Daughter at a New School

If it's possible, see if you can help in the classroom one day a week. This will move her social standing to the cool kid, & you the cool mom. The biggest reason, is so you can see what the other girls are about and help guide her friendships. This will only work for a couple more years, so take advantage of this time. We have had to move several times over the years, and this always-without fail-works like a charm!

This may have already been said but maybe if she has 1 or 2 particular friends that she talks about more than others, she could invite them over for a playdate of her own. I would also suggest that they not be invited over at the same time since it seems that someone always gets left out if there are 3 kids. If she doesn't seem to talk about anyone in particular, maybe the next time the school has a "family night" or a class party you could go and kindof push her toward a friend or two. Just a thought. Good luck, dealing with girls and friendships can be rough.

Oh the curse of moving every two to three years. We have one coming up next year and I am so dreading it. Some kids fit right in, like my 11 yo, for some it takes two years to figure the new system out, like my 13 yo. Since she is in first grade I would do everything that has been suggested. My kids are/were all in scouts, dance, gymnastics, soccer at this age. Make yourself visible to the other kids and their moms and start having the kids over. A good way is to have a party. When is her birthday? or you could have a Christmas party with a few little girls and bake cookies with them and play games.

I would go with trying to find out which children she would like to have playdates with and getting their contact info-- perhaps the teacher can help by sending information to the parent (like your number and that you are new to the school and your daughter and their daughter play together....). I would also let her know that it's the parents who are the reason she hasn't been invited to a playdate yet (because they don't know her because they aren't at school)-- that might make her feel better.

Mel

Maybe you should have her choose a friend and send a note to school to go home with that child and invite someone for a playdate at your house instead of her waiting to be invited to someone else's house.

Why don't you invite people over to your place? Or if it's small (as my home is), arrange to meet folks at some place in town (a park, the Chick-fil-A where the kids can play on the PlayPlace while the adults read the newspaper or sip coffee and chat, etc.). Get things happening yourself!

I am a teacher at an elementary school and see the hurt feelings all the time. Since she is new, I would suggest that YOU have a party. Invite as many kids as you can for a "nice to meet everyone party." This will give you a chance to meet their parents as well and let them know that you are willing to spend time with new friends. They might be reluctant to invite her because they think she is new and might not want to come to someone's house that she doesn't know. This can break the ice.

That's great that she's doing so well. Keep encouraging her, and in the meantime, could you ask her teacher for suggestions about which children you might invite over for a play date?

Do things that help her build friendships. Schedule play dates for your daughter. Host a slumber party or a skating party. When you invite friends to her party their mother's will invite your daughter to their parties.

Hi R.,
Maybe you could ask her which of those friends who are getting together with other friends she would like to play with. If you're working and can't be there at pickup, send a note with your daughter to give to one or two of those friends with your contact information, inviting one or two of them to come over to your house. Or you could just have your daughter ask those friends, although if she is somewhat shy or feels awkward, that can seem daunting to her. She might be willing to just ask them, though. Better yet, if you can be there at pickup, see if you can find the girls your daughter wants to play with and invite them over yourself (if their moms are there, you can ask them directly, and explain that you just moved in and that she would like to play with their daughter). From someone who moved around a lot my whole life, it is sometimes challenging at the beginning, but if you give anyone enough time, they will usually warm up to you. At this age, they are probably too young to be engaged in the typical middle school behavior of cliques and what-not. Children are very accepting in first grade.

Get your daughter involved in other activities (dance, music, scouts). Also, volunteer in her classroom, and if you don't already, show up for parties in her classroom. That way you can meet other parents. Also, ask the teacher if there are kids your daughter plays with at recess, and then contact the parent to create the playdate.

Maybe instead of waiting for her to be invited to a playdate you could invite some of the classmates to your house! You could probably invite them all if you can handle it. Maybe for a few hours. Play some games with them. We are on the move constantly because my husband is in the army. It is hard for kids to adjust sometimes when they see other kids doing things they are not.

R., I wonder if you HOSTED a few play dates different children that might get the ball rolling and such. I have found too, if you get involved with the other mothers and they get to know you, they feel more comfortable with each others children.

I know myself, I just moved in June and although there are wonderful neighbors, if I don't know them well enough my DD isn't going over to their home, we would have to go to a public place to have a play date, which isn't a bad idea.

You just want to make sure what the family is about and find out more about them.

Good Luck and I hope you host a playdate or lunch and play date as it will allow you to get better acquainted with the mom's. R., one more thing, Always remember to do what is BEST for YOU and YOUR family. ;)

Time and initiative will help this situation. Why wait to be invited? You do the inviting. This will accelerate her friendships. Pick up on specific kids she talks about and have them over on a Sat afternoon. Make sure you go to birthday parties that she's invited to, and include her in outside activities. Volunteer occasionally in the classroom or go to lunch in the lunchroom and see who she is bonding with. Time will help this as well, since she is new to the school. Good luck!

Don't wait to be invited to a play date. Set one up at your home for your daughter and invite more than one child. That way if one can't come another still could. Get to know the other mothers of the children in your daughter's class. This will help build life long friendships for the both of you, ones that don't depend on whether or not she has the same children in her class next year.
I'd also build friendships with children in her Sunday School class. If you don't already go to church, then now is the time to start - both for your daughter's sake and yours.
Good luck and God Bless!
L. C.

We moved just as my daughter was entering 1st grade also. It is kinda rough. I think more on me then her. If she is upset about what is going on I say "Have a party". call it a "Welcome to fall" or "Here come the holidays" party invite all of the girls(start there) and make it fun and informal. Maybe have a craft if you don't mind the mess. Throw a tea party with crowns and boas. Do a movie party with popcorn(way low budget). There are a ton of easy themes that the girls would love. Just keep in mind, if you do it right you may become "the house" that everybody loves to go to. I love that, but some people don't, and that can be avoided and still throw a party for your daughter to be proud of.

Get with your daughter and tell of how you used to cope with new friends and people around you when you were in school.
I too had trouble with the same thing.
But I was taught everyone is different.
Some will like your ways.
Others will not.
But that is ok.
Just do your best and get along with those you can.

Have a good day Today

Vicki W.

Those other children may have been together in Kindergarten and knew each other prior to this year. You can invite one of the kids from her class over for a playdate. You can have her over to your house with her mom and they can play or you can invite them to the park to play. Some mom's just don't think to ask someone they do not know. First graders do what their moms plan. Ask the teacher for a list of parents phone numbers and addresses and then ask your child who she wants you to invite. I did that in my son's Kindergarten class and not only did the kids have fun playing but I really enjoyed getting to know the boy's mom. Since then we invite to bdays and they play on the same soccer teams.

W.

Why does she have to wait to be asked? Why doesn't she ask someone over for a playdate? Just a thought. When we moved & changed schools for 1st grade this is what we did. Now my daughter is in 2nd grade & although most of her friends are in a different class (from 1st grade) she still has playdates with them.

JMHO
R.

I would schedule your own playdate for them to come to your house. That would instantly get her into the mix. ;)