Dating Again!!!

Hi there -- I have been in your shoes, almost at that same time in my life...I had 3 kids from 2 different dads and I just decided then that I had a bad track record and would take a hiatus. No dating for 6 years. But I yearned to have more children and live a more traditional lifestyle for my family, so I remarried when my kids were 7, 9, 11. Although my dream came true of more children (5 more..yay), it has been a hellish blended family experience. All 3 of my older kids wish I hadn't remarried though they love the little ones. My point is, (AT THE HUMONGOUS RISK OF PREACHING) unless you have a burning desire for more kids, which is the point of marriage, which is the point of dating, be the strongest mom ALONE you can be, speak kindly of your ex and encourage him to be the most awesome dad he can be. Sacrifice the joy that dating can bring to your life for the sake of the emotional fragility of your kids. Of course, if your husband is like Bruce Willis, and you can find that Ashton Kutcher, haha.....sorry, I just watched Letterman last night..seriously, tough decision to make, but that sacrifice will mean so much to your kids. whew. Good luck!

I'm not quite sure how to answer your question. However, after reading it, I was reminded of a book I have called: The Complete Single Mother (Reassuring Answers to Your Most Challenging Concerns). It's written by Andrea Engber and Leah Klungness, both have Ph.D's.
It's been awhile since I have needed to use this book, but I am well on my way of reading it again. I'd reccomend buying, or seeing if your local library has it and reading the chapters that pertain to your situation. It covers everything imaginable.

Dear friend,

I personally don't think that is a good idea.
Since your kids don't feel comfortable and protection
you just try to keep those things aside, doing so will
help you and your kids a happy life ever than before. You know kids just need YOU as their captain, it seems like now
yours is a peaceful life with less worries, why you want
to add more and more conflicts for VERY MINUTE HAPPINESS
AND ENJOYMENT...atleast you try this way. Definitely I
am damn sure you will succeed, they are your treasure !!
try to do whatever they want, help them to come up in life...
If not everything under sun is vanity...leaving for ur decision, but be positive...Good Luck dear !!

I would have to agree with some of these ladies. Though I have never had to experience how hard it must be to be a single mother, stay strong and single. Try focusing your energy and time into family and friends that can help you. Your kids are already confused with the divorce and need your complete attention.

hi K., myself would reflect on your children.you are still young, take a break get to know you,work on some area's that was maybe lacking in your previos relationships.that you can learn from.so the next time around you wont have the same mistakes. if your lonely get more involved with things at your children's school,sports ect. your kids will love that you waited. because its not fair to keep putting them in the middle if it doesn't work out. let the dad do his own thing he has to explain some day why all the woman. always encourage the relationship with their dad. and never say anything negative about him or the woman of the week in his life . but ultimatly its your choice. your the adult. maybe look into some counceling with the children to see what can help them to understand.divorce is tough especially on children and they might need to talk and maybe they, you, and the counselor can work something out that would be good for everyone. their are some really great councelors out their i did it with my 4 children and it was the best thing i did for them. i wish you very much good luck and seriosly think about the counceling.

Hi K.,

So I read through the responses before mine and all of them seem to think you should just not date. Well thats not really the only option. i am a single mom of two boys. I agree with you that children shouldn't have much contact with the "friends" so I explain to the men I date that I am not comfortable bringing people in and out of my childrens lives unless there is some real permanence to the relationship. So if I run into a friend when out with my kids I say hi quickly and take the kids away. I also let my boys know that mommy is making new friends and that she is allowed to do that. So with my older son I have explained dating but with a child of 4 it will be harder so My advice to you: if you aren't in a permanent relationship then it isn't that big of a deal try and hold off on stressing your son out by just not exposing him to the guys and don't worry to much about it until it is time for that next step and then you can explain to your son who your friend is and that mommy is allowed to have friends and he needs to be polite. Address his concerns and reassure him that noone can EVER take his place in mommys heart. Good luck and don't give up on finding love for yourself and your family.

When i first was divorced i would date only on the wkends that my kids were with there dad or i would get a sitter and met the person there that way my girls didnt have to see all that . They knew mom had friends but they didnt see it .and no odd moments at the door with dates lol and when i found the one im married to now it was fun things for the kids his and mine then sleep overs with the kids and on from there and now we have a big family and everyone seems happy with it

My goodness! I hope that YOU don't think marriage is just for pro-creating! I can't disagree with that other gal more! Kids need roll models from both genders. And of course you need companionship! Maybe a children's book that you could read together? There must be a good book and I know the library would help. (When I had my second, we got a book about baby sister and that helped a bunch!)

hey there, i know i much younger and you probley know a lot more than me.. but i was child of divorce, and all my mom did was sit me down, and explain it to me, that they would never take the palce of there dad, it was just a companion for you.. so when i started dating after my 2 divorces, i realized thats what i would have to do, and so far it worked.. have a try

Ok! as far as dating that is not my area i couldn't tell you the last time I even dated.the only advice i think i can give you is if you are happy most of the time your kids are as well. I also think that if you think it's a good idea that you are single for while or whatever make you happy. Now since I have been single for so long, I know exactly what I want and don't want and what I think. that is probably the best thing to come from being single. I also tell my babies that anyman they see other than my brother(Men) is momies friend. if you can think of any advice when it comes to dating and where to meet decent or good men always open for some advice.