Dating Status for a 13Yr Old, Whats Ok and Not Ok?

Updated on April 26, 2016
T.B. asks from Castle Rock, WA
3 answers

My husband and I let our 1st daughter start dating at 16 with guidelines of group dates, family dates and us getting to know the boy as well. We just found out that our youngest (just turned 13) daughter has had a boyfriend for 1yr and 8mths. We have not know this entire time, we found out because she was texting him late at night and we caught her.. They are already telling each other they "love" each other and our daughter sent him a picture (she was wearing jeans but had her tshirt pulled up to just under her bra line so she could show him her abs).... Should we allow them to continue to "date" or make it stop... For now we have grounded her for lying to use, have taken her phone away.
Help!!!!

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So What Happened?

We do check her phone often but in this case she knew "dating" at a young age was against the rules so she was deleting the text as soon as they were sent/read. We know that the photo was a one time deal because her photo's are linked to my phone so any photo she takes is sent to my phone so I may review them. I saw the photo on my phone and talked to her about it. My husband and I are very strict and protective of our children so we know all her friends parents and maintain realtionships with them..So I the case of her lying about going somewhere and doing something else is not an option for her because her friends parents would be on the phone with us. I also have a tracking app on her phone so if she is not with my husband or I we can see where she is at all times.. I also have an iPhone which allows me to set up my daughters phone so that she cannot download any apps or anything without getting permission from myself and I have to type in a certain code on my phone.
We found out that our oldest actually set up the relationship between this boy and our youngest. Our oldest daughter who is not boy crazy didn't see any harm in her sister having a boyfriend. Shes like mom they are only labeled as boyfriend and girlfriend and that's it, its not like shes actually "dating" him.... After showing her that her sister and this boy were telling each other they love each other and about the picture she now thinks differently.
As for our youngest the reins have been tightend and the relationship has been put on hold until we can sit down and establish our guidelines with this boy and our daughter.
Ive text this boy and told him (because he was very heart broken) that the relationship is on hold until our daughter and himself can gain our trust back. That it is not ok in our family to lie or sneak around. And when they do gain more trust back that they will be allowed to hang out supervised by an adult only..
As for school they don't have any classes together so their hanging out is just at lunch and on the bus.
We are very intune to our kids lives where they go, who they go with, what they are doing and so on.... there is no possibility for drugs or anything else..
And if asked a question (now that we know about this whole situation) my daughter has been honest with us.

More Answers

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

She's too young for all this stuff.
She's proven to be unreliable with her phone - she'd better be without it for quite awhile - and lock up the devices at night so she's not tempted to sneak them.
She's got too much time on her hands.
Get her busy and run her ragged.
Sports, dancing, arts n craft classes, swimming - keep her scheduled to the max.

Additional:
Sounds like your older daughter could use some grounding and losing phone privileges too.
Pimping your little sister isn't cool.

2 moms found this helpful

E.S.

answers from Phoenix on

If your so close to your daughter according to your swh why had you not known about her boyfriend for a year? And you just found out about the late night texting. Why would you even ask the question "Should she date". Common sense you should know that answer. You know the shirt up the belly is going to lead to sexting- nothings private- you and dad should know she's not ready for dating! You and dad need to get involved. Yesterday!! Tell your older daughter this is not a good situation and back off " hooking her little sister up with boys." mom and dad need to get this under control fast. I really cant be to mad on the 13 yr. Old. But ya I would take that phone away, I wouldn't even let her ride the bus for a while. Dang

2 moms found this helpful
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N.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Well, even a 5 year old can have a girlfriend but unless they actually get a ride over there, pick them up, and take them somewhere they're not dating. They're boyfriend and girlfriend.

I don't see anything wrong with liking someone and I'm pretty strict about this. I would allow him to come over and hang out. BUT not in any way are they allowed out of public rooms. Not in her room in any way, shape, or fashion. Simply spending time with her where you can observe them.

Otherwise, if they were actually trying to go out on dates there would be no way in heck where they'd be leaving together or spending time together when they both met up somewhere. That would be the line that was hell on one side and okay, fine on the other. If I found out that was happening our girl wouldn't be able to go anywhere that I didn't take her and stay with her.

1 mom found this helpful
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