Unfortunately there are two things we don't bank on when we are raising our beautiful children. 1.) that they rarely turn out the way we thought they would and 2.) we may not be happy with their choice of mates.
The first is the easiest. Once we realize that they are who they are and not much different than they ever were we can continue to love them unconditionally as who they turned out to be. So if we thought she would be a rocket scientist we may find out we have a dancer or a chef.. We can handle that.
What really frightens us is when we find them in relationships that we don't feel are healthy for them. Then we are between a rock and a hard place. If we say too much we drive them towards the other person. If we say nothing we are abandoning them to their own choices and of course they do not have our experience so this is risky. So unless this young man is abusive.....
You have encouraged her to get counseling and she is doing so. That , in my opinion is as far as you can go. Now it is between her and her counselor or counselors (if she doesn't feel this one is working for her) and herself. As you said, she is a smart girl. She has choices to make.. and things to learn about herself. A counselor is one way to do it.
You are a very caring loving person. Your daughter takes after you in this way.It is not uncommon for caring persons, especially those in the caring professions like nursing ,social work etc. to select mates who make them feel needed and important. If this is her direction, she will need your love as always and your support......both in her career choices and her mate. I know you will be there for her....and I know you think she is a very bright and competent person. I do too. So let's think about what would happen if we stood back and let her make her own decisions and just took on the roll of supporter instead of life coach. After all, when all is said and done, all we really want for our children is that they are happy.Right? If this young man loves her and makes her happy, well good for all of you. You are better off than most. If not, then the counselor has her work cut out for her and you are still there for love and support whatever happens. So hang on for the ride!Good luck with this. Let me know how it works out.