her comfort level is. It will change throughout the years as she and the circumstances change.

they go through these stages anyway, for a while she'll be daddys girl then (believe me) there will be a time when she's more a mommy's girl. it must be hard for you because it is normally the mom who gets to do all this bonding and she's at the cutest stage! Try to enjoy what is special here about his situation, and just feel blessed and thrilled and show it, every time she pays you any attention. She will know that you do and your relationship will be better for it. Think of it like this. If it were Daddy coming home later in the day, she wouldn't love him any less for that.

This is very normal behavior. My daughter, now 4, continues to play the daddy card with me. I think this is just the beginning. My husband is good at telling her that we both L. her and that we are both here to make her happy. I told my husband that I don't want to play the good parent/bad parent game. I think it's better to be on the same page and teach our children that we are both available to her no matter what she needs.

I have a 5 year son and a 7 month old daughter and I did have the same issue with my son and my husband. He always went to daddy for everything and I remember when we went to Legoland and I would try and hold his hand and he would pull away and run to hold his Dads hand and he did not want me to go on any rides with him. I would get mad at my husband and blame him for it.
Now Im over it and same with my son,its just a stage she is going to get over it and it will be all about you and then she won't want any of you.
I know its painful but it will be over soon.
Feel lucky that you married a get man that is a perfect father.
C.

That's normal! Even if your roles were reversed. Seems most little girls are like that. It's actually scary! Out in public they flirt and make eye contact with the men. However, this weekend at a friend's house & noticed their 16-month old son was almost exclusively interested in the females . . .

Most girls end up extremely close to their mothers--but at what age? For myself & most of my friends it wasn't until we were grown & even had our own children--then the bond was like no other. Hard to wait that long, of course.

Helps to have both parents share equally in feeding, changing, bathing, & bedtime, so one parent isn't stuck with being the "taking care of business" parent and one allowed to be the "fun" parent. I found out the same thing applies to grandparents. My husband was always play, play, play & I was always let's eat, let's wash up, let's do what Mommy says . . . . Naturally she'd like Grandpa better! Next visit we'll divide the chores better, and I'll make more time to play & read with her.

Hi

It is normal that she should be more comfortable with the person she is around the most. Don't worry about it and don't make either your husband or your daughter feel bad about it. Relationships shift and children go back and forth. Instead of completing, just make the time you have with her as valuable as you can. Attend to her fully when you have the time. Develop your own relationship and be happy that she has a strong relationship with her dad. She will find times when she wants and need you and if you are there at those times, you will have the relationship you have with your mother.
Enjoy!

MargaretR

Do not feel jealous --- be very, very glad! Being a Daddy's Girl will keep your daughter out of truckloads of future trouble! Aside from that, it is 100% normal. Girls naturally gravitate towards daddy (if he is emotionally and physically available) and boys do the same with mommy. Normal. Natural. A good thing. Aside from that, she knows him better! He is her primary caretaker. Stop being sad and jealous or you will create the very problem you fear - not being close to your daughter. She is still a baby. Kids go through phases. Your phase will come. You are a parent now. There is no room for jealousy in parenthood. It will backfire on you every time. Enjoy the relationship your daughter and husband have. Foster and encourage it. It will save you from many sleepless nights when she is a teenager.

My daughter is now two and did the same thing from about 18-24 months. At first I was upset too, but I was pregnant with my 3rd child, so I tried not to focus on it. Now that the new baby is born and I have fully recovered, she seems to have shifted her preference back to me. I don't know if she sensed that I needed my space to recover or what? I read that it's normal for children to favor one parent over the other and that it will change frequently throughout their lives. I wouldn't worry too much. You still have a good 16 1/2 years to go before she's out of the house :)

YES!! My daughter in now 11 & although her & I are very close, there is a different bond between a father & daughter. I also have a 7 year old son & I notice the difference between our bond. I am guessing that since you have an older son, you are pretty used to that "momma's boy" kind of thing, so it is a bit of a shock to you to not have that same thing with your daughter. I think it is completely normal....that's why they call it "daddy's girl" & "momma's boy". My husband & I are both close to both of our kids, but there is something about how each one of them wants to please the other & really looks for that approval from the opposite sex parent...I guess it's kind of that Freudian theory. When my daughter was like that (before my son), I was somewhat jealous too, but now that she is older it is not as noticeable & there is defintely no jealousy anymore. I am happy that my preteen daughter can be close with her father (& me for that matter too...LOL)!! I don't think it will set the tone your future realationship with her...just be there for her & give her all your love (as I am sure you do)!!

Hi there. I have two girls and one boy. Mine are3 adults now but my first daughter is still a daddys girl. ' THEY' (whoever they are) say the girls are always Daddys Girl and the boy is the Mammys. That is the case in this house and I dont feel left out at all. I have a great relationship with my daughters and my son. Of course you feel jealous , after all you carried her for the nine months etc and one thing I was told by my sister who has 7 children ,,,,a mother cant afford to be sensitive...you will be told Im sure at some stage that you are the worst Mommy she ever had, and she would prefer so and sos Mom. Your daughter is very normal believe me and so are your feelings.Your daughter has her Daddy exactly where she wants him...under her thumb.....I know mine have and HE loves it.

C.:
This is absolutely normal. It really is, and she will need all the 'closeness' she feels from both mommie and daddy as she grows. You know, she will ebb and flow from one parent to the other and needs to feel free to do that and safe in her environment to raech out for what she wants and needs.
It is also nrmal for you to feel a little jealous. You are an adult, however. You will be okay. Go have a cry or whatever you need to do, but know that you will have a different relationship later than you have today. Things grow...and what you feed will grow.

I don't think it matters who stays home with the kids. I stayed home for 6 years while my husband worked ungodly hours to keep our family running on 1 income. My 9 year old daughter has always had a bond with my husband that I just don't have. I felt like you for you a while but then had my baby boy and now I understand. My husband calls us "hot knife & butter!" He is now 7 and we still share our own special bond as well. Rest assured though, our girls will come around when they are over the fact that Mom "doesn't know what she's talking about"-around say 22-24 years old and we will have that close relationship you are yearning for. It will come, but in time. In the meantime, enjoy watching your daughter form an everlasting bond with your husband because she will be "all yours" again someday!

Hello C....my little guy is 17 months and totally just wants to be with Daddy all the time as well. At first I was kind of bummed, because I was so used to being the one he wanted all of the time...I breastfeed, etc. etc. However, now I look at the relationship they are building and I love it. It is so dang special...and while our lil guy wants to be with Daddy all the time because they do the fun stuff, play, etc....when he doesn't feel well, he wants Mommy for the comfort and cuddles. :)

So, basically, I think it is wonderful that they are building that bond. You still have the same bond with your child...but it is different as you and your husband are different people. Children go through phases...where they prefer one parent over the other...for whatever reasons there may be, but it doesn't mean they love you any less. I think as long as you love your lil one and support her and are there for her...you will have that relationship that you want. There will be bumps in the road here and there, because let's face it...that's life...but ultimately, if you build a solid foundation, then your relationship will blossom from that.

Hope this helps!! Good luck!

C. I can completely sympathize with you. My daughter is 21 months and all she wants is daddy. I am a stay at home mom who runs a home daycare. She wakes up calling for daddy, calls out for him all day and when he walks in the door at night runs to him yelling. The weekends I do not exist in our household. She does not want to give me hugs or kisses nothing. Daddy has to make her. This makes me also feel horrible. But I have decided to look at it in a positive light. Since she wants him all the time I am actually able to do laundry, dishes, shopping etc and have some mommy time.
In a few weeks I am sure she will want mommy time so I am just enjoying it right now. It doesn't mean that she loves either of us any more or less thyan the other. She is just enjoying her time with daddy.

When my son was 18 months old he preferred his dad over me and I totally understand how you feel. I was jealous and was hurt. I did not change anything and never let him know how I felt (he was too young to see that). I would tell my husband when my son was asleep how I felt. I just had to keep telling myself he loved me as much as and for whatever reason his dad was the one he wanted at the time. My son will be 21 in two weeks and our relationship is just as close as it is with my husband. We talked every day until he went to boot camp 3 weeks ago (and do we miss him!). So don't worry C., just keep being a loving, wonderful mommy - your daughter loves just as much as she loves her daddy :)

Hi C.,
Don't worry about this. It's just a normal phase that toddlers go through. All kids favor one parent over the other for short periods and then they change and favor the other parent - or neither parent.

I am in the same situation you are in. My son stayed home with my husband while I worked full time. However, my son, who is now 5, only wanted to be with me when I got home. This made my husband very jealous for awhile but he finally got over it. The most important thing is not to take it out on your husband or daughter. They're not doing this on purpose. And as long as you are a good loving mother, which it sounds like you are, you will have your close relationship with your daughter.

Hang in there!

L.

My son adores his Dad and always has. I felt the same for a little while - but then, count your blessings that your husband is so involved in your daughters life and not all fathers are. Little ones have enough love to give and Dad's tend to have this energy about them which just makes them more fun. Find something that only the two of you like to do and make it Mommy and me time - but be very grateful that she loves her Daddy - it is so important too.

It is absolutely normal for an 18 month old to favor their primary caregiver- look at it this way, if she was in child care she could very easily favor the teacher, and that might be harder on you! But from the ages of around 1 to 18 months or so children get really clingy to the person who they spend the most time with- and she will probably always have a very strong bond with Daddy because of this time that they are spending together; however her obviously favoring him should end in the next year or so.

To expedite the process you should make sure to spend some time alone with her (either kick daddy out or leave him at home while you go somewher) a few times a week. We have the same problem but in reverse- Izzy won't have much to do with Dad unless I leave the house. But the minute I leave (she cries for a minute or two) she's fine and they have tons of fun. But it will pass! And don't be too jealous- it's exactly the same position many dads are in, except that they don't even have that wonderful bond of having given birth to and breast fed their children!

I don't know the answer to this one b/c I'm experiencing the same thing with my 17 month old son. I think it's normal; at least that is what I keep telling myself! Hang in there, your daughter loves you too.