Dads of Girls

My husband has gone through this once already, as his first daughter (my SD) is 26, and we survived! Our daughter is now 9.

Dads can be very influential in how girls see themselves as young women, and how they learn to be with boys/young men. I know some dads who take their daughters out on regular "dates". He dresses nice, picks her up, takes her to dinner and something after. He treats her how he wants the boys she eventually dates to treat her, opening doors, complimenting her, etc. They say "I'm going to spoil her so any boy will have to treat her right." I love that idea.

Dads who compliment their daughters regularly can help build self-esteem and reassure them that they are attractive so they don't have to go looking for attention in the wrong places. Dads need to keep being physically close with their daughters, don't stop hugging them or touching them because they hit puberty. All people need physical touch, and girls that don't get that sometimes go looking for it elsewhere.

And Dads can help their daughters be physically confident, through any type of sport or physical activity (our daughter trains in karate along with me).

We can prepare girls to be self-assured and confident, so they can handle themselves through the growing up times. I talk with my 9 year-old about all things, how she doesn't have to like the first guy who likes her, how she can be "picky", how she deserves to be treated, etc. My mom did not do this, and my dad was so uncomfortable with puberty that he withdrew. Will not do that!

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We had 3 boys before having our daughter. When we found out we were having a girl, I bought this book for my husband. It is wonderful- my DH found a lot of interesting and helpful information. Highly recommend it. (Your library most likely has it, if you don't want to spend the $)
http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Fathers-Daughters-Secrets-Fa...

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My husband plans on getting our neighborhood men together to sit on the front porch and clean shotguns!! lol We live in the country, what can I say!! haha

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We have 4 daughters, age 17 - 30, and my husband wouldn't have it any other way. He highly recommends the book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker. If your man is concerned about what's in store for his girls, he needs to start now -- and it's not all about clothes, boys and such. It's about helping girls to define who they are and who they want to be. It's about self-confidence and integrity. With those tools, they can navigate anything.

My 3rd daughter is now a college freshman at a mid-sized liberal arts college about 7 hours from home. She went to a really small all girl high school. Her college friends marvel at her because she's much more self-confident and comfortable around boys than they are. She tells them it's because she's more comfortable with herself and so boys aren't a big deal.

Teaching girls that looking attractive isn't the same as looking sexy is important, but styles change. How to say "no" to drugs, alcohol, sex and other risky behaviors matters. But, really, it's about self-confidence. It's about character -- when no one is looking. And it's about being true to themselves, not just their parents.

And, though I've never had sons, I'd guess that the same lessons hold true for them.

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I think it's important to teach girls modesty and to not go crazy into fashion trends. I also cringe at what some teenage girls are wearing today, so i agree with him to that degree. My husband is worried about having a girl for a similar reason, all those boys coming around! That is why we focus on teaching our children to be good examples,have self-confidence and not to go and get star-struck, to treat their bodies with respect and not to succumb to peer pressure.

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My husband said he plans to dress in his uniform and have a few buddies from work at the house in uniform ... with guns ... the first time my daughter brings a boy home LOL

So far my daughter is more interested in just chillin than actually dating anyone :) But I'm gonna have the video camera ready for the first time she's picked up by a boy ... I figure my husband's reaction combined with the boys reaction should be worth at least 3 grand on America's Funniest Home Videos LOL

Edited to add: And she's not allowed to date for another month anyway. The rule in this house is 16 before dating. Going to group functions that are supervised are ok though. My almost 18 year old had his first date in October.

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My DH has a son, but two girls, one of which is currently a teenager.

With the clothes - they can pick them out, but you (and he) can put your feet down on what they walk out of the house in. We have found it makes a point when you point out how trashy some other girl looks in the mall, or teach her how to dress appropriately, etc. For example, I will fight for my DD not to have her bra straps showing. I think it's trashy. And SD has learned how to dress for things like bat mitzvah services and weddings. We try to remember to say she looks nice when she does look nice. It's a process.

We've told SD that sure, boys will think x, but it's also important for her to believe things about herself - like that she doesn't need to sleep with a boy to be loved, she doesn't need a boyfriend to be a good person, etc.

Your husband has the opportunity to raise smart, self-assured, happy women who know how a man SHOULD treat them and will be less likely to put up with loser boyfriends because they have a loving, involved father.

My DH is an awesome father. He jokes about sitting on the porch with a shotgun, but I think the girls are/will be fine.

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From the moment we knew she was a girl, right there in the ultrasound room in front of our doctor, my husband blurted out that it was time to buy a shotgun......

She is now 3.5 and he is so tightly wrapped around her fingers! He turns into someone completely different with her and it has made me see a completely new side of him that I adore. She adores him. I have a wonderful relationship with my father and am so grateful that I found a man who is giving that to my daughter. That's important in making sure she doesn't look for that love somewhere else.

My husband tells me she is never dating and that if we have grands they will be adopted! LOL! I keep reminding him that we dated at 16/17 and he was the first boy I dated and look where we ended up!

I think we both worry about peer pressure, sex, drugs, bullies, and all the other "normal" things parents worry about with their kids when they become teens. Laying groundwork now for strong relationships with us, being open and honest, and instilling some "old school" morals/values, are what we're trying to do to make sure that in 10 years when she becomes a teen, we've done our best to create a daughter who has high self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect and an understanding of who she is, so that we can navigate that time together with love and understanding on all fronts.

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Father/daughter relationships are even more important as they become teenagers and that begins right now. It is important for him to let them know how special, smart, and beautiful they are. He should be the first man they fall in love with. They learn how a man is supposed to treat a woman by watching the interaction between you and your husband. He should start telling and instructing and teaching them what to expect and what to do and how to be as women with a guy.

He should be fostering confidence in them and this way he would have the proper insurance against some slick talking means his daughters harm type of guy.

He shouldn't be operating out of fear but out of love and confidence in his realtionship with you and with them as well as his ability to teach them about men. It all starts now the communication because he will need to have an open line which has deep roots and a strong foundation.

Parenting is not for the fearless but for the brave.

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please dont say pity, thats like saying, regret :/

we have 3 daughters. adults now. my husband took them every where as would a son. especially fishing, swimming, got on all the baby rides with them in Disneyland, and later the Goliath and Extreme at Magic Mtn. he went to their school, and volunteer to read or help out with plays.

this is the best thing ur Hubby can do is be very involved. as for the clothes, I handled that. if the menfolk came by to visit and my girls short were too short or tank top too low, i tell them to change. told them, not proper to show too much skin.

when the boys came around, father made his present known. he made sure curfew was obeyed by both boyfriend and daughter. or he would silently go get her.

when daughters have the masculinity of a father, they then know the difference between the yearning of a father figure and not confuse that with a sexual yearning and getting that confused with a boyfriend.

our girls are 21-26-28 and all 3 will have daughter/father events, one of them or all three, lol.

My housband did not let our daughter start dateing until 17 years old! When she was a kid he said she had to be 18 before she could date and I thought he was playing, but he was not. lol.

We have three daughters. There's nothing "to handle."

I'm one of 3 girls... and I always felt a little sorry for my mom b/c we absolutely catered to my father. Seriously- I don't think he got his own drink, snack, remote etc until we were out of the house!

As for dating, he handled it pretty well but always made his opinion knows. His version of that was to take the paper into the kitchen if he didn't like the guy. That was the "don't bring him here again" signal.

Clothing... he had an arm chair at the bottom of our stairs and he would read the paper or watch "the game" in that chair when we were getting ready to go somewhere. If he didn't like what we came down in, he simply pointed back up the stairs. Message received.

Fathers of boys worry about many of the same things. Just enjoy your girls and the relationship they have with him. If they love and respect him (and you), they will make decisions throughout their lives that reflect that love and respect.

My husband takes everything as it comes. It only feels like they were toddlers and then they were teens... there are many years in between...

As for the clothing thing -- it's not a huge deal. I have always shopped with my daughter. When she was little, we talked about what was appropriate and what was not. She knows what is appropriate and chooses things that are modest yet stylish.

Dating -- bring them up right and you won't have to worry as much. We have rules, but our daughter is so busy, she really doesn't have time to date... *hint hint. keep them busy!!

Puberty -- it all takes time and patience. Remind him frequently about hormones... He will get the message...

Get involved and stay involved in your daughters' activities. My husband is involved in the pit crew of the marching band. (I'm the uniform mom.) It keeps him in the circle of other parents and friends, AND he is visible to all those boys who might think his girly is cute. Actually, you get to know the kids really well, and if one of them does want to date our daughter, we already know what kind of kid he is. We are both Swim Team volunteers, as well. Again - we are there. We are visible. It's currently Theatre season around here... we are involved. We are hosting the cast party -- it is an overnight party complete with faculty, staff, and students. You need to be involved. You need to know your kids' friends.

Tell him it will be fine... It might not be easy, but it will be fine.

LBC

Im right there with you. I have 3 girls and our dog is a girl also. My husband has the same issue with clothing and we cam to the conclusion that I will be in charge and that if I think its OK then he wont say a word. I love the fashions and honestly if I still had the same body I did in high school, Id be wearing some of them.

My husbands biggest fear at the moment is neot them being teenagers. He fears us all being on our periods at the same time. Hes already said he might go live with his sister for a week every month,

I find that so funny.

When a girl has a dad who really cares what she wears, who she's with, she knows she's loved, cared for, and protected. She may even protest, but deep in her heart she knows he's right and will feel his love. I was #3 of 3 girls, and I had 3 girls. I was somewhat strong-willed, but loved it when my dad put his foot down. I had a very strong-willed daughter who tested every nerve in our bodies, but today thinks her dad walks on water! So hang in there and do what is best for your girls. More important than stuff is a dad who is there!!!

My husband is a very hands on dad. When he can, is the one to pick the girls up from slumber parties, bowling after swim meets, friend's houses, dances. He takes them to events and tries to make every extra curricular activity they participate in. When he was home he did the bedtime routine, baths, sang songs and taught them to ride their bicycles. He has even taken them to Walmart for pads and tampons. And this is a tough, man's man Marine. ;o)

His hardest night was after the first swim meet. She went to a hamburger joint with the team, but she was going with one of the senior boys, in his car, with his sister and another girlfriend. He kept giving the boy that dirty look. Then spoke to the boy before he let S get into the car. My poor hubby was a wreck, and the whole team had gone out that night.

We have taught our girls modesty. I will look at sleazy clothes and say Oh how that makes a girl look like she is advertising to the boys. My hubby will nix outfits before they come off the hangar in the stores. We have done this since they were 3. My 15 yo is a tee shirt and jeans girl. My 13 yo more a fashionista, but is very aware of how low her neckline is and how short her skirts are.

We also do the same for our sons. When a girl is inappropriately dressed we tell the boys what we think. We make them hold the doors for the girls and they say yes ma'am to me. (all the kids do, and yes sir to hubby)
I texted a picture of one of the girls in a halter dress last summer to my 22 yo and he actually called me to tell me to have her put a sweater on.

We have worked hard to have an open relationship with the kids. So far so good, we have our moments, but they are all pretty conservative and well-mannered. My 16 yo on Friday has not dated yet. This is her choice. My 22 yo had his first date at 17.5 as a senior and spoke to the father of the girl before he even asked the girl out.

I'm actually wondering how my husband will be.
We have an 8month old daughter.
When we got the ultrasound done and found out it was a girl he said "looks like its time to buy a gun" I busted out laughing
Obviously he was kidding.

He won't really admit it, but she already has him wrapped around her lil finger.
He is such a sap when it comes to her. Its rather cute.

Oh he was, for the 1st few months, a little weirded out about changing her diapers. But he's ok with it now.